Not sure what to do

Applying to College
21

And CONGRATULATIONS! You are spoiled for choice. If you have to work summers or at school to earn a couple of grand every year it’s totally worth it. The people who need to know about these schools know. You will never regret it. Please make me happy and choose Williams or Amherst. :slight_smile:

Again, ETA @snowleopard2022 , hiding in your room is possible at an LAC too, but I think you realize it’s not the best way forward. My daughter, truly a shy and awkward girl, has completely bloomed at her LAC. She joined debate, never having done it in her life, and ended up beating Yale by the end of the season. You will have so many amazing opportunities and be surrounded by all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds, but the thing you will all have in common is that you all want to be there. The same isn’t neccesarily ture of Stony Brook. Not that kids at Stony Brook won’t be smart, but it’s a big school and it may well be harder for you to find people you can relate too. I will message you later.

22

About wanting to be an outgoing person.

You said you are shy and you don’t want to stay the same. That’s great and college is a great place to reinvent yourself.

But also, don’t try to change yourself into someone you are not. Accept who you are.

It took me some 30+ years to do that. . It is true that you should put yourself out there and join some clubs or activities to make friends, but you don’t have to change who you are. You will have friends by just being you. Maybe not tons of friends everywhere but you will make a few good friends who really understand and appreciate you — and that’s what you need in life.

If you are shy and not a talker, you can be a great listener and it is a terrific trait for a doctor. We need more doctors who sympathize and listen to their patients!! You can be that kind of charismatic doctor.

Sorry, off topic. But anyways, congratulations on your terrific acceptances. You will do great at LAC.

23

Those schools are “all that”. My nephew is a Williams grad who went on to med school. He actually didn’t major in a science (history, I think). But if course he got all his med school prereqs done. Go visit — these schools are small but mighty. You are really lucky to have the opportunity to attend.

24

My oldest DD hated our flagship state school on the first visit. For whatever reason, she went back again and fell in love. She happily attended and graduated that school. Go visit and see what feels like you.

25

OMG you got into Williams and Amherst!?!! You could go for $1-2,000 a year? I mean, SB is good, but it’s not in the same universe as Amherst and Williams (which are in Harvard’s universe).
I mean, imagine if a kid told you “I can go to Harvard for $1,000 a year, should I go to Stony Brook?”, how would you react?
Of COURSE they offer more resources for research… and everything… than Stony Brook. SB is a top public university. It depends on state funds. As you must have noticed, no state is throwing money at schools. SB does what it does well and efficiently. But it’s not the same at all at Amherst and Williams.
These schools (Williams and Amherst) have resources you can’t even imagine. Their budget could fund the entire SUNY system - they have more than 2,000 BILLIONS in endowment. Each. That allows them to offer emergency funds for lower income students. To give you a stipend if you take an unpaid internship so that you can make the choice that advances your career.
BTW, both are among the top producers per capita for med school and science PHDs (far ahead of Stony Brook).

26

I did visit my local college recently and sat in on a class. I was not expecting two hours of listening to media related to the subject, but it was a really great way of connecting what was being taught with reality. It was a pleasant surprise and I did feel comfortable in my spot the back of the classroom, but I don’t expect that to happen in each class. There was also a cold feeling outside the classroom, but it may be because it was just a new place (or actually cold outside). I think I will visit again to learn more about the students.
I am definitely going to visit the LACs. Thank you for explaining the opportunity that I have.
And about the shyness… well, it’s more like anxiety. That’s why I don’t want it anymore, but I accept that I am still a listener at heart.

27

I’m still sitting on the skeptical bench!

28

@Midwest67 , I’ve exchanged a message with OP. This is legitimate, or I’ll eat my hat:-) .

@snowleopard2022 , @MYOS1634 is probably one of THE MOST knowledgeable of all posters on CC. I don’t know if you read the edited post above, but yes, you will have access to stuff that Stony Brook could only dream of. So, do whatever you can to visit both Williams and Amherst.

I mentioned my friend’s daughter, at Amherst. True story, she (the girl at Amherst) never visited until she was accepted. She lives just over 2 hours away from it! This same girl was also given a full ride at Stony Brook, and great merit scholarships at other top schools, such as Wesleyan and Vassar. She did visit the others after acceptance. She chose Amherst and hasn’t regretted it. She was recently the recipient of a prestigious summer research position that only 3% of applicants are selected for. She is a sophomore right now. Okay, it’s mainly because she is motivated, but it also has to do with where she is. She’s at a place that enables her to be in a great position to take advantage of resources.

I get a little bit of the sense that things are beginning to dawn on you, and you aren’t quite sure how to react. Try not to let yourself be overwhelmed. Thinking about this big decision at a young age is really hard. You will face challenges ahead, as nearly all college freshmen do. You have basically been given a gift. Either decision you make will be tough, but I do think that if you choose Stony Brook you might well regret it, whereas I honestly cannot imagine you would ever regret choosing Williams or Amherst. Very simply, you just would have NOT been accepted with such great aid if those colleges didn’t think you were worth it. You are worth the very best, not once, but twice.

Forget about the Ivy League. The Massachusetts governor, Charlie Baker, was famously asked what his biggest regret was, and replied “Not going to Hamilton College. I never really felt comfortable at Harvard.” (Hamilton is another wonderful LAC.) It could be that an LAC isn’t the right place for you, but I also think that a person who realizes that they are shy and quiet is better off at a place where they will have the chance to develop into a more confident version of themselves. Also, at the LACs, believe or not, you will not be unusual, because nearly everyone there will have a good work ethic and be on a more or less similar intellectual level to you. I suspect that you will feel much more comfortable not being a big fish in a big pond. Instead, you might find you are the same size as the other fish in a small pond–in other words, right at home. I can honestly tell you that that is how my daughter feels at her LAC.

29

I think OP should carefully consider, not just take opinions here. It’s true Williams and Amherst are superb, but OP applied not knowing much, if anything, about them. Imo, it would be critical to catch up on this understanding now. He or she has stated repeatedly that fit matters, not just prestige.

And if you don’t understand the aid offers, post them here and someone can help translate. What you say you think is the bottom line may include loans, etc.

It’s good to take a breath, collect the right info.

30

Williams and Amherst don’t offer loans to lower income families. (Williams may package a small loan in some cases but the maximum it offers is $4,000 in loans for higher income families). Right now though even if you have a small loan, either Amherst or Williams is an incredible bargain.
The fact many here think you’re kidding when you say you’re considering Stony Brook when you have such offers as Williams and Amherst should tell you how amazing the colleges are and how amazing you are for getting into both.

31

Years ago I went to Stonybrook for a year. There were 300 kids in my Calc class and, although the professor was excellent (better than the one at my LAC), it was a weed out class. There was a strict curve and few options for extra help. My Biochemistry class was a little smaller but not much. There were breakout groups with TAs but those were not helpful as I couldn’t understand their accents. There were over 60 kids in my lab and it was cutthroat.

The dorm that I lived in was coed by floor but there were shower curtains rather than doors in the bathroom and if a window was open the breeze sometimes drew the door in so that passersby had a view. There were also lots of cockroaches (I once woke up to my alarm and there was a cockroach inside the clock.)

While there were certainly good things about Stonybrook, it is completely different experience at Williams or Amherst. Amherst is part of the 5 college consortium which means you can take classes or socialize at UMass, Mt. Holyoke, Smith, Hampshire. Williams is more isolated but is in a beautiful part of Massachusetts and you will have the opportunity to truly get to know your professors and classmates.

32

You are right, having to decide is overwhelming. Someone like me would be better off with one option and not given the opportunity to dwell on it. I did know what these colleges were generally about and I researched them before I applied. I stopped thinking about most of the colleges I applied to after January and once I got my decision, looked into them again. Besides reading their websites, watching videos is very important for me and I couldn’t seem to find much about student life. The thought of choosing one of these colleges and not understanding them accurately was scary.
Also, the only reaction I got to my acceptance was from my parents and they never heard these colleges’ names before! I hope that explains a bit why I was surprised by you guys’ comparisons. Though, if I’m honest, I’m also confused (if you didn’t see it already).
And about the financial aid… I think that money is for summer work or work-study, so no loans!

Thanks for explaining the environment at Stony Brook. Could I ask when you attended? It seems that I would have to go through a similar experience there, except I would not stay in a dorm.

33

OP, consider posting in each of those schools’ subforums and try to get more specific answers. I also think that if you possibly can, do an overnight at each campus. Also, those colleges probably have parents or students who you can talk to to get a better idea of life on campus. Visiting onnthe weekend isn’t ideal, tbh, because you won’t be able to sit in in a class and students might not be going about campus as much.

One problem with Stony Brook is that you won’t have to live on campus. It is very difficult to make friends at college as a commuter, and I know from experience. I commuted for six years of college. I’m an outgoing person and had friends outside of school, and none of my friends went away to college. I did not make one single friend at college for six years. Not one. If all your friends are going away to college, this is something to seriously consider. It can be very isolating, because inevitably, your friends now are going to move on and will make new friends at their colleges. Getting out of your comfort zone is very often necessary in order to transition to your adult life. Don’t let fear of the unknown determine your life choices.

The person who posted re Stony Brook is a parent, so it must have been a while back.

34

I’m going to echo what a lot of posters have said. OMG!!! You got into Amherst and Williams and can go for free! You are one lucky, lucky, kid. I visited both recently. Both amazing places. Amherst a better location and building a state of the art science center. Williams more remote, but prettier campus and facilities are second to none. Look into the January program at Williams as well as the tutorials. See if those are of interest to you. Try and visit both. More similarities than differences, but one may be a better fit. Congrats!

35

Go to WIlliams or Amherst. Not even a question.

36

For someone who is more introverted, making connections at a big school, both with faculty and with fellow classmates, requires a lot of initiative. A student has to make themselves go to office hours to talk with the professor, make themselves sign up and go to clubs or events. At a smaller school like Williams and Amherst, a student won’t be forced out of their comfort zone, but professors will know their name, chat with them, suggest they consider various opportunities, and dorm life will provide lots of opportunities for low-key involvement, for instance, when all the first years on the hall go together to a concert etc. I have one kid who went to big public flagship, and it was perfect for him, because he is the kind of kid who will go out and grab opportunity. I have another at a LAC who knew that he needed a smaller learning environment to connect with professors and feel engaged.

Williams and Amherst are amazing opportunities, they are renowned, with great success in placing students in med school, law school, academics and business. Congratulations on your acceptances!

37

You’d have to go on the Williams, Amherst, and SB forums to see how/if premeds are weeded out. It’s not only larger universities- and not true of all larger schools. We know this.

And this notion one can only make friends easily at a small college isn’t so, though I agree commuting can bring its own social challenges. Works fine for the sort who engages, joins activities, works it.

I went to a small college. We really can’t generalize. At times, the smaller student body isn’t the “it” we assume. It may not offer some elements an anxious sort wants, including the respite some crave.

I’m saying this because I do feel we need to guide OP to the right decision for him/her. Not what we parents like best. We spend a fair measure of time on CC talking about “fit and thrive.” It strikes me how posters here assume a small and prestigious LAC automatically tops a larger U, with its own measure of prestige, as a SUNY.

So OP, I’d want to know how you make friends now, if you’re somewhat active, despite the anxieties, how you interact with teachers, etc. You seem to know yourself well. How are you when called on to contact someone or self advocate? Etc.

38

I agree, there can be a comfort in anonymity at a large school for a quieter student who doesn’t want to deal with forced socialization.

My outgoing student loved the opportunities at his flagship, because he could choose when to get involved and when to zone out, but he had to be a real go-getter to forge his path academically and in terms of career options. While outgoing, when he was younger he could be quirky – the large school meant he didn’t have to be reminded of a social glitch by seeing the same people every day. But if he hadn’t taken the initiative to develop close relationships with professors, seek out internships etc., he would not have launched so successfully after graduation.

My quieter, more introverted kid is happy at LAC because the small classes and wealth of social, academic, etc. opportunities are right there, making it easy for him to be engaged with professors and other opportunities without too much independent initiative on his part – it falls into your lap. He is a kid who has always connected easily with people so didn’t worry about the smaller community feeling constraining.

39

@snowleopard2022 , huge congratulations on the wonderful offers and opportunities before you. I’ll admit to tending toward the “How could you pass up Amherst/Williams?” camp, but I also understand how staying in your comfort zone and attending Stony Brook could feel like the right path from where you sit.

What I think might be helpful is to consider the question of, “What if I make my best call, but end up feeling the ‘road not taken’ would have been better?” My thought is that if you were to give the LAC experience a chance and ended up feeling like that environment was just not for you… Stony Brook, by its nature, takes a high volume of transfers, accepting over 40% of transfer applicants (and I can’t imagine you having any difficulty making that cut). If you truly weren’t happy, you could change course, move back home, go to Stony Brook, and have a huge growth experience under your belt.

But if you start out at Stony Brook, it’s a much, much steeper path to transfer in the other direction. The top LAC’s have such high retention rates that they have only a handful of spots to offer transfers - transfer acceptance rates are 8% at Amherst and only 2% at Williams.

Definitely go visit Williams and Amherst. Between the two, as yourself whether the unique model at Williams that maximizes 1:1 learning with professors appeals to you, or whether a more traditional model of small classes and the availability of the 5-college consortium (including UMass Amherst, which has public flagship resources comparable to Stony Brook’s) is more attractive. This is a huge opportunity - give both schools a close look, but also don’t get overwhelmed by the perception that once the die is cast, you cannot change course. You will still have options in the coming years, after this decision is made and the resulting experience gives you more perspective.

40

One additional point: If you visit the LAC’s and feel like, “This is something I want, but it’s all moving too fast and I don’t feel ready,” it is also an option to commit to the college you choose but defer your admission for a year - that is to say, take a gap year with your place secure in the next year’s entering class.

If you do this, you cannot attend another college or university for credit during that year. (So, you couldn’t take classes at Stony Brook in the meantime.) But… it does sound like you have some emotional issues on your plate (social anxiety, if I’m reading correctly) that you may have had to put on the back burner for the past few years, and just push through whatever it took to do well in high school. It’s possible that a year to regroup might not be a bad thing. You could spend a bit longer at home, and challenge yourself in non-academic ways - for example, by getting a job that would not only allow you to save up some money, but would also build your people skills and perhaps even lay some groundwork for med school. For example, a job in a health care setting that would give you direct experience with patients could both build your social confidence and be an asset when you apply for med school. You could do EMT training, get your CNA license - there are many options that could build your portfolio of skills and experiences, and give you time to catch your breath and be ready to start college with more maturity and confidence.

This might not be something that you’d want to consider, but I just wanted to make sure you knew that the option exists.