@snowleopard2022, you’re in my thoughts this week. I want to reiterate what @OHMomof2 says above about resources on campus. You will feel less alone at Williams or Amherst than you will at SB.
I don’t know about OP, but some shy people don’t want to feel constantly enveloped.
I think OP needs reassurance that even at a small school, you can find respite. And that there’s more variety in kids than in your hs, where so many come from the same area, grew up together, have parents who’ve met, etc
I would also reiterate what someone else mentioned upthread, that if you’re unhappy at Williams or Amherst you can transfer to SB, but it won’t be so easy the other way around.
Maybe it wasn’t the other people at Williams that made me uncomfortable, it was just me. I didn’t manage to meet some other prefrosh closely, but most were probably a bit nervous and meeting tons of new people as well. While I was probably a bit more nervous and alone, I don’t think I express it as much because I’m used to it. A lot of the actual students were really cool and seeing some of the clubs made me pretty excited. I spent a few hours at Amherst, so I still don’t understand the general vibe. About my hs, there are some pretty amazing kids but I just can’t get myself to do stuff with them anymore.
One of my concerns is discrimination. I’m pretty sure both are campuses are on the liberal side, but facing discrimination is another type of hurt that I’ve never experienced. At Williams, some kids were saying that minorities don’t get support and inclusion… and mental wellness/support isn’t that good. I’m trying to tell myself that maybe those kids are exaggerating or something. There are a fairly diverse staff and student body, so why would stuff like that be tolerated? I come from a diverse school and have attended similar ones and I don’t know about that stuff.
Another thing I feel (don’t know why) is compelled to answer questions in smaller classes. I guess because I make a bigger portion of the class I feel like I should make a bigger portion of the involvement. I don’t know if I would even want to be active in big classes. On one side, I would stay in my corner and move along as I have for the past few years. Though this would reinforce those feelings/actions and I will stay refined… forever 
(This is practically me arguing to myself why not to chose SBU, maybe if I put it down in words I’ll stick to it.)
Remember that if Amherst or Williams don’t work out you can transfer to SBU whereas so few freshman leave Amherst or Williams that the reverse is almost impossible.
I think you should give Williams or Amherst a chance for a year–even if you call home every day and visit home frequently. Go in knowing that it will be a challenge but that you CAN do it step by step. One thing that may help your anxiety is having challenging academic work and others who are very serious around you-- you will get into a flow and that will really give you a direction and a certain calm. I think counseling in the summer beforehand would be greatly beneficial to practice some cognitive techniques for dealing with anxiety. You are not alone; everyone needs to learn these and they will serve you well your entire life. Sending you a hug and some courage for a good decision!
^ that reaction because even if kids in your school don’t know Williams or Amherst, those are really, really powerful names - so for the adults here, it’s as unbelievable as if you’d said " I can go to Harvard for free or Albany for a bit more, where should I go?" It really is equivalent to what you were asking and while we get that you just didn’t know how awesome and life-changing these colleges are and that you now do know…, a new poster is as incredulous as some of us were a month ago. It’s okay. We understand and believe you.
Basically, don’t pass up this opportunity. Williams, if you want the Harkness table experience, the opportunity to spend a year in Oxford. Or Amherst if you want the freedom of an open curriculum and the diversity of the 5-college consortium. With the certainty that if you dislike it there, SB will still be be waiting for you and the excelsior also. So it’s win win and no risk to choose either Amherst or Williams.
I’m a NYS resident and I think our state colleges are very good, but @MYOS1634 has a great point. You can attend one of your other choices and have SB as a backup if you decide you don’t like it. Williams and Amherst both have amazing opportunities. Think of it sort of like studying abroad for a year. You aren’t required to stay, but you can sure get a lot out of the experience if you take it. The great think about this choice is that if you love it, you don’t have to leave.
Good luck. Please let us know what you decide to do. 
It’s a little interesting to say the least, that many posters who say prioritize fit over prestige, are recommending prestige over fit. The OP has gone to the campuses and came back with concerns and posters are saying, don’t worry about the concerns (discrimination, not being comfortable with smaller classes), it’s Amherst or Williams, you should go because of their prestige.
It’s not all about the prestige. OP’s comfort level with large classes is a social anxiety issue. She acknowledges that small classes encourage her to speak up and participate, which is challenging for her… but those of us advocating for this challenge are doing so because of the vast potential benefits of overcoming her anxiety and becoming an active participant in an intellectual community. This is a decision point that could have a huge impact on her personal growth and prospects going forward. She wants to go to med school. You can’t stay under radar as a med student - it’s just not possible. Choosing this growth experience could be crucial to achieving her stated goals (not ours). And prestige, yes, but again as a pipeline to her goals, not for its own sake.
As for the discrimination/diversity issues, the Stony Brook student body is 64% non-white. Amherst 58%. Williams 46%. I can see these stats tilting the decision in favor of Amherst over Williams, but I can’t see choosing SB vs. Amherst over a 6% difference.
Um, @theloniusmonk , I think OP is pretty clear that she does not feel she fits in at Stony Brook, and is mostly trying not to let fear of the unknown rule her decision. Plus, SB is more expensive!
OP, I do feel that you will regret it enormously if you choose Stony Brook. Regarding being discriminated against, I don’t know about Williams, which does have a reputation for being preppy. Take that as you will. My friend’s daughter at Amherst is the opposite. She loves the diversity at Amherst, and it is indeed the most diverse of all LACs.
I will tell you briefly that my shy, quiet daughter had a hard time for the first 8 or so weeks at her LAC. It was nothing to do with the LAC and everything to do with her. If she had known going in that it would be tough, I think she would have chickened out and commuted to our local community college, really. I had many tearful phone calls and pleas to let her withdraw, etc… It was not fun for any of us. Then, she got through it and started having fun (she now admits that she was occasionally enjoying herself, even during the rough parts.) The point was that she had to get through it, and so will you. And you may very well find that it’s not as bad as you think it will be.
As far as needing time alone, my daughter was able to make that happen for herself. You will be able to find your quiet place, whether it’s in your room, in a secluded part of the library, or innthe chapel. People at LACs are not in your face, trying to make you do stuff you don’t want to do. They are normal people who value the benefits that a smaller college brings.
I don’t say any of this to put you off. I say this so that you can understand that you have nothing to fear but fear itself. Do not allow your future to be determined by fear of the unknown and imagined worst-case scenarios. Consider this an opportunity to make a mature decision that will benefit your future educational and career prospects, far more than Stony Brook will.
I think that Amherst will offer the best of all worlds – you will have access to the 5-college consortium – in addition to Amherst, you’ve got Hampshire, Mount Holyoke, Smith, and the University of Massachusetts, Amherst. Lots of opportunity for a variety of experiences – including a large, public university with 22,000 undergraduates. Williams is a bit more isolated in that respect. It’s too bad that you didn’t get to spend more time at Amherst.
College is a time of growth and an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone. Don’t miss out on it because you are afraid of new challenges.
At this point, pretty late as it is, I’ve ruled out SBU. There may be concerns at Williams and Amherst, but it’s likely that there would be some discrimination at SBU and competition especially among premeds. It may just be big enough that “small” incidents don’t matter at SBU and the student body at Williams may care more. Thanks for helping me narrow down.
I am definitely leaning more towards Williams, I just know more about it. Here is why I’m a little hesitant and confused, according to the Williams Record,“If you are a prefrosh of a marginalized identity … know that here at Williams, you will have to fight for your visibility, well-being and access to resources. These institutions were not created for people like us, and we will always have to fight to be a part of them.” It was said at an event for prefrosh and the words were really strong. It seems like they were exaggerating to get what they want, but wow, I’ve never heard something like that in person.
With Amherst, I really don’t know what I would do with the consortium. I’m not sure about the type of kids (those at Williams seemed cool despite the stuff above). I did like that it wasn’t as isolated. Welp, here comes my indecisiveness again…
Edit: Also, just to clarify, SBU was not more expensive… actually less
I think a lot of colleges are discovering that admitting a diverse class and making sure all students feel equally included in all opportunities available are two separate things.
Some of it is attitudes or policies the college administration needs to change, but some of it is that students from different backgrounds can feel intimidated by their new surroundings and hesitate to jump in. No matter where you go, you will have to overcome some hesitation and jump in. It helps when there is a support group for backup and encouragement. Where did you meet the kids who wouldn’t be afraid to talk about the issues and who would have your back?
@snowleopard2022, one of my collegekids went to an LAC that would be not wildly dissimilar to Williams. One thing about small communities of very able, very articulate college students is that they want and expect their school community to live up to it’s best self- which, as it is an institution (with sometimes competing objectives), formed and based in a given culture and made of mortals, it will frequently fail to do. Ironically, it is often in the places that have the most genuine commitment to try and be that best self that will often have the loudest voices pointing out the failings (cf Oberlin). That is natural, but if you aren’t used to being around that it can feel very intense. My introverted, collegekid found it to be easy enough, even in a small LAC, to not have it be part of her daily life- as did most of the people in her friend groups, both those that identified as ‘marginalized’ and not ‘marginalized’. Is Williams a perfect experience for ‘marginalized’ people? nope. But then, it’s not perfect for non-marginalized people either.
In the meantime, you can request ‘quiet’ housing at Williams (though anecdotally it can be hard to get- it’s popular and there isn’t much of it). Amherst has entire dorms that are substance-free as well as ‘quiet’ ones. Whichever you choose, I recommend requesting that for first year anyway, while you find your feet.
As for the consortium, the great thing about it is that you don’t have to do anything- you can spend all 4 years at Amherst- but if you realize that there is something that you want from one of the others (a class, an activity, a teacher, a friend you met in one of your classes on your own campus,…) it is there waiting for you.
I’m going with @LoveTheBard on this: from this distance, it looks as though Amherst will give you all the academics, in a very manageable small LAC environment, with access to more options down the road if you choose. It may not seem like it, but you are about to go through a major (development) growth spurt. The pre-frontal cortex of your 18 (?) yo brain is going to change dramatically. You will, of course, still be you- but you will process the world differently. So what seems too big today might very well not- sooner than you might think.
In truth, all of your choices were/are fine ones- you can get a great education at any of them. But I think a lot of the posters here see some of your posts as hints that you are wanting to spread your wings- as if you are on the diving board, bouncing to get ready to dive, but need that last moment of 'yes, I am doing this". Your college acceptances (with such great aid) say that those colleges see that you have the potential to succeed.
I think that all the posts saying ‘don’t limit yourself now’ and ‘you can do it’ are not trying to push you to be somebody you aren’t, but to give you support in not holding yourself back from who you are becoming.
Wow, great post @collegemom3717 . OP, thanks for clarifying re cost. Even so, whatever college you choose, both Williams and Amherst are worth the investment in your future. I do feel that Amherst is a better fit, but you know you better than we do:-)
“Um, @theloniusmonk , I think OP is pretty clear that she does not feel she fits in at Stony Brook, and is mostly trying not to let fear of the unknown rule her decision. Plus, SB is more expensive!”
My point is that if the two LACs were unranked, or some regional LAC that still had small classes and a close knit atmosphere, this thread would not be as long as it is. The reason people jumped on this thread to convince OP is the prestige of the two schools. I’m not saying it’s wrong to this btw, just be up front about the reasons.
OP, in your case, what do you mean by “marginalized identity?” If you mean quiet and retiring, that’s true at any college: you need to learn to self advocate, have at least a satisfactory relationship with profs, you can’t hide and wait for them to find you, if you need assistance or have a question. It’s just part of successfully tackling college and can be less painful than it sounds. I suspect you have this already, having been a success in high school. And the strength to come on an anon forum and bare your soul.
I do agree with Tmonk and said something similar earlier. It’s really striking to some of us how many comments were phrased as the better opportunity, name recognition, and all, which we tend to assoiate with prestige.
The right college is what’s right for any given kid.
I can’t vouch for everyone else @theloniusmonk but I do not agree at all. I firmly feel that this student will do much better in a smaller environment. IF OP were trying to choose between UC Berkeley and a not as prestigious LAC, I would still suggest this student attend the LAC, provided it was affordable. “Ifs” don’t apply here anyway.
The reason this thread is so long is because OP is looking for advice, and people clearly want to provide support.
Sorry if it’s too late at this point, but I don’t think anyone specifically recommended Williams over Amherst. Could you (anyone recommending Amherst) explain why you think I should go there over Williams? Or is it because that is what you are more familiar with. I really wish they were different in some way relevant to me.
And I guess that you are right that more activism translates to more support.