Hi all! I decided the day the Harvard app was due to ditch my generic, crafted essay about problem-solving and write in my own voice. Now, I doubted I will get in before and I still doubt I will now; I have a 35, 4.4 (1 B in high school), 800s on SAT 2s, 5s on AP tests, a pretty cool story for my main essay, and pretty okay extracurriculars (stuff I’m passionate about but nothing insanely impressive) but Harvard is Harvard. For the record, I know in my English teacher’s recommendation letter, she talks about how I wrote satirical essays that were funny so this may back it up; it also may make them throw away my application. Unfortunately not written as well as it could’ve been due to last-minuteness, here is my satirical Harvard supplement:
(let me know what you think by the way. Just don’t be too mean I have feelings and I know this was kinda dumb. XD)
Here are 8 ways I hope to use my Harvard education:
I’ve been afforded the opportunities to travel to many poverty-stricken countries and I’ve seen firsthand many of the problems that pervade our modern world: poverty, starvation, and war to name a few. Thanks to the resources afforded to me by a Harvard education, I feel like I may be able to take advantage of the fact that these problems exist to make as much money as possible.
When I want to voice my opinion in a matter, I hope to use my Harvard education to be a better informed citizen who can argue his opinion with rhetoric and fervor. If that fails, I hope to use my Harvard diploma to slap the opposition in the face and say “I went to Harvard, hence I am correct.”
I hope to use my Harvard education to buy a Harvard sweatshirt so people can see my Harvard sweatshirt and say, “Hey, look at the guy with the Harvard sweatshirt. He must go to Harvard, because he is wearing a Harvard sweatshirt.” On the rare occasion that people do not notice my Harvard sweatshirt, the silence will be filled by the voice in the back of my head talking about my Harvard sweatshirt.
At night, I hope to hang my Harvard education over my bed to ward off charges of illegal activity. Legend has it that a college education, especially one from a fabled Ivy League school, holds mysterious powers in providing immunity from the law and the sense that one is an educated, responsible citizen.
I wisheth to find employment of my Harvard education in the sporting of my school spirit, engaging in fisticuffs against the wretched scoundrels of Columbia, the vainglorious rampallians at Yale, the boastful scullions of Princeton, and the hippies over at Brown; as for the rest of the Ivies, the mere certainty that they lack a sub-10% acceptance rate speaks for itself in telling of their barbarous nature.
I hope to use my Harvard education to be a more powerful voice in the American democratic system. How much more powerful of a voice? 1.150481 times, to be exact. Massachusetts has 11 electoral votes and 6,745,000 people, whereas my home state of California has 55 electoral votes and 38,800,000 people. California’s .000001417525773 of an electoral vote, an unheard, echoing voice in the vast chambers of democracy, is a mere slimmer of the .000001630837 of an electoral vote afforded at Harvard University.
I hope to use my Harvard education to make people laugh. Between writing for Satire V or the humorous Harvard Lampoon, making comedy sketches for On Harvard Time, and doing “Man on the Street” for the same satirical news broadcast, I hope to bring my lighthearted perspective of the world to others. As satirist Mark Twain put it, “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand”.
I genuinely hope to use Harvard’s education and resources to find fulfillment in what I do, to bring happiness to others, and to make the world a better place.
^^^^^^ I feel that way as well. It can be funny if one knows how to look or has a similar sense of humor, but it could also be frankly a little off putting if the reader was not aware this was a satire essay. Actually I will be straight up, some of these points may make people uncomfortable and shuffle their feet, even as satire.
For the record, I think I’ve realized what a rash, impulsive, and stupid decision this probably was and am going to try and withdraw my app; worth the laugh? maybe hahahahahah
Don’t withdraw the app. For all anyone knows, you might get in. You certainly have the stats to do so. Could the supplemental essay be better written? Maybe. But there’s no point in looking back now. What’s done is done and you will never know if you would have gotten in unless you let it go through
I hope this is not serious. Satirical essay works when there is some focus and purpose. Not everyone will enjoy the jokes. You have all the grades and scores, don’t ruin the process with this impulsive essay.
Hmmm it’s definitely funny to me. I can definitely see how it’d rub others the wrong way, and that’s something to avoid with college essays. It’s best to not say anything others would view as offensive or insensitive…but it’s original. The end makes it clear that you’re writing satire, and it’s a nice ending.
Either way, it doesn’t matter now. Besides, Harvard is basically impossible to get into, so it might be reassuring to realize that if you don’t get in, you probably wouldn’t have gotten in even if you had used the other essay. Not that I’d know anything lol. I applied RD too with far less stellar stats and a 150 word supplement (the one I used for notre dame).
Satirical humor in a college essay often falls flat, which is why it’s recommended by many that’s students stay away from writing what they think is a humorous essay for college admissions… Although some of your essay is mildly amusing to an adult, the humor comes across as sophomoric and at times inappropriate to Harvard’s mission: to educate the citizens and citizen-leaders for our society.
Harvard is on record as seeking students who will altruistically give back to society and change the world. With that in mind, how does your essay address what Harvard is seeking? With your tongue firmly planted in your cheek, you want to attend Harvard because the education you will receive will help you to make money (for yourself) and to have bragging rights against those people who attended “lesser” universities?
Keep in mind that many of the professors and administrators at Harvard received their undergraduate degree from someplace other than Harvard. For example, the Dean of Harvard College, Rakesh Khurana, has his undergraduate degree from Cornell and the President of Harvard College, Drew Daust, received hers from Bryn Mawr College. IMHO, your essay is not going to move your application forward.
Here’s what I suggest: when you have access to the admissions portal I would upload your other essay saying “Upon reflection, I’m submitting an additional essay which I would like to be used instead of my supplemental essay.”
I agree with the general consensus; it made me smile but I would have advised against it. I like @gibby’s advice to upload a replacement essay. Good luck, your sense of humor will serve you well at Harvard or anywhere else smart people congregate.
@sfdsdf123 You are trying to be both funny AND serious to at the same time, and that usually makes you flat on both ends. If you think you have a seasonable shot at Harvard, I would advice you do it in a conventional way, otherwise take your approach to the extreme – be really funny or die.
I think this is bitter, cynical and very off-putting. Especially the first one. Satire is much deeper than this. I would try to withdraw it but I doubt you can. I feel that essays aren’t usually deal breakers. I mean, the best most can do is write something that does no harm. A very few will write an essay that helps. I think this essay will harm your chances. Just my opinion.
I’m not sure OP is serious. I also suspect some of us are biting our tongues.
Yes, we adults on CC know, from the years, just how off-putting “I’ve been afforded the opportunities to travel to many poverty-stricken countries” is going to be. And how shallow “take advantage of the fact that these problems exist to make as much money as possible” will come across.
Thing about the essays is they reflect choices, which reflect and applicant’s thinking and perspective. …
For my money . . . it’s a lot better than I thought it was going to be. (I thought it was going to be horrible.) It isn’t great. but I think it shows promise. A lot of people at Harvard comp the Lampoon, and the writers’ rooms for comedy shows in Hollywood have plenty of Harvard alums, so it’s not like Harvard is trying to weed out aspiring satirists.
The only paragraph that really strikes a sour note for me is the one about other colleges. The use of non-words was jarring, it was completely unclear why archaic diction was appropriate there, and the reference to ranking schools by admission rate is almost guaranteed to annoy admissions personnel. High school students think that way; university staff doesn’t. In the end, what’s most wrong about that paragraph is that it exposes how far the OP is from belonging naturally at Harvard.
Harvard isn’t about tearing down anyplace else. From the standpoint of Harvard, everyone knows it’s the best, and to denigrate other colleges is to show insecurity. Acknowledging how great other colleges are reinforces the idea that Harvard is even better; after all, the students at Harvard turned them down, and practically no one there turned down Harvard. The proper attitude is compassion and noblesse oblige