My parents want to pull me out

Parent Cafe
21

<p>

</p>

<p>Agreed according to FERPA and the federal government tim does not have to let his parents see the grades. By the same token, neither the federal government or anyone else can make tim’s parents pay for college at a private school at that, if it is not their desire to do so.</p>

<p>I think your are feeling a bit put our right now and want to know why are they paying a premium for you to attend RPI when you could have attended SUNY for a fraction of the cost? It is not to say that the course work would have been easier and it is not to say whether their logic is right or wrong because to them, the situation is very real.</p>

<p>If tim’s parents are excercising the golden rule of he who has the gold makes the rules, while tim can get his vent off here on CC, at the end of the day he has to deal with his parents and their wishes if he wants their continued financial support.</p>

<p>While some may think that it is absurd for his parents to feel this way, we do not know what sacrifices if any the parents are making to pay for RPI and we don’t know tim like his parents know tim. </p>

<p>There is an old saying that there are 3 sides to every story; your side, my side and the truth and we are only hearing one side of the story and who ever is telling the story will have the biggest tale of woe.</p>

<p>In each case, no matter what advice you get here on CC and no matter how we feel about your situation, when it is all said and done, you will have to live with your parents, the ground rules that they set for you. If they want to see, your grades as a condition of their continued support, unless you have a box of cash that you are sitting on or some one else if going to foot the bill for you, those are their rules. </p>

<p>As with many things in life you have to choose your battles. You can curse the darkness, draw lines in the sand about what you are not going to do or you can light a candle, live to fight another day or create a win/ win situation with your parents. </p>

<p>You know what is working for you and you also know what is not working for you. My advice is to use the resources that are available to you; tutoring , meeting with your professor etc. Also examine your work, sleep and socialization habits and make modifications where necessary. Explain to your parents that being a engineering major is different from being a baketweaving major; from the level of the course work to the median grades in the major.</p>

<p>all the best.</p>

22

<p>tim:</p>

<p>Try checking with the staff at RPI to determine the average engineering GPA of the grads. You might be able to find it on their website. Share this info with your parents and let them see that you’re not likely far from that average. Also explain to them the weeder nature of the beginning engineering courses. You need to understand that you’ll likely improve your grades as you progress or you might decide to switch majors. </p>

<p>Note that I’m only guessing as to the average GPA and weeder nature of RPI although fellow students there (try discussing with 3rd-4th year students in your major), staff, and maybe ‘originaloog’ can confirm what I said. What I said about average GPA and weeders definitely applies at UCLA and UCSD where I have kids in engineering majors.</p>

23

<p>tim: also take advantage of the learning assistants in your dorm and the tutors. Good luck to you -</p>

24

<p>At RPI the average undergrad GPA hovers around 3.0 and is probably a bit lower for engineering majors and freshmen.</p>

<p>If you really enjoy attending The Tute, communicate this to your parents, promise to buckle down for the remainder of the semester and try to convince them to give you one more year or semester to prove yourself. You may be surprised to find out how much you can raise a class grade after midterms too. Our son took data systems&algorithms freshman year, got a D on the one midterm but finished with an A in the course by doing super on all his projects and evidently doing nicely on the final. I do know that some freshman courses do have formal tutoring sessions in the evening and some have pre-exam sessions too. Take advantage of these. If you can just raise a few grades from C to B your parents may be pleased.</p>

25

<p>Other parents have pretty much said it all and said it well. Apologies if I have missed the thought below (I have only skimmed some posts).

This could have been a direct quote from my S when he had one extremely tough class - for him - each of his first two semesters at an extremely tough Engineering school. He got C+ in each of those classes and we celebrated those grades more than his usual A’s and B+, because of what it said about him. That he had to perservere, that he did not fold under pressure, that he had to seek out help, work around problems, “make it work.” Those are such important life skills and work skills. Getting an A on a test or in a course because it’s easy for you is NOT a life skill and will not do much at all for you when you are in a tough job situation. Figuring out how to improve or turn around in a challenging situation, those are attributes that will serve you well through life.</p>

<p>For my son, there was some adjustment simply to knowing what it takes to get an A in Engineering (or at least some Engineering classes). He did figure it out and has done much better, GPA-wise, since those rough days.</p>

<p>I hope you will show your parents this thread. They may not have any experience with the context of grading in Engineering. It probably helped that my H was also an Engineer and knew what that academic environment can be like.</p>

<p>If you are doing the work, have not been flaking off (which I truly believe you haven’t) and you are now seeking academic support services at school,and based on how you come across in your posts, I really believe you will succeed in your plan to improve. If you like RPI, I hope you will be permitted to stay there. </p>

<p>I also believe, if your parents are reading, that the greatest gift we gave our son when he was struggling was to tell him we were in his corner and part of his team. We just wanted him to pull through and pass those <em>$</em>#(@! courses. I believe that his finding out that we would not be disappointed in him if he didn’t bring home his usual A’s took a huge monkey off his back and allowed him to shed a good-sized portion of the anxiety and worry. It is hard to do your best when fears and anxiety take up too much space in your brain. I think it helped him as much as some of the other things he did (which if you haven’t, you should consider): new study groups/partners, visiting prof ofc hours, buying/borrowing alternate text which worked better for him.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

26

<br>

<br>

<p>But federal government is not opening its wallet to put Junior through college. And according to the federal government, Junior has no right to having his parents pay for college. Rights work both ways.</p>

<p>Our D shares her grades with us and we’re glad that she does. We’re pretty low key about her college grades (and they are nothing like her stellar high school grades). “Please, honey, just graduate in 4 years!”</p>

<p>I agree with ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad that the information you need is how the others in your class are doing. You just might find that many of them are in the same boat as you are.</p>

<p>One thing about college tests–they require MUCH more test prep than high school tests. My D did really well on a statistics test once and I asked her what the key was. She said that holed herself up in the library and did 37 pages of problems.</p>