You didn’t just offer to send DIL link to this thread for details? Just kidding.
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I can’t wait to hear if you passed! Did you like her? And I agree. Pizza and fire was perfect!
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I don’t know if we passed or not! DH said “first, do no harm” so I think we managed at least that. I didn’t tell any embarassing stories.
GF seems well spoken, smart, and brought us cookies she had made. Ate like a normal person and seemed appropriately nervous (I think anybody serious about my kid should be at least a tad nervous about making a good impression) but had lots to say and was good company. A bit giggly as he showed her around the house, but that was maybe just nerves. No obvious red flags. I try to not care toooooo much since their relationship, and where it goes, is not for us to say.
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When parents feel so anxious about these encounters, imagine how hard it must be for the young significant others. It’s been more than two decades since such encounters of our own so it’s a bit fuzzy.
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I never felt that nervous about meeting my kids significant others. It was very organic and I figured we were all adults and would like each other.
The only SO who did not like me was isolating and gaslighting my kid. Thankfully the kid figured it out in time.
Now meeting the parents of the SO’s has been more nerve wracking 
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I don’t think we were ever nervous about meeting SOs or parents of SOs.
We met ShawSon’s last GF (before the fiancee) when we took them out to dinner. She said, “I am so intimated about meeting you, ShawWife.” ShawWife said, “Intimidated of me? No reason. I can understand that you might be intimidated by Shawbridge, but me. No. Just relax.” She is welcoming and engaging and great at putting people at ease.
With respect to meeting SOs’ parents, I think we are comfortable with who we are and think we are probably a fun, interesting and a bit unusual so as long as we don’t do anything offensive, it will work out fine. It would have been different had we meet the parents’ of ShawSon’s prior GF, who were immigrants from China. We would have been very attentive to not being offensive unintentionally – make sure we bring gifts and the right kind of gifts (good symbolism, not too expensive or too cheap, …). We never met them because we were afraid that this would signify something to them that ShawSon would not have intended. But, generally, meeting SOs’ parents does not feel like something we worry about.
Even at a younger age, I don’t think we were nervous. ShawWife invited me up to her mother’s 50th birthday party to meet her parents. She had already met mine. I flew to Canada, she picked me up at the airport and was snarky (very out of character). I said, “What’s wrong?” She said, “I’m nervous about you meeting my parents.” I said, “What is there to worry about? I’m from a good Jewish family and they went to grammar/high school with my(mutually beloved) aunt. I went to the best schools and I’m a professor at Prestigious Business School. I’ll be polite and respectful. They’ll love me.” She said, “That’s exactly what I’m worried about. As soon as we leave, my dad will be planning the wedding that I am not sure we are having.” (We met in mid-September and this was in November). Sure enough, shortly after we left, her dad was already planning the wedding.
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Those were different kind of days when parents actually started planning weddings the day kid brought a SO home, now most parents try to get kids to postpone weddings for as long as possible. One of my friend has told his kids to not bring up engagement before 25 and wedding before 30. It seems more and more parents are trying to control lives of their adult kids.
Most parents used to freak out if SO’s was from a different race, religion or culture. It’s likely easier now but racism is still alive and thriving.
My parents faced pushback because my mom was Catholic and my dad Methodist. They got married when my mom was 22, dad 26. My mom encouraged my sister and I to live on our own after college/before marriage, which we did. I got married at 28, my sister 31, my oldest is 25, has been dating her 31 year old boyfriend for about 4 years with no mention of marriage. I think the average age is around 30 here.None of my adult kids have married friends.
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I’m late to this conversation… I’m a big believer in getting to know people slowly by just doing fun things together. I call it needing at least if not more “side by side” time than “face to face” time. Hiking, snowshoeing, skating, boating, theater, volunteering, wandering around a pretty river town, play board game, whatever you enjoy… Pause for a cup of coffee or bite to eat for some 20 minute to one hour snippets of “face to face” time rather than hour after hour of face to face time. Maybe it’s because my kid is such an analyzer, even with a new boyfriend I tell her that doing stuff together is the best part.
That helps conversation to flow naturally, at least for me.
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Most parents want to paint a perfect picture of their children’s future envisioned by themselves. What kids want is of little value to them. They try to influence, manipulate and control, whatever works. I hope to stay out of it and let them live their lives. They can marry or not marry, marry early or late, remarry or become celibate, if they are of legal age to marry, it should be their own call.
Goodness, that paints a pretty dismal picture of “most” parenting!
Even on CC while there is a rare sighting of the CC parent who claims their child “near perfect”, I think most do not. Nor - I sure hope - do parents not care what their kids needs/desires are.
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I agree with @abasket …… I know few parents that act like that. In our case, we may err the other way by worrying too much about whether questions or comments may be unwelcomed. They are not big communicators, so we like to keep the limited dialog going.
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Just act as you always do
Ummm… No.
I don’t know what sort of parents you meet at your kids’ schools and in your neighborhood, but what you write is not true for “most parents”, at least in my years of living in a very large number of communities in different cities. yes, some parents are like that, and some parents are downright abusive. However, “most parents” try to muddle through the extremely difficult job of raising other human beings from infant to adult, and their “perfect picture” consists of their kids as healthy, independent adults. Almost all parents strongly prefer that their kids have the same beliefs and values as they (their parents) do, but “most parents” from the Boomer age and younger don’t actually expect that to happen.
Parents may be overprotective and overinvolved with their kid’s lives, but, in my experience, the more involved a parent is in a kid’s life, the more that parent tries to have the kid choose what they want. That is a problem in and of itself, but a different one.
In fact, the problem is the exact opposite - many parents aren’t trying to deny their kids the choice to choose their own way, but the opposite. These parents are so focused on allowing their kids to find their own path, that they provide their kids with too many choices, and the kids become overwhelmed.
So you mean that they’re normal kids… Kudos for you guys, though, for keeping those dialogues going.
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In my neck of the woods, most parents try to guide their kids and support them. Some (but very few) really to to shoehorn their kids to live out their dreams or their vision of the ideal life. I have seen that more with some immigrant parents who insist that kids need to be an engineer or doctor … . But, that seems much rarer than guidance and support. A number of these parents let kids who basically seem lost flounder as they find themselves. The opposite of envisioning the kids future and pushing him/her into it.
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Correction*Many not most. That would make this a really sad world.
It is a big deal to meet a prospective partner because we all might be spending a lot of time together in future. Offspring make their choices, and as far as I’m concerned, I better be accepting and gracious about their choice. However, if I saw signs of abuse or emotional issues, I’d speak up in time. But in my heart I’d like them to be caring, and someone interesting or fun to add to the family dynamic.
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The OP met the gf and happily all went well. Closing thread.
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