Having been dating since spring, we are going to meet our son’s friend sometime before the end of this month. Advice? I know to avoid politics, etc… We know the basics about her (his brother investigated her on social media early on) . They are coming here to our house (they both live in the same city as us) but not for dinner. He doesn’t want to play a board game but agrees we ought to have something to do? He is just crazy about her, and I don’t want to be the awkward meet.
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Sort of in the board game arena, but I have always found that gathering around a jigsaw puzzle lets people talk without stress. They can focus on the puzzle or talk when they want, and if there is a lull you can always ask for help finding a particular piece.
Have fun!
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What do they like to do together as a couple? Spin off that.
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Decorating the Christmas tree? Wrapping gifts? Walking the dogs? Meet at local coffee shop instead?
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He wants us to meet her at the house, so she has a better sense of who we are? He is making a Big Deal out of it while simultaneously saying he doesn’t want it to be a big deal.
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Just my two cents… I would have been terrified and weirded out if the parents’ of my BF wanted me to play a board game or do a puzzle with them during the first visit to their place. Not a fan of board games at all.
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Depending on her personality she might be cautious and nervous in someone else’s home. Neutral site might be better.
Of course if she walks into your house like she owns the place that opens up a different set of options.
My husband always gives a garden/yard tour to our kids’ friends to break the ice so to speak while I gather cookies and tea to serve them. Then we sit down and chat.
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Decorate cookies of gingerbread house? Serve dessert or a ‘high tea’ if in the afternoon?
Or you can threaten your son that if he doesn’t come up with an idea, you’ll bring out the baby pictures or his soccer team pictures from 4th grade.
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Old family vacation albums and share stories from this trips. If you have any souvenirs, discuss when and where you got them. And yes, maybe something from school days - any old awards to brag about (other than soccer participation trophies 
)? Family heirlooms to explain?
All of this will give girlfriend a little info on son’s background and your family relationship.
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Both of our daughters live in the same town as us and now that they are adults we have usually met their new significant others someplace besides our house for the first time. We have many breweries here and that’s where we first met D1’s bf.
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We met S’s GF by taking them out to dinner—she met us at the restaurant. After dinner, S drove all of us to look at the DC Washington monument and we all walked and talked. It went well and they’re still together 4 year later.
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I agree don’t PLAN on a board game/puzzle/cards unless it seems really natural once she has been there.
What time of day is she coming? Can you at least plan snacks or tea/coffee/cookies? Wine and a hot dip? I think that helps give people something to do. You can serve it in your living space or dining space CASUALLY.
Honestly, I think I’d leave it up to your son how he wants to structure the time. If he has things he says “no” too then he should decide what to say “yes” to!
Don’t overthink it!
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IMHO the most important message you want to telegraph from the beginning is “I think you are GREAT!” (It doesn’t matter if later on you decide she isn’t actually all that great). Start as you mean to go on. It’s very likely she’ll be a bit anxious, so anything you can do to set her at her ease would be what I’d focus on.
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Brings back the memories - my
mom making a big Mexican dinner for my brother’s girlfriend 45+years ago - now wife - she is Japanese and still laughs at all the unfamiliar food and family meeting all at one time. My other brother’s wife (then girlfriend) coming on Christmas morning for the intro and getting greeted with a mimosa and then saw us all turn competitive for board games - and not her strength (or my brothers) so they remain the easy team to beat! After my mom passed away - sister in law 1 made tamales and sister in law 2 served mimosas for our 1st Christmas without her and you bet we played games.
So lesson - the first meeting doesn’t have to be perfect - just be you.
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Part of the reason they are coming to the house is she and I share an odd nerdy hobby, so there will be that. And munchies of some sort. It’s too cold to be outside, here … I’m sure it will be fine? We met our DiL many many times in the course of that son’s life,before she was officially dating him. In this case, this son has deliberately wanted to “go really slow” and seems to feel meeting parents is a gigantic important milestone.
I was thinking fire in the fireplace, hot chocolate. Not smores, they are messy. Okay, I am officially overthinking now!
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I grew up in a household where no matter what time of day a person visited you offered them refreshments, So even though it isn’t a dinner visit, plan the refreshments. Once you guys are all seated with food and drink it should make things more relaxed. Fireplace, hot cocoa, some cookies - sounds perfect to me.
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Where did you grow up? Do you have brothers and sisters?
What do you like to do in your spare time? (lots of spin offs from this , maybe). Who did you vote for and what is your religion? J/K!!! Of course.
We met youngest son’s now wife at a restaurant and she started right in conversing. So we were good. LOL. Oldest son brought his now wife here to the house and she and I hit it off like a house afire. Middle son’s wife, I honestly don’t remember! :=O
I know you said not for dinner, but do you have a way to make pizza? and get them to add the choice of toppings? then offer a variety of drinks. Here we all take hikes. Is that a possibility? Easy hike?
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