I would love more information about some of the opportunities / organizations you mentioned. He is a real “helper” and takes joy and pride in lifting others up. One frustration I have with Tufts as a parent is that there is a calendar of events, and a list of clubs and organizations, but neither is comprehensive. If you have any links, or places I can learn more about these on-campus or off-campus volunteer opportunities I would be very grateful. He would not be interested in anything medical. But social justice, like the housing court opportunity would be something I think he would enjoy and could truly benefit others. Thank you!
Sorry if i missed it but what is he doing to find his people? I would really encourage him to expand his horizons and, while supportive of transferring, also note that it is likely that there area kids he can become friends with. Tufts is not a small LAC but is a research university with 6,600 undergrads and a wide variety of activities.
I am assuming his roommate has not become a friend. Other guys on his floor in the dorm? Has he joined any activities yet? An intermural team? Volunteer gig?
It can be very difficult to make friends at first in college. Every friendship feels more superficial than in HS because the friendships are all new. Second semester often brings about a shift in attitude and finding friends. The classwork also gets more challenging,
If this were my kid I would be supportive but completely hands off, especially if his only reason for transferring is that he hasn’t made good friends yet. Have him do all of the work to figure out what schools to apply to, get the apps together, etc.
Not saying transferring isn’t the right choice for him. Just make sure he understands that it won’t be any easier to make friends as a transfer student elsewhere.
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I strangely feel like you are interrogating me vs trying to be helpful. This is the only time on this thread of strangers that I have felt anything other than tremendous support. Maybe your comment about my pre-conceived ideas about a university after I thanked folks for sharing and changing my perspective. I am earnestly looking for suggestions and help. I was feeling pretty blue when I made my initial post and the kindness of so many strangers has given me hope. I’m glad I didn’t see your answers first. I would have likely logged off and missed some amazing feedback and words of encouragement.
The three schools mentioned are some of the most popular on the planet and in my home state. So asking about why he is interested in these schools just seems …odd.
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He started with a series of unfortunate events including an injury that made any contact sport impossible. he also missed the club fair due to his injury and found that some clubs were full. IMO Tufts kind of failed him there. He has joined clubs, he is always “out” he participates, he goes to lectures, to office hours, to concerts, he goes into town. He is a member of some clubs. and he has achieved a few things that I wish to keep off a public forum to respect his privacy. He has made excellent grades, and has great relationships with his professors.
I’m not steering the ship. But he’s hurting, so I’m not totally hands-off as we are not nearby and he is lonely.
It may not be easier to make friends as a transfer student. But sometimes a kid is just not in the right mix for them. So I would never tell him or any student that it won’t be easier making friends elsewhere. Especially knowing how gregarious and kind my guy is 
Which would then likely make the actual #s even higher!!!
It’s tough - some kids - even as parents when we think they’re a certain way, they’re not or more likely others don’t see it that way. Some kids try too hard, etc.
It could be - his people just aren’t there. It could be - at a large school - there’s so many people he’ll find them - but then his classes might be big and he might have to work harder to develop professor relationships -which with work he can do. He might even find them at a small school - you never know who will and will not click.
Then there are smaller but not small schools - and some have Honors within the school. My daughter is at College of Charleston - it’s not a rung or two below Tufts but maybe 8 rungs 
But she chose it over others because she loved the city life - and she’s in both Honors and the Fellows program (a sub group within Honors). Even in regular classes, they are relatively small - vs. a UC which might be huge - at least in intro classes.
She started a club - and met people that way. Perhaps if your son has an interest not being fed, he can start one. Her club is to help resettle Afghan refugees - they even started a faculty task force as well. The club lost footing but when she gets back to campus (she’s in DC this semester), hopefully it gets back.
The point is - maybe if he started a club of interest, as he advertised and recruited, he might have like minded kids wanting to participate.
Truth is - there’s no real answer in these situations. A transfer could be good or be worse due to starting again. Staying could help - once he finds his footing. It could end up being - he has a four year college experience that - wasn’t the worst but wasn’t the best - and many have that too.
Anyway, I hope as he explores other schools (and hopefully Tufts), that something good happens to him - transfer or otherwise. Also, make sure where he looks is his decision - I say this because you said he’s good with big but you think small. Make sure he’s invested in the decision.
Best of luck.
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I’m sorry that you feel that way. No, I’m not trying to interrogate you. I’ll admit that I was taken aback when you stated that students at USC were not just privileged, but entitled. That’s a strong statement.
I understand that your son is familiar with the UCs because you used to live in CA. However, I’m not sure that your son realizes what it is like to go to school at the UCs that you mentioned. Yes, they are popular, but the three schools he is looking at have very different personalities and very different student cultures. What is it about the UCSD that interests him? And what interests him at Berkeley?
The UCs are moot because they don’t take sophomore transfers. I’m asking what he is looking for in a school to help with recommendations.
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Thank you so much for these lovely words of encouragement. Our other kids, well we haven’t figured out the rungs where their colleges fall exactly. But they seemed to have found the right place. I guess this is part of the reason it’s so hard is because this guy is the one who has always loved school and dreamed of college. He loves the smell of libraries and spends too much on books!
So glad your daughter is happy and has seemed to find her place and her people. You are right, so much is unknown. I think letting him know that there are options and that we support those options, hopefully will help. But I do hope he finds his footing as that’s the quickest path to fulfillment.
I like the idea of starting a club of interest. It tough for a freshman. And gosh, not to make the immense problems in the world about my family. But I do think that students on many college campuses, including his campus are having a very hard time with all that is going on in the world now. Students from many backgrounds feel afraid and angry and the parents feel it too. It just make a rough time more rough and I think makes some kids understandably retreat a bit.
Again thank you for the great suggestion and the kind words
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My husband taught at USC for a few years, and before he went, I had the expectation of a pretty homogenous student body, but it really wasn’t like that. It’s a big school with a lot of different kinds of people and, unlike many of the elite schools in the Northeast, USC offers merit scholarships, which has the effect of encouraging economic diversity. Financial aid does that as well, of course, but merit scholarships address the “donut hole” problem and help kids whose families can’t be full pay but also don’t qualify for financial aid. USC, as you probably know, is somewhat geographically isolated from the heart of LA, so that might be an issue, but in any event, you might want to take a closer look at the school. I believe USC also encourages sophomore transfers. I also wonder whether Rice might be a possibility. It looks like they take transfer applicants who have at least 12 credits, and it looks like the acceptance rate is low, but it seems to me the school might be a good fit for your son if the majors he is interested in are offered. It’s a biggish school with a lot of diversity and a low-key but highly academic atmosphere in a great Houston neighborhood. My son thought it was too big, but I was smitten.
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In terms of classroom experience, LACs seem to predominate. This list may be worth viewing for ideas along these lines:
Of note, the included schools cover a wide range in selectivity.
Based on your son’s interest in journalism, this site also may be of interest:
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Put me on team “stay put.” During his freshman year S26 announced he wanted to transfer. He was doing very well academically. Couldn’t really put his finger on why he wanted to transfer, but just knew this college wasn’t the place for him. He wasn’t able to put together a transfer application on top of all his schoolwork so enrolled again for fall semester. Fast forward to Thanksgiving sophomore year and he’s got a girlfriend and is planning to live off campus next year with a group of guys in his major. No further mention of transfer. Sometimes I think kids feel uncomfortable in a new environment and focus on the wrong details. As their comfort increases, suddenly those perceived issues go away. I’m not sure where you’re from, but we live in TX and my son is at school in NY. It was a huge geographic and cultural change that he needed time to adjust to.
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You need a student ID to enter the clearinghouses of volunteer and service opportunities in Medford and Somerville…but the Tisch and Carmichael websites will be easy for him to navigate. Some of the roles need training (and the organizations provide it) and some are “just show up”.
He sounds like a great guy and I’m confident his people are waiting for him!
Professors are also a good source of Intel btw…
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In the Thumper family…if the kids wanted to transfer, it would have been fine with us (neither did). BUT all the research, applying etc would have been on THEM. The only thing they would have needed to consult with us about is whether cost would be a factor (it wouldn’t have been).
How much research has your freshman done himself?
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He may also want to reach out to seek Tufts entrepreneurship opportunities…
“At the Derby Entrepreneurship Center at Tufts, we develop an entrepreneurial mindset and skillset among Tufts students, alumni, and community members. We give them the tools to take action and lead with impact through entrepreneurship and innovation”
There are likely founders who are seeking positive social impact in the ventures that are being created. This may provide an outlet for your son but also put him in touch with his people.
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Sorry your son has been going through a tough transition to college. S22 has had a rocky 1.5 years at his school and is looking to transfer now so I understand how tough it can be as a parent when our kids are unhappy (and, in our case, it has been for similar reasons - hasn’t found his people, doesn’t like the vibe, isn’t challenged academically). That being said, your son needs to understand that there isn’t necessarily a magical geographic cure so he really needs a firm understanding of what he doesn’t like about Tufts so he doesn’t end up feeling the same way at another school. In the meantime, he should try and put himself out there and see if he can find more of his people. I think the idea of looking into more volunteerism is a great one. Best of luck!!
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Many moons ago I transferred from a UC to another big public school in another state for my sophomore year. The transfer process was easy. I think I only applied to the one school. At both schools, I made friends in the dorms. At the second school, I was placed in a dorm with mostly freshmen, so all my friends were freshmen, and it was fine. I did the honors programs at both schools. I then went on to a fancy law school in another big city. If your kid wants to pursue law, they don’t have to go to a super elite college to get into a super elite law school. I hope your son finds his people soon, at Tufts or possibly elsewhere.
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Here’s another point of view to consider:
- just because the 3 schools you mentioned “are some of the most popular on the planet” doesn’t necessarily mean that any of those would be a ‘good fit’ for YOUR kid.
- the other poster might have been asking those questions in order to get a better idea of what sort of factors, campus vibe, etc. would make a college go into the “possible good fit” category.
Some other food for thought:
- does he want a small, medium, or big university?
- you mentioned in a different reply that his current university “kind of failed him” re: the club fair, missing it due to his injury, later found that clubs were full. What did Tufts not do that you think they SHOULD have done differently?
- Then whatever that “thing” is which your family feels that Tufts SHOULD have done, your son should then research schools which DO do whatever that “thing” is. If this “thing”/factor is a ‘must have,’ then if the potential college doesn’t have it, then one should consider leaving it off of the list…EVEN if it’s Berkeley or UCLA.
- What is your son’s plan for how he’d handle this same or similar problem if he encounters it at a different college?
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I don’t think this is true at all. I think it is actually easier to find your people at a small school that has a distinctive vibe or at least a shared committed to a place. Amherst also has 500 new students each year. Bigger than most high schools and most people are able to find some friends at school.
Only you and your kid know whether transferring is the right call. I sense that the first semester is probably too soon to make that decision. However – when you mentioned that the clubs your son wants are full, that caught my eye. A lot of the larger schools you’ve mentioned as possible transfer opportunities have fairly competitive clubs (I’ve heard about people getting shut out of clubs at UCLA, for instance). So you might think about SLACs where anyone can join clubs at any time. If your son is interested in journalism, he should contact the editors of the newspapers at the schools he’s considering and ask whether it’s difficult to join the newspaper staffs and rise through editorial positions. If this is important to him, you don’t want him to end up at another school where club access will be a problem.
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I’m not that poster, but I just read it as suggested questions to have your son think about and consider. If he can’t yet verbalize why those schools, then that’s a good start. How are those schools for his major and what does he like about them that would make it a better fit.
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