I hate college right now and I don’t know what to do. I am a freshman at Penn State Main. I started out the semester in the College of Engineering, but recently switched to the College of Education (big move, I know). Because I initially was going for engineering, my course load was very heavy. For the first 3/4 of the semester all I had time to do was go to class and do homework, and eat - literally. I had barely any down time. Because I was so busy with school work, I never really had the opportunity to get out and make friends/meet people. After switching majors, I was able to drop one of my classes, so my workload is lighter, but still significant. I have a little more time, but I do spend a great deal of it in tutoring trying to get my grades up (I came from a small high school and feel very academically behind here).
This semester has been the most exhausting, depressing 15 weeks of my life, truly. Academics have been a struggle, yes. But the thing that has really been breaking me down is this feeling of loneliness. I feel so alone here, I don’t have anybody to really talk to. I’ve never felt this upset before in my life, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I cry a lot, and spend a lot of time in my head. I am a very social person, I thrive off of interacting with people, so not having much of it has really taken a toll on my mental health.
I don’t have any friends at school right now besides my roommate. We try to go out (when our school work isn’t overbearing), but we haven’t really been able to make any connections. It’s like you never run into the same person twice here, which makes it even harder. I’ve tried to “make the school smaller” by joining things that interest me (thon, intramural teams, etc.), all of which have been unsuccessful.
I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend goes to a different, smaller college & always talks about his friends (his whole floor is like a pack) which makes me feel even more lonely. I know I shouldn’t compare our circumstances directly, but hearing about it all the time does take a toll. Whenever I go to visit there, everyone is so friendly and open unlike here where everyone sticks to their groups and themselves. It just makes me dislike being here even more. Everyone keeps telling me to ride out spring semester and it’ll get better… but what if it doesn’t? I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want to feel like this for any longer.
I just want to send you a hug cyber hug. Many, many years ago I felt the same way when was a freshman at UCSD. That lonely feeling was so tough. As I’m sure you’ve read on this board, feeling this way is more common than you think…you’re not alone. It sounds like you may have some more time now with your major switch to maybe explore some clubs, maybe even a club sport, what ever interests you, just try something. Ultimately for me, after trying to make it work at UCSD I did make the decision to transfer schools and I ended up at UC Davis where I was SUPER happy. It was like night and day and was the college experience I was looking for. Def try to branch out where you are, but if you ultimately do want to make a switch, that’s okay, too. Just make sure you really make sure that Penn State Main isn’t the place for you before making that switch. Hang in there…
You just have to get through the next couple of weeks, then you can make a fresh start next semester. My kid in a STEM major had a whole freshman year like yours — academically a bit behind at the start, she did hardly anything except class, studying, tutoring, eating, and sleeping just to pass her classes. It was brutal.
But the good news — it sounds like your classes next semester may be easier! So maybe you can add in a new club and a sports activity. Part time jobs are a good way to meet people, too. Even if you go with your roommate, maybe try not sitting together so you meet more people.
I’d just finish the semester as strong as you can, and treat it like a fresh experience next semester where you have some time for fun.
Every school, even your boyfriend’s school that sounds idyllic to you, has students experiencing what you are. As a result, they all have robust, effective counseling services. Seek them out…now. You are attempting to do the right things, but they aren’t sticking. They will help you figure out why.
Also, many students are inefficient in their studies. The best book I’ve found at combating this is Cal Newport’s How to Be a Straught A Student. Get it and read it over the break. It’s a fast, fun read. It will help you whether you stay at PSU or not.
As others have said, you’re not alone. Hang in there. Good luck!
@sbbme18 I think you should take some time off from your studies to relax and social. Penn State University is a party school so go out and party. It seem like too much for you so you need some breathing room. This way you can come back focus.
Awww - big big hugs… I would really take the time to look at a couple of clubs even if they aren’t a perfect fit. Start by putting yourself around people more and that will begin to get the ball rolling. Look for a group that does volunteer work or student government (especially) bc they can always use extra hands and that will give you a sense of having a place. But I second the counseling - you aren’t the only student feeling this way and they have the experience to help you over the hump.