My boyfriend is causing a major distraction.

My name is Sarah and I just started college a few weeks ago. I have controlled ADHD and my boyfriend has uncontrolled ADHD. When I mean I have controlled ADHD is where I’ve lessened my verbal and memory symptoms of ADHD without medication. I’ve also tried to become better with eliminating distractions that I know are causing a problem. But the one distraction I can’t seem to rid myself of is my boyfriend who while I’m trying to do an assignment or I’m trying to read something he’s constantly talking to me about things I just don’t care to hear. there have been times where I told him to leave me alone and that I’m trying to do an assignment and sometimes he stops but then sometimes he either follows me into a room I’ve chosen to get some peace and quiet or he stops talking but then does something that causes noise which again is a distraction. He’s not in college and I’ve been trying to talk to him about returning to college because a long time ago he dropped out but he has his reasons for not being in college now. As you could tell, he lives with me. I can barely get any quiet time to myself to do my assignments or watch a lecture. Every time I wake up early to try to get some alone time he follows after me and then he starts talking to me about useless or past stuff that I could care less about.

Hi Sarah, find a quiet place at the library, and work there. Whether it’s a boyfriend or a roommate or a parent, studying out-of-the-home can often be more productive. This way, when you are home, you can give your boyfriend some quality attention. Early in the morning, a coffee shop may work. As you’ve identified, you need some time to call your own and it isn’t going to happen at home.

Some libraries at college have carrels you can reserve for whole semester (at D’s college there were also some in student union building.) Treat it as a class block and schedule it into your day. If you aren’t willing or interested in actually breaking up with the BF then need to study elsewhere. If it is bigger college, sometimes individual building have nice little nooks to claim for quiet study. D wasn’t science major but found science library often quieter. There were also nice areas in Performing arts center.

Bottom line is to treat study time like a scheduled part of day and leave your house and go there. A good coffee place also good.

Now if you really need to study at night when going back to campus is not realistic, then you need to have a serious conversation about your living arrangements (or noise canceling headphones).

First of all, @MentalGypsy91, congratulations on starting to get a handle on your own ADHD issues and starting college! I wish you success!

Do you sense that your boyfriend really wants you to succeed (or not) at college, or do you think it is that his ADHD behavior is so compulsive that he really has a hard time controlling it or seeing what it does to you? Sometimes people who have failed at something do not want their close associates to succeed because it makes them feel worse about themselves. This may not be the case at all, but food for thought for you, in sorting out your goals and priorities. Is his need for you to be available to him 24/7 more important to him than supporting your goals, or is he just clueless about his chattering? This is a crucial issue that you will need to address with him. If he’s being deliberately controlling, do you really want to continue on this course indefinately? If it’s just his ADHD talking, he really needs to understand how it impacts his relationships…and that depends on you finding a way to set a boundary, or he WILL continue to do what comes easiest (not address his ADHD). Given that you are already highly distractible, these issues will affect any kind of success you will have in life that depends on you being able to focus on something other than your BF while you are in his presence.

I agree, absolutely, that finding a place elsewhere to study would make huge difference. But, really, everyone (except those with very small children) should be able to find pockets of space and time at home for quiet and privacy. It’s your home, too, is it not? What is more important to you…success in college, and your future goals and dreams…or continuing to live this way?

treat your college experience like you would your job. Get up and go to college, get your work done, and then head home. Your much better off studying at the library on campus all alone than trying to bring your work home to distractions.