<p>So D got into her dream school this year as a sophomore and was thrilled about the campus and housing. She is looking at the beach everyday! She was given good grants, but she has a small student loan and we have loans too. Her roommate wants to move off campus next year, because there are too many "restrictions" in the on campus housing. D knew the restrictions before going and didnt seem to have problem with them, but is now using it as an excuse to move off campus next year. </p>
<p>Personally, I dont want to pay for her to have an "independent apartment life". I've made this pretty clear to D and she is not happy. She just moved there too! Local off campus housing is limited and not cheaper than the campus. </p>
<p>She doesn't have a clue what extra stress it is to get involved in a financial agreement with 3 other students and have to hold everyone responsible!</p>
<p>I was living in an off campus apartment as a college sophomore with 3 other girls,at age 17, and I don't remember any hassles. Everyone paid their rent on time as agreed. I remember that our apartment life was a lot quieter than dorm life, and a LOT more sober. The food was better, too -- we cooked dinners together most nights.</p>
<p>If you're paying, then you have a say. There's always a risk when entering a financial arrangement with other people - what if one of the other roomies fails to pay rent or quits school or just changes their mind later? Your D (and you) would be left holding the bag. I wonder what restrictions she finds too restrictive.</p>
<p>OTOH, at UCSD everyone is required to move off campus after their second year. My D has an apartment very close to school (2 miles) that she shares with another girl. It's definitely way nicer and roomier than the dorm room or on-campus apartments. It's also less expensive. This complex and the surrounding ones are served by a campus shuttle so a car isn't required and there's no transportation dependendancy on friends. It's also in an area filled largely with students.</p>
<p>It seems that if your D just arrived at that school she'd rather stay on-campus longer so she can have a better chance to intermix with others. It'll be more difficult once she moves off.</p>
<p>She is in Malibu and off campus housing is expensive or in the valley with no shuttle service.<br>
My concern is that her roommate does seem a bit flakey. I also agree that she needs to get more involved and that would be restricted off campus. Unlike the bigger schools, most students live on campus. I would have no problem senior year, but I think she has had enough changes for now.
And yes I do hold the purse strings, just wanted to see if I was within reason. My H came home with my oldest S (to do laundry) and both said no way. S said tell her education first sis, independence later!</p>
<p>Sooo into the battle! Ha it will probably blow over by end of month!</p>
<p>Calmom 2 of the 4 would be guys...neither have an intimate relationships with her, they prefer each other!</p>
<p>JC, there was a thread that a student posted here about trying to convince parents to go along with a move off campus. I was pretty clear that I am not for these moves as a rule. There are some schools where you don't have much choice in the matter because of limited housing and in areas where you can get much cheaper housing off campus, it can be a consideration if money is short.</p>
<p>My take on it is that there are risks in moving off campus that are larger than those you take in putting a kid in college housing. This is despite lower cost if that is the case. Unless you as a parent are willing to take the risks, understanding the time, money and stress that are involved when things go south, you should not support the move. If you have a responsible kid and the factors are all in line to decrease the risk, that may be a different story.<br>
When we looked at colleges, on campus housing was a factor we took seriously and when we look again, there are additional constraints we will be examining within the housing provided, as both my boys ended up a shuttle ride from the college campus freshman year, though in housing provided by the school.</p>
<p>Thanks cpt...she is a fairly responsible young lady, but she has a tendency to trust people too easily. I sent her a email with the risks of moving off campus and how we are not fiancially set to step in.
I appreciate your very sound evaluation of the situation. D and I will dailogue and hopefully come to an understanding.</p>
<p>Also my experience with my older kids...usually a deal like this fizzles and my worries are gone...hopefully this will go the same way..reason will prevail over peer influence...hmmm</p>
<p>The consequences of our ds moving off campus after freshman year has been only a big positive. Grades have improved significantly. Costs have decreased significantly. And the sense of transitioning into adult independent life has emerged.</p>
<p>As adult I suspect we envision an idealized college life as a cloister four years of on campus, dormatory life. In fact most students wisely choose to make a subtile transition to adult live by independent apartment living arrangements.</p>
<p>And I say hooray!!! I was very happy when our DS was able to move off campus soph year. Instead of imagining dangers and downsides, I looked back to my undergrad years when I moved into an apartment with a number of friends and acquaintances. There were advantages and challenges but the bennies far outweighed the disadvantages. And that has been the case with our DS. The 4.0 soph yr gpa was nice but so was the need to develop cooking skills, trips to the laundramat, cleaning the bathroom, doing dishes, managing a house budget.</p>
<p>I think it really depends on the reasons for moving off campus and if they're justified or not...</p>
<p>I mean, most of my friends from high school moved out of the dorms after freshman year (or those who are freshman, plan to) and I don't really blame them. Most of them are engineering majors, studious/serious/mature in ways...and dorms can be noisy, crowded, distracting, and otherwise incompatible with that. Add in a roommate from hell and you have a recipe for a plunging GPA and an ulcer. </p>
<p>But if it's just because she wants to have an apartment with her friends, have somewhere to throw parties, etc... not the parent's responsibility if you don't want.</p>
<p>JC, my daughter also wants to move off campus next year to live with a couple of guys, likely gay, (I didn't ask, but she has boyfriend who goes to a different school) -- but her school will not include off campus housing costs in their financial aid. So unless she can come up with an additional $10K a year - the amount she would lose from her grant -- she's staying on campus. </p>
<p>It does sound like Malibu is a different situation than the one I had. I had guessed (mistakenly) from your first post that you were talking about Santa Barbara, where a large number of students live off campus in Isla Vista -- but Malibu probably would be a lot more difficult in terms of finding suitable housing and transportation.</p>
<p>I've been at the college in Malibu. In addition to living off campus, she'll next be lobbying for a car. It's not like Malibu has terrific public transportation. Personally, I thought the dorms were pretty nice. Also, don't most students at P University do a study abroad either all or most of their junior year? If so, why is this an issue now?</p>
<p>Having said that...I do agree with others. We were less than thrilled when DS decided to move off campus (price was cheaper...but not by much). However, it has been the best situation for him. His first apartment wasn't so terrific, but the one he lives in this year is fabulous...very close to campus (right next to the dorms, in fact) and close to the grocery store. His roommates are terrific, and the living situation is quiet, and pleasant. He manages his time much better, and the food is 100% better...food was good in the dorm, but the variety got stale after a while.</p>
<p>Two of my 3 Ds who are college age or older, have lived in off-campus housing for from 1-3 years of their time at college, and D3 will next year. It's never been a problem, it's only been a positive thing. Here in Canada, at most universities, the vast majority of students move out of dorms after first year. In previous discussions on this topic over the years, I've said that it's unlikely that students in the U. S. are less capable of handling living in an apartment and all that it entails than their Canadian counterparts. :) The only issue I can see where it may be a problem is if there is no adequate housing available for students, but I think that situation may be very rare.</p>
<p>The OP says it would cost more, there's no good transportation and the roomie wants to escape restrictions. This doesn't add up to good news. OP's D just got there--there's plenty of time Jr or Sr years to look into more independent living situations.</p>
<p>Sometimes these things can work out very well, but I think OP has every reason to say no way.</p>
<p>We really wanted out S to stay on campus Soph. year but he was determined to move out to an apt. with friends. His scholarship money plus earnings from his parttime job would pay for it. Since he was paying and determined to do it, we ended up throwing in the towel and going along with the plan. It has worked out well. He is happy. His GPA this semester was the best so far. He says having his own room for studying/homework makes a big difference. He still has a small on-campus meal plan to fall back on when the bachelor pad cooking gets old.<br>
He would still be in the dorm if it was our dime but it has worked out well.</p>
<p>Our son is currently a freshman at a large U. and is moving off campus next year with three friends. He is in an honors college with guaranteed housing for four years in a very nice dorm! We were against it - and actually couldn't believe that he would want to move out of the dorm. We told him that we would not pay any extra $ - only cover the standard cost for the dorm. He and his friends looked at some expensive options initially and then backed off to cheaper alternatives. He signed a lease contract (with our blessing finally) last week. I'm still not happy about the move. But he has friends outside of the honors college he wants to live with and they do not have guaranteed housing. In the end, I'm hoping it helps to make him more independent but I also worry that he'll lose some of the "community feel" of a dorm.
Regarding your d, I see nothing wrong with asking her to pay the difference if she is living in a more expensive off campus apartment. She has a cheaper and reasonable option - and IMO, the difference in price should be on her.</p>
<p>My D is in 2nd year of college and living in an "off-campus" apt. (though it is right there at the campus). Last year, she and 5 other girls went on a quest to get an apt. After all was said and done (between parents input and the realization that living on your own costs more than the price of the apt.), it ended up being my D and her dorm roommate. I was very skeptical, especially since I knew her roommate was on academic probation and had to maintain a certain gpa the first semester. </p>
<p>But, they persisted and signed the lease. They also set up elec., gas, cable (no landline phone since they used their cells). So, what happens? Over winter break, D's roommate gets letter from college that they have withdrawn her from 2nd semester classes due to her academic progress (or non-progress). Before telling my D, the roommate has her g'mother call the landlord (g'mother is paying bills for her) to let him know the girl would not be coming back to school and would not be paying any more rent. Since lease is signed until June, landlord called my D to see if she had another roommate coming in. My D didn't even know at that point that roommate wasn't coming back - because she had heard a totally different story from roommate. Apparently roommate hadn't told g'mother that she flunked out - she said she had fears for her safety because there was a bad element around campus fringes and "college life wasn't for her." My D set the landlord straight, stating she would continue to pay her 1/2 of the rent, but since the other girl also signed lease, then he needed to get the other 1/2 from her. D said she would ask around to see if another roommate was available, but it was really too late at this point and didn't think it could be done. </p>
<p>Even if my D isn't going to have to pay the full rent, she will now be stuck with the full payment of utilities. </p>
<p>I had warned her from the beginning that this could and probably would happen, but what do I know?</p>
<p>Having gone to a school where there was limited housing for upperclassmen, and having gone off campus as most kids there did, I can tell you that there are simply many more risk factors in going off campus. Even getting a university apartment on campus brings more responsibilities and risks, even as it brings the possibilities of benefits. Many kids do just fine living off campus and as parents here have extolled, there can be benefits. But unless you have your own place, you are dependent on others' maturity and actions, as well as your own, and you don't have control over those. And when things go south, the parent is often inevitably drawn into this battle. THis old warhorse is tired of this sort of thing, and is taking a pass on it. Better to pay one check to the uni and focus on son's spending via campus cash card, then having to hear sob stories about all of the utilities, the rent, transportation, problem apartment mates, problem landlord, problem neighbors. Even when all is well with the apartment mates, things can crop up, and there isn't as much you can do when you are out on your own. I know a young lady whose apt mate started seeing a highly undesireable guy with friends who were less desireable most of whom were not even from the school. If they were in university housing, the problem could have been solved withe the college being the heavies, but this became a real issue. Both girls had been good friends for 3 years, and was totally an unanticipated situation. You can't put every possible scenario in a lease, and things just happen with young people that may put the roommate at risk. Breaking the lease and moving out is a real pain in the neck. My friends who have a daughter in Manhattan have been having one problem after another with deadbeat, careless roommates. In their case, they are stuck since she has graduated, and this is the best path they could find in terms of housing here. They had 4 trouble free years for their daughter at NYU in student housing, where if roommates took a leave it was not their problem. Also NYU had pretty strict visitors policies for their holdings, and though the rules may be broken, someone whose roommate gets too flagrant has some immediate recourse. I have heard every sort of problem that arises from off campus rentals, and my view is to take advantage of the limited liabilities offered by the colleges while you can. Once they are out, you and the kid will facing these issues, soon enough without the choice of institutional housing. Campus housing is a limited time offer.</p>
<p>Having lived thru most of the negatives of sharing an apartment with "friends", I'd be skeptical unless lease provifed for a way out.
Many of FL state U's have apartment-suites with 4 bedrooms and common area. Each person signs their own lease. If unhappy with roommate situation, a student can move within the complex. The other roommates are not responsible for that person's rent. I like that option</p>
<p>Thanks for all the feed back. It is a little different in Malibu, cost is high and no true college town feel off campus. She already has a car, but it is older and sometimes not so realiable. She has friends at ucsb that have moved off campus because the housing is so impacted there. She did not do the international program because she came in as a Soph. She has applied for a summer IP program. H and I will not incur any additional cost, she knows that already. And I think the bottom line is that it came up very suddenly after being so thrilled to live on campus. I think this is highly influenced by her roommate, who seems very impulsive. (Her roommates parents moved to CA before Christmas because they loved it when they brought her here in the fall and move back to Virginia two weeks later!) The elements don't add up and I think that is what makes me nervous, not the living off campus. Both my sons lived independently at this age, but under better circumstances and with people they had known and trusted longer.<br>
Will do some serious discussion with D, with more insight from CC posters and with H. thank you!</p>
<p>The reasons would be a big red flag for me. It appears that this idea came up suddenly and involves "restrictions" involving dorm life. I kinda like some of the restrictions: no all night parties, and some at least token attempts to control drug and alcohol use. </p>
<p>Next year, as a junior, my D will have to move out of the dorms due to space limitations. I am not happy with this. Chances are the costs will go up. She will need an annual lease and extra expenses for utilities and internet. She thinks the cost of food will go down. Maybe, then there is all the time needed to shop, cook and clean up. There are also security concerns. The campus is controlled and safe, not so with the inner city streets.</p>