<p>My son’s LAC is quite tolerant regarding drinking on campus. Beer and wine fine, hard liquor, not so much. Why the difference between the two I have no idea. They do not care if the kids drink in their dorms and every weekend there are parties in the campus houses. There is no need to drive any place so that worry is alleviated. The town has nothing that caters to college students (bars, etc.) so all drinking is done on campus. The over 21’s occasionally go into the bigger city 30 minutes away for concerts and to go to clubs. A lot of kids, especially freshman and sophomores don’t even have cars. </p>
<p>As for pot, my son told me that security just tells them to smoke outside which is the same rule for cigarettes. </p>
<p>I am very glad my kid doesn’t have to worry about getting in trouble or kicked out, and that he doesn’t have to go into the woods to drink. </p>
<p>We also started offering our son to wine or a beer at home with dinner and allowed him to drink at weddings etc when he was 15/16ish. Personally, I believe it was our responsibility to teach our son how to drink responsibly and in moderation. He got that lesson after the first wedding when he went overboard (his older cousins kept getting him drinks) and had to suffer in the back seat of car for 3 hours on the ride home.</p>
<p>^^^Nope, I can’t swear at all that my kids aren’t doing things that I don’t want them to do. It’s possible that they may even choose to break the law since none of us (not even you) have raised perfect human beings. What I am sure of is that we haven’t sent mixed messages to our kids about drinking or breaking whichever other laws they may not feel like observing. They definitely know we will not be cool about that.</p>
<p>I think that it’s interesting that teaching kids to be law abiding, even when it might not be as much fun is “self-righteous and rigid” in you view.</p>
<p>I didn’t send my kids mixed messages either. I was very clear that I think the age 21 drinking law is stupid, and if they violate the law they must pay the consequences.</p>
<p>Look, clearly this discussion has really upset those of you who find it rigid and self-righteous to tell your kids to obey the law regardless of how you personally feel about it. I just don’t get what’s so unreasonable about that. My original question (post 32) was WHY it’s so very important for college age kids to consume the crappy booze and brews that they usually choose, when it’s against the law for them to do so. Apparently there are no answers to that question but it seems that many of them are passionately devoted to taking the risks associated with doing so.</p>
<p>I’m no Carrie Nation and I have no problem with modeling responsible adult alcohol consumption within the family. When our kids were 16 they were allowed to have wine and champagne at family dinners and special occasions at home. Of course, that’s perfectly legal in our state and I made sure they knew it. They also were allowed to have drinks on family vacations out of the country, where the laws allow 18 year olds to consume alcohol. We discussed the different laws in different places and fortunately DS and DD were mature enough to understand that behavior appropriate in one location is not appropriate in another.</p>
<p>Those of you who are ok with your kids’ underage drinking are certainly entitled to feel that way and I hope your kids don’t suffer any unpleasant consequences for doing so. I also hope that there aren’t any unpleasant consequences for others they may encounter while indulging. Is that reasonable?</p>
<p>It is important because it is fun and college students especially enjoy having fun an have the ability to do so. If you believe your kids never drink/drank at college while under age you are very likely mistaken.</p>
<p>Joblue, the only kids I know who have suffered unpleasant consequences from drinking are kids whose parents didn’t believe their kids would drink because they understood that drinking underage was illegal. Several people I know had to take their kid’s “angel” friends to the ER in the middle of the night to get a stomach pumped. </p>
<p>I’m continually amazed when I hear parents I know vehemently insist their kids don’t do anything illegal when I know for a fact that is far from the reality. But it is their prerogative to keep their heads in the sand.</p>
really…the only kids?..well, unfortunately, I’ve known too many kids(and adults) who have died from the direct result of drinking…and it certainly wasn’t just kids of parents who didn’t think they drank. Binge drinking is extremely dangerous, those who don’t think so are fooling themselves.</p>
<p>In my world (little though it may be) the only kids I’ve know who’ve suffered the consequences from binge drinking are the kids whose parents don’t think they drink at all. </p>
<p>Imo, more experienced drinkers (who are not alcoholics) tend not to binge drink.</p>
<p>Wow, Emilybee. Your contempt for parents who think/hope their kids don’t drink underage is pretty evident. Did you really enjoy hearing about the “angel” kids trips to the ER as much as it sounds like you did? Schadenfreude seems to be alive and well here.</p>
<p>In case you are including me in the “parents I know vehemently insist their kids don’t do anything illegal” I will refer you to post #122 on this thread. I’m doing this in the hope that if I someday in the future post about my distress over one of my kids getting into some kind of trouble, you will be able to control your glee. So far, I’ve been lucky and I hope you continue to be lucky in that regard, too.</p>
<p>If you want to think that because you let your kids drink underage that you’ve somehow protected them from future harm involving overindulgence that’s ok with me. Personally, I think it’s pure, dumb luck for most of us when our children manage to reach adulthood without any serious setbacks but I know that many parents like to claim full credit.</p>
<p>In any event, we’ve strayed very far from the OP’s question and I do like to try to stay on topic so I’ll just say (again) that I thoroughly sympathize with her and her daughter and I wish things were different on college campuses with regard to underage drinking.</p>
<p>^ Geeps, yes, pretty much that is what I believe. That does not mean they don’t get drunk, just that they don’t to the point were I would consider it binging and in need of a trip to the ER. </p>
<p>Sorry if you think I am showing contempt, Joblue. One only has to read the many threads on this board where parents insist their kids don’t drink; I especially like the ones who say “my kid doesn’t like the taste,” and then the real live college kids comes on the board and tells these parents what fools they are.</p>
<p>I stand by my earlier premise that it’s a social / sexual facilitator. One way of testing that would be to study the drinking patterns of HS couples who chose to go to college together and remain couples in college. I’d wager that there would be considerably less underage and binge drinking among the pre-coupled-up college students than among those who come to college seeking romantic connections.</p>
<p>I wish I had $1000 for every one of my daughters friends who told her they “swear” to their parents that they don’t drink or smoke pot. I could retire tomorrow.</p>
<p>Hmm, I haven’t really noted a lot of people getting “upset” here. Quite frankly, the tone of your posts seem closer to upset than most of the others.</p>
<p>As to why it’s so important to these kids to continue to drink when it’s against the law to do so, a few posters HAVE ventured to propose an answer or two to your question. Clearly they didn’t satisfy you, but the question was addressed. I’ll repeat a few of them, and will also add a few more.</p>
<p>Various possibilities why “college kids” do this:</p>
<p>It feels good when they drink.</p>
<p>Some kids lack confidence in social situations. They may believe that alcohol relaxes them and enables them to feel more confident in these situations.</p>
<p>Alcohol has been glamorized in movies, television, and real life, and they want to experience and model that.</p>
<p>It is a “forbidden fruit,” and human nature often compels people to obtain that which is taboo.</p>
<p>They are told they are “adults,” yet are also told they are not yet “adults,” and this confuses and angers them, so they attempt to rebel against this perceived incongruity.</p>
<p>Peers who they respect and admire are old enough to drink, and they want to be like them. They don’t want to be the annoying little brother, they want to be considered “equal” in all respects.</p>
<p>Alcohol reduces sexual inhibition, and since many young people think quite a lot about sex, they feel this may increase their chances of experiencing it.</p>
<p>Their friends may be doing it, and they lack the confidence to resist peer pressure.</p>
<p>They believe their odds of being caught are negligible.</p>
<p>They may lack the ability to foresee the consequences of their actions.</p>
<p>They are depressed or anxious and believe alcohol will help to alleviate those conditions.</p>
<p>They have role models who have expressed that moderation is the key and as long as they are being moderate, they don’t believe they have broken any moral code.</p>
<p>They believe the drinking laws are absurd.</p>
<p>They may have developed an addiction for it, and feel that they “need it.”</p>
<hr>
<p>Above are many reasons why people who have not reached the age of 21 drink alcohol in spite of the fact that it is illegal to do so. Please note that I have not said any of the reasons above are logical, sensible, accurate, or wise. They just ARE.</p>
<p>^Crossposted with Nrdsb4, wow what a great list that responds to OP.</p>
<p>And Gadad’s idea is original and I’m finding it refreshing. When we try to unpack why people overuse serious drugs we get to “poor self-esteem” and start building them up as individuals.</p>
<p>Perhaps all the drinking is because young people at this age have “low couple esteem.” They are so blooming nervous about meeting, exploring and maintaining new romantic relationships. If it’s that, we should move towards, I don’t know what, more social coaching. Oddly, the last thing a young adult would rate himself poor in is “social networking” but offline, they’re kind of terrible at it.</p>
<p>So I believe they hype up before a party with alcohol for that courage to greet a girl or the girls to lose some inhibitions = get loose, dance, have fun and so be seen (to self and others) as a more fun, attractive catch. They don’t seem to have confidence in their own ability to have fun without the alcohol.</p>
<p>^^^^
Seriously, bad parents? No, they just have kids who are hours or thousands of miles away who tell them what they want to hear. Bad parents…no. Naive, perhaps.</p>