<p>Our S also does not seem to like the privates where he would get $$ merit; it would be going down in quality. He is a bright kid who was bored and did not apply himself in high school; going to a lower tiered private would be much of the same for him.</p>
<p>S likes large universities, so size is not an issue for him.</p>
<p>The only new applications he seems willing to fill out are for more reach type expensive privates - we applied RD for everything, so now it’s just waiting. He’s been accepted on 2 rolling admissions - </p>
<p>Part of me keeps hoping my EFC calculations were off. I’d be willing to take out loans myself if it were just him, but there are 2 D’s down the road…</p>
<p>This is an interesting topic of ‘quality’…and the cost of it…</p>
<p>Seems like a majority of S and D in these threads are very bright - high SATs but not really in line with their grades…
And the reasons for that could be boredom, motivation, horrible teachers etc. etc etc?</p>
<p>Couldn’t those same problems still be there in their college years…no matter what school they go to? Would a more costly school be better equipped to turn a 3.0 student into a 4.0 one?</p>
<p>Pepsmom…it’s a good thing to muse about. I don’t know if any of us know whether our kids will “shape up” in college. I’m basing my own predictions on certain things I know about my son and our district and its kids and how they do in college, as well as some personal experiences. Your mileage may vary…and our mileage may vary!</p>
<p>NEMom - congrats, solid is a good place to ‘B’ - get it? Enjoy it.</p>
<p>Anyhow, we are of the mind set that it’s going to be up to him…we are providing a choice of schools to go to, ones that we believe will provide a good higher education. </p>
<p>I doubt that by not spending 20 or 30k more a year we are robbing him of an educational opportunity. Atleast I hope that’s not true, as that’s alot of blame to be carrying around.</p>
<p>PepsMom, I understand what you are saying. For my S, where he really showed his colors was in his Chemistry/AP chemistry class. Part of it is that he just clicked with the material; he had teachers who saw his potential and were incredibly encouraging and patient with him. He finally saw what life could hold for him and started to work to his potential.</p>
<p>I think that if he went to a school where his peers were taking pre-calculus and the chemistry class was maybe more geared toward an advanced high school level, he’d be turned off.</p>
<p>I have been explaining to him that if he went to a more challenging school, he’d be with others who were smart and used to working to their potential. I think it will be a challenge for him to work on that level, but it will be great if he can pull it off. And I think that he can, others on CC have seen this problem with their kids, most likely a lack of maturity.</p>
<p>He has seen what his lack of motivation has cost him so far - the merit aid he will not get at selective schools will cost him the chance to go there. So he will have to work hard in college if he wants to consider graduate school. It’s really up to him.</p>
<p>Just to add some perspective, my best friend’s son has an intellectual disability (his IQ is below 70). She would be thrilled to be in any of our “average” shoes.</p>
<p>RTR - great point…now that’s adding some perspective…we are fortunate to just be having this discussion</p>
<p>martina99 -
I see your point and we share similarities in situations - but don’t colleges ‘level’ you - don’t you take exams to place you - I know UConn has a few levels of Calc… don’t most colleges have diff levels of classes, so your peers might be in any one of them?</p>
<p>I’m hoping that it’s not just the expensive colleges that offer that?</p>
<p>Sorry, I think some of my frustration was showing…
Are any of you like me, when visiting these colleges, I think - boy if I could be the one going here - oh look, they have a gym - oh look at that pool! Hey look, no cooking! Hey, they have bands and comedians and sports games! Look at all the neat things I could learn and be!</p>
<p>I remember my parents talking to me (and I didn’t listen) and now I think I sound like my parents when talking to S. Boy, what the years do…</p>
<p>You know, in any event, as it’s been pointed out - we are all lucky…
and what will be, will be.
Here’s to a New Year and much more good news!</p>
<p>Pepsmom, I guess I am think in terms of a lowered tiered school than UConn.</p>
<p>Two of our in state schools are possibilities for S, they would be a good academic fit. I just worry about budget cuts/overcrowding, maybe he would get less personal attention or opportunities.</p>
<p>I’m sure OOS publics have good programs too, it’s just a lot costlier. In our situation, the only privates that would give us the merit aid to make it affordable would be those that ranked lower than a UConn or UMass. These seem to be one step up from a community college. And that may be ok for many majors, but for engineering I’m not so sure that would be a good idea.</p>
<p>And I don’t mean to come across as S being a superstar. He belongs firmly in this thread. Yes, he is bright, but up to now he’s been his own worst enemy. He’s done ok so far in his senior year, but he has significant hurdles to overcome in terms of showing his long term commitment to taking responsibility and following through on things.</p>
<p>I would consider giving him a shot at an expensive school if there is some way to make it workable. But it would be with the understanding that if he starts screwing around again, he’ll have to transfer back to the local state school.</p>
<p>This is a topic I suspect many of us have spent hours musing about–what is the best fit our child: the fastest track on which the child can get into, to inspire/force them to reach their potential? The fastest track on which they are likely to do better than average, so they gain confidence? The fastest track where they will not slip through the cracks and will be nurtured/mentored/pushed? The affordable place they will be happy to go to?
I know that the parents on this thread have agonized over these issues and have gone to differing–but all valid–conclusions, often depending on whether they view their child as an underachiever because of inertia; or an underachiever because of lack of attention by teachers; or a simple solid B student who is working hard. And there is the money factor.
I wish everyone a feeling years from now they made the right decision. So far, we think our search for a little slower track, but with very active mentoring, was the right idea in our particular instance, where we think teachers can inspire greater effort and inspiration than he would find on his own, but only time will tell.</p>
<p>martina and yabeyabe,
We never got to go to ‘real’ college, instead taking the night course track, which is fun ;-(
So I think I need to get over putting myself in S’s shoes…</p>
<p>But it’s frustrating, as instead of being like martina’s son - on track now, S has taken a big left turn in his senior year. We just found out about it and some things are in real jeopardy…
<em>Hopefully</em> it will be a wake up call…</p>
<p>And hence, my musings/conflicts over throwing money to great colleges when we are working harder than he is…and yet as a parent, we certainly want to give him every opportunity we can afford…what a conflict.
Thank you for the post martina, I hope I did not come across harshly, if so I apologize, I am wrestling with many feelings. I do totally understand having a student that does not, for whatever reason, do/try their best.</p>
<p>yabeyabe - you are very wise, bringing up so many good points…</p>
<p>PepsMom - my heart goes out to you. Hopefully, this winter break will give your son (and you?) a chance to regroup a bit. </p>
<p>I’ve know many kids (interestingly, most boys, except for one girl…) who totally wasted their freshman or sophomore years in college before settling down. However, they are then in a position of having to make up the lost semester or year, so it ends up costing more. So, I understand your frustration.</p>
<p>Yours might be the kind of kid that a “gap year” really helps. So many colleges recognize the value of this, and allow kids to postpone their admission. (Although generally, they cannot take any academic courses during this year.) </p>
<p>There are times when I, too, feel that I care about this college choice stuff more than S2, because he is off in his own “senior universe” most of the time. But he comes home to land once in a while, finally does talk to me about his applications, and I can tell he is serious about his future - he just wants to have a memorable last year in high school too.</p>
<p>I spend so much time agonizing over how to get this right, but my own brother’s colorful collegiate history just clicked for me. He went to:</p>
<p>Community college, left when they went on strike
Small, well-regarded state U, left for the big city
Flagship U, flunked out
Technical college, obtained 2-year degree
Mid-sized state U, obtained 4-year degree</p>
<p>Obviously it took a bit longer than is traditional (or did it? Half of all students who start college don’t finish), but he got there. Currently he is a corporate VP in a national real estate firm and seems to be able to support himself. He could probably be a great college counselor . . . or internet poster!</p>
<p>I have a little experience with B students reaching their real potential or maybe not… All of my kids (one three years post college, one senior in College, and one junior in HS) are or were B kids in HS. My daughter excelled in College and graduated with high honors. Her brother is a B student in college and has found most of his classes challenging. I don’t think my daughters college was any easier then her brother’s but maybe she figured out how to study/work better. I’m glad he didn’t attend the college that was supposedly more rigorous and I’m not sure it’s always a good strategy to push kids to go to the hardest college that they are accepted to. </p>
<p>Once the kids pick a major, they will be competing with other students who are also probably very good in that field. It’s not like in HS where you have kids in classes who don’t want to be there or might not be good at that subject. ALL of the students most likely picked that major, because they also have a passion for it.</p>
<p>I applaud Northeastmom’s strategy in prioritizing colleges that have a low gpa requirement to keep merit aid. Those are the kinds of colleges that my older kids went to and while the low gpa has not been a problem I’m glad that they did not have to worry about it if they thought they might get a C in a class.</p>
<p>Peps, hang in there. A lot of kids get senioritis andlet their grades drop. Often, I think it reflects fear of the future (or a first encounter with romance or partying).<br>
We all obsess over picking the right school and so often it comes down to whether they click with a roomate; make a good frien dquickly who has good study habits; and find a major that excites them.</p>
<p>I don’t think we’re out of the woods with S by any means. I have my fingers, toes, and anything I can cross crossed that maybe this is finally it. I am still tensed to have the other shoe drop yet again. I understand your frustration.</p>
<p>You want the best for your child, try to give them your best advice, but they won’t always listen.</p>
<p>You guys have brought tears to my eyes, and I’m not usually one for that. </p>
<p>OH heck, digs I was about to write about alot of stuff and deleted it.
Thank you for your history on your brother - I know there is hope, and you did give a refreshing outlook on this…as we had to do the alternative college experience…but we had jobs, and those are few and far between right now. But I do appreciate that post, it’s the real world that I grew up in. And for the most part I had to work really really hard, but I’ve gotten 3-fold back.</p>
<p>Gosh, I just want more for S, he is so brilliant, however I have to be realistic at this point. It’s not over with, and I have apprehension, not can he do it, but will he do it…reports come out by early Feb and I <em>hope</em> I have something positive to report.</p>
<p>kath - good point, actually excellent point on majors - in any school, you will be competing with your peers… interesting.
thank you all again</p>
<p>After this is ALL OVER let’s get together - one big on line party, we will all take a collective breath, put our feet up and have a glass of wine</p>
He could probably be a great college counselor . . . or internet poster!</p>