How is it to move our teen in middle of junior year to another state? He says he does not want to move. The current school has very mean and tough grading teachers and we are not expecting him to get recommendations here anyway. They have limited him to one AP here too. I am looking for other alternatives too like online school, homeschool with online school and also taking courses at the local community college.The move is due to his father’s job change to a neighboring state about 5-6 hours away.
In terms of high school, it depends on if the new school has space in courses he will take. Also, be aware that different high school graduation requirement could force him to take required courses that may displace other desired courses.
In terms of college, how desirable and affordable would the public universities in the new state be compared to the current state? Be sure to establish residency in the new state according to the rules there if you move.
It sucks, but if it has to be done it has to be done. Military kids move all the time and adjust to the new school system.
I moved at the beginning of my senior year, took all the classes I needed to graduate in one semester (which I think was a gym class and 2 English classes) and I did that and started college. So my high school diploma is from a school I attended for 4 months.
My kids moved in the middle of sophomore year (after having moved to start freshman year, did that in one school and then did one semester in another school as sophomores). It wasn’t easy. They didn’t win a lot of awards in high school, they didn’t get the best teachers at the new school, I didn’t like the GC in the new school. They survived, both got into schools they liked.
My goal for them in college was to go to ONE school, and they both did that.
My younger daughter moved to a foreign country’s high school (American School) junior year. We met with the school before we moved to do class selection and to figure out her GPA. Her old school did not do weighting and her new school did. It took us up until Oct to get it all sorted out. D2 went for leadership positions within her school through faculty sponsored positions, instead of through student election. She also invested a lot of time getting to know her teachers because we opted to get LORs from her new school. D2 did end up getting a lot of awards at her new school and graduated as Sal.
I think the move was good for D2. She was a big fish in a smaller pond (her old school was a lot more rigorous) and she really blossomed at her new school. She made a lot of new friends in a foreign country. I gave her option of staying home to finish her high school, but she opted to move with us.
Are you moving right now? Or is this anticipated for next school year?
It sounds like you’re looking for reasons to move, something your son doesn’t want to do. Clearly, he’s OK with his current school and its “very mean and tough grading teachers.”
Bottom line: kids change high schools all the time (I moved nearly cross country in high school… twice!) and graduate on time and get into colleges. Your son can too, with the right preparation and working with both schools.
If you do end up moving, be ready for some resentment from your son, and find ways to ease his transition.
I’d move him at the end of the school year if you can.
I switched Jan junior year because I hated my high school. This was a successful change, and I got much better grades at the new school where I was happier. However, the big thing is that I wanted this. I really really wanted it, so the adjustment costs were light.
Your situation is different: you clearly don’t like his school, but he doesn’t want to leave it. So all this stuff you write about “mean teachers” – is it accurate or is it projection?
If the move is good for the family, the sooner the better.
If you are moving for his benefit, I would not do it.
If the move is for the husband’s job they may not have any choice. What state are you moving to?
It is extremely difficult to pull a teen from a high school where they’re happy. However, the need to put food on the table is an excellent reason to do it.
And if his parents are no longer residents in that state, they might need to pay public school tuition for him to continue at his current school. Check that.
Do you have an idea what schools would be available in the new state?
Do they have the courses he needs (can you check websites, contact people there?) What about sports, clubs, activities?
Does the new state have good public universities and what are their costs?
Thank you all for weighing in… helpful! His dad has moved to the new state a year back and he is not doing well at his current school particularly since then. I am guessing it can be because of the disturbance created with his absence. He does not visit as often as we would like. He did not visit for almost a month last month. DS is getting Ds and Cs in his tests and of course, the teachers are cutting 50-90% points for a small mistake in the final answer presentation.
But he is also forgetting to submit homework etc. This is very concerning for me.
He is angry at me almost all the time. He refuses to talk to me or let me in his room.I got him a counselor to speak to but he is refusing to see him either. This is why I thought it would be best for him to be closer to his Dad. But looks like his dad does not want that either. He refused to move us today. He has been estranged from me for years.
But that is a whole different topic.
So now we are stuck here in this same place.
Also my daughter lives near him and goes to college in the new state. I want us to be closer to her. But their dad is refusing to move us.
Based on the family issues you described, it looks like this high school versus moving to a different one is not the main issue here.
No…it’s not. You are estranged from the father “for years”.
Please talk to the school counselors at your sons school. See what they can do to help him.
Frankly, I think you would benefit from family counseling. This issue is bigger than just the dad’s move and your son’ schooling…from what I’m reading.
My mom moved us in the middle of my junior year and it was really hard. My oldest sibling was already graduated, 2nd oldest was in the middle of her senior year and was able to drive herself to school to finish there. I had to graduate with a bunch of people I barely knew. To make it worse. the one best friend I made at the new school got herself knocked up before the end of our junior year and ended up going to an alternative school for teen moms our senior year .
It sounds like your family already has a lot of turmoil and issues. My parents were going through a divorce when my mom made this move. Your son may not miss the people at his current school, but throwing him into a new situation with strangers could be worse. I don’t think I would force him to move if he isn’t interested and the father is not welcoming either of you.
One consideration with a move is to be instate for college. A move more than twelve months before the fall semester would make the student instate while other moves may not qualify. However, your plans are for well before that. Having his father instate would qualify so a move for that reason is unnecessary. If you want the current instate status you would need to stay where you are for senior year. But- his current grades do not bode well for college.
As others have stated, you have other concerns. Time to pursue reasons for grades and behaviors. This would include not only talks with your son but outside intervention. His problems will not be solved with a move he doesn’t want, underlying problems need addressing regardless of a move.
Is it possible that you are too involved with your teenage son’s day to day life that you are micromanaging it. It can be very stressful on a teen who is already suffering emotionally from his family breakup.
I think your S needs your compassion rather than your judgement. He probably has friends that he wouldn’t want to leave who provide the “family” he doesn’t have at home. You can’t resent his anger, you need to be sympathetic. You can’t share your anxiety lest it becomes his anxiety and compounds his issues.
I don’t know how this will turn out, but I think the kindest thing you could do is be compassionate and not micromanage his school work.
You’ve said that you have found a counselor for him. It is a psychologist? or a tutor (to help micromanage his work). Perhaps he needs to see a psychologist to help him. Perhaps one would help you too. Perhaps if and when he becomes agreeable to it, a tutor might help too. But his mental health is more important than his grades.
DEPRESSION IS A LIFE THREATENING ILLNESS AND YOU NEED TO TREAT IT AS SUCH.
@ClassicRockerDad Wow! That’s harsh!
My son has all my love, compassion and concern. I’m definitely not judgmental or micromanaging him at all in any way. In fact only a couple of weeks back when I saw his grades slipping (since November when I thought his dad and he were keeping up with it) I started a conversation with the guidance counselor and teachers.