Nervous about going to college, feel like I'm too dumb.

I’ve been out of high school for about two years now(graduated June 2016). I got horrible grades in high school due to household issues my father’s abuse brought. Now my father is dead but I still fear despite the biggest issue in my life being gone, my mental health is still going to hold me back from performing well in college. I want to have a good gpa(the aim is a 4.0) by the end of my first 2 years in college considering the only school I should really go to with my gpa is a community college, and then transfer to a state university from there(preferably SUNY stony brook). My issue is that considering I pretty much didn’t learn anything in my last two years of high school and that my mental health has only been getting worse, I feel I’ll fail miserably in college which is why I put off going this fall. I’m still considering going in the spring semester for computer science but seeing as this is a demanding major I’m afraid I’m not smart enough or mentally healthy enough to do this major. Professional help is not an option I want to take so please don’t recommend it. What can someone who didn’t learn much in high school due to mental health issues expect in college if they’ve only been getting worse over the years? I’m not sure what I’ll do if it turns out computer science isn’t for me, or if college isn’t for me seeing as this is something I really want to do but simply may not be able to handle. I would appreciate any insight on this as to whether or not I should attend college in my current situation.

I don’t know if community colleges still offer theses types of programs, but my brother had very low high school grades, passing just barely high enough to play sports. He worked for a couple years driving and delivering for a beer and soda distribution company. Schlepping kegs of beer into basement bars got old fast. When he wanted to go to college he did a program that was kind of a bridge or grade repair transition program, then did community college then transferred. College took him an extra year, but he now works as an engineer for the state department of transportation.

The first, the most important issue, is your mental health.

As a mom and a teacher, I would strongly suggest that you postpone school until you have that under control.

If you were combatting pneumonia or cancer or ulcers, I would suggest that you work with your doctors to take care of that health issue before returning to school. Your mental health is no different, and no less important.

This isn’t about you being “dumb” or about your major or anything else. It’s simply hard to to your best when your health is an issue, and apparently your mental health is a stumbling block at the moment.

Why is professional help not an option? Again, if you had an ulcer you would go to a doctor, why is this not the exact same thing? How do you expect to get better without professional help?

One of the many wonderful things about college is that the old timeline simply don’t apply. There’s no rush to get to it, so get your mental health issues under control and then think about college.

I agree that professional help would be valuable to you, as @bjkmom said.

But to address your question, i would think it would be good to start at a CC. Maybe only take 1-2 classes at a time at first. Maybe take a lower level Math than you might think. So say you got to pre-calculus in HS, take College Algebra as a Math instead of going on to Calculus. Maybe take an intro to programming class to see if you enjoy it.
Basically…take baby steps.