My parents won't let me get aid

Parents Forum
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<p>Keesh…unless I didn’t read this correctly, Posey is up for a full TUITION scholarship, not a complete full free ride. She would still be responsible for paying room/board (which sound required?), books, personal expenses, etc. these costs in addition to tuition could well run in excess of $10,000 a year…about $1000 a month if her parent’s are thinking of it that way.</p>

<p>That might be a LOT of money they are unsure they can support. Even IF this student took the Direct Loan, she would still have $5000 or more in unmet costs for her family to pay.</p>

<p>I FULLY agree…she needs to discuss all of this with her family. She needs to have them understand that IF this school is not affordable even with the full tuition scholarship, she will WALK AWAY from this college offer. She cannot make her parents feel like they should take on a financial obligation they do NOT feel comfortable taking.</p>

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<p>When you say tha they have taken you out of your ECs, what exactly does this mean? Have they forbidden you to participate in school activities, or have they said that they can no longer PAY for ECs with expenses attached?</p>

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<p>And if they won’t pay for EC’s, it may be time to face just how tough their financial picture may really be. Kids can’t control that, but they can shift attitude, strive to do the best with the circumstances.</p>

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<p>You can call the school and ask if they will pay for you to come for that day, because your parents just flat out won’t come up with the money and you don’t have it. Some schools will do that. If the college will do this then talk to your school counselor, or other school employee, teacher, principal, etc and ask for their help in discussing this with your parents.</p>

<p>Do you know what your family EFC would be, approximately? Are you PELL grant eligible, for instance? The fact of the matter is, unless your family is near poverty level, the way financial aid works, is that merit money, like the full tuition scholarship, the award you already have, comes directly off your need figure. So in many cases, when someone gets a merit award, it can negate their financial need unless the need is large, the family is low income/ low EFC so that maybe PELL is in the picture. </p>

<p>I’ve known many kids who could not get aid, not even loans because their parents refused, REFUSED to fill out the FAFSA or anything, Wouldn’t even sign to say they refused to fill out the form. There is no requirement for them to give out that info, so if that’s the case, you are pretty much stuck, and have to go along with their agenday. If you can get your parents to let you at least check out thise scholarship, and if you get it or another, and they won’t let you go, and you are not of age, don’t have the funds, etc, you can request a gap year under the circumstances and work for the year, save what you can, keep things as cool as you can with your family, and then go when you are of age and have some funds. </p>

<p>Do you know why they are refusing to cooperate? Are there some financials issues brewing? Is it another reason?</p>

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<p>i wish i had the time to write something useful for you, but sadly i dont. my good wishes for you.</p>

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<p>Contact the college and your high school guidance department, explain the situation from your perspective but be fair-minded and don’t laundry list complaints. They help people through these sorts of situations all the time and I’ll bet they can help you and your parents come up with a satisfactory outcome based on a realistic view of your situation and potential.</p>

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<p>Sounds like a working class family that thinks that college is four years of “not working”. I grew up in a neighborhood just like that. A lot of kids couldn’t go to school because they weren’t allowed to live “like a bum” or “whore around” for four years. School work doesn’t count as work to them because it doesn’t earn money right away. I agree that schools need to do something for kids who are basically not allowed to go to college. Even when I started working, I had a boss that would only promote people who didN’T go to college, because she thought we college graduates were coddled for four years while the non-college educated were working. I doubt there’s an effective guidance office in a town like that. Try a teacher or principal, skip the parents. See if they can talk to the college.</p>

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<p>I hope this all works put for Posey. Reality is she will also need her parents’ cooperation in completing the FAFSA. It sounds like this is also a requirement for her award.</p>

<p>I still say…this whole situation needs to be discussed with her parents. If their concern is a financial one, she will need to understand that. If, even WITH a full tuition award from this school, her parents say they cannot pay for the balance, and she cannot pay the difference herself, she does need a plan B (which she hopefully already has). If her parents understand that she is NOT going to guilt them into spending beyond their financial comfort level, they may let her go to this scholarship day. The parents need to feel comfortable with the finances of college UNLESS Posey is able to fund everything on her own without any cooperation from her parents. That is the way it is.</p>

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<p>Posey is not being “not allowed” to go to college. She’s being told that her dream school is unrealistic and she should go to a CC or commute to the local U. She is not alone. Skipping over the parents makes no sense unless she has a big pile of cash under her mattress. No scenario is free.</p>

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<p>It might be more than this, actingmt. She says they won’t let her get a license or get a job. Without the license, she might not even be able to go to CC. And not allowed to get a job? </p>

<p>Posey, what do they expect you to do after you graduate high school? Still not get a job and a license? Live at home?</p>

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<p>Hmmm, I didn’t see anything about the license or the job. Good question redpoint. After all, she has to do something. We need more info, Posey.</p>

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<p>Perhaps they refuse to drive you because it costs money/takes a lot of time, and you have a very slim chance of winning? I did not take my daughter to a similar competition this year, even though she loved the school, because the weather turned bad, and I called and her chances of winning were less than 2%. They said they expected over 100 people and only planned to give out 2 scholarships. So, we did not go.</p>

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<p>Many years ago when I was a senior and got accepted to my dream college plus a few other dream colleges, I couldn’t go because my parents wouldn’t fill out the FAFSA. So I pulled together my own resources and was able to fund a year and a half at the local State U (cost me around $4000/yr back then). If your parents will not be supportive, you have to have a plan be. While I do not approve of what your parents are doing, it sound like you understand there are some other issues at play here, and I urge you to not hold it against them if you can’t go, but do try to enlist another adult, a GC or your grandmother, to help you convince them. Even if you ended up winning, it might not be enough to make it affordable for your parents, so don’t be too attached. Life has all kinds of twists and turns, and if you have a positive attitude, it can help you get through the tough times and find your path to success.</p>

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<p>Wait, Posey didn’t say the full tuition scholarship was ALL the money she could get from her dream school; often, these competitions include full tuition PLUS financial aid. In addition, very often, the students who went to campus automatically get a token scholarship added to the original scholarship offer, even if they don’t win the “presidential” or whatever the full-tuition is named.</p>

<p>Posey: have you run the net price calculator on your dream school’s website?
If so, how much do they expect your parents to pay?</p>

<p>I have met with parents like yours and generally they really don’t understand the value of college, what being a full-time college student means, and they don’t see why they should support you for something that makes no sense to them. </p>

<p>I disagree that Posey should “just go the CC route” without trying her utmost to get to colleges that will be challenging and may provide sufficient financial aid.
(Posey, you MUST go to the Financial Aid forum and use the sticky threads to see if you’d be eligible for a full ride scholarship somewhere).
However I also agree that you must be clear that even if you win that full tuition scholarship if you can’t afford the other fees then you’ll walk away from that college.</p>

<p>Now, find a way to get to that competition. If your parents won’t transport you, ask someone you trust. Call the college. Talk to your band teacher about your problem. Or ask a friend for a ride. I promise you that if your parents call the police on you for going to a college interview, you’ll be free from any threat of calling the police henceforth, because the police sure will NOT ever take their phone calls seriously (and may be angry at them). </p>

<p>In addition, have you applied to the Honors College at the 4-year university nearby? HAve you applied to your flagship university (and its honors college if you have the stats)?
Have a plan B. And a Plan C. </p>

<p>If they totally refuse to fill out FAFSA, refuse you get your license, refuse you participate in extracurriculars… there may be something else afoot.
Are your parents by any chance recent immigrants? What was your mother doing when she was your age? (Was she married, working?)</p>

<p>Finally: how could your parents “remove” you from your extracurriculars? Don’t they take place at school? Did they call the school and ask you be removed from the clubs? Is it they couldn’t pay the fees (if there were some)? Or did they flat out refuse to pay the fees? Or are you talking about extracurriculars that took place outside of school and that they had to pay for out of pocket? Can’t you stay at school till 5pm and participate in clubs there and return with the late bus or a friend?</p>

<p>Check out those websites, too.
<a href=“http://www.firstgenerationstudent.com/[/url]”>http://www.firstgenerationstudent.com/&lt;/a&gt;
<a href=“http://www.imfirst.org/[/url]”>http://www.imfirst.org/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Hm… and you may relate to <em>The moon and more</em> where the situation is different from yours, but similar enough.</p>

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<p>We don’t know the family $ situation. We don’t even know what college. Hard to take a stand. Nor do we know what sort of student she is, whether this “dream” is anything near what we would usually defend. Or if she has thought this through, picked a major that is well served there, etc, etc. With a few more details, we might not see this college as a necessity for this student. If we had a fuller picture, it might be hard to suggest she do whatever it takes, pull all sorts of adults together or buy her own bus ticket. It’s really up to her to provide more info. I think.</p>

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<p>I disagree that Posey should “just go the CC route” without trying her utmost to get to colleges that will be challenging and may provide sufficient financial aid.
(Posey, you MUST go to the Financial Aid forum and use the sticky threads to see if you’d be eligible for a full ride scholarship somewhere).</p>

<p>I agree.</p>

<p>The parents may not realize that as an incoming frosh, this may be her only chance for large merit. If she goes to a CC for two years and then goes to a univ…she may be expected to pay all the costs for the last 2 years.</p>

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<p>True, mom2. But she will,save money those two years AND some four year colleges have merit money specifically for community college transfer students.</p>

<p>And…the OP needs enough aid to cover her costs for this “dream school” with a $4000 annual contribution from her parents.</p>

<p>The OP needs to talk to her parents. Only the family can say whether a full tuition scholarship at this dream school will actually be enough to cover the cost of this student attending.</p>

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<p>Sounds like the parents are in a real financial bind…and think they are doing their child a favor.</p>

<p>OP needs to find a trusted administrator (the guidance counselor would be ideal, but is described as “flaky”) to do a sit down with everyone so that parents can be made aware of the many financial options. Would student qualify for enough grants and guaranteed loan to cover the room and board? Then going to the competition makes sense. If the only way to afford school is for parents to pay money they don’t have or take out loans that they can’t afford, then going to the competition is pointless. </p>

<p>That said, I have seen parents subconsciously sabotage their own children. I can only guess at the why, and I am not a Psychologist. We all say we want better for our children, but some secretly can’t handle seeing their kids accomplish things beyond their own acheivements. Just my personal, unprofessional observation.</p>

<p>Good luck, PoseyLynn. Remember to make the best of it, no matter what.</p>

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<p>Posy says her dad just completed his BA, so it’s unlikely they are college-unaware.</p>

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<p>Yes…but Posey’s dad has not been able to find a job…and could very well have his OWN college debt. </p>

<p>Like I said…this financial situation needs to be discusses between Posey and her parents. Only they know what financial obligations they can realistically undertake. Even WITH a full tuition scholarship, There will be bills to pay in addition.</p>