Moving Off Campus

Parents Forum
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<p>OP - is your daughter at Harvard? Is she a sophomore or junior?</p>

<p>So much of student life - and (quite importantly) student ADVISING - is handled through the houses and especially the dining halls.</p>

<p>Is she going to affiliate with Dudley? Or can she keep her old house affiliation? Has she talked with any of her house tutors about this? Or the resident dean?</p>

<p>What is more problematic to me is the dining arrangement (the house dining halls are really where information is disseminated, life is shared, etc.) and the affect that this could have on her relationships with advising resources. </p>

<p>If your daughter is a sophomore I would NOT let her pursue this unless it was the only solution to some other longstanding problem (she should try to stick it out for one full year in the houses). </p>

<p>Also, for those of you who are concerned about the professor’s motives, Cambridge and Somerville (you said 20 minute walk so it could be either) are teeming with retired university folks looking for housemates; this doesn’t raise any red flags for me. I once had an elderly academic neighbor who I would literally hide from because every time she saw me on our street or in the Square she would corner me to engage in long conversations that went on, and on, and on. She was clearly quite lonely (I was sympathetic but also couldn’t talk to her for hours all the time!). </p>

<p>**One last thing - and I hesitate to even bring it up – I didn’t read your last thread but someone pulled up a thread you posted about your daughter thinking about dropping out of school to be with her boyfriend.</p>

<p>This is going to sound crazy but I am going to put it out there: is there any way she was brought before the Ad Board and asked to take a semester off for some reason? Have you paid tuition or other bills to Harvard for the spring semester? Do you have some sort of confirmation that she is still enrolled? The reason I ask is that it would also fit in with the idea that she’s living off campus now (she was afraid to tell you?) AND her commentary last semester about her boyfriend might have been in preparation of her leaving school but not knowing what to do about it. </p>

<p>I know this sounds nuts - and I apologize in advance, I am sure your daughter is a lovely person - but I have seen this play out before at another highly-selective school. I guess given that it is so unusual to live off campus at H (though not unheard-of, as previous posters point out), AND she moved out of her house in the middle of the year, it did cross my mind. </p>

<p>On top of that - you need to check-in about the $$. Doesn’t H still bill room and board on a yearly basis? Also, the student services fee ($2400?) is still charged even if she lives off campus, fyi.</p>

<p>[If your daughter isn’t at Harvard - I apologize and scratch much of my commentary!]</p>

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<p>What mathmom said. It’s a bit like buying a Mercedes then putting a Kia engine in it.</p>

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<p>Or perhaps more like buying a Mercedes and discovering that you would have preferred a Rolls Royce?</p>

<p>What if this student is pleased with her experience at her college except for the fact that she does not enjoy living on campus? Her choices are to stay on campus and endure it, move off campus even though that is atypical at her school, or transfer. </p>

<p>It seems to me that she has made the most desirable of those three choices. </p>

<p>If she had it to do over again, she might have chosen Rolls Royce U (i.e., a school of comparable quality where on-campus living is not such a central part of the college experience), but the fact is that she doesn’t have it to do over again. She has to make choices based on where she is now. I don’t think she has done badly.</p>

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<p>Living on-campus is a central part of the college experience at most schools the caliber of Harvard. Harvard (and Yale and Princeton) believe that what makes them unique are the uniquely outstanding students who attend them, and that meeting/working/learning/sharing of ideas with these outstanding students is the real benefit of these elite schools. </p>

<p>Whether that is the case is up to the students to decide, but I think it speaks for itself that the vast majority decide to live on campus all four years.</p>

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<p>Hi - I was off radar for awhile .I don’t like to mention Harvard ,but people always seem to connect the dots .Yes, she is there . She loves to cook on a daily basis . She is living with a lonely retired professor whose H died last year . She was introduced to professor by her best friend’s mom . She LOVES her studies , and has a 3.8 GPA . She is quiet and enjoys her solitary time . The House was not an experience she enjoyed . I spoke with the House Master , and they had tried to expedite her move to Dudley ,but nothing was certain . She will keep her House affiliation , as she is keeping her adviser so there will be some continuity . A Professor has asked her to be a TA next year . All her friends are on campus . Thank you all for your comments .</p>

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<p>It sounds like she’ll continue to be involved on campus, she just won’t be living there. Your daughter is clearly marching to the beat of her own drummer – good for her. Here’s hoping the next couple of years are great for her. And thanks for the update.</p>

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<p>BTW- boyfriend came and stayed for 2 weeks . ( For those who might be wondering ) We are going to Sweden this summer ,our Ds third summer in Sweden . I think our whole family marches to the beat of a different drummer ! We are spending a week in Sweden ,and a week in Paris ,because I have never been there .</p>

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<p>BTW 2- professor is FEMALE . Quiet , like D . D has large furnished room and bath in old Victorian home .</p>

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<p>Can she get a bike, so that 20 minute walk is an 8 minute bike ride?</p>

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<p>Good idea to get a bike !</p>

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<p>This appears to be a done deal, not sure if OP is here to ask for advice. It is not unusual for students to live off campus, but it appears to be the case for Harvard students. I guess I am not sure if there is not much to discuss here - OP´s D has moved off campus, she will need to deal with the consequence (good or bad).</p>

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<p>For what it’s worth: My wife went to Yale, whose residential college system is easily the equal of Harvard’s house system, and where at the time fewer than 5% of undergraduates lived off campus. Nevertheless, she hated living in her residential college (for many of the same reasons the OP’s daughter seems to have), and she moved off campus (pretty far off campus, a long walk) in the second semester of her sophomore year.</p>

<p>Doing that didn’t interfere with her Yale experience at all, and in fact probably improved it. She kept her many on-campus friends. She was very engaged in the university community, something of a BMOC for student activism. She remained a member of her residential college and ate meals there several times a week, which meant that she continued to associate with people who were not necessarily already her friends or allies, and which indirectly led, years later, to marriage and children with a college-mate who wouldn’t have moved off campus for anything.</p>

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<p>Ahh, JHS, did you get to see the off campus apartment when she lived there? ;)</p>

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<p>There were two group houses, actually. I spent time – but not much of it – in both. The first was a lovely house, but quite a hike from campus as far as I was concerned. We were not romantically involved while she lived there (except right at the end, when I was no longer anywhere nearby), although that wasn’t by my choice. I actually sent a second girl I had had a crush on to live there when she wanted to move off campus, in the misguided hope that having another Platonic friend in the house would let me promote group activities that would help me make time with my future spouse. However, she kept bowing out of the group dates at the last minute, and I could find girls who didn’t like me as much as I liked them much closer to home if I wanted. (She bowed out of lots of one-on-one lunch dates, too. She was overscheduled, and I was low priority.)</p>

<p>The second house was closer to campus, but a hovel. She lived there for one semester after I had already gone to California; I visited once for 36 hours when I came back East for a funeral. It was awful and depressing, but we are still friends with the other women who lived there with her. (There were men, too, but they were not friends even then. The house was deeply divided into the Boys vs. the Women.)</p>

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<p>Oldfort - Hi- nice3 to see your response .Yes ,this is a done deal but I was looking for some validation from other folks who have a D in similar situation , to calm my nervous thoughts ! She has a 1/4 share at a house where she will eat 1 meal a day ,plus she will continue to be affiliated with her current Sophomore House .School starts next week .</p>

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<p>Advantages of living off campus.
[Life</a> in the Real World | FM | The Harvard Crimson](<a href=“http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2003/11/13/life-in-the-real-world-unless/]Life”>The Harvard Crimson)</p>

<p>[Undergrads</a> Seek A Room of Their Own | News | The Harvard Crimson](<a href=“http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2010/3/12/coop-living-students-house/]Undergrads”>Undergrads Seek A Room of Their Own | News | The Harvard Crimson)</p>

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<p>Some students just do not do well living on campus. 5 plus years ago I would not have believed it. My oldest who tends to isolate anyway begged to live alone. She was stressed and miserable in her dorm.We were not in favor of it but decided to state our concerns. She acknowledged our concerns and gave us steps she was going to take in order to not isolate. It has worked out amazingly well. She is now a senior and has lived alone for 3 yrs. She finds she just works best and most efficiently alone. She is a leader in an on campus club and has an outside interest that puts her around people. She also got a dog. As much as we didn’t love that idea it has also turned out to be a great companion. The dog also gets her out of the house.
My S was the total opposite. He lived on campus all 4 yrs. He loved having people around and having studious roommates helped him focus on his studies.
My HS Senior is not looking forward to dorm living. We will have her at least dorm for one year. Even her sister who hated on campus living is pushing her sister to at least do it for one year.
I was concerned about safety. My D drives to campus. Her parking lot is quite a distance from her classes. I don’t like the idea of her walking to her car late at night but I have had to let it go. I also made sure we picked her apartment carefully. We valued security and location over price.</p>

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<p>emerald kitty -great article - very comforting to see a few others follow this path ! Thanks !</p>

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<p>It sounds like the students who live off campus at Harvard are mavericks. It should be an interesting experience.</p>

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<p>Good luck. Just make sure all paperwork is complete so that you are not required to pay the dorm/food bills too.</p>