<p>No. My kids did not live with me when they were 20-years old (other than about 3 weeks out of the year), so I have no idea if they did anything stupid at that age.</p>
<p>My kids didn’t go off to college when they were 18- like I mentioned they both took a gap year. Oldest volunteered with CityYear full time, as they were obligated to use public transit to & from, it meant she had about 10 hr days ( this was when she was 19). Didn’t really have the interest or energy to " party" with that lifestyle.</p>
<p>My youngest worked two jobs for about 5 months to earn money for her " volunteer vacation" & actually celebrated her 19th birthday on the beaches of Goa.
I assume beverages, amongst other things were consumed, but she was thousands of miles away. ( drinking age in Goa, is 18)</p>
<p>I have also been on my own since I was about 17 & 1/2, and very, very few of my peers from high school went off to college- we were all working & paying rent- if we did something stupid- logical consequences took care of it.</p>
<p>I would agree that using substances can contribute to making bad decisions, but a bad decision exacerbated by liquor when you are 20, is going to be indistinguishable from the same decision when you are 21.</p>
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<p>True–if the underage drinker drinks to excess. Of course, some would probably argue that it is somehow irrational to draw a distinction between a 20 yr old having a glass of wine with dinner at the family dining table and an 18-yr-old downing 10 shots of vodka in half an hour in a dorm room.</p>
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<p>Uh, in what way do parents have control over what their kids do at college, unless the kids are caught and reported to them?</p>
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<p>Oh, I agree that none of us have control over what our kids do at college; we mostly don’t even know what they are doing but I never said that we did.</p>
<p>My point was that we all try to lay the groundwork for the choices they make in the first ~17 years while they are living under our supervision. After that, we can just hope that they behave in a way that’s consistent with the values of their own families.</p>
<p>Unfortunately IMO, the values of some families suggest that the rules and laws are only applicable to others who are just not as special, intelligent, mature or cool as they are. If they do fall afoul of these pesky rules, these kids can rest assured that mom and dad will pull out all the stops to make sure that the mean old police officers, administrators, or district attorneys do not mete out the usual consequences which only apply to lesser mortals.</p>
<p>I do think that this attitude, which I’ve often seen in posts in the parents forum, does have some connection to the freedom so many underage college students feel in breaking the drinking laws. I really don’t expect the culture to change anytime soon, but if the parents made sure that the kids understood that underage drinking is completely unacceptable to them, kids might not feel quite so sanguine about doing it anyway.</p>
<p>Loads of parents refuse to pay tuition for kids who don’t maintain a particular gpa or major in areas the parents think are worthless. Neither of these things are against the law but a lot of the kids who post here are concerned about their parents reactions to lower than expected grades. Shouldn’t they be even more concerned that their parents find out that they break the law on a regular basis?</p>
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<p>Good point. Our 19 year old D1, a sophomore at a Northeast LAC, doesn’t drink; in fact, she sometimes picks up a few bucks on weekends by being hired to be sober at college parties where alcohol is served, keeping an eye out for people drinking to excess and in need of assistance–something her college requires anytime alcohol is served on campus. But she did enjoy a perfectly legal glass of wine at dinner with us in Montreal, where the drinking age is 18, shortly before she started school; and she said she looks forward to doing that occasionally once she reaches the legal drinking age at home. Was it so terrible for her to have that legal glass of wine in Montreal? I don’t think so. Far better that than sneaking around and experimenting with other underaged friends, something she did a few times in HS but apparently got out of her system. Would it be terrible for her to accept an offer of a glass of win with dinner at a friend’s parents’ dinner table? Well, the illegality of it might give her pause, but in terms of her health and safety it’s hard to see that it would do her any more harm than the legal glass of wine she had at dinner in Montreal.</p>
<p>That’s all a far cry from doing shots, getting stone drunk, puking, passing out, being hospitalized for alcohol poisoning—things she’s seen from some of her classmates.</p>
<p>Everything in moderation, that’s what we teach our kids, and that includes food. We always allowed them to have sweets, soda, and many food some parents may consider to be bad for their kids. Our kids never sat in front of TV and eat a bag of cookies. Same with alcohol. They have always been offered wine at dinner table since they were 15 or 16, more often than not, they would decline. </p>
<p>Telling your kids that they couldn’t drink until 21 or else you wouldn’t pay for their schooling is unrealistic and would just lead to dishonesty between both parties. Some parents wonder why their kids won’t talk to them, maybe it’s because their parent’s expectation is so unrealistic that they would have to always watch what they say or risk in getting in trouble. </p>
<p>D1 started with her junior summer internship when she turned 21, which led to her permanent job. She was invited to many after work events where alcohol was served. She could certainly have just ordered a soft drink, but she was able to have one or two glasses of wine every once in a while without acting inappropriate.</p>
<p>@Bean60</p>
<p>I know exactly what you mean!! It steams my beans as well!
And I am a student actually, an 18 year old freshman.
I don’t know how it is for others, but for me I am not interested in alcohol whatsoever. Have not drank at all here at college. I’m here to study after all, and relying on substance to “have fun”/socialize, feeling out of control, and sick is not my idea of fun. I’m not sure why everyone my age group is so hyped about it, certainly people could wait a few more years… certainly adults do not drink that much as here in college.
That’s just my opinion.
Public drunkenness you speak of is another thing.</p>
<p>It makes me so mad that when I am trying to sleep at say 2,3am that people are talking (slurred) obnoxiously loud in the hallways so I can’t sleep. The RA does nothing, in fact I think she might be partying along with them. O__o
It just does not create a good atmosphere when you know everyone is going to doing tons of illegal drinking on a Friday, but to obey the law you have to do something else, usually with one friend or alone, on Friday night. It has become the norm for people to break the law.
And I am disappointed that I have only met 1 friend out maybe 10 that I’ve made that does not drink.</p>
<p>I hate that the university does not try stop it.
And I feel like the “oddball” when I say I don’t…and just feel awkward when a classroom starts talking about their drinking, when everyone’s underage.
People would stop doing it if the punishments were more severe, and get charged…they would not want to be kicked out either. But, the universities know that a few of their “bright” students are actually like this and drink regularly to being drunk, so for them it would do to let them be kicked out of their program when they need those students’ stats.
A major kicking-out of students would happen.</p>
<p>Perhaps if they enforced the rules well in the first place that would not need to happen as much and people would actually abstain from drinking…</p>
<p>I feel like those tacky drinking scenes you mentioned do bring down the university experience… which would otherwise be very decent and interesting.</p>
<p>Since drinking is not unique to college and will be present for the rest of your life, I feel it’s wrong that universities accept it’s part of the experience as do my peers (from the media and older students) and so are lenient.</p>
<p>At our orientation they even did not say “drinking is not allowed”, instead they said “if you do choose to drink…”, and it was basically telling everyone to not get caught by detailing all the ways they might check up on you. I felt like, are you kidding me?? It’s quite embarrassing that universities do this…</p>
<p>So basically I feel the same way as you even though I’m a kid…</p>
<p>Oh and want to add by the way I am European/directly an immigrant, so</p>
<p>(^got cut off on my mobile)</p>
<p>…so I think the drinking scene somewhat depends on culture. I think many European families do teach their kids the right way about alcohol since it’s more ceremonial at events in some European countries, but usually American families neglect it more and kids find out for themself, or it’s more casual.
In America this major college drinking culture has developed as well obviously.
And it’s bad that the adults at the university are letting it happen, because of pressure from administration from which someone must certainly have been the same way when they were in college. By bad example a drinking culture is created…</p>
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<p>Really? I have never heard of this and there are “loads?” What happens if the student gets a C when she is supposed to be earning Bs? Does she have to drop out? Why would a parent prefer a college drop out to a college grad with a C on her record?</p>
<p>Are you proposing that if our kids drink a beer and we find out we should force them to drop out of college by not paying tuition? Then what?</p>
<p>I disagree with the law, but my kids are aware of the risks of flaunting it: if they get caught they will have to deal with the consequences, which could include arrest and a criminal record.</p>
<p>“if they get caught they will have to deal with the consequences, which could include arrest and a criminal record.”</p>
<p>yes, only if they get caught.
how many do? not many.</p>
<p>"I disagree with the law "</p>
<p>teaching kids to flout laws and rules when they disagree with or do not like them.
teaching kids to be deceitful, sneaky, to do whatever they want and get good at not getting caught.</p>
<p>I find this sad and a bit scary.</p>
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<p>No, I’m not proposing that. My point was that parents often do threaten to withhold tuition when their kids do things the parents seriously disagree with (ie, getting married, changing majors - neither of which are against the law). There have been numerous threads on various issues in this forum over the years and there have been vigorous advocates for both sides. </p>
<p>If parents were clear that they would be deeply disappointed if their kids choose to do things that are illegal, most kids would think seriously about casual lawbreaking (which is what underage drinking is). Since so many parents really don’t care what their kids do at college as long as they graduate in 4 years, it’s not surprising that so many underage kids self-medicate themselves into oblivion to the annoyance and disgust of those who have to co-exist with them.</p>
<p>Wasn’t that the whole point of this thread?</p>
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<p>Fortunately. Why would I be hopeful that people get caught violating a law I think is stupid? Why would you?</p>
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<p>How do you know? College students are adults who do not live with their parents, and most of them are smart enough to know that they have the same rights to make decisions about their lives as I do.</p>
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<p>But don’t you understand? These people are ever so smart and ‘special’ that they are fully capable of choosing their own laws and standards and should never be expected to conform to the rules the rest of us lowly mortals/sheep feel we should obey ;)</p>
<p>Seriously, people who disagreed with laws they considered immoral (segregation, for example) broke those laws (rightly, IMO) in a very public way and accepted the personal consequences for doing so. Because of this, the laws were shown to be both unjust and immoral and they were changed. To put underage drinking in this category of “stupid” is just silly and self-indulgent.</p>
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<p>Apparently, there are 136 college Presidents who agree with me.</p>
<p>[Amethyst</a> Initiative » Signatories](<a href=“http://www.amethystinitiative.org/signatories/]Amethyst”>http://www.amethystinitiative.org/signatories/)</p>
<p>Thanks for posting the link to the Amethyst Initiative. I’m sure that moving the drinking age to 18 would make all the college presidents jobs easier since they could then completely wash their hands of this sticky problem. Obviously if the laws were changed then college drinking wouldn’t be illegal as long as the students were 18 or older. Hey, maybe we could solve the high school binge drinking problem by lowering the age to 14? Presto, problem solved!</p>
<p>Still, I missed the part where these college presidents said that kids under 21 should go ahead and ignore the law on their campuses. Going back to re-read now.</p>
<p>I think college presidents are saying 21 drinking age is stupid too. </p>
<p>I would assume most high schoolers age 14 are living at home. If they were doing binge drinking, I would hope parents would be aware of it and take some responsibility for their own kids. Instead of trying push the responsibility to college administrators, maybe some parental ownership would go a long way. As far as college presidents washing their hands off this “sticky problem,” why would it be their problem? Those students are 18, adults making adult decisions - to drink or not to drink. Maybe those presidents have such view because they actually do care about their students, and maybe with their close contact with thousands of students that they are seeing it is not working.</p>
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<p>This is the second time you have posted this slur in this thread. I do not see any of us who oppose this particular law saying anything about feeling that we are too smart and too special to conform to rules or describing anyone else as sheeplike, stupid, or lowly. </p>
<p>But if you want to cast yourself as a “sheep,” by all means have at it.</p>
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<p>I haven’t taught my kid to be deceitful or sneaky. I have encouraged him to carefully think things through and make up his own mind. He is a very thoughtul and fiercely independent-minded individual, who is pretty much immune to peer pressure. I find that the opposite of “sad and scary.” YMMV.</p>
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<p>How are you drawing the conclusion that parents really don’t care what their kids (adult kids) do at college? Because we have different view than you do about drinking? Do you really think you are a more responsible parent because of your stand on drinking? What make you think our kids are self medicating themselves into oblivion? Because they drink when they are not 21? Are you sure with you self-righteous and rigid view, your kids are not the ones out there boozing it up and you are the one who is in the dark?</p>