@wis75 Exactly what I’m doing at the moment. Trying to get him help. It’s working so far. Thank you.
@3js3ks thank you for sharing your situation. Helpful!
I have only been considering my options and not making decisions as such.
Yes, moving schools is tough. Best avoided.
Guess we will make the best of our situation now.
@brooklynlydia Thank you for sharing. I do not ‘hate’ his school. I am just getting an intuitive feeling that its not a good fit for him based on how his interactions or lack of has been with students and teachers there. Also I just confirmed that his Math teacher has been grading him so strictly there was a no win for him. This was confirmed by a past teacher who is now a tutor. Stuff like this…However, I have enough maturity to know that life can throw such ‘curve balls’ anywhere we go. As far as him saying he does not want to move, its because of this place being more familiar for him. Which I agree on and definitely empathize. However, I am not opposed to looking for better options with his agreement of course. This is what I was saying. It was misunderstood in my first post.
@thumper1 When I said ‘the move is due to his father’s job change…’ I meant the ‘possible move’ is because his dad decided to get a job out of state. If I move, which I am clearly not, it was for the kids to be closer to their dad…and me at the same time, thereby keeping an intact family of sorts. I am already talking to the school counselor and an external counselor. This forum is full of harsh judgmental people but there are some who share their experiences which is helpful!
@ucbalumnus of course its not the issue of moving from one high school to another…its an issue of trying to keep a family intact. In the process the obstacle is having to change the high school which was my main question. btw, what in your opinion or perspective is the ‘main’ issue here?
@Groundwork2022 I wouldn’t say he is ‘happy’ there. He has no one inviting him over nor is he inviting anyone else over but he does have people he knows in school clearly. He is not participating in any activities either. Sad to say, we just have to manage our situation as it is now. No moves!
@MYOS1634 Yes, I have thoroughly researched the new place. We had toured 2 private schools and a public school last April. But put off applying to the private school over the summer because his dad said so.
Sometimes private schools will let you in at alternate times, if due to a move. Also, private schools may let him repeat the current grade, IF your son is willing to do that in order to get some better grades, and have time to take more advanced courses.
I think the transition may be easier to a private school, where the teachers and advisor/counselor are paying attention to his transition. Private schools care about individual students, IMO.
I would also look at the culture of the new place…is it a location that is welcoming to new kids? Or one where kids tend to grow up there and stay forever, making it hard for new kids to fit in?
That late in HS, kids are actually more mature, and may in fact be open minded and welcoming. He may have to join a club or two, and make an effort to make friends. Why doesn’t he want to move? Friendships? Somehow, you would need to motivate him.
OP- your later posts have clarified some things. The original post led to comments that you have later addressed with more information. I would actually be pleased with a nit picky math teacher and there would be no issues if he was doing the work to generate the grades. Moving him will never erase all problems- it is not our job to know enough to make the determination (keep some privacy). You need to figure out WHY he is having problems and solutions. Abandoning the school will not take care of his underlying issues.
Apparently you do not live with his father and the father plans to move OOS. You seem to want to do best for the kids and one way is to be close to their father. However, you need to consider the entire picture. What happens to your job, family and friends- you and your kids’ social structure? Life could be just as problematic with a move and no one there will know anything about him. Keep talking with the GC. You have had some great advice, despite it seeming harsh.
Oh- and keep your son in the loop. As above he is old enough- talk with him.
For whatever reason your H doesn’t want you to move to where he is now. My guess is it probably has more to do with your relationship than with your son’s. I think your son needs his father and he probably misses his dad. I don’t know where your relationship is now (staying together, separation or divorce), but I would have a discussion with your husband to encourage him to come back more often (whether staying at your home or hotel) to see your son, or have your son go visit him by himself. Your son may start doing better in school if he is happier with his relationship with both of you. Just my .02.
I am a divorced parent. I do my best to encourage relationship between my ex and my adult kids.
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I meant no disrespect. I was merely suggesting that you focus on the mental health aspect rather than the academic aspect. You seem to focus more on the academic aspect and I think that’s a mistake.