I’d first like to start by apologizing to you for the constant negative posts I’ve been making, but I can’t seem to find much to be excited about in college, and today I aim to address the overall problem with your support. College was actually great during Welcome Week last semester, but everything since then has been going downhill. The second semester has only amplified the first semester’s problems. My classes have become significantly more difficult, and I’m now finding myself studying and working on homework for several hours at a time. I lack any sort of friend network here. The friends I did make during the first week of last semester formed their own clique, and I’m not accepted by them anymore. I have tried joining various clubs, studying in public, and even trying to initiate conversations with random strangers. They have all failed. Almost every random person I’ve talked to has resorted to the technique of saying “Okay,” or, “You do you,” to end the conversation as quickly as possible. My roommate won’t even exchange words with me, even when I try to talk first. I do not feel welcome here. Academically, everything has become difficult aside from my equine classes, and even then, the departmental politics have yet to end. To give you a perfect example, my university received a transfer student from another Christian college. He spent a significant ammount of time in Spain performing in equestrian vaulting however, he was new to the university and was placed into the same riding class I was. My riding instructor sent me an email over break asking if I prefered a specific horse, and I requested one I have been enamored with for quite sometime. My request was denied for both the riding and training class. The horse I requested was given to the transfer student. I was at first envious, but I eventually accepted it because life doesn’t always go the way people want it to, but something else has made me disgusted with the program. The department has a policy in place prohibiting students from reserving horses outside of class until PE 131, the horseback riding class I’m in, is passed. Students are also prohibited from reserving a horse for more than two hours a week. There is another rule stating the student is not allowed to join any equestrian clubs until passing the midterm riding exam. Not even two weeks into the riding class, the same transfer student was given permission to reserve the same horse eight hours a week, and he was also permitted to join the vaulting team despite not meeting any of the requirements! I have seen nothing but double standards out of the department, and I have talked with the department chair several times, and while they came something will be done about it, I’m still receiving the same treatment I was before. Does anyone have any advice? I’ve considered either waiting it out to see if something changes, and I’ve also even considered leaving and going somewhere I’d be more appreciated. The issue with transferring would be university’s liberal arts curriculum not being transferable to a state university as anything other than electives. Please let me know if you have any suggestions, and I apologize for writing a mile long post.
Why don’t you just go to community college homie. I know we have a bad rep, but honestly it is so chill here I am so happy. You don’t have to deal with annoying roommate, everyone is so much nicer and is way way cheaper. You are only one semester in, so you wouldn’t have been in much waste of a time. You’ll be much more respected academically too. In high school I was a straight A guy, but since there were a lot of smart kids in my grade I didn’t stand out. In CC I’m still straight A, and everyone thinks I’m super cool now and my opinion has more merit to it.
I’m sorry that your experiences have had negative results.
I have some advice for you which may be interpreted by you as harsh. I have three children who experienced everything in their colleges, so I’m going to give advice as though I were speaking to one of my three children:
I believe that your posting history has been resistant to good advice from experienced posters: @thumper1, @austinmshauri, @bopper, @mom2collegekids, @twoinanddone.
I’ve noticed that everything that is happening to you, is the fault and result of others’ actions.
When people attempt to console you, there is always an excuse: why that won’t work.
I get that you have low vision. I get that you want to work with horses in some capacity.
The facts are that you need vision to work in an equine environment. You need money because horses are expensive. Right now it doesn’t appear like getting a degree in equine studies will give you a career in this area. Why? You have to build relationships and develop friendships and that is not happening such that internships and experiences are not going to happen.
Instead of befriending a new transfer student, you question why the university was giving him preference. Did you wonder why?:
He’s been around horses more than you. He’s had more significant experience “performing” with horses. He probably was a better fit with the horse and just needed the course credit. Why would the staff trust you with any animal if all you bring is complaints and jealousy? Horses don’t need that.
I rode and was around horses most of my youth; these are incredibly beautiful, smart and intuitive animals. They sense EVERYTHING. They can sense disabilities in individuals-perceived and physiological. If you are not truthful to yourself, first and foremost, but use your vision inability as a crutch, the horses do know. My grandfather rode well into his 80’s and he was blind. He always said treat people and animals alike. He spoke to his horse with confidence, but he was also extremely kind and considerate of others.
Your posts come across as harsh and are filled with excuses. Your attempts at friendships are rubbing others the wrong way, including your university staff, and unfortunately, you don’t seem to have support from anyone-not even your parents. Learn to build bridges and quit blaming others for your issues. Change majors, like your Dad recommended, biology?
You can buy your own horse after you establish your career.
Reread your previous posts.
Will anything change if you transfer?
Done getting off my high horse.
Mom of three
My horse was “Ginger”
I’ve honestly thought about it, but not being able to drive and not having a community college near my hometowm would make it impossible.
This is normal at college. You will be challenged and spend lots of time studying. That is why you are there. Perhaps you need to adjust your expectations.
@“aunt bea”
Do not call me out. Not only is it very unprofessional, but it is downright unecessary. Do you think I have chosen to be the way? I most certainly have not. There is a difference between an excuse and something which cannot be. I have already said I never purchased and horse. You think I blame my difficulties on other people, but there is nowhere else such problems to arise. I once thought the issues were from within myself, but a few sessions with the counseling center revealed there was nothing mentally wrong with me. I was dismissed from counseling. My goal here is not to cause controversy, but to say pursuing an equine degree is impossible with a visual impairment is, to place it in the most honest words, uncalled for. I have dealt with people who doubt all my life, and to say I use vision as an excuse is outright false. I do not use it to complain or to make other people feel sorry for me. I simply state the facts. It is an absolute shame in 2019 people with disabilities are accused of making people feel sorry for them, when in reality, we would be able to do the same as everyone else had we been given equal opportunity. Please explain to me how someone with a visual impairment cannot obtain a career in the horse industry. I have been around horses since I was eight, and I can see myself doing nothing else. I am not passionate for anything else. Also, I am not fueled by negativity and envy. The only reason I have labeled my department with injustice is in no way due to me feeling envious. It is however related to the fact they violated their own rules. The rules the rest of the department is subjected to were broken. I want to see you someday in the future, and I hope I will be able to prove you and every other person who said someone with a visual imapirment could not work in the horse industry wrong.
Great, prove me wrong. You asked for advice. As per usual . . . .
From 9-19-18
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2100885-work-and-college-p1.html
You skimmed and didn’t read what I wrote.
Deal with your anger issues and a career with horses might work. It just won’t work now.
My grandfather’s career was as a rancher with blindness.
This concerns me. What’s going on that people you just met quickly end a conversation saying “you do you”? What kind of things are you talking about? Did your roommate say why he won’t talk to you?
What happened with the clubs? It may take time, are you attending their meetings or functions regularly? How about trying to initiate conversations or at least some friendly hellos or smiles with people in your classes? Since you share a class, that at least gives you something to start talking about rather than just random people in the library or out and about.
There’s a vast gulf between “there’s something mentally wrong with you” and “you seem to be having difficulty forming meaningful relationships.” No one is saying the former; it looks like multiple people are saying the latter.
First, I’d like to apologize to @“aunt bea”, not only for the rant I posted, but also some misinformation I provided. I did infact post saying I bought a horse. I completely forgot about it honestly. I did however get the owner to take her back, so other than sanity, I gained most of what I lost back, and I can honestly say I learned a lot. I have considered changing majors and potentially pursuing horses as a hobby rather than a career, but I’m still quite passionate about horses. I think I will continue majoring in equine studies and try creating a better relationship with the department. I don’t know what to do about my visual impairment, but I’m trying to work with the state to acquire a bioptic driver’s license. If not, I guess I’ll have to work where I’ll have housing or an understanding employer.
Second, @dadof2d, I entered college with a very light schedule my first semester. While I was taking 17 hours, several of them were easier classes with not much studying involved. In my second semester, Understanding Old Testament and Psychology and Everyday Life have given me a very difficult time. I simply wasn’t prepared. My first first semester classes gave me a clouded view of college scholarship, but now I’m starting to realize how difficult college can be. It reminds me a lot of Advanced Placement, and it was something I couldn’t handle high school. It was just too overwhelming for me. I’m going to continue trying to obtain my degree and working through my vlasses, but my expectations have lowered significantly. I will strive for an A, but I will understand if I receive a C. The worst case scenario would be community college if it ever does get too overwhelming, but I’ll try to work through it for now.
@austinmshauri, I honestly have no idea. It could perhaps be a lack of adequite social skills, but I’m unsure. I generally try using “small talk” to start something more, but it doesn’t seem to work. I have sometimes wondered if people treat me different due to the more apparent side effects of my visual inpairment, which causes my eyes to squint and shift uncontrollably. I have considered trying to wear sunglasses to hide my eyes to see if it doesn’t change people’s perception of me as I can easily see why some would be deterred by it. Maybe social skills is the problem or something more, but I am unsure. Would you have any advice on starting conversations? I believe my roommate issues are simply due to a mismatch in personalities and interests. I plan on applying for a roommate next semester, and my roommate will be doing the same. It seems we’re not compatible, and I hope next semester may find with a better match. I feel being more specific and open on my roommate application will help me out because I was really general last time, and it found me on a hall with mostly athletes.
@TS0104, I have joined what I can, but I must admit I have struggled a lot with commitment. The trail club was something I joined last semester, but I never went past the first meeting. I joined another group in the equine department exempt from the testing rules, and I have already allowed myself to miss once. I need to stop being lazy. Clubs on campus are very limitted as we are very small. I tried an on campus Christian gathering, but their theological views didn’t line up with mine, but I at least tried. I hope to try the College Republicans next semester, I would have joined in the fall, but I made the mistake of overcommitting. I have attempted making friends in my class, but it didn’t go so well either. I once tried talking to someone in OT 100, and they changed seat afterward. My concerns from my response to Austin are true here. I want to do better, so I’m trying to find the root of the issue, and I can’t help but feel something I’m doing just isn’t socially acceptable or seen as weird.
My kids say, “You do you” when they think someone is being annoying or doing something they wouldn’t do. It is a sign that you are annoying people, IMHO. Your jealousy of the transfer student is unbecoming at best. Transfers often bring in significant experience that allows them to move past some criteria. To me, you come across as inflexible and touchy,
@intparent, I’m in complete agreeance with you. I have many problems when it comes to change and being envious. I don’t where it comes from, but I don’t want to be remembered by it. Could you please offer me some advice on being more adaptable and less jealous of other people? Also, would you have any ideas on being more acceptable to people?
I haven’t read all your threads, but have you seen a counselor or a therapist? I’m not sure an online forum can help that much.
@SolarGoat What are the mental health services like at your school? You probably could benefit from a therapist who could help you work on your social skills and anger issues. You also may be depressed, which would also manifest itself in anger issues (that’s how it happens with me).
Take care of yourself.
@intparent, I haven’t been the best member here, and I can tell you in shameful honestly my other threads are very similar to the one we’re replying to now. I did see a therapist early in the semester last semester, but I was dismissed from counseling. The counselor told me she didn’t really see me as negative or anything. She was an intern, but I cam tell you I had a really hard time finding examples when she asked me to describe some social interactions I had. Do you think I should go back? She was an intern, so maybe I she should see someone who is licensed instead.
@SolarGoat Yes, definitely see a licensed professional, that counselor was wrong. If you felt that you needed her help, she shouldn’t have dismissed you just because she couldn’t see anything wrong in her preliminary evaluation.
@MWolf, I quite honestly caused the dismissal since I cancelled several sessions, but it is true she didn’t seem to find anything wrong. My university has a strange rule limiting to people to eight counseling sessions a semester, but ai can try reaching out them again. How do you think I should go about talking to them?
@SolarGoat I’m not familiar with your mental health system, so I cannot tell you exactly what to do. However, I think that contacting them, or merely walking into the center and making an appointment should work. Ask for a licensed professional, since the intern evidently wasn’t helping you at all. As for yourself, you need to commit to appearing for the sessions, even if you don’t really see it helping, though if you feel that the therapist who you’re seeing isn’t a good fit, see if you can change them.
College clinics aren’t designed to be a substitute for long term/ongoing medical care. It is not uncommon for them to have limits on numbers of counseling sessions. Start there, but you may end up needing to explore using whatever health insurance plan you have for an ongoing relationship with an off campus therapist.