Based on the OP’s posts linked from reply #48, the list consists of the three UCs at $32,000-$34,000, then the next step up is Michigan at $57,000 (with an additional few thousand beyond normal increases when reaching upper division standing). Princeton is $64,000, and the eight other schools are roughly Princeton level in cost. Only a few of them (e.g. USC, Chicago) may offer significant merit scholarships (but probably super-reach).
$45,000 would just add the possibility of USC with the half tuition scholarship if he gets that. The others would still be too expensive (unless he got the very rare full tuition or full ride scholarships at USC or Chicago).
I’d like to meet the people whose lifestyle ISN’T negatively impacted by sending two kids to college! 
@ucbalumnus,
If the OP happens to live near a UC campus, the student may choose to commute. That will bring the COA down significantly.
But I guess that’s besides the point.
@MYOS1634 , she won’t get accepted to Brown, right? Now you see why I have sympathy for the OP. And FWIW, I truly am not worried about Brown, there is no way she will get in, despite the fact that to us she is a “special snowflake.” (My new fave phrase on CC:-)
I won’t hijack the thread with our situation, because I have mentioned complicated factors, but I will just say also that my foreign husband has a lot of preconceived ideas about which colleges constitute good value and which ones don’t. We haven’t made her promises, and to my D’s understanding, her dad has a big say in whether or not he feels a college is “worth it.”
Re: #102
Yes, commuting could save several thousand dollars. But it does not look like the UCs are an affordability / value problem for the OP. Commuting to save money could also be a possibility at Stanford, Harvey Mudd, or USC if they live near those schools (though Stanford requires frosh to live in the dorms), but probably not enough to get past the OP’s sticker shock.
@GMTplus7 My kids both hated Princeton after visiting. On paper it seemed ideal but they hated the whole eating club thing and the fact that the majority of the dorms had mostly single rooms. It made them feel like everyone would be very wealthy and those who weren’t would stand out in a bad way. They also felt like the core wasn’t as rigorous as other similar schools.
Both of my kids were each highly interested in one school that was very expensive and would have no merit or need based aid for us. We have told them that it exceeds their college budget and our EFC for the 100% need met schools. But if they could earn $5K a year and would do $5K of loans per year they could go if that was their choice. Both kids thought about it for awhile and decided that it wasn’t worth it to them.
UCB is a great school but the whole impacted major thing is concerning. I probably would stretch things to make Princeton work if my children were also willing to take on part of the expense.
Princeton has 13% on Pell grants, and 41% not receiving financial aid. So the distribution is something like:
- 13% from the lower half of the income distribution
- 46% from the upper half of the income distribution, but not very wealthy
- 41% from the very wealthy (top 3% or so of the income distribution)
However, Princeton is not unique in having this type of SES-background distribution among students.
I really hope I have read all of these responses wrong…but I don’t think so.
It sounds like some of you are actually anti-OP here when they are willing to fork out a LOT of money to pay for college…just not willing to fork it ALL over!!! What the heck? So what…the kid got into Princeton…they don’t owe him anything! He has good grades…so what!
I am stupefied that you guys would think that just because they didn’t think there would be an acceptance, that they have a trust issue now because they don’t think there’s value in that choice. Get a grip. My kids would have to learn how to manufacture gold and diamonds before my husband and I would pay $500,000,000 for our two kids education!
I am really surprised that the normally very-careful and conservative parents on this forum are responding to OP this way.
SMH
What you should tell OP is that its awesome that he GOT ACCEPTED and don’t worry if its not going to work out. He can brag about being accepted his whole life instead of worrying over student loan payments.
“He can brag about being accepted his whole life” This is so wrong.
As is this: “My kids would have to learn how to manufacture gold and diamonds before my husband and I would pay $500,000,000 for our two kids education!” 
@Lindagaf I agree your child won’t hate you for going back on what you originally promised BUT they will most likely always remember the disappointment. Both my husband and I got into ivies and went to state schools because our parents decided at a fairly late date that they couldn’t afford it. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if they had said something at any earlier point, not pushed for us to go for many years, etc. I do think we both resented what happened for many years especially when numerous parents (all divorced) were buying luxury cars, boats, cruises, European vacations, etc during the same time frame that would have easily covered the costs. Not the same as the OP but to a child that feels they have been promised something long term and nothing has changed financially it can make one feel like they are not valued and that the parents have not been honest.
@mom2engkids
But this poster allowed his kid not only to apply to Expensive Princeton…but to a handful of equally exoensive colleges.
In addition, he has clearly stated …he can afford this school. He will be taking his kid there for a visit.
Doesn’t sound to me like the are jettisoning Princeton due to costs.
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It is impossible to know how many of the 46% are above $100k per year or are closer to the non-Pell receiving population but still quite unable to pay $60k. Since Princeton is so generous, it is quite likely that a good part of that 46% are still quite wealthy by normal standards.
I am surprised by the idea that, if OP decides he is unwilling to finance full pay at Princeton, the relationship with the kid is seriously damaged. Yes, perhaps he should have said this before – but we all make mistakes, and part of becoming a mature adult is realizing that this is the case, and learning resilience. I’m sure OP’s son would be disappointed, but a thoughtful conversation could go a long way. I’ve just read another thread by a student whose parents have said they can’t pay for a school she applied to, after saying they could, and her attitude is “now I have to find another option, it is what it is.” But here, there is all this hand-wringing by parents that this is some sort of horrible betrayal, as opposed to – as OP said – a first-world problem. Perspective is important. And full disclosure, I went to an Ivy League school (though we were broke and I got a lot of aid), and I recognize the value. And it was an incredible experience that I am grateful to have had. But honestly, my friends who went to Cal and UCLA are as grateful for their experiences.
OP, we are a family who couldn’t do full pay, and I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I COULD pay but it would impact retirement or other plans. To be honest, I’d probably lean towards paying and deferring retirement, if I could do the same for my other kids as well. But I’m sure you and your family will make a thoughtful and well thought out decision, and your son will be a success, at Princeton or at another school.
The problem that the OP painted himself/herself into is that, last fall, s/he was willing to pay list price at expensive private schools, and said that “Money is not a factor in the decision” (see http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/1789885-best-schools-for-math-comp-sci-with-undergrad-research.html ), while encouraging / approving an application list where 10 of the 13 schools were comparable in price to Princeton that s/he is now hesitant to pay for.
If the OP did not think that there was value in paying Princeton’s list price or similar, and told the kid that before the application list was made, there would be no trust or other issue. Pretty sure that all of the people here who say that Princeton and the other expensive schools are not worth the price premium over the in-state UCs would say that the parents should have told the kid the price limits before applications, or at the very least not led him to believe that they would to pay the price of Princeton and similarly priced schools.
@mom2engkids - OP apparently told his children he would pay for whatever school they got into. His older son did very well, applied to top instate public universities and a handful of very expensive privates. He got into the two (elite) instate publics but also got into arguably the toughest of them to get into - Princeton - early action. MONTHS later, OP realizes he can’t afford to send two kids to expensive privates without delaying a planned retirement. He tells this to his son who is, quite understandably, shocked. Then he turns to CC for “advice.” The result? Some felt the son was misled, and OP should honor the commitment given that “in theory” the family can afford it, and given Princeton’s selectivity & all that the school can offer. Others disagree, for a variety of reasons.
@ucbalumnus You’re right – so OP made a mistake. Hasn’t everyone? We can all agree that OP should have told the kid this six months ago, but in the cold light of day – OP is reconsidering the finances. Honestly, if something like this causes an damaging breakdown of trust – when OP has presumably provided for this kid in many ways for many years – the relationship wasn’t very strong to begin with. Harping on OP for what s/he should have done six months ago isn’t helpful – we can’t go back in time.
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Ok…I read post 35 and thought the OP was planning to take his kid to Princeton for a visit…is that the case?
I agree @lionsmum. The term buyers remorse exists for a reason. People do make large expenditures that they regret. Some people make all the plans for the big expenditure and before they commit, they back out bc they recognize that perhaps it really wasn’t the wisest decision.
maybe the rah-rah, only the best mentality took grip a few months ago, Maybe now, upon reflection, the idea of spending that much $$ for an UG education seems a little rash.
OP…it is your $$. No one on these forums walks in your shoes, pays your bills, or works your job. They don’t know your relationship with your children. (And, fwiw, never in a million yrs would I worry about damaging my relationship with my children bc I offered them something that later I realized I couldn’t. Only you know what sort of relationship you have with your children.) Your family needs get together and have a serious heart-to-heart conversation about all of this and reach an understanding together. (Not random strangers on the Internet.)
OP hasn’t said what their spouse thinks about this.
My confusion is thT the OP must have a huge amount of money,to not receive some aid from P-ton. My friend earns twice what I do, and his kid was offered a lot,of aid for P. My sons friend friend went there practically for free. Both parents work. ( he loved P, has a great job, and has already bought a house).