My Mom Screwed me over, Can I still qualify for FAFSA?

For what it’s worth I am completely empathetic with your situation. Everyone is saying this is on you not your Mom-- but FAFSA, CSS, and every Finaid department says the opposite. It IS supposed to be up to the parents to pay. Parents who can pay and don’t are in fact screwing over their kids and abdicating their responsibilities. I’m sorry this is falling on your shoulders. Hopefully there is some useful advice here. Sadly, community college may be the way to go for you – word hard and transfer somewhere awesome. Took me 7 years to get my bachelors by working my way through when I was turned down for financial aid due to deadbeat dad’s income (had to walk away from offers from JHU and Duke). But my employer paid for grad school and I’m sitting pretty now (and saved for my own kids’ colleges). Best of luck to you.

@Techno13 neither the government, nor universities stipulate that parents are obligated to pay. The evaluation for financial aid is used to determine how much aid the government and or the school (or private scholarship funds) are willing to gift or loan, based on their assessment of a parents (and/or student’s) ability to pay. And, as a LOT of parents and students find out for the first time during their senior year in high school, what the government & universities believe families have the ability to contribute, and what families can actually contribute are two very different things.

The OP stated that his mom makes between $45-55k (has at least one sibling), step-dad is unwilling to contribute, and Dad is… somehow not taking financial responsibility. That doesn’t really sound like a situation where Mom ‘can pay but won’t’. It sounds like Mom can’t afford to pay, period. Even if she could dedicate more than 50% of her gross salary (which would likely result in about 75% of her net pay) to one child’s college expenses, she isn’t obligated to do so. And, I’m saying this from a position of feeling personally obligated to pay for my own child’s education.

It’s the case for every student that post-high school decisions are, in large part, about what is affordable. Sometimes, the most desired option isn’t really on the table, but options exist. There are viable options that don’t involve potential financial ruin for both mom and student here.

And, I don’t think there’s anything sad or unfortunate about community/junior college to 4 year university options. A pathway to a college degree with as little debt as possible is a good path. Community College isn’t something to be looked down upon. The OP could very well end up with zero debt for the first two years of college, and enough savings to fund the next 3 years for Architecture (or put a large dent in it). That’s a win! No future employer is going to care that a degree holding prospect started out at community college.

@bostonkid617 I understand your dilemma. I have a friend who is holding off on marriage until her kids get through college for this reason. They are just perpetually engaged. Secretly, sometimes I with I had had this forethought! But again, it’s not your mom’s fault. I’m sure, like me, she did not realize it at the time.

I think you have two options. 1. Try to leverage the D2 scholarships. Coaches can help make it happen, even in expensive privates. My daughter’s friend was in a similar situation with family and his dad wanted him to go to CC. He refused and leveraged a basketball gig into minimal student loans, which are now paid off almost three years after graduation. Granted, he maximized his college experience and got a great job and that helps. This option is only reasonable for you if you understand that college athletics are a full time job and will require a huge time commitment. You have to love it.

  1. Go to community college, work a bit to save, and make great grades. You can then transfer into a state school and go from there. There's no shame in this route. A lot of kids do this. They are usually just not the kids on message boards debating their options. This is a solid plan if you think you can't commit to college athletics.

I know that a gap year is always possible. But honestly, if you’re struggling with depression I do think that a change in routine will help. It’s common at your age when a teen is getting ready to launch and needs a new kind of life. How will your routine change if you take a gap year? The risk is that it doesn’t, and your struggles get worse. Just my unsolicited opinion, I know.

You did not mention what you wish to study. This is an important piece of the puzzle, as well.

@bostonkid617 I’m really sorry that you’ve had such a rough go of it. I don’t read that anyone is trying to be harsh, just direct, and giving you the information that would have been helpful for you to have 1, maybe even 2 years ago. I wish there was more realistic future college advising for both parents and students, sooner in the game, for the vast majority of students.

Given the information that you’ve provided, the advice given is primarily based on the realities of financial constraints where college funding is concerned. The bottom line is that funding a 4 year university education is expensive. Even if your mom hadn’t married, what everyone is trying to convey is that unless you applied and were accepted to a school that meets full need without consideration for non-custodial parent, financial aid wasn’t going to cover it, and certainly not without your (and probably your mom) having to take on loans. If your mom is already in a lot of debt, and has another child… Realistically, that may not be viable.

As a parent, I try very hard to look at big picture. What I see (read, based on what you’ve provided) is that you’re a good student, with above average high school gpa and test scores, but probably not going to command enough merit aid at schools that don’t meet full need to make college affordable, unless you have another funding source. Note: That’s not a shot at you or your accomplishments. That’s just the realities of merit at colleges that don’t meet full need. Knowing that you’re looking at a 5 year degree, I’m looking at a way to ensure that you can realistically get there, and actually finish. Most students don’t end up dropping out because they can’t hack it academically, it’s the financial issues that tend to challenge persistence. You mentioned that you have 4 APs. Between that and 1.5 to 2 years in community college, you could potentially knock out your general education credits with zero debt, and ultimately make yourself less reliant on your parent(s) for the remainder of your college years. If you can rock two years of CC (very high GPA, meaningful ECs), and put aside a chunk of money, that might change, significantly, your university prospects and affordability.

If staying home is a threat to your ability to succeed, or to your mental health, there are certainly very affordable junior colleges that have dorms, and that offer merit-based aid, and are generous to academically talented athletes.

Again, I’m not at all suggesting that your academic abilities couldn’t get you into a 4 year college. I’m looking at the big picture, and thinking of the path that’s most likely to actually yield the prize.

@bostonkid617

There’s a path but it requires quick action. Then, further, there are several opportunities, none of which involve CC at this point.

I know you’re in shock, probably thought you’d attend BC, but are now near December wondering what you’re going to do. Jump into action. There are things to do to right this ship.

Most scholarships come from the colleges themselves. Pell is just a complement. Therefore you must target colleges that will maximize your odds of a scholarship.
You know which colleges they are by running the net price calculator on each of them, because each college has a different formula.
(Search “Boston college NPC” and “UMass Amherst NPC” for instance.)

A family of 4 with an income of ~130k would qualify for scholarships based on need and merit at many colleges, but not sure how much because they calculate differently.

I think you’d be a prime applicant to CTCL colleges and would likely get financial aid and merit.

You’re a good applicant for UMass Amherst (it’s a match) and UMass Lowell (the honors college is z match, the university without honors college is a safety).

Priority 1: apply to both UMass Amherst and UMass Lowell+ honors over Thanksgiving break. The merit deadline is Dec 1 at best. Hurry.

Once that’s done, reach out to Lowell’s coach with your times.

Next, run the NPC for colleges such as St Anselm, Clark, Wheaton MA, WPI, Marist, St Bonaventure, Trinity CT, UScranton, st.lawrence, St Michael’s.
From this list, choose the 2-3 cheapest based on NPC results and apply.
Many have Dec 1 scholarship deadlines so apply EA or RD (NOT ED) through commonapp. Contact the coach with your times.

Holy Cross is like a smaller BC and you MAY have a shot. It’s elite, so an Unweighted GPA below 3.7 is going to be a problem, but if your times are recruitable you may get a pass, especially if you did well in your APs. They’re also wealthy and meet full need so depending on EFC it may be more affordable than others.
Run the NPC to check how much you’d have to pay and contact the coach. IF it is affordable AND the coach will officially support your application, apply ED2.
(
Ask directly and get the answer in writing).

Some colleges “meet need” but will only do so after they’ve combined your mother&stepfather’s income AND your biodad and biodad’s spouse AND the value of any house they own. BC is one of those.

Questions the answers to which will help in finding good options for you:

  • what can your mother give you for college? (At the minimum, since your going to college will likely yield the AOTC, that could be passed on to you – since it’s meant to help with college costs.) Will your biodad contribute anything?
  • is the substance abuse at home such that you can’t stay there for college and commute?
  • does your school have an ‘good neighbor arrangement’ with BU, BC, NEU? That is, each year, are a certain % students admitted? If so, how do you compare with those admitted in previous years? If you don’t know, make an apt with your GC for Monday or Tuesday, and ask.
  • what’s your EFC (either FAFSA or institutional)? Do you know how much your biodad makes?
  • do your bio dad or mom own a house or do they rent?
  • what’s the average test score at your school? How many APs are offered?
  • are you willing to go out of state (ie., St Olaf was suggested. It’s a top school that meets need. If the npc shows it’s affordable and you can interest the coach, apply ed2. It’s probably an easier admit than Holy Cross because you’d bring geographical diversity.)

Finally, another option:
Look into a PG year. These take place at boarding schools but also sometimes day schools. They DO NOT compromise your freshman status nor your athletic eligibility. You can add more APs/As whole you grow as an athlete. There are lots of private schools in the Boston area but not all offer track and not all offer pg years. You’d need to finish college apps (by December 1 for the most urgent) and then research private schools in the Boston area that offer pg years and track. Then you’d have to contact the coaches and see if you could be sponsored for a scholarship at one.

So, see, there’s hope :). And there’s lots to do!

@nomatter

Previous to the marriage, presumably the Mom was paying all of the living and household expenses on her $50,000 income alone.

She is now married, and presumably her spouse is helping to pay for these living expenses. The OP says they haven’t moved…so it’s not like the rent/mortgage and utilities would have changed significantly.

This would free up some of the mom’s income …again presumably…to help pay for college costs. One would think.

No, it’s probably not enough to pay for a $70,000 a year college. But this student could attend a community college, or commutable public college and pay with the Direct Loan, earnings from a job he has now and continues to have for the summer…and then work about 10 hours a week during college…and a small amount paid by his mom.

I think he needs to craft a realistic list of affordable options…and sure, apply to a reach or two.

The way I took the OPs statement about this is that the mother has remarried recently, but the mother’s husband did not move into the household she shares with her children. If that is the case, he may not be contributing much to financially support her household, as he is still paying to support his separate household. If that is true, the mother’s financial situation may not have changed much.

The way the OP’s quote below is worded, it seems like the couple may maintain separate households. I’ve known this to happen with middle-aged couples who are marrying for the 2nd or 3rd time, where each was a homeowner before they married.

From what I have seen, CTCL schools give some good merit and need based aid, and many base this just on the FAFSA.

Do try some net price calculators there.

But I don’t think they are going to give a net price much lower than FAFSA EFC.

So if EFC is close to $30,000, that would still leave a cost much higher than instate public universities, especially commutable options.

@bostonkid617

You didn’t move…but did your mom’s new husband move into your home? Or is he maintaining a separate residence?

It doesn’t matter for financial aid purposes…but it DOES matter for family cash flow purposes.

MODERATOR’S NOTE: I sent the OP a message.

It’s essentially the same thing. If a student doesn’t qualify due to parents’ income, the assumption is the parent should pay what they can afford. I realize there’s commonly a gap and disagreement about what can is affordable, but that is different from unwillingness to contribute-- which sounds like is the case with the biological father and step father. I as to whether parents are obligated to contribute (based on ability) towards their children’s’ college-- we may have to agree to disagree. I absolutely think there is an obligation, which sometimes requires sacrifice.

Indeed, most people (both parents and students) seem to be under the mistaken impression that one’s college opportunities are mostly about one’s own achievements in high school, even though the reality is that one’s college opportunities are largely determined by parental circumstances and choices. Only for the lucky few whose parents managed to provide them with a high opportunity K-12 educational environment, sufficient financial means to avoid limiting college choices, and no arbitrary limitations will their own achievements be the main factor determining college choice.

Even for opportunities beyond college will parental circumstances and choices matter. Those from financially capable and generous parents are likely to have more choices in internships and jobs (e.g. ability to make an extended job search, ability to take unpaid internships and lower paid career track jobs, ability to pay up-front relocations costs to move to where jobs are) than those who need to take the first available job or prioritize immediate pay level over career development.

Yes, some exceptional people will overcome the disadvantages and limitations imposed on them by their parents’ circumstances and choices. But the hill is much harder for them than those who have the path cleared for them. Hence those who achieved despite disadvantages are likely to be much more personally meritous than those who achieved to the same level from an advantaged starting point.

It is the case that the OP’s parental situation (mother is middle income but in big debt, divorced and remarried with both father and stepfather unwilling to help financially) is a very disadvantageous situation with respect to financing college (particularly in a state whose in-state financial aid is not great).

https://umb.studentaidcalculator.com/welcome.aspx is UMass Boston’s NPC.

For the OP (parents income $50k + $80k, 4 in household, 1 in college, 3.4 GPA, 1320 SAT), student graduated high school in Boston, it suggests a net price of $10,942 for a commuter:



 14168 tuition and fees
  3000 room and board (presumably food and utilities at home)
   800 books and supplies
  2974 other expenses (presumably commuting costs and such)

<hr>

20942 total cost of attendance

<ul>
<li>9000 Dean's scholarship</li>
<li>1000 Boston city scholarship (presumably for graduating high school in Boston)
-----
10942 net price


Affording that would require a $5,500 federal direct loan and $5,492 of money from work earnings during summers and part time during the school year.

,can you get recruited after a gap year? seems like that would be hard to do.

ok…your mom didn’t move, so your stepdad moved into your home. surely he’s helping pay rent/mortgage and utility bills correct? if so, your mom may be able to help you with some college costs…since now she’s not paying for everything herself.

sounds like you have a commuting option. if so, that can be some savings because by living at home, you save about $10k-15k per year.

BTW…i doubt that you’ll be drowning in debt since students can’t borrow much. I doubt your mom is going to be willing to cosign large debt (most parents won’t), so you’ll need to consider affordable options.

companies like Target, Chipotle, Walmart, etc, are helping their employees pay for tuition