Among my friends My own HS experience is well known. I was a terrible student my first two years of HS with a 2.0 GPA. My last two years I had a 4.0 every semester. In the olden days there were no essays for those like me attending a not too selective but fine state u. I’ve always though that if I were a student today I’d probably focus my essays around what happened to me to change things ( a long story involving a best friend, maturity and understanding that I’d been afraid of what I thought would be too much/ hard work)
Anyway, a friend of a friend just called me and said she’d heard from the mutual friend that I had a HS career much like her child’s ( he earned straight As last year and has again been doing extraordinarily well so far this year… the mom says he’s like a difffernt kid, the same thing my parents thought). She also knew I knew something about college admissions and did I think her kid should focus his common app essay on his change which like mine came more from a sort of form of peer pressure and maturity. His HS counselor ( who she said she doesn’t really trust) said it would sound like he was making excuses and should focus on other things.
I don’t want to give bad advice and am almost too close to the issue emotionally. So thoughts?
As a person who has read more than their share of these types of essays, I think that the challenge is that many students do not know how to write this type of essay well without it reading like they are making excuses for their performance. Very few of them are actually very well written and all read the same and can be pretty interchangeable.
I believe that because it is going to be seen on the transcript and if the student has grown, it is something that the counselor. The counselor has more opportunity to take as many words as needed and even give a few anecdotals from her peers regarding his performance.
Perhaps one of his recommenders, who knows the student well and his struggles could address his progress and growth.
Student should use his essay to highlight something new about himself that is not readily on the application.
But let me add from whatbthe mom said he’s like me so there no one who could be “one of his recommenders, who knows the student well and his struggles could address his progress and growth.”
My story was illustrated by my teacher junior year who told me that she was talking about the students my year with other faculty and how we were an unusually intellectually curious and hard working group and she mentioned my name and one of sophomore year teachers was like ( totally serious) " that’s so weird I didn’t know we had two students with that name. I had one of them in my class last year and she was one of the worst and laziest students I’ve had in some time!" Yeah that was me! He absolutely insisted it couldn’t be. And she was sure he must have mixed up the names !
You’d need the right angle. And the idea is, “Show, not just tell.” A nice narrative that reveals the attributes they want.
But if this is for a highly competitive, they like more than a version of, “And my grades turned around.” Whatever growth it was/is, is it reflected in other positives? Are there examples that show he then took on more stretch, maybe taking a chance in new directions (ECs,) taking on other responsibilities, or doing for others, etc?
It’s all in how he can craft it, not to just be a dry tale that ends, “And now I’m motivated.” Show it. More than grades.
I think anything can be a good essay, it’s how you tell the story. So if she can make it funny or interesting that’s great, but Sybbie is right, it’s way too easy to make this topic sound like every other kid who turned it around.
FWIW what my younger son did was write a lot of essays. It wasn’t until he wrote them that he could really see what worked and what didn’t. He learned a lot about himself in the process and really found his voice. In the end most of what he wrote actually did appear on one application or another - sometimes in abbreviated form rather than as the main essay.
What is the student’s GPA now?Around a 3.0? I’d be more concerned about SAT/ACT scores. A great essay could help, but with a relatively low GPA is the kid even applying to selective schools?
“What is the student’s GPA now?Around a 3.0? I’d be more concerned about SAT/ACT scores. A great essay could help, but with a relatively low GPA is the kid even applying to selective schools?”
I think the GPA is about a 3.0 now. His ACT is a 35. Hes already in at Big state U that lets you know right away ( hint …it’s Iowa) and will happily attend if he can’t get in anywhere he’d rather go so he’s shooting for some highly selective school figuring he has nothing really to lose.
He wanted to tell his story which his mom sent me which is about about how one little decision changed his life ( to actually do his homework one night because his sister had this super pretty super smart girl over studying and he wanted to seem like he wasn’t " a total loser" so he sat down mostly planning to pretend to work but what do you know when he started doing the work he actually found it intersting and not as torturous as he thought schoolwork would be and that made him re- think a lot of things in his life, including why he wasn’t really trying and why he wasn’t more involved in school activities (and the only thing he could come up with was "I’m kind of an idiot) he decided that maybe his new thing should be to at least try hard for 20 minutes and see where it goes and now he has and not only great grades but has started a daily tv show for announcements at school ( plus the 20 min thing led to him really keeping his room neater and meeting people he wouldn’t have otherwise )
I thought the esssay was a little different and maybe risky but really touched me because it was so like me.
His mom was telling this story to our mutual friend and it was in some ways so similar to what she knew about me that she made the mom call me
I think the point behind the essay is to give the college a reason to say yes. I think, particularly for weaker students, that it needs to show that they’re more than so so scores.
Adcoms will see the academic turnaround. And they’ll see that, as happens so often, this is probably a kid who grew up a few months or years behind schedule-- who started freshman year without the same level of maturity as his classmates, but who has now found his groove and is doing better.
I wouldn’t spend an essay explaining that. Instead, I would focus on some of the things those grades don’t show-- a passion for a sport or activity, a desire to help make the world a better place, anything that shows a part of the applicant that has nothing to do with grades.
The Common App has a place for “is there anything else you want us to know?” kind of information-- that’s where he can explain his turnaround. And his guidance counselor can explain a bit in the letter she’ll be writing.
But I would spend that very valuable essay real estate-- those mere 650 words-- on things that the grades don’t show. On the reasons his parents and best buddies and girlfriend think the world of him.
The turnaround specifics are interesting, the sort of tale a family might enjoy, smile at, ten years from now. We all have these.
For a reach, you’ve got two things going: what the adcoms learn, that they want to see (attribute related- this kid’s determined, or grew and took a few good risks, open to new experiences, resilient, reached out to help others, evolved in other active ways that make a difference, all sorts of possible plusses. These need to “show.”)
And the trickier one: how he thinks, what he thinks makes an appropriate essay for a college admit review.
It helps to consider how a reach adcom might react to working harder to impress a pretty gal. Maybe it’s one carefully worded line. But they’d like to come away with an impression he’s evolved into more, see it. So just think about how to balance.
@maya54 It is great that you care enough to ask what you should do with regards to giving advice to your friends child. I wouldn’t give advice to the friend beyond saying “stay positive” . I failed in giving my Son advice on his essay and he is currently attending a good University, his essay submitted not using my advice and accepted without my interference in any way after trying. It’s nice to know that so many people care about other kids beyond their own. That is why CC exists after all.
Also always keep in mind what the adcoms want: Someone who will be succesful in their school, intellectually curious, and will contribute to the community. You want to show how you are that person.
I have zero problem with kids discussing this with savvy adults. No reservations. In fact, in some arenas, seeking help is a positive. (Versus assuming you’ve got it all figured out, yeah, a first time applicant, never been past high school.)
But the final decisions should be the kid’s. Imo. Then they know *they * gave it their own best shot.
"@maya54 It is great that you care enough to ask what you should do with regards to giving advice to your friends child. I wouldn’t give advice to the friend beyond saying “stay positive”
I have been giving essay topic development advice and read- throughs of essays for friends and relatives for 6 years. I did NOT do this for my own kid, hired someone to work with them and heard their advice and started going on CC. Around that time my good friends husband died right when her daughter was starting the application/ essay process to highly selective schools. And she asked me to help her. Based on my research here and the often excellent advice I told her that her wonderfully written essay on her father would have to go, it told me nothing about HER. She totally re-worked it to talk about her dad while talking about herself. I was thrilled when she got acceptance to both Ivy’s she applied to.
My friend told some of her friends and every year I’ve given help with essay topic planning to 3 or 4 kids. I was pretty pleased last year when I practically besieged a friend’s son that he HAD to write about his extra-cirricular " benchwarmer" story that would never show up on his application otherwise: he was picked by his coach to work with local authorities to be a Controlled Buyer (to attempt to purchase alcohol from stores while underage ) He got an e-mail from the head of admissions at one university saying it was one of their all time favorites! ( it started with him sweating as he held a six pack and the police sheparded him into their car)
However this kids story hit so close to home I felt I couldn’t be objective so sought out the excellent CC community
@bearcatfan Thanks for the link to the Hack The College Essay which lead me to this http://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/. I never knew this existed until now. Newbie here and extremely stressed that DD is still without an essay for Common App that is worthy of being “the one”. She has drafted a few here and there and thought one was “the one” only to start again from scratch
