Hi. My son is strongly considering Vassar for his ED school and needs to choose between it and Williams. Can someone with knowledge of the student population of both schools let me know whether they think he has a better chance of finding “his people” at Vassar or Williams? His social skills are not great, and he desperately wants to find a friend group in college–he sadly doesn’t have one in his high school. He is a very cerebral kid, not interested in partying, loves math and science, is a deep thinker, and for fun enjoys playing Magic the Gathering and strategic board games and reading sci fi and fantasy books. I think most kids at school would describe him as incredibly smart but very quirky. He needs peers that are bright like him, but also kind and supportive.
We’re still in the search process ourselves, so take this with a grain of salt (as with any such subjective impression) – but from what I’ve heard from parents who’ve had kids go through the schools you’ve mentioned, and the kids I know who’ve chosen each, Vassar would be a better fit for your son. My sense is that Williams kids are more “captains of the universe” types: scholar-athletes, gregarious, headed for Wall Street or something analogous. (Yes, I know this is a gross generalization!)
I’ll be curious to see what feedback you get if you post on the Williams forum too, though!
Sounds like your son would be a good fit for Vassar. Might also look at Haverford and Carleton.
I love Vassar just for that reason. It embraces all things “quirky”. My son is a sophomore and loves the fact that everyone’s accepted for who they are. I can’t speak for Williams, but I can safely say that the Vassar community is incredibly accepting, kind and supportive. He’s said he’s definitely found his people there. Best of luck to your son! Vassar is truly a special place.
Thanks, all of you, for the feedback. I can’t seem to double post on Williams bc it gets flagged as spam! We’re not looking at Carleton bc we want to stay in the northeast, and my son for whatever reason really did not like Haverford, though I think it is a good choice for him. But it is really small, maybe too small.
Vassar, Conn College, Wesleyan, Skidmore, Ithaca-- better for quirky (IMHO) than Williams, Amherst, Trinity, Lehigh, Denison… to pick a random set of colleges which share many characteristics but I think have a different campus culture.
Have you looked at Bates, Brandeis, Middlebury, Muhlenberg?
Sounds like a recent Vassar grad that I know:
Came in as a prospective chem / math major and ended up majoring in math. He arrived as a STEM guy, but discovered philosophy and history of art (and was grateful to the writing center for helping him learn how to actually write a long form essay, something he had managed to avoid in HS). Made a great group of friends, got an amazing summer internship with the NSA (who sent him to the UK the following summer, to work with their counterparts at MI6!). He is now doing his PhD in math in a top 10 program, living with one of his college roommates and meeting up with the others semi-regularly. He said that the hardest part about adjusting to Vassar first semester was that he kept staying up too late at night b/c there were all these interesting people to talk to 
BUT: while I am a big fan of Vassar, for ED I strongly suggest that your son’s response to the school is the most important variable. It is a ‘fit’ school- and ime, kids know pretty quickly if they like the ‘feel’ of it or not. Move heaven and earth to take him to both Williams and Vassar, and trust his response.
Finally, I say this kindly, but the point is real:
“we” aren’t going to college- only your son is going. And if he is going to apply via ED, he needs to be sure for himself that he really wants to go there.
I know someone who sounds very much like your son and is extremely happy at Haverford. The school is known for kindness and very welcoming attitudes. Smart and quirky people abound there. Could you convince him to visit again? You are right that it is very small, though, which I also don’t like that much. Partly because of this, it also lacks the alumni connections and name recognition of Williams and Vassar. But the campus culture sounds like it would be a good match.
I think that your son has narrowed down his ED options to two outstanding schools.
OP wrote:
Her son is “…incredibly smart, but very quirky. He needs peers that are bright like him, but also kind and supportive.” “His social skills are not great, and he desparately wants to find a friend group in college.” “Not interested in partying…”.
Between Vassar College and Williams College, Vassar is the better choice for your son.
Publisher, thanks for your advice. Whirlingcolleges, I did ask him if he wanted to see Haverford again and maybe sit in on a class this time but he has no interest; I think we saw it at a sleepy time of day and that affected his impression of it.
Collegemom3717, it is reassuring to know that you know of someone with a similar profile who went to Vassar and who sounds like he is thriving. He HAS been to both Williams and Vassar and needs to make up his own mind, and either school would be a fantastic choice. When you say you mean your comment “kindly” it doesn’t come across as kind, but rather snarky. My spouse and I are both very much part of the college process, and we want him to find the school that is right for him. He has narrowed his ED candidates to these two schools, but it is hard to get a complete sense of the vibe of the student body after spending just a small number of hours at a school, which is why I decided to come here for advice and support.
Thanks, blossom. Some of the schools you mentioned are on my son’s list, though none other than Vassar and Williams are currently ED contenders. He is also a kid who needs some executive function support, and that has been a big factor in the list compilation.
Frankie- don’t wait until acceptances to figure out if the right kind of support is available on campus. I see the kids I know crashing and burning for various reasons and to be honest- even when the parents are in denial (which you are clearly not) it’s never really a surprise.
If things don’t work out, I would also really suggest looking at Oberlin. My daughter and her friends sound a lot like that! They play a lot of D&D and other games like that and they have a sci-fi house where people meet to watch movies etc.
My other daughter is looking at Vassar and she can definitely be quirky so I’m sure it will be a great fit as well but thought I’d throw in a plug for Oberlin because it has been an amazing fit for my current junior!
Thanks, LMC9902. Oberlin was a consideration, but he doesn’t want to be so far away from home.
Blossom, I haven’t been waiting at all and have been in touch with the accessibility office of every school under consideration to arrive at the final list.
Can you fit in an overnight before the ED deadline? Helped my kid a great deal with getting a good sense of the vibe.
@bklynkids That’s a good suggestion. Not sure if I can make it work but it’s worth looking into.
In case this helps - my D started at Vassar this fall. She is somewhat of an introvert, not a party type, with interests in the Social Sciences/Humanities and Theater. It has been less than a couple of months - she is very happy at Vassar. She describes the students as kind, helpful and accepting (both incoming first year students and seniors). Seniors have reached out to her proactively to ease her transition. She was able to get involved in activities very quickly, and has formed multiple groups of friends.
Academically, the classes are engaging, the professors very accessible. The workload is rigorous and keeps her very busy. It is a collaborative environment with smart, driven students who are eager to help each other out, form study groups etc.
Based on my D’s experience so far, Vassar would be a good fit for your son.
Thanks so much, @leftcoastmom3 . My son decided to ED Vassar, and I think he made an excellent choice. Fingers crossed!
Best of luck to your son, @frankie94 . My son loves it there…just remarked to someone that he has just blossomed since being there. Crossing my fingers for you, too!