<p>
</p>
<p>This is my son to a tee. He swore he’d “never drink.” Well. I’m not stupid.</p>
<p>
Well, it was also true in the South, where I grew up. Everybody knew that Duke was great–that’s why it was the “Harvard of the South.” I think that the Ivies–at least the most well-known of them–have had a national reputation for academic excellence for a long time, and that few, if any, other schools had it to a comparable degree until more recent years–Stanford being the exception.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, it was my daughter and her high school friends, too. </p>
<p>I know this will sound rude and sanctimonious, but I do groan inside when I hear parents go on about their high school students who don’t drink and will never drink in college. I try very hard not to roll my eyes. Parents can wish that to be the case, but they certainly can’t assume it. Since I’m the type who assumes the worst, I’d rather assume my kid will drink and teach her to do it as safely as possible.</p>
<p>
I try hard to avoid saying anything that might come back to me as “famous last words.”</p>
<p>D1 knew she would drink in college.<br>
I do think it’s good to know if some schools have a bigger party rep or if students there feel some social pressure, etc. IMO, it’s just getting so magnified here. </p>
<p>When we helped D1 find schools she could love, that would empower her and where the skills and knowledge she acquired would prep her best for the future life she wanted, the drinking culture was such a teeny part. That growth and confidence is about so much more than what happens on Friday and Saturday nights. </p>
<p>D2 knew she wouldn’t drink. Now, this has nothing to do with OP’s kid, more agreeing with PG and FR: she has been a much larger source of worry, was not mentally prepared for the decisions drinking involves.</p>
<p>Touche fireandrain, I agree completely. College is a time of experimentation for most young adults and yes, many do reinvent themselves. That doesn’t mean they will become alcoholics, but the experimentation does help them define themselves. Some find out they have no interest in alcohol, some participate in moderation and others jump right into the deep end of the college party scene. An overwhelming majority of all of the above graduate, and go on to live successful lives. </p>
<p>Having said that, I must admit that when it comes to the culture of educational institutions, I think the Europeans have it right. Education remains the focus, especially in the more elite universities who take themselves VERY seriously. Athletics play no role in admissions and greek life is nonexistent. They do have “societies”, but my understanding is that they revolve around student interests such as investment clubs, debate, biking or rugby. The few friends that I have with children matriculating abroad, tell me that the universities are much less tolerant of the shenanigans that go on at american colleges and universities.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Keyword: The most well known of them. But I don’t want to get into a discussion of which ones aren’t really all that well known outside the northeast, because it’s not germane to anything, and it gets viewed as a put-down, which is not the case because the extent to which something is well-known (esp by Joe Schmoe) has nothing to do with quality.</p>
<p>So I shouldn’t expect the pubs around Oxford and Cambrige to be filled by any young adults, right?!</p>
<p>“I merely and honestly was trying to get a realistic idea of WHAT they did - what social alternatives were either available or popular. They seemed as though they were clearly very bright in their chosen majors, but surprisingly, quite a few of the students either couldn’t articulate what a weekend night was like, or were reluctant to disclose”</p>
<p>Here is the experience of a kid 3 years ago who was sure about going to harvard (had 5 USNWR top 10 admissions to choose from -HPSCP), went there for admitted days, and had to find an alternate with 4 days to spare.</p>
<p>stayed in an overcrowded dorm with 4 other visitors (5 room mates hosting 5 visitors). Asked people in the room, anyone who he bumped into some of the following:</p>
<ol>
<li> why should I be attending Harvard or why did you pick Harvard.</li>
</ol>
<p>“Because it is Haaavard”</p>
<ol>
<li> what do you do for fun.</li>
</ol>
<p>“this and that”</p>
<ol>
<li> what do you do on the weekends.</li>
</ol>
<p>“this and that”</p>
<p>He found that most students are already thinking beyond harvard even though they are freshmen. They are working on things to get on their resumes for a future after Harvard, whether it is grad school, work or something else.</p>
<p>While driving to airport, he told his parents he will not be happy there. He had to go visit another school right away and he seems to be happy where he is.</p>
<p>I am you would find many young adults in the pubs around Oxford and Cambridge, Pizzagirl. But that is what pubs are for, right?</p>
<p>Correction to above - should read "I am sure you would find…</p>
<p>fireanddrain, I always assumed my youngest would learn to like liquor eventually so far no dice. He’s spending his junior year in a country where drinking is frowned on, so he’s unlikely to get much exposure. (We just hope he doesn’t get hooked on hookahs!) My oldest will likely never drink - he’s my picky eater and hates trying new things.</p>
<p>I’m one who didn’t drink in high school, but did in college.</p>
<p>“Drinking” is also a learned skill. One either should never do it or do it in appropriate manner. Dringking should not mean “killing” your chances at everything or “killing” yourself. Unfortunately both happen. Unfortunately, even if campus is “dry”, if they want to find the way, they will. Unfortunately, place will have almost no influence, student himself will determine if he wants to drink himself silly, never touch the stuff or drink responsibly. There are other aspects of UGs life that are in full control of each kid. And there are still things that are not in his control. Focusing too much only on one aspect which actually depends much more on student than the place, might backfire big time, create very uncomfortable situation, the feeling of not belonging, wanting to never go back. This might happen at the time when every single student going thru inevitable adjustment period to everything new in his life, new people, new responsibilities for your own well being, much higher academic requirements. Be very careful choosing the place to be for the next 4 years. Think of this place first and foremost as the one where you exist, human being with certain personality and wide range of interest. Then, secondarily, think of it as academic instituion that will provide you additional education and skills. Person’s well being is a must. Depressed kid will not be able to study, he will have to be removed from his surroundings. Prestige and reputation are overstated. The right kid / UG match is the most important thing.</p>
<p>lifelearner, could you clear out your PM inbox?</p>
<p>As the parent of a recent Harvard grad, I can tell you what I know about my D’s weekend activities. First of all, there was never a routine to what she did on the weekends, and it changed a lot from freshman to senior year, but it was packed with activity. As a freshman and into soph year, she did go to final club parties, also house parties, sorority parties, EC parties, hockey games, on-campus and away football games, Red Sox games, a couple of concerts, went to her roommate’s house a couple of times, visited her sister at college, came home once or twice, out to dinner in Boston a couple of times. and traveled for her EC. When she turned 21 and had a boyfriend, she went to fewer large parties and did more things with other couples including cocktail-type parties and dinner in Cambridge. Some weekends were devoted to mostly studying if it was around finals time.</p>
<p>I’m sure I’ve forgotten a good number of other things she did for fun on the weekends, but that gives you an idea, and it is probably no different than most colleges.</p>
<p>I can understand why OP received an ambiguous reply to her question.</p>
<p>Bay - are you absolutely certain she was not sitting around plotting to take over her sister’s college?</p>
<p>^lol, no, but being the competitive type, it did annoy her to discover that Yale does a couple of things better than Harvard.</p>
<p>In terms of drinking prevalence, I’d put Dartmouth, Cornell, Princeton, and Penn on the higher end of the list and Harvard, Yale, Columbia, and Brown on the lower end. There are tons of sober things to do at all of the campuses, though I think Dartmouth would be the toughest place to be a non-drinker or (like myself) a sipper who doesn’t like being around wasted people.</p>
<p>My weekends at Harvard were all about music and drama. If I wasn’t performing and celebrating afterwards, then I was attending other people’s shows and concerts with my singing friends. We would usually go out to dinner first and to the afterparty later. If there were big official events like the Leverett 80s Dance or formals, we went to those. The best weekends were traveling with my singing group. I’m facebook friends with the current crop of singers in the group, and their photos are identical to mine from 13-15 years ago, except for the cell phones in all the pictures nowadays. You could literally swap them between the albums, and only the faces would change.</p>
<p>SOMEONE PLEASE DEFINE THE WORD “INTENSE” AS SEVERAL POSTERS ON HERE HAVE MENTIONED THE MOST “INTENSE STUDENTS” OR “INTENSE SCHOOLS”… I did not mean to “shout” - meant only to highlight the word intense…</p>
<p>DeskPotato - I apologize – it’s just that both myself and ALL of my family members have all been sick for weeks (and this while my child is ATTEMPTING to do apps, essays, etc.) 
- hence, my few references to the cold meds I am on, etc. Today I finally took my first dose of an antibiotic, and assuming it’s not just a long term virus, hopefully I will be able to clean out my box once on the mend. I will definitely get in touch with you then. Thank you! (And sorry to anyone else who tried to leave me a private message).</p>