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Uh, that would defeat what child support is supposed to pay for - raising the child. Putz.</p>
<p>Good advice here…but this is a new poster, and I’m not believing the story. TWO MILLION DOLLARS income and there is no spousal or child support, no money for college in the divorce decree, no money available from the dad?</p>
<p>If true, it’s very unusual and sad on a number of fronts…but is it real?</p>
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<p>Wise Dad. 10 chars</p>
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<p>Some colleges label their need based aid as “institutional scholarship grant”. That’s why you hear a lot of parents proclaiming that their beloved kid got a scholarship from a so and so college but in reality, that “scholarship” is because they don’t make enough money and qualified for a merit based aid.</p>
<p>My friend who got zip for college for kids from her ex assumed that he would pay. Her state, PA, ends all obligations of child support at the later of age 18 and graduation from high school. No college obligations. Kids went to private k-12 school for which dad was court ordered to pay. Also alimony which was phased out and child support. I was actually surprised at how low the child support was, given that the father was a surgeon and had a lot of money. Also the divorce and settlements took a very long time which put my friend up against a financial wall and she made some concessions that she would not have otherwise made as she nearly lost her house. The kids had Uniform Gifts to Minors or some such thing that she assumed would be used for college. He used them all, as his right as the one holding and in charge of them, to pay for the court ordered private school and other expenses allowed by those funds. It was not a good situation to say the least. He fought over every little thing during the property settlements and ran up huge tabs. He would give his attorney a check and tell him it was to pay for whatever trouble that could be caused . Yes, it got that bad, and I got this straight from the ex, who I also knew well.</p>
<p>And this sort of behavior is not that unusual. There was a man, very well to do, name on foundations and funds all over the place who donated huge amounts to our private school, he was legacy there, even while his wife was suing him for payment for their son to go there. And she lost as he was not in the school at the time of the split. Insane.</p>
<p>The father who refused to pay for Yale was rejected from a number of such schools when he was applying to college, went to state U and decided that those schools that rejected him would never get a dime from him. So that he could comfortably afford to pay for his daughter to go there was not a consideration. He refused to pay despite, being a millionaire several times over, enough to donate what the cost of Yale would be to foundations that interested him and to which he loved to serve on boards and be feted. His money and he spent it the way he wanted to do so. </p>
<p>In some cases, the ex though is well heeled, may not have as much loose money as all think s/he does and if other families and kids are involved, it can get complicated. It’s not always a clean cut situation, but some of the cases I know about are. </p>
<p>I know of a situation now where the SAH mom is going to get her jewelry, that’s it. For all of their great high living her soon to be ex owns nothing–all owned by his parents and family and ex spouses get zippo and zilch. So it has been for years, and they live in a $10million house and he drives a Porsche and a Jaguar, neither in his name.</p>
<p>I’ve known families who walk on egg shells when the ex comes into their lives</p>
<p>Yep…and that ex may likely have a Personality Disorder. There’s even a book with “walking on eggshells” in the title.</p>
<p>Yes, I know that some merit scholarships have a need component. Often those are private scholarships. Most college merit awards do not. I do know that SOME do, but when you look them all over, most do not. Most do not require FAFSA filing. </p>
<p>And, yes, I know that some schools label their grants as “scholarships”. ha ha…we all know those are need-based aid. The affluent kid with better stats won’t get those. </p>
<p>I agree with Thumper that this story sounds a little odd. Unless the parents have been split for a LONG time and/or the dad only recently began earning millions, not only would there be very large child support awards, but also substantial spousal support AND a HUGE split of assets. The mom would be sitting on large assets of her own from the divorce. Plus, certainly her atty would have demanded a “pay for college” clause.</p>
<p>Agreeing with thumper1 here that the original post doesn’t sound genuine.</p>
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<p>Sounds like a kid pretending to be a parent . . . but not quite pulling it off.</p>
<p>The OP stated that the divorce was 1 1/2 years ago, and that the parent makes 2 million dollars. How likely it is that the parent is a crazy/con person?</p>
<p>There are always exceptions, but I restate that it is hard to believe that the parent would intentionally cut the kid off unless some major acrimonious battle happened. If the kid has/had any tact, I am quite sure he or she can get support from the parent.
Regarding the I-will-not-pay-for-an-Ivy parent, this may happen even in perfectly married families.</p>
<p>My point is, again, that unless some parent-is-a-child-molester-and-needs-a-restraining-order kind of weapon was detonated in the divorce fights, the parent who spent around 16 years with the kid and earns 2 million dollars is likely to contribute at least state-school level expenses to maintain good relations with the kid. This assuming the kid played nice the last 1 1/2 years.</p>
<p>Like some of you did, I also observed many strange divorce battles, and I saw many times one parent using kids as a weapon to hurt the other side. This never works well and all parts, both parents and the kids, may end up “mortally wounded”.</p>
<p>But this is not a “Dear Abby” thread, so I do not know why am I posting this… Perhaps just as a heads up for some kids and spouses out there reading in advance and planning for college: think about the long term and see if playing nice is a better option than the tit for tat approach.</p>
<p>The crucial question from the post is what to do when there is an ex, a NCP in the picture who has the money and funds to quash any chance of getting financial aid. Doesn’t matter what one thinks s/he has in money, all that matters is that he brings the family contribution up to what is unaffordable and she refuses to pay and doesn’t have to do so. The answer is that you don’t get financial aid in such a situation. As I stated earlier it doesn’t have to be a NCP either. If parents got it in terms of assets/income so that you don’t get aid, that they won’t pay it, is your problem. The schools are not going to ante up for those with parents who can but won’t pay whether the are NCP or not, if their rules require NCP info. The kid with the NCP is better off in that at least there are some schools out there that do not require NCP data whereas the one with the intact family is stuck.</p>
<p>There are very well to do folks here who work for a family business and when it comes to trying to nail them for any child support or alimony, it turns out that they are living off family and don’t have anything of their own. I know someone who is in that situation right now. Granddad pays all the bills for the family and pays out a pittance so divorces end up with very little money going to exes.</p>
<p>NotYourBusiness - I too have known people like this. They are vindictive, and their children remind them too much of their ex. Just because most of us here wouldn’t do the things they do doesn’t mean there aren’t quite of few out there who do.</p>
<p>These people are narcicists, and very controlling. I have a client whose ex is involved in his children’s lives, but is not willing to pay a cent toward their education - not even to a state school. They lived with my client, but the divorce decree states he gets to claim them on his taxes. This year his son claimed himself, because he is entitled to do so (he provides over half of his own support, so his parents can’t claim him). The father was upset because he couldn’t claim the son, and wants to claim his son’s education credit, even though he doesn’t pay anything toward that education. He accused his ex of claiming the son, and when he found out she didn’t he called the son and told him he better watch out, because the IRS would be after him in a few years. Sorry, the IRS doesn’t let that divorce decree overrule their rules - the son is no longer a dependent! </p>
<p>I can believe the OP’s story, because I know people like that. The OP might be the kid, claiming to be the custodial parent, but the situation itself is believable.</p>
<p>In New York it is extremely common in a divorce when parents went to college or expect kid to go to college to have in the separation/divorce agreement who pays for college in what percent and the payment can be linked to a private college index or public college index. I have no idea what the divorce practice is in other states, but I think it is really weird for that issue not to be mentioned in the agreement/court order, even if its that “mom gets a big child support check which shall include college tuition”</p>
<p>Muffy, for whatever reason, college costs are often not spelled out in divorce agreements for some folks I know. I know one mom just did not insist on it as her ex was a huge proponent of education being highly educated himself, and it did not occur to her that he would refuse to pay. Never entered her head. Plus there was the Unified Gift to Minors accounts that they had set up for college. It was a huge shock when he said he wasn’t paying. I don’t know what the story was with the attorney as he is a highly rated divorce attorney who did let this happen. </p>
<p>Other times when no settlement is forth coming and that is a sticking point, some vague language is put in there, again with the assumption that the ex is not going to stiff the kids. Some parents refuse to commit to paying for a college, wanting the same rights as a non divorced parent in this area. Getting the terms spellled out seems to be an issue, for whatever reason. I can tell you that some agreements were signed and money released in the nick of time before some folk I knew lost their homes, could not pay for anything. </p>
<p>The other situation is when state laws end all child support commitments at age 18 or high school and anything after that is between the now adult child and parent. Sometimes that takes precedence over any agreement. </p>
<p>But I don’t know of anyone whose divorce settlement spells out that the NCP will pay all or a portion of the cost of a college up to the most expensive private school. Not saying there aren’t any, but the very much upper middle income to upper income but not truly rich , divorces I have seen don’t seem to go into detalis as to who pays how much. </p>
<p>I know a family, the mom is who I know the best, and she is stepmom to a young woman who went to college ten years ago. Very well to do family with three kids in that second marriage, and child support was regularly paid to the mother of the child from the first marriage. When it came time for college, both my friend and her DH told the young woman they would only pay the state schools’ cost or 1/2 of a private schools cost, whichever was more. The came up with the COAs of the state school and that was the limit. THe young woman’s mother had very little in money and was not able to pay anything, so she did end up at a state school, angrily as she had a private in mind and wanted dad to pay or sign for loans so she could go there. He refused. But this is a family that has quite a bit of money. Don’t know why it wasn’t covered in the divorce terms.</p>
<p>This was a good suggestion, to just apply to those schools that don’t require the Non Custodial information. Unfortunately, none of the schools my son wishes to apply to are on that list, with the exception of Northwestern. </p>
<p>My son has a 4.7 GPA, 2300 SAT, National Merit Finalist, and all the EC you need to apply to Ivies and others. </p>
<p>I don’t feel my son should have to limit his choices based on my ex-husband’s selfish and misguided decision. So, I will pay. I have money in savings. It will be hard, but I will figure it out.</p>
<p>Now I wish I had not pushed my ex-husband to fill out the NCP. But I thought it would preclude my son from being even considered, so I did.</p>
<p>Thumper1: I assure you I am a parent of an upcoming college freshman. I run my own small business and my husband is an executive at a major corporation. My ex husband has broken off all contact with both of his sons (I know hard to imagine) and I was awarded full custody recently due to his negligence, poor parenting skills and immaturity. I could go into the whole sordid story, but I don’t want myself or my son to be able to be identified on this message board and with details, my soon to be college freshman son would be. Yes. There are parents out there like this. And to answer some of your doubt and a few others: Yes, I could have required that college payments be part of our divorce settlement. A number of years ago, my ex-husband would have agreed to that (in fact, he always told me he would pay for our children’s education 100%)–as we were on friendly terms. But all changed when he met his new spouse and she did not like our financial and emotional arrangement (we were very good friends). Under the law, child support stops when a child either turns 18 or graduates from high school. Believe me, I have asked about requiring him to pay college tuition but have been told by my attorney that support from a parent for college is not required by law. I PROMISE you my situation is real. </p>
<p>As I posted above, I have saved $$ and have also have a college savings plan, so my children will be fine. I also understand why the colleges/universities cannot assist in a situation like mine. There would be so much abuse of the system if they did. I just have a unique set of circumstances. Two highly gifted children that are top-notch school college material and a wealthy ex-husband who refuses to pay. I am not embarrassed of my salary. I am middle class and run my own business. It will work out.</p>
<p>Coming to the party late, but in NY (and NJ), courts can and will order college even if not in original order, even if order vague. It’s about best interest of child, and which parent can pay.</p>
<p>College costs are not spelled out in divorce cases–i know, i have been dealing with divorce since 2005 and a child custody legal battle (for three years), because a parent is not required by law to fund a child’s post high school education.</p>
<p>I will speak to my attorney about this tomorrow. I am not sure if that is the case in my state.</p>
<p>The latest list I have of states which will require an NCP to pay for college are Alabama, Connecticut, the District of Columbia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, North Dakota, Oregon, South Carolina, Utah and Washington, but these change all the time. Please PM me if you would like me to see if I can find anything on your state.</p>
<p>Yes. I agree. Very sad. My sons and their father had a wonderful relationship–and we had a conflict free divorce and co-parenting situation–until X met his new wife.</p>