<p>It’s typical, unfortunately, that even after RocketRider explained what she did to prepare the school to deal with the allergy, she is being blamed for the unforgiveable incident that happened.</p>
<p>If I were RocketRider, I would now own all the assets of that school, after the lawsuit.</p>
<p>^^ I hear you. </p>
<p>As far as consolation and PP’s differing views about what to do with an idiotic school, I would just want to point out (mainly to PP) that not everyone has the choice to just bail on their situation. Not every town has another school to go to. And if they were idiots in one school, it’s likely they are reflective of the district. So moving would be both irritating, disorienting, and pointless. Not every parent (not saying consolation is in this group) has the financial means to sue, either. Not every parent has the means to fight a school AND NO PARENT SHOULD HAVE TO OVER THIS. Yes, I yelled. It’s just so simplistic to say “oh, I would move my kid”. Well, maybe you can’t. Maybe it doesn’t help. And don’t anybody bring up homeschooling. That’s the world we want? Let’s just cave to stupid, mean people and let them run the world, badly? Not because they CAN’T but because they just WON’T? </p>
<p>MAYBE the point of ADA is to make sure idiot schools can’t get away with making it one person’s p/t job to police, educate, and advocate for their child’s civil right to be safe. All over food. The lesson you teach that 5 year old is that s/he has to stand up for herself, advocate for herself, call for help, count on backup, and blaze a trail for the people behind her. You teach her she is worth fighting for. That is the lesson we’ve taught our son – you can’t ask for more than you ought, and you have to do a lot of the work,be nice and educate, but don’t ever let people convince you that you are unreasonable or demanding because THEY are lazy and slacking. </p>
<p><em>gets down off soapbox</em></p>
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<p>There are also studies that show a positive impact of ADA on employment rate. The review by Moss and Burns in 2007 says that “employment effects of the ADA have been, at best, mixed.” Not a homerun, not a failure - mixed. They also indicate that law improved employment rates for the portion of the disabled population most clearly protected by Title I.</p>
<p>One thing most of us who don’t have a direct relative/friend who must live daily with this serious and sometimes life-threatening issue need is MORE EDUCATION AND KNOWLEDGE about such issues. </p>
<p>Especially with those of us who grew up before these issues were put forth before public awareness.</p>
<p>greenbutton:</p>
<p>I agree with you that you should teach a 5 year old they are worth fighting for. However, you do it AFTER you have removed them from the life threatening situation. I say that when your child’s LIFE is in danger from idiots you find a way to afford it. This is not a case of advocating for accommodations on a test, this is a child’s life. RR was absolutely right to remove her child from that environment. </p>
<p>If you choose to place your 5 year old in danger because of lazy and slacking people more power to you. This is not the same thing as advocating for special ed or a parking spot or whatever. This child’s very existence was in danger. If you choose to see what RR did as some sort of caving in the powers that be, that is your perogative. But I would not have kept my child in that situation. No way.</p>
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<p>Agreed. But they lawsuit would have occurred AFTER you removed your child from the life threatening situation right? I can’t imagine a parent using their child’s life to prove some sort of point with anyone.</p>
<p>In a specific sense, of course that’s the way to go and we are in agreement. In a general sense, it is not always as simple as we (who do not have to make the choice, after all) make it out to be. Again, what if there isn’t another choice? There’s no other school, you are a working single parent. Why should that person have to fight a school for their child’s safety in the first place, that’s my point.</p>
<p>PP:{{IMO no responsible parent would keep their child in a situation which is both life threatening and emotionally painful to prove some person is an ingnoramus or to prove some sort of point. You don’t do that to a 5 year old. }}</p>
<p>Why does that sound so sanctimonious? Obviously I did not keep her there. But neither should they have been able to force us out for the fear of my daughter’s life. All it takes is <em>one</em> obdurate or ignorant person in a position of authority, who feels that my child is too much trouble/ a symbol of an overreaching government/ better off dead/ should just not eat the food/ to create this dangerous situation. It was not ME creating the situation, it was THEM. There were a number of neighboring school districts that were dealing proactively and well with peanut allergy; I had all sorts of practical information produced by them for use by other schools; they were proud their students could attend safely with a few changes like dedicated desks and keyboards, etc. Really, not so hard. One marvelous elementary principal I talked to, on hearing some of our problems with our school, offered to call our principal and share some of her methods for making school safe for her food allergic students. </p>
<p>He refused to take her calls. I have to imagine that was on the district’s lawyer’s advice. And this is before my daughter was nearly killed. Can’t claim you knew better if you kept your fingers in your ears and went: “Lalalalalalala…” </p>
<p>It is very, very difficult to sue a school. We did file a civil rights complaint. But one of the ways we “worked with the school” was succumbing to their pressure not to get an IEP for her. And no IEP, no violation, no actionable claim. We actually tried to enroll her in first grade, thinking now that they understood how serious this was, they would actually get behind safety measures. Hahahaha, no. They wanted us <em>gone</em> and used “safety measures” like making her eat alone on a stage in front of the rest of the school; (the idea of a pillory – an oldie but a goodie!) confiscating goodies from any kid who dared sit with her; making sure there were insurmountable hazards to her attending field trips; making sure she was sent to an empty room for parties in her class… all these wonderful things. We lasted 6 weeks. </p>
<p>Yes, it is horrible admitting defeat, and that you have failed utterly in advocating for your child. And I had fought before: things like the community preschool program who first would not admit my dd, and then insisted I stay in the hall (with a newborn) the whole time of her attendance – a letter to the Office of Civil Rights citing the ADA got them straightened them out. Other people have told me their allergic kids have attended this program with epipens accepted and not a hair turned, because I was a trailblazer. But there come a time when you cannot fight anymore. The danger is too present; they do not WANT to “get it” and you are defeated. Several years later I read a newspaper story of a mom with a young son in my district having the <em>exact same</em> experiences as I did-- the party shunning, the field trips denied; I contacted her with my story, and my civil rights case number. She was grateful to tears she was not the only one. I can only hope it chipped away at the problem. </p>
<p>And a last point: we were fortunate that we could homeschool; however being a single income family for so many years will have profound implications for our savings for retirement, and paying for college for 3 kids. All these years we have paid taxes for our schools, and have had no benefit from it. Even if the homeschooling has turned out well – and it has, see the “helping homeschoolers with admissions” thread – we should not have been forced into that “choice.” Many others would not be in the circumstances to do well with it, and they shouldn’t have to. </p>
<p>Anyhoo, to bring it all back around to the topic of the thread, I hope that my story has illustrated exactly why the ADA and the pressure of law is needed, at times, to get people to do the right thing. Because lots of times, they just can’t see why they should have to.</p>
<p>RocketRider, I think you know this, but just in case I want to make it absolutely clear that I in no way at all would have the gall to criticize how you handled the situation or your decision to homeschool, or your decision to try again before that. </p>
<p>I certainly am not advocating, as PP implies, that people have an obligation to sacrifice their little children on the altar of social justice. There comes a time when enough is enough.</p>
<p>In fact, it sounds to me like you did everything possible to make it work. You made a noble effort.</p>
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<p>That’s the bottom line.</p>
<p>I’ve seen how my alma mater has changed its physical plant (installing ramps, etc.) to enable disabled students to more fully participate in college life and I think it’s wonderful – in “our day,” I don’t remember any students in wheelchairs – they probably just were told not to attend since the facilities weren’t accessible. It pleases me to see the needs of others considered. I feel the same way about accommodating serious food allergies and so forth. It feels churlish to me otherwise.</p>
<p>My kid was that medically fragile child of a single mother, and there were several times in his early years where I felt as though I had no choice but to keep him in a potentially unsafe situation. </p>
<p>Because of the difficulties of finding care in the city where I live/work, my child was on daycare waiting lists for more than a year before he was born. I toured daycares and paid for waiting list slots before my first meeting with the social worker that lead to the homestudy that allowed me to adopt him. Despite this advanced planning, by the time he was born and my maternity leave and the following summer were over (I’m a teacher) he had made it to the top of 1 list. When his medical issues were diagnosed there was no way to simply change centers. I had no remaining FMLA protection until the following year. Losing childcare at that point would have meant losing him, as I wouldn’t have been able to work to pay for the insurance that paid for the medical care that cost more than my annual salary. The adoption agency would have pulled him back.</p>
<p>So, when the daycare teacher of the class he was supposed to be in told me “I don’t want him here, I’ll be too sad when he dies”, and the director said “I’m sorry but I need to honor my staff’s wishes you’ll have to find care elsewhere”, it was the mention of ADA that lead to her finding him a space in the other class.</p>
<p>When I arrived at daycare to find him asleep, with his apnea monitor unplugged and an assistant teacher who told me she was “keeping an ear out in case he stopped breathing” (whatever that sounds like), I started looking into centers for medically fragile kids, but I didn’t pull him. </p>
<p>When we finally got to the new center, the one with the full time nurse, and I came to work and discovered that they’d forgotten to feed him, even once, during an 8 hour school day (kids with feeding tubes don’t cry when you forget to feed them), I started looking for a third center, but I didn’t pull him right away.</p>
<p>When he ran out of life-sustaining medication at the same second center, and the nurse didn’t remember to tell me until I told her how alarmed his doctor was at his decreasing lung function, I didn’t pull him, just prayed we make it through the few remaining weeks in the school year. </p>
<p>When the nurse at the third center called me to say that the bus driver had come to pick him up (driver because they were across town and open 6 hours a day, while I, of course, worked 8) in a new van with no carseat, I flew across town to rescue him, and thanked her profusely, but the next day I sent him back on that bus, which by then did have a carseat, because I had no other choice.</p>
<p>All of these things happened before his 2nd birthday. In every case it broke my heart to send him back, but still, looking back, I don’t know what else I could have done.</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing, CuriousJane. What a heartbreaking tale.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, we had two students in wheelchairs at my SLAC when I was an undergraduate. All public buildings were handicapped accessible, but they told the two students to pick where they wanted to live, and the college then made those dormitories/rooms/bathrooms handicapped accessible for those students, as it was too costly to redo all the dorms and frats at once.</p>
<p>I should add that that baby is the teenager for whom I posted about choosing between football and a stage management program. So a happy ending.</p>
<p>CuriousJane- Thanks for sharing. Cheers to you both.</p>
<p>There are other avenues for dealing with these things, besides law suits, just in case anyone is dealing with a medical situation with potential dangers (as we did at one time). Once all options have been exhausted with meetings with school or day care or other facility (including meeting with administrators):</p>
<p>You can call the Federal Dept. of Education’s Office for Civil Rights. Before making an actual complaint, they can come check out the situation and do training.</p>
<p>You can call the state Dept. of Public Health and talk to a liaison for the school, day care or other organization. Or the state Dept. of Education’s “quality assurance”, as it is called in my state.</p>
<p>You can call child protective services to report the school, day care or other organization for medical neglect.</p>
<p>You can contact an organization such as the Federation for Children with Special Needs or another health advocacy organization focused on a particular health need, for help with advocacy and communication.</p>
<p>It is hard to monitor care on an hourly basis, or spend time at the facility monitoring care, if the parent works, but that is always another possibility, even if only during or after a crisis.</p>
<p>Finally, fear of lawsuits can motivate far more than kindness or concern: a quick visit to a lawyer for $150 that you let the facility know about with a smile, can do wonders.</p>
<p>The choice isn’t necessarily between sending a child and keeping the child home.</p>
<p>Compmom,</p>
<p>You’re right there are lots of ways to respond to an incident such as I describe or RocketRider’s far more terrible story, I did some of the things you describe, and not others, and had some success and some failures. The existence of the ADA, and it’s extension to include individuals with medical issues, is a key part in making there are avenues to address the issues exist.</p>
<p>However, it doesn’t change the fact that in the moment an individual with a disability, or the parent of an individual with a disability, needs to make a choice, do they stay (while fighting or not fighting), walk away completely (while fighting or not fighting), or withdraw temporarily while fighting for the right to return with things changed. Regardless of what one does on the outside, the individual or the person making the decision for an individual who isn’t in a position to do so for themselves (like a baby or a 5 year old), has to make a decision that comes down to “what do we do tomorrow?”</p>
<p>My post was intended for those who are maybe just starting down the road. As for what to do tomorrow, often, the only choice is to withdraw, regroup and decide on what to do next week.</p>
<p>And my point is that sometimes withdrawing, even long enough to recoup, is not an option.</p>
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<p>Amen.</p>
<p>I think that humans, at the top of the food chain, bioaccumulate toxins over the course of their own lives, and from generation to generation. Our increasing toxic burden makes us less healthy, and makes us more allergic. If you would like to read a fantastic writer on the subject, look up Sandra Steingraber’s books.</p>
<p>Not getting to send our kids to school with a PB&J may be the price we pay as a society when we refuse to prevent pollution.</p>
<p>Curious Jane, just as an outside reader of the thread, I’m pretty sure compmom is trying to be supportive of anyone who finds themselves in this situation and diseminate information, not criticize you or your incredibly challenging situation.</p>
<p>fwiw.</p>
<p>Also, I’m sorry you have had to go through so much of this. It seems as if it must be exhausting. </p>
<p>It is good to hear the stories. They show us all how our perspective is so skewed by our own circumstances.</p>