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<p>Consider the type of monitoring that would be necessary to ensure that such situations would be discovered earlier – say, within 24 hours. And then consider how intrusive the monitoring mechanisms would be and how much students would resent them.</p>
<p>Satto Tonegawa’s profile before coming to MIT:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.boston.com/yourtown/cambridge/articles/2011/10/27/mit_student_son_of_nobel_prize_winning_professor_dies_in_dorm/[/url]”>http://www.boston.com/yourtown/cambridge/articles/2011/10/27/mit_student_son_of_nobel_prize_winning_professor_dies_in_dorm/</a></p>
<p>Yes emilybee, I agree- it is very sad. Especially when you consider the point made by GFG.</p>
<p>It is not odd that professors or dormmates didn’t notice. It probably isn’t even odd that no one he saw on a regular basis for any organization, class project, study group, music ensemble, thought to check on him. After all, he might have only missed one meeting. But don’t most kids text their group of friends somewhat regularly to meet up for meals, to play video games or watch TV in someone’s room, to go to the same party, to play a pick-up game on the quad, or work on a problem set together, etc.?</p>
<p>Even if you have friends, if they are not BFF type that you are in touch with all the time, they may not either notice you are not around, or if they do, assume you are otherwise occupied. DS has friends, but I’m not sure any of them last year would have taken any steps like contacting someone about it, if they didn’t see him for a week.</p>
<p>Girls might be more likely to check up on their friends than boys would.</p>
<p>I don’t think any explanation why a student commits succide is safactory.
Here is another MIT student who died 3 days before the school year started in September:[MIT</a> student?s death ruled a suicide - Boston.com](<a href=“http://articles.boston.com/2011-09-13/news/30150406_1_mit-suicide-prevention-program-college-students]MIT”>http://articles.boston.com/2011-09-13/news/30150406_1_mit-suicide-prevention-program-college-students)</p>
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<p>This pressure is at least partly due to personality. My DD put extreme pressure on herself especially as a high school student. She was and is an introvert and saw her identity almost exclusively tied to academic performance. This did not have anything to do with society or us pressuring her. It was, however, very real and overpowering at times.</p>
<p>I think the comments on why he was not missed for one week may reflect our distress that there are kids away at college who may not have a network of friends and contacts who care enough about them to keep in touch. </p>
<p>This is an awful thought for a parent who sends their precious kid off to a great adventure and yet we can’t make every kid find their social niche immediately. Even for socially adept people, making caring friends is not always easy. It takes time and even some luck–the right roommate or floor or lab partner, a certain nature and even the desire to make friends. </p>
<p>While this young man’s social adjustment may not have had anything to do with his death at all (until we hear the true cause), the fact that he was left so alone seems extra sad. </p>
<p>I don’t fault the RA or floormates or professors or TAs or family for not noticing, although maybe they will have to carry the feeling of guilt around, sadly. After all, staying alone in one’s room is not that unusual for many quieter kids, or hard-working kids in their first few months away from home. Neither does spending time alone typically indicate upcoming tragedy. </p>
<p>My heart goes out to this family, but also to all the less social students away from home and making their transitions as best they can.</p>
<p>how very sad!!! but it does reinforce for me, when i very occasionally feel a bit guilty that i have some contact with my child each day, that i dont have to feel guilty at all. i read about people setting up schedules to call, or once a week contact is fine etc…i text “i love you” or call for 10 sec to say that each day…S sends back a smiley face or a “me too”…takes 2 seconds and i know he’s ok</p>
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<p>However, they do not expect 100% of their friends to be available 100% of the time. So unless several of his friends who know him well happen to ask each other “have you seen Satto since last week?”, none might suspect anything unusual, since it is not unusual for someone individually to not see someone around for a week, even though they may think it is odd if they realized that all of them have not seen him around for a week.</p>
<p>In terms of clubs and other more organized events, most tend to be rather informal in terms of attendance; only for highly competitive team sports where each team member is highly committed, or important meetings for class projects or research, or other special events, would someone’s absence when presence was expected would be noticed. Just being absent at one minor club event or recreational sport game or practice would not likely arouse suspicion.</p>
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<p>I did that when my kid was away at a college summer program. She was having so much fun that she totally forgot home. Given her temprament, we decided it was not only OK but desirable. I doubt she could have been gone missing for a week. At her dorm, kids were visiting each other all the time.</p>
<p>Seahorsesrock said “This kid was into music yet he was at MIT…that is what makes me wonder.” </p>
<p>This is somewhat unrelated to the topic at hand, but surprisingly, MIT actually has an excellent music program. Satto was not in the orchestra (MITSO), but he may have participated in another music-related activity such as the Chamber Music Society (CMS), or he may have chosen MIT knowing that he would have the option to join a music group later on.</p>
<p>I was a freshman a year ago and I lived in a single in MacGregor, the same dorm Satto was in. If I hadn’t been in multiple music groups with mandatory attendance, I don’t think anyone would have thought it strange if I’d disappeared for a week.</p>
<p>emilybee said “It’s sad to say but it seems to me this kid must not have had any friends. Perhaps he was painfully shy.”</p>
<p>I disagree. Even just two months into my freshman year, I had many friends, and I’m not very outgoing. But, like what others have said, while I had many friends, none of them would have found it strange if they didn’t see me for a week. I enjoyed the company of my friends, but I rarely spent a significant amount of time with the same friend twice in one week because I had many friends who were all equally close, and I didn’t have much free time. I also liked to do things by myself – cooking, eating, grocery shopping, studying, etc. – not because I was antisocial or didn’t have friends, but simply because it was easier than texting everyone to see who was available. And even if the seven other people in my suite came together and asked each other if anyone had seen me, they would probably just conclude that I’d been unusually busy that week. They might knock on my door, but when there was no reply, they would just assume that I was at a rehearsal or office hours. Actually, there probably were weeks when I would barely see anyone in my suite because our sleep schedules were completely different. And if I didn’t reply to a text for three days, no one would find it odd because they knew that I rarely used my phone.</p>
<p>MacGregor has a reputation for being very antisocial because it’s almost all singles, but this really isn’t the case. However, the students in MacG know that some people like to close their doors and study, and they respect that and let their fellow students have their space rather than checking up on them all the time.</p>
<p>I’m not trying to defend anyone or the flaws in the current system, and I also don’t have a solution that wouldn’t be excessively intrusive. I’m just trying to explain (as others have) that the situation (of not being seen for a week) is really not that unusual. Still, I do find it a bit disturbing.</p>
<p>We can honor this talented, gifted young man by remembering to reach out to those around us who might need a friendly hello.</p>
<p>Yes, Sax, good point, and also to remind our kids when they are still living in the dorms that it is a good policy to knock on their neighbors doors a couple of times a week just to say hello.</p>
<p>There was an incident when I was in college of a senior whose boyfriend had just broken up w her, she apparently took pills and died and no one noticed her gone for several days. Both she and boyfriend were theater majors – Her boyfriend, btw, turned out to be a movie actor who most of you would recognize.</p>
<p>If people knocked on his door, when he didn’t answer they probably concluded that he wasn’t there. Students don’t automatically conclude that someone is in trouble when they don’t see the person for a while. In fact, if I knocked on somebody’s door and didn’t get an answer I don’t think I’d get worried unless the person was at least 80 or had been in poor health. In addition, MIT is in the middle of midterms (I just heard about the agony of Quantum). Somebody disappears for a while? Probably in the library or the lab. Or maybe at a girl/boyfriend’s.</p>
<p>This kid wasn’t sent off to college far from any support network. He was at an institution where he had grown up, his dorm only half a mile from his father’s lab. There must have been people he had known for years in every building.</p>
<p>plus his mom supposedly lives in Boston is this Japan’s Katie Couric (sort of) and MIT/H trained brain writer of kids’ mental issues.
it won’t be easy for anyone in the family or the community.</p>
<p>Emilybee -</p>
<p>My D is an RA. She doesn’t do bed checks but she and the other floor RA’s have a general awareness of who’s around and hasn’t been seen and they will knock on a door or call a cell phone if someone isn’t seen for a couple of days. I am really shocked that a student could be missing/not seen for a week and nobody bothers to check. </p>
<p>I also wonder that the boy’s family hadn’t tried to reach him at some point during that week. My D is a junior and either H or I will speak to her at least every other day, even if only for a minute just to check in.</p>
<p>If it’s suicide, I feel awful that such a young man felt so alone and hopeless. If it was natural causes, I hope he didn’t suffer.</p>