My child is merely average.

<p>From other posts I see that the father of this daughter died during her freshman year of high school...which woud have been a few years ago. That had to be a hugely traumatic event. Maybe both LC (sadness) and her daughter (lack of initative) are suffering from depression or post-traumatic stress or some other ailment I know absolutely nothing about. Maybe the two desperately could use the help of some counseling? instead of being told that they are insane?</p>

<p>An SAT score over 1800 is in the 83rd percentile. Not "average"
Doing well in three AP classes is not something an "average kid" can usually do.
She is "above average," okay? :)</p>

<p>(Only on CC would being "average" be so worthy of discussion.)</p>

<p>LC, S2 is a very average student with scores well below your D's. He is at one of those "mediocre large publics, not even flagship" as a freshman this year and loving it. Community College was his other option which was fine with us if it was his choice. Talk to your D about what she is really interested in and then let her take the wheel. Your D doesn't have to go to a "name" college to be successful. She will get into plenty of schools with her scores.</p>

<p>You are describing my 4th child. I hope he gets 1800 on his SAT1s when he takes them. He does reasonably well at school at a difficult honors level, but is not taking the most difficult curriculum available as his brothers did. He goes with the flow more than taking initiative. He is the first of my kids that I have to urge to get involved in more things. He has had a neighborhood job for several years now and enjoys a great reputation here as the one to call to housewatch, pet watch, baby sit, get things done. He's the neighborhood unskilled handyman. Several neighbors love to hire him just to help in assembling things or doing things around the house as he is a wonderful helpmate though he does not have special skins in fixing things. He is just the type of person you want around to help out when you are doing work you could use company or help in doing as he will doggedly and cheerfully do any distasteful task and do it well. He has more money in his account all earned on his own than his other brothers did put together at his age and probably now. He buys all of his own things as he currently has better cash flow than I do. </p>

<p>I do encourage and look for community service and other opportunities for him as he is not a go getter that way. He has no striking resume in terms of school activities. But anyone doing a reference check on him in our town will get wowed. But in this competitive NYC area college bound environment, he is not what families would be bragging about. I can see it in some people's faces as it is clear that he is not going to be a top student, leader, athlete, cool kid. He's just your ordinary kid. I think he is wonderful. I would not doubt for an instant that he could be the most successful of his peers and brothers, ... and their peers. Why? He is comfortable in his own skin and sees a task through. He has his own mind. He is the glue among his friends. He is quiet and thoughtful, someone you want to have around when you aren't feeling great. He fixes problems and things without passing judgment. If he continues the way he is, he has an excellent chance of being well balanced, happy, self sufficient and a joy to others. What more could I want? </p>

<p>Some of these kids can chug along like the tortoise and pass up their more high strung, higher charged peers. I don't think for a moment that the OP's daughter should be relegated to any tier in terms of profession and training. If she goes along consistently, she will be more than fine.</p>

<p>Brace yourself, OP.</p>

<p>Daughter is probably taking life at her own pace. She will sort herself out and rocket past her peers by doing something unconventional (starting a business, for instance).</p>

<p>Prepare to be shocked, mom.</p>

<p>And the Lion King essay? Great idea!</p>

<p>Linda, it seems to me that the one thing you can change in this situation is your attitude toward "average" kids. They aren't "merely" average - they're average. So what? An SAT score of 1830 isn't "laughable" (or, really, even average, as MidwestMom points out above). It isn't necessary to see a kid as "a bit of a loser" if the other kids in the crowd are more accomplished. I feel you're applying a rather tough standard here, and seeing your d in an unnecessarily negative light.</p>

<p>It must have been a terrible loss, both to you and your daughter, when your husband died. I can't know the challenges and difficulties your family has faced during her high school years. I think, though, that expanding your view of what constitutes success as a student/adolescent will help you see your d's strengths.</p>

<p>I think I know how the OP feels. With our first child, we had all the hopes and fears of every extreme. Yes, we wanted the perfect, brilliant talented child, and heaped opportunity upon opportunity on him. We had our ears perked up and listened to how other kids were doing and wanted better. Well, we got what we wanted, sort of. And it was irrelevant. Great for the (our) ego, but irrelevant in terms of what sort of person, how self sufficient, emotional well being, etc, etc. Since we have seen how many kids have matured, I can tell you that many of the "average" kids are doing just fine and very, very well. The young super stars do not necessarily become the best balanced and happiest adults. I know one young man who would have been tops on the CC brag board in terms of top college ready stats. Went to Harvard, had accolades upon accolades. Has really had some issues in his life as he is hitting his thirties that I would not wish on anyone, nor would I want to have his academic resume for one of my kids with the rest of the baggage he has.</p>

<p>across the country. She is a far above average child and choosing an animated movie for an essay is gutsy. Only in CC where students are mostly over-achievers who worry about a 710 in math would anyone's child feel far below average. Take this site with a grain of salt and rejoice that your child has many options available to her. And please don't use the word dumb.</p>

<p>There are plenty of students with lower SAT scores than your D's scores. Some go onto public Us and some do go to private Us. Many do well where they matricluate. Average SAT scores, I believe are 500 per section (=1500). I know of many students who had SATs that are at least 200 points lower than your D's. They are fine and furthering their education at 4 year schools. I think that willingness to work hard and having strong organizational skills can be as important as natural smarts ( I am not saying that your D is not smart. She sounds bright to me). I don't see any reason that your D would not be accepted to many fine schools.</p>

<p>It's not just CC where parents looking at good scores like a 1800 on the SAT1s and thinking that they are "average". First of all, most scores are average by definition. However, if the OP lives in area like mine where there are so many excellent students and high test scores, we lose perspective. My sons graduated from a school where about a quarter of the kids went to ivies and nearly half went other schools that are accept less than a third of their students. It distorts the reality of life when that becomes your normal.</p>

<p>Wow...the words you choose to describe your daughter :
loser, average , dumb. Her SAT scores are laughable..she is invisable and you also seem to put down the professions of nursing, dental hygeine and more.</p>

<p>I think if there is a problem it is your issues and not loving and accepting your daughter for who she is.
Please do not compare her to her friends and their academics.
Maybe a " mediocre " state school is just fine for her.
It is not like the professions you mention are ditch digging , low end jobs.</p>

<p>Is this a joke? I can't believe you would call your child dumb. You say your child is holding his own in AP classes....that alone is evidence that he/she is not dumb. Have you ever considered that your child's lack of passion may be due to the fact that he/she just hasn't found their niche yet? Many kids are late bloomers and the exposure to new experiences in college is just what the late bloomer needs to discover hidden talents and passions. It is particularly important that you are supportive and not to be judgmental. The use of terms such as "dumb" and "loser" to describe your child is just waaay out of line. I posted on a thread recently about kids that have an artificially inflated sense of self-confidence, created in part by parents who are constantly boulstering the kids' ego, to the point of dysfunction. You are the opposite extreme on the continuum. I'm still not conviced that this is not a joke. My final bit of advice....never, ever, ever compare your child's strengths or lack thereof to their friends or anyone else for that matter.</p>

<p>I would have liked for my son to have taken the honors English, honors Geometry anda second language this year which he was eligible to do. But he is taking an AP course and he had struggled with the advanced Algebra last year. He will retake the Algebra this coming summer as a refresher course and take Precalc next year. I wanted him to do well in what he is taking. He also balked at the heavier load. So I did not push. I will suggest and point out options and opportunities, but ultimately I want him to pick his way. He does pretty well on his own, but could use help as we all can to bring the options and advice out. I don't think you have a lemon, but you know what? Lemonade can be mighty good even if you do!</p>

<p>"I think if there is a problem it is your issues and not loving and accepting your daughter for who she is."</p>

<p>I agree. In reading your post, I felt very sorry for your D, who sounds like a wonderful young woman whom most parents would be proud of. </p>

<p>That you're blaming yourself for what you perceive as faults in your D indicates to me that you're probably just as hard on yourself as you've been on your daughter. Please consider talking to someone like a counselor or your minister.</p>

<p>Your erroneous perspective in life is causing pain to you and to others whom you care about.</p>

<p>Frankly, your D doesn't sound average. "Average" students aren't taking APs. However, even if she were truly average and was bound for vocational work -- something that's honorable and that people take pride in doing -- there wouldn't be any reason for angst and self blame.</p>

<p>Most people are average. Most people live average lives, and if they are fortunate also live lives that are fulfilling for themselves and others. </p>

<p>In looking at a life, one way to assess it is this quote that's often attributed to Emerson:</p>

<p>""To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intellingent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded."</p>

<p>Kind & caring.....decent SAT....3 AP classes....? Sounds like a wonderful child who just doesn't know what she wants to be yet.</p>

<p>Have you been spending too much time on CC, where everyone is above average? ;)</p>

<p>She may seem "invisible" because of her quiet, laid-back personality--some less capable or less reliable kids have the gift of gab (or BS) that makes you think they know something about everything. When they don't.</p>

<p>Your D will blossom during her 4 years at college and you will be amazed at the kind, caring, and interesting person she has become.</p>

<p>Just want to throw another thought out there, but I might be completely of base on this one. Is it possible that you are nervous about the college bills and your financial future as a single parent? Is it that you feel comfortable encouraging your D to get a vocational education because of the financial strain involved in paying for a 4 year school? Is describing her as a loser/ dumb a part of rationalizing the vocational school route to employment? I think that being nervous about college costs is completely understandable.</p>

<p>Good point, northeastmom. Finances may be an unspoken worry.</p>

<p>I want to add--even IF the OPs daughter is average, so what? The world needs more loving, kind, caring, steady people. If there were more screwy artists and geniuses, I have no doubt we would be in worse shape than we are now.</p>

<p>So 1) accept her as she is (obviously smart but not a genius)
2) celebrate her wonderful character
3) help her find her path in life</p>

<p>I know that for my son, I do worry about the choices he will have and not have for college. His brothers had a lot of choices because of their high test scores, and S3 really did well with merit money which has taken a load off of us, though he would have still been able to go cheaper had he gone to a state school. S4 is not likely to get merit money. He is also the type of kid that would like a smaller, private school. He has already said that he may commute to college, the first of my kids to even mention that option.</p>

<p>My middle sister: 1350 SATs. B+ student in honors courses in high school. College GPA slightly above 3.0, with several Cs and two Ws in a course required for her original major. Enthusiastic, but mediocre athlete. Wound up in a humanities major that was practically useless. Wonderful person. </p>

<p>Past president of the national professional organization for those in her profession. Frequent guest on talk shows about her field. Periodically profiled in trade press. World traveller. For the past decade, has outearned me (who had much better "stats") by 4-10x per year. Still wonderful person.</p>