Well… now you have a problem. The only legit way to get out of an ED agreement is for financial reasons, and you don’t have a financial reason. I suppose you could use that as leverage with them. They signed something saying that you would attend, and the only way you are supposed to back out is if it is financially not possible to attend. But the school has made it possible. Can you talk to your GC? See if your GC will back up the argument that they signed the agreement, the school has provided full financial support, and they are obligated to allow you to attend.
This puts your HS and GC in a bad light if you back out from this acceptance. The GC assumes that the form has been signed in good faith, and the college has offered a full scholarship. NYU may be reluctant to accept other ED students from your school in the future if you don’t attend. And they may discount future recommendations from your GC because this happened on her watch if you don’t attend. So it doesn’t just hurt you if you back out.
Some high schools would be VERY unhappy with the student and parents in this situation, and might be reluctant to support applications to other colleges if you don’t take the NYU offer.
I assume your decision timeframe is very short. You are supposed to accept the NYU offer and withdraw all other applications. I doubt they will give you an extension, given that they gave you a full scholarship so there is nothing to appeal financially.
So… have you accepted the ED offer? Have you withdrawn your other applications?
Do not play games with this (accept the ED offer, but keep the other apps open, for example). If NYU and your GC find out, you could seriously find yourself shut out of all college admissions for the fall.
@intparent I have already accepted my enrollment (paid with my own money). I am not backing out of the ED agreement. The purpose of my post I guess was getting advice on how to go to NYU without my parents’ approval, especially with me not being a legal adult yet.
Explain to your parents that you are committed to going to NYU because it as a binding contract. Also show them how much scholarship money you will be given over the 4 year stretch. You might want to write this out in a note instead of talking so that you can plan out what you say and so they will read everything you wrote before having the opportunity to counter/interrupt you. If true, you can also tell them you’d be willing to do certain things so that they know you are safe-calling regularly, coming home often,etc.
You need to do a couple of things. 1. Talk to your GC and let them know what is going on. Ask if they can communicate with your parents regarding the binding nature of the agreement, and the fact that because the college provided a full scholarship you have no legitimate way to back out of the agreement. 2. At this point, I’d call NYU and ask what paperwork/signatures are going to be needed in the housing, registration, etc process for a student under the age of 18 when you arrive on campus. 3. You should have already withdrawn your other applications. If NYU finds out you didn’t, you could have a big problem. I guess I might take steps 1 & 2 TOMORROW if you haven’t yet, and then withdraw them if it looks like you will be able to attend. But you are setting yourself up for a lot of trouble if the schools find out that you’ve accepted an ED offer and have not withdrawn the other applications. You have to take care of this quite quickly.
Worst case, I suppose you could ask NYU if you can take a gap year (or semester if you’ll turn 18 in the fall), and see if they will hold the scholarship for you.
My daughter was 17 when she went to college. The only things I needed to sign for her were a few documents for the NCAA (drug testing and something else); if D wasn’t an athlete, she could have done it all herself. Now there certainly are complications like transportation, health insurance, etc. You have to know if your parents will really cut off everything like your phone, insurance, place to live when you aren’t at school.
Another option might be to ask for a deferral and take a gap year. That way you’d be 18 when you start, have had a year to work and save up for incidentals.
i’m cranky because this vortex thing has left me trapped in my house all day plus, ugh, work stuff going on but, man, it drives me nuts how badgering and borderline cruel some of the adult posters can be here. So a smart 17-year-old writes to say that she’s got a full ride to a top university but she’s really struggling with family demands and needs advice and instead the thread devolves into doubt and accusations and admonishments over the offer itself and how it happened. So then this kid is driven to give details about her family and about the offer that really shouldn’t be shared. If a mod is watching over this conversation, it would be a kindness to edit out some of those identifying details.
OP, on your original question of how you can manage this with your parents. My recommendation would be to take small steps. First is getting one or both of your parents to attend admitted student day with you…it would give them comfort to meet other parents and other kids…you might even see if an admin would be willing to meet with them to go over how kids settle in at NYU. Then rather than framing it up as “well, I’m out of here,” I’d take it one semester at a time…tell them that you’d like to try fall semester and see how it goes…I believe they will handle it better than they realize they will. Also, if you live in a big city, there might also be a NYU meet and greet that you could attend before admitted student day.
Adding to all of this, as others have noted, it’s likely too late to apply to many of the colleges that your parents mentioned…for example, it’s way too late for Emory.
OP, please IM me if you’d like to talk through other ideas. You’re smart and capable…you are going to find a way out of this.
I think it is very relevant to confirm that the offer is real, whether it is need or merit based, and ask how she got in this situation (it explains a lot to hear that she essentially tricked her parents into signing the ED agreement, and now is having trouble convincing them to cooperate).
I think one of your big sticking points could be health insurance. NYU expects you to have health insurance – either a plan that can cover you at college (which is tricky, lots of family’s plans don’t have good coverage out of state) or paying for a plan that the college offers to students. And they DON’T put this in the COA, either. It looks like the cost for last year’s basic student plan was somewhere between $1,700 and $3,300, but their documentation is a little confusing on the NYU website. But this is something you’ll need to be aware of.
While I don’t disagree that getting a parent to accepted student days might help (or… it might not, New York City isn’t necessarily a comforting place for many parents to think about dropping their student off), this student has an obligation to withdraw their other apps now. That is why she should start with her GC immediately to try to get an adult to talk to her parents about this. I’d assume based on her post that she has applied to other schools and either is waiting to hear back or has already heard back.
I can’t believe she could have done it all by herself if she lived on campus. Until they turn 18, a child living in the dorms without parental permission could be reported to the police as a runaway. Harboring a runaway child would be illegal.
In middle school I was extremely bonded with my fanily, they were my best friends an all I got. For high school I got the chance to attend the best school in Turkey, but it was a boarding school. The first year was tough but starting on from my second year it became a place I belonged and I started not to miss my parents, although we vere extremely close. And now I am applying for US. So I know it is hard for you, america is gigantic, but think of other applicants and try making ur parents realize that it is normal to study in another state. It may be hard at first but hapiness and comfort is not sth unreachable. So you can show them the comments of international and out of state students to help them become familiar with the situation. Also, my guess is that since NYU is located in the heart of a very big and cosmopolitan city, they are feeling insecure. Thus, you can contact with current students or again look up for the posts of the current student/alumni to show that it is safe, the events/activities are not dangerous to attend and I am not sure of the party scene but you might try to show it as sth innocent xd. Maybe this would help.
I agree with @SouthernHope that you have to use skill and charm (and the fact that your parents love you) to help your parents digest that you are going to NYU. I am an African American parent of high achieving children in Georgia and the offer that NYU gave you may be hard to replicate at GT and Emory so talking about the amazing financial offer again is a good place to start. You can not let your parents see you waiver in your resolve to attend NYU. I would also attack from the prestige angle as there may not be a better school to major in finance in the WORLD. I also believe a visit this spring by your family may help alleviate some of your parents concerns. It would also help your parents cope if you have any family or family friends that live in New York that may give them some peace of mind. My daughter is a freshman in college in Washington DC and the family and family friends in the area helped my wife and I have peace of mind. There is probably a “nuclear option” out there to go to NYU despite your parent’s disapproval, but I am betting you won’t need it. My daughter was going to Washington DC with or without my approval (she got a full ride too, but she was 18 by the start of the school year), and I can see that same resolve in you.
I’m sorry if I sounded mean - my questions are important because they ascertain what your next steps would be.
For instance, if your parents signed (v. you did or someone else did), they’re legally bound by their signature.
Another instance: your package isn’t complete yet (no stafford, no work study). Call NYU financial aid and ask for a detailed financial aid offer so that you know whether you can afford your ED offer.
NYU is known to “package loans” for instance. What loans would matter - they gleefully package Parent Plus loans, which would require your parents.
You need to be rock solid on the financial details before you bring this up with your parents.
Contrary to the above posters, I believe it will be an extremely difficult conversation due to the way their signature was obtained, the fact they refuse to let you go or hear of NYC, culturally it’s very complicated that a child disobeyed parents’ orders. You have to have a bag packed already before the conversation with your passport/ID and all necessary papers and a friend’s place ready just in case.
Now hopefully the conversation will go well, they’ll be ok with visiting (can they afford to go visit on Admitted student days?) - have the dates ready.
The points you have in your favor: NYU is in a super safe area of NYC called the village; Stern is the best school for finance with Wharton, in terms of your major it’s as if you’d gotten into Harvard; there’s nothing similar for that major in GA; if you didn’t apply to GTech you’re not getting into GTech; Finance is a prestige-driven field, meaning WHERE you went to college matters (ie., with Stern you ARE going to get a high paying job in your field); the ED application is legally binding.
Plan things carefully and do not give all your points at once.
I don’t know whether you can find a time they’re calm and don’t have any pressing issues. Or perhaps you can arrange for the meeting to take place with a third party, either church/mosque or with your GC. (If you do that, you want to talk with the third party ahead of time so that they’re ready to back you up and know exactly where things stand. An ally is good but needs to be warned of their role.)
Getting a full ride to NYU is like catching a unicorn. Even if the financial aid package does cover tuition, room, and board how will you cover 2 round trip flights, health insurance, and living expenses if your parents won’t pay? Will they kick you out for disobeying?
NYU requires students to submit the CSS Profile and FAFSA every year. How will you pay $70k/year if your parents refuse to submit the forms?
My daughter told me of a discussion that she had with her friends when she was in high school dealing with emancipation and told me in no uncertain terms that she had a friend who had ALL options on the table if she found a way to control her own financial destiny to go to college (she did not control her financial destiny so she was at the mercy of her parents). Another one of my daughters friends got married instead of staying under the financial control of her parents and moved away. We all know about the military as an option. Those last 2 options are for 18 year olds but I have always been very careful about pushing my teenagers into very tight corners, because I know what I would have done in that situation (done what I wanted regardless and if that was not possible then I would have definitely not done what my parents wanted). If the OP is determined to go to NYU, her best option by far is to appeal to her parents and find ways to make them feel comfortable with her decision, because stopping her from taking an opportunity like that (without a better reason at least) would be one that could affect there relationship in the future when she is making all of her own decisions.
Congratulations on earning this fantastic opportunity! I think sitting down with a third party could be very beneficial. I would also investigate any/all clubs and organizations at NYU that could help your parents feel you will be supported and protected while in New York. Perhaps if they are willing to look at that, they will see that it is possible for you to stay safe and find other students who may come from similar backgrounds and shared values. Good luck!
If your parents did indeed sign, they are being foolish by forbidding you this incredible opportunity. I agree that you need to get your GC involved right away. Is there a trusted relative who could also intervene on your behalf? I hope you can work this out.
And yes, consider emancipation. Maybe if your parents see that you are serious, they will come to their senses.
Amanda, as a parent of two Southern teens, I cannot understand your parents’ point of view. They should be celebrating the fact that their daughter is so talented and hard-working that she received a full ride scholarship to a school that is celebrated, competitive, and very, very expensive! I know several people who attended NYU and loved it – but they all graduated with huge debt. You can have yourself legally emancipated from your parents. Search for information about how that works in your state and expect to spend some money on the process. The decision about which college to attend is yours alone. With a full ride, you can pay for college’s extra expenses on your own. Just get a job this summer and, if your parents really are shortsightedly stubborn, find a friend or a relative to live with while you work. Or you could work at a summer camp or live-in resort. It’s been many years and for an entirely different reason, but I emancipated myself as soon as I graduated from high school and covered every single one of my expenses from then on – including my college tuition, room and board, braces, medical care, car, etc. With a full ride, you also will be able to do this. So don’t let them hold you back. Some day they will be proud of you for your independence and fortitude.
I did not mean to take the thread down the emancipation rabbit hole, but I was just making a point to the parents that think that the OP does not have any options without her parents. There are options, even for a 17 year old student, but not without hurting people that you love. I just believe the OP will find a way to work this out with her parents and attend NYU. Please let us know how it turns out and I am rooting for you.