New Yorker at Ole Miss, for touristy reasons?

Parents Forum
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<p>How much do you and your daughter know about SEC rush and sorority life? Rush is not for the faint of heart and is often not kind to quiet introverts. My advice is for you both to spend some time really looking into what these things are like. Greekchat is a great resource, but you must visit and speak to actual students, and closer to the time attend any Greek Preview events. You can do all the ‘surface’ things: recs, clothes, grooming quite easily. There is plenty of advice, pictures, videos on all this. Your daughter can ensure she has the grades to rush (Ole Miss and Bam publish chapter grades. You need at LEAST a 3.0). </p>

<p>However, does your daughter understand what it’s like to be one of 2000-odd girls, all dressed the same, going to up to 8 parties in one day, making conversation and trying to make a connection with someone in 10 minutes or so? Being enthusiastic about all the singing and chanting? Because this is what rush is like. Being outgoing, selling yourself, talking, having questions for your rusher to hand, being able to answer ‘what’s your major?’ For the 6th time that day and make it interesting. Being able to stand out so that the night’s voting, the girls she met will vote her through to the next round. Will she be able to put all gossip aside and continue to visit the houses she has left, even if they are not her favourites? And doing this when she is exhausted, far from home, and at most SEC schools (not Ole Miss) in her first week on campus before classes have started or she has even made friends?</p>

<p>If accepted, does she understand that membership of a Greek org requires that you give up some of your individuality for the sake of the group? Those who like to do their own thing may find southern Greek life a bit of a struggle, as there is an emphasis on conforming and fitting in. Understand that she will be spending a lot of time with other people either in mandated events or with the new girls she has met. There are a lot of scheduled activities, so your daughter needs to have great time management skills to do these and study (although all sororities will have study hall too). Some people love this, but some personalities may find the lack of alone time exhausting.</p>

<p>Finally, you have posted about college costs. Please also understand that at many SEC schools Greek life is phenomenally expensive. At Bama, it’s $3-4000 per semester (includes meal plan but not accomm - means you have to eat most of your meals at the sorority house to make it it worth it). And that’s before all the non mandatory expenses like tee shirts, mani pedis, trips away, outfits etc. (not all schools are as expensive, Auburn is much cheaper as the college owns the housing, it might be similar at Clemson which has suites not houses). </p>

<p>And yes, I am one of those quiet introverts who did survive a big rush, as did my sister at Bama, who is very similar to me. But I knew what it would be like from growing up in AL and prepared myself and went in knowing I had to fake it… It was worth it, I enjoyed my sorority, but I also enjoyed my time away from it :)</p>

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<p>Thanks for your honesty, at least. I loved my Greek experience, but “mandatory mani pedis” and “giving up your individuality” weren’t part of it. </p>

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<p>My oos D is at Auburn this year. No connections, knew less than nothing about sororities. She rolled her eyes at the letters of recommendation process - yes - you send them your picture and a resume, she certainly didn’t mind the shopping. She went in unsure if it was going to be for her or not. But in the SEC you really need to do it freshman year for the best opportunity. I wasn’t in a sorority so I didn’t really care one way or another, but we both decided she just go and see for herself.
My d is very comfortable in her skin, chatty, pretty…and yes, blonde. She had what is considered a very successful recruitment. What I most appreciate is the big sister and the older student “mom” who has taken her out for coffee and listened to her as she was a little homesick, a little overwhelmed with some classes and gave her strategies, set her up for tutoring and gave her a feeling of family. Of course she would have been okay on her own. But not knowing anyone and being 14 hours from home it has helped her get out there with their swaps, football games, meetings it got her immediately into the swing of things. I’m leaving in a few minutes to go see for the weekend for her sorority’s parents weekend. </p>

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<p>Even college girls who are not in sororities get mani-pedis and dress alike. A lot of them are even the same shade of orange all winter. :)</p>

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<p>I think the most important key to a successful recruitment at a SEC school is to know someone inside that will fight for you. Everyone has good grades and rec letters and nice dress. A few girls will make a connection with a sister during a party and that sister will persuade the chapter to offer a bid but that situation is rare. A few others don’t know anyone but have a hook - exceptionally pretty, a prestigious family or compelling extracurricular activity. Everyone else already knows people inside. Official recruitment starts before classes begin, informal recruitment starts long before. </p>

<p>If your daughter decides to attend and thinks Greek life might be for her it would make sense to start sending out feelers to cousins or camp friends or other acquaintances in the spring.</p>

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<p>I think Hanna’s posts are excellent. Does anyone know if it is possible to go through rush at Ole Miss, cut no sororities from your own invite list, and end up without a bid? How many sororities at Ole Miss don’t make quota? I think these groups are good possibilities. Somewhere I read Ole Miss is allowing sororities, new to that campus, to colonize. If that is true, those groups could be good possibilities. Some of the older, established groups will have their ideal bid list already made up before rush begins. And they will come close to pledging that list. However, there may be groups that look to unconnected young women to fill their quota. In that case she should be able to join a group and participate. I just don’t know the answer to that question. </p>

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<p>I am reading about “snap” bids at Ole Miss, being a possibility, when sororities don’t make quota. This is not something I ever heard of before. Evidently sororities who don’t make quota are able to make bids, after official rush is over, to rushees who dropped out at the final parties, because they didn’t get invites to continue or didn’t get invites from groups in which they were interested.</p>

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<p>OP again – this is all very interesting and informative. In D’s case, I think it could go either way.</p>

<p>We noticed that Ole Miss has ECOM - the Episcopal Church at Ole Miss. This is right up her alley. Does anybody know anything about the group, and the social role that it might occupy in campus life?</p>

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<p>Snap bids happen at other schools as well. Snap bids are offered after final parties from sororities that previously cut the girl. The girl gets a phone call, agrees to accept the bid and goes to bid day with everyone else. The difference is that she knows what is in her envelope. Getting a snap bid is unlikely but it does happen.</p>

<p>Sororities don’t want others to know they didn’t make quota and pledges don’t want other pledges to know they were previously cut so everyone keeps quiet. Conceivably someone might notice that so and so wasn’t at a party during preference night but that would be unlikely. </p>

<p>Girls can be offered a bid after bid day via continuous open bidding.</p>

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<p>I honestly find it LOL funny to be a pedigreed wasp in a part of the country where almost nobody gives a s * * t, only to venture to another part of the country where they do, but you’re now from the wrong part of the country! </p>

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<p>If you are a pedigreed wasp in another part of the country, it actually will matter. Also, your church will be a place your D can get many recs. people might not “lead” with a Greek affiliation as an adult, but once you and your daughter let it be known she wants recs, people will be there. Also, a friend had a daughter going to Bama and she posted on Facebook that her daughter needed recruitment recs. friends from high school, college, work, all came forward. A couple of women she worked with… Two friends’ mothers. Etc. most women who were sorrority members seem happy to write recs for girls IME. </p>

<p>Main thing down south, have the right clothes, and have a pat cocktail party chat. Btw, you need that in life anyway. It’s not complicated. Oh, and take her to Clinique or whatnot and have them give her a day make up, classy night make up and night club look. Have her write it down. </p>

<p>Good luck</p>

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<p>*I honestly find it LOL funny to be a pedigreed wasp in a part of the country where almost nobody gives a s * * t, only to venture to another part of the country where they do, but you’re now from the wrong part of the country! *</p>

<p>That is one way to look at it. Another way is there are just too many wonderful girls to fit into the most popular groups, which sometimes could fill their pledge classes with legacies alone. Since that is not optimum, some legacies will be cut fairly early in the process, after a few courtesy invitations. Imagine how they feel! They have been planning on mama’s sorority their whole life. That doesn’t mean the group doesn’t necessarily want them; they just can’t take all their legacies. Then there will be the high school friends of current members. Basically sororities are exclusionary groups. Yes, (at least for southern sororities) upper-middle class women are privileged. Those from families “in the know” are privileged. That’s just what it is. Take it or leave it. I think you are smart to be asking these questions beforehand. I agree with poetgrl’s post. Great advice. I’d add: right jewelry. Look and presentation are very important here. Poise is important. If that bothers you or your daughter, reconsider. It was a huge relief to me to not have daughters and have to deal with this. and yes - Good Luck!</p>

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<p>In fairness, from what you’ve all described, it sounds like any girl at the school is given the opportunity to present herself and be considered. D has typically not been the gregarious type who dazzles in a ten minute meeting. She’s more the type that people realize, after a year of knowing her, that she has been quietly supportive, nonjudgmental and loyal the whole time, and they ultimately appreciate her for it. She’s also been given some nice leadership roles where this matters and is recognized Over. Time. So, if she is self-aware about this, then she will need to think about whether she’s selecting a school where the social life unfolds in a way that is consistent with her strengths, or if she’s putting herself into a place where initial gregariousness is at more of a premium, and things will be closed off rather quickly if you can’t clear the initial hurdles by meeting expectations in a conventional or charismatic way. SoccerGirlNYC was evidently a quieter girl who deliberately and successfully navigated her way through the process. But knowing the culture, and having grown up in it, must also help. D would also need to acknowledge to herself that she wouldn’t be going in with that asset, either, if she wants to pole vault out of our region. I will read the Robbins book.</p>

<p>I think going far from home, in search of an unfamiliar kind of social life, is a risky endeavor. But when I meet young people in NYC who have “fled” the south (particularly at FIT, where I’ve had some involvement), I don’t think “oh, risky endeavor” . . . I think “you go, girl!” So how is this any different?</p>

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<p>^that is a fascinating question. As a southerner who “fled” and has now returned, I could write a book. Hoping others will weigh in.</p>

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<p>Write a book!!! Please!</p>

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<p>^lol!</p>

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<p>@fieldsports‌ - yes, totally possible for your daughter to shine. Every organization needs diligent, quiet, hard workers who get on with delivering, including sororities. As well as focusing on getting recs and clothing appropriate to the school’s rush, your daughter needs to focus on conversations. Look on Greekchat for lots of advice about this: how to phrase answers, how to keep the convo going, questions to have up your sleeve.</p>

<p>In addition, she can start practising at home. Go into Gap, and start talking with a sales assistant: “Hi there, you have cute sweaters in at the moment” and the salesperson will respond (they are trained to do so) - keep chatting and see where it goes. Or at family gatherings, talking to people she might not naturally gravitate towards. This, and practising some Q&A, will increase her chances of success.</p>

<p>I totally agree with Pizzagirl that recs hinder those not from a Greek background in having a successful rush - and even from rushing at all. understand that in some rushes, esp in the south, not having a rec or not meeting the minimum chapter GPA is likely to mean a first round cut. On Greekchat there is a stickied thread called ‘schools where you absolutely must have recs’. All the schools mentioned on your threads on CC will require recs - but there is stacks of info out there on how your daughter ( and it is her project, not yours) can do this.</p>

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<p>If rush is at the beginning of freshman year, how does the GPA factor in? SoccerNYC, thank you for those practical tips. I was born talking, and so was my elder one, so the life lesson for both of us has been to dial it back. Not what everybody needs!</p>

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<p>High school GPA is used </p>

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<p>All aspects of human life are competitive. In all parts of the country, lots of human activity is guided by the Groucho Marx principle – everyone wants to be a member of a club that wouldn’t have them as a member. Depending on the particular club involved, the criteria are different – Skull and Bones at Yale, Tri Delt soriority at Bama, Goldman Sachs, Augusta National Golf Club, Rhodes Scholarship, U.S. Supreme Court clerkship, a great job at Google or Kleiner Perkins, whatever. </p>

<p>But it usually doesn’t hurt to be good looking, wealthy, connected, high IQ, high social IQ.</p>