<p>My D scored 97% on her PSATs (commended?), no studying. I do not know how I can motivate her. She just does not study. She took her first SAT and scored 1930, 11 on writing. Amazing isn't it? Somehow, just does not want to open any of those prep books. Got her ACTs, scored 27 composite. Her GPA is not that great around 3.2 maybe 3.3 weighted, only taking 1 AP and 1 honors class in her junior year, plays club volleyball, varsity volleyball. Not sure if she would even make it to any UC's when she applies in the fall. Her second semester grades are improving. She will only take 2 APs next year. I need a help in motivating her. She spends her time chatting.. if not volleyball.</p>
<p>As a girl in high school, I can tell you that the most effective kind of motivation is self-created. It's very difficult for parents to motivate their kids because, as teenagers do, we don't listen. If she feels she doesn't need/want to study, she probably won't. Of course it's worth sitting her down and talking to her about college and things, but don't be disappointed if it doesn't have much influence.
Most important: If she doesn't get motivated after you approach her, please don't think anything ridiculous-- you haven't failed as a parent, she does love you, etc, etc. Her happiness is the most important thing. A lot of my friends are very self-motivated and are constantly miserable because they push themselves too far.
Best of luck.</p>
<p>Tough one.</p>
<p>Honestly, I have no good answer I can only relay my experiences. In general, I would say that if she isn't motivated, there is probably nothing you can do to motivate her.</p>
<p>However, I have counseled parents on this issue and typically what works is visiting college campuses. By seeing the goal in front of them, most students suddenly realize that studying makes sense. I don't know if it is within your budget to do such a trip, but that is the only thing which I have seen work. </p>
<p>Additionally, even if a college trip is successful it may only be a temporary fix, especially if there are underlying issues, such as romantic entanglements, performance anxiety, familial dysfunctionality, academic discordance, etc. </p>
<p>Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but please understand that people mature at disparate rates and that sometimes it just takes time to grow up.</p>
<p>My motivation basically started when I realized my scores weren't nearly good enough to get into my first choice. show her the acceptance/rejection thread of her favorite school on this site...chances are there are a lot of qualified applicants being rejected and that should scare her into studying!</p>
<p>Take her to visit the schools (and the students there) that her 3.2 GPA will get her into. If she likes those schools, you guys have a match and she will be going where she wants to. Problem solved. If she doesn't feel like those schools are a good fit, she might come home more motivated to do what she can to get in to a school she likes. I know several families with unmotivated children who really hit the books once they took visits and had a specific school or type of school in mind. Bottom line is... kids will only do what they want to. No one can make a kid want to prep for the SAT. Concentrate on giving her opportunities and protecting your personal relationship with her. That lasts forever. It can be helpful to hire a private guidance counselor. That way, she knows the information she gets is from a professional who is not emotionally involved. Sometimes kids take the same suggestions more seriously when they dont come from a parent. Even if she doesn't want to jump on the college admissions merry go round now, she can always find her way to a great education later. I know lots of kids who barely scraped through high school and ended up graduating from top univerities just a few years later. Good luck- I know how frustrating it can be.</p>
<p>My d also was not motivated to study for either the SAT or the ACT on her own. So I got her a tutor. Having specific, outside-scheduled time to work on the tests, and homework that was then turned into the tutor, kept her going. She just treated it as an extra "class", the same as any one she took during the school day.</p>
<p>Yeah, I'm a teenager and while I'm self-motivated, most teens aren't. DO NOT PUSH YOUR TEENAGER. If anything, that will make it worse. It will be a nagging thing-do you ever wonder why your teenager doesn't clean your room when you ask her about it continually? It's a rebellion-she feels like it doesn't matter. Also, by putting pressure on her, you're like, "I don't accept you for not being 4.0 2400 student", she may not want to study because then it proves she couldn't get a 2400 if she tried. (sort of how people won't try their best because then if they fail, they know they aren't good enough).</p>
<p>I'm very self-motivated, and yet my parents keep trying to push me more. It's gotten to the point where we really can't manage a civil discussion whenever my academics or the college process is involved. I feel like they're constantly annoying me about the same things and labeling me incompetent, and they feel like I'm being rebellious and disrespectful. You don't want a relationship like that with your daughter.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your responses/support.</p>
<p>She does a lot of community service every summer. I think if she puts in a little more extra effort in studying, she won't have a problem at least on 2nd tier UC's. I know the amount of time she puts in on homework vs. myspace. If there's only a national testing on myspace, I am sure plenty of kids would be aceing the test with their eyes closed (just a little humor).</p>
<p>There's always a reward in the end while we parents try to lead the best way for our children. Sometimes the children will learn their lesson in the end, hopefully not too late.</p>
<p>Many thanks for your responses. I see the point of the students responding to this. Gives me ideas. Well appreciated.</p>
<p>She will have to motivate herself, I'm afraid. Otherwise, kids fake being motivated, but performance doesn't improve.</p>
<p>Sorry for not having a more helpful tip...</p>
<p>What motivated my d? Her aim was 2400.We both agree on a low limit. If she gets at least 2300, she would stop, no question about it. If she does not get 2300, she may have to study the summer between Junior and Senior year. I singed up for 2 test dates(Jan and Mar), just to give her a backup. Somehow she internalized that she did not want to study in the summer and put in the effort on the first test. She got exactly the low limit so she did not take the second test date. However, I do believe if she went ahead with the second test, she might get a perfect CR score because she is usually good with reading, she only got 700.
So now she can relax and plan to look for work in the summer. But it was a stressful time leading to the SAT.</p>
<p>So instead of studying or doing some other enrichment she is going to work during summer? I hope somewhere that will benefit her, and not just BK or McDs.</p>
<p>It sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter, but not everyone does, so I am not sure that your form of delayed gratification will work for most students, but it did in your case so kudos.</p>
<p>So, she's athletic, social, happy, and smart. That's a great base to start with! She sounds very well rounded (community service, etc.) and is liable to get into more places than you might think. Try some of the Calif. Liberal Arts Colleges. Is she a good enough volleyball player that one of the smaller LAC might recruit her? (Long ago and far away, I majored in volleyball :) and picked up a degree in Biology at the same time.)</p>
<p>Chris C-</p>
<p>My daughter will not work at MCD for the summer. She does community service at a private college prep high school tutoring 7th and 8th graders after their summer classes.</p>
<p>Karen-
Yes she is athletic.... hahaha on your volleyball major. She is a tiny 5 footer but an excellent DS/Libero. She's been playing club volleyball since 5th grade. She received 2nd team from the league the past 2 years. Last year would have been on the first team because of her injury. Last season she was 1st. in digs on her league, 3rd in Central Coast, 13th at state (it dropped during the last 2 games because of her injury)</p>
<p>What I want her to accomplish is to at least TRY to get her grades up a little bit with her high SATs (will retake), then she will be able to at least put her step on a better school.</p>
<p>As far as volleyball, she wants to play in college whether she gets recuited or intramurals. A couple of community college coaches already asked her, but I don't think she wants to settle for a community college. Another state college was already talking to her. </p>
<p>I am happy my girls are good. I set a good foundation for them. Always proud of their accomplishments. Somehow, us parents, still want to guide them, to choose the right way.</p>
<p>The best way to motivate people is to align their desires. You have to find some way to provide incentive so that they'll want to study for their own benefits. This is usually a very case by case thing.</p>