<p>She was accepted into Centre.</p>
<p>Maybe, she used a different essay. :)</p>
<p>
[quote]
She sees her grandparents living a very different life than she does and she wonders.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>But, purely from a storytelling standpoint....we never "meet" her grandparents. In fact, we meet exactly zero people in the essay, including the applicant herself. It's totally abstract. There are no characters, no action, no plot. So, even though it is supposed to be a very personal essay about the meaning of life (or whatever), the essay holds the reader at arms length.</p>
<p>Idad:
I was responding--belatedly--to Post 24:
[quote]
Bad choice. At my d's school, the AP Eng Lit teacher reads and comments on at least one draft of the college essays; at other schools, the guidance counselors usually give them a once over. How did this one fall through the cracks?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>S1 wrote an essay to which I responded:"Is it how you really want to present yourself?" "Yes." Shurg; that was his essay, not mine. He sent it off to one school, got waitlisted, decided not to stay on the waitlist. Another shrug. </p>
<p>I don't know that you can call Newton more steeped in tradition than Kentucky. It's full of professionals, including profs from Harvard, MIT, BU, BC and the dozens other colleges in the greater Boston area, most of whom hail from somewhere else and thus have no real roots in the area.</p>
<p>That said, one just has to visit colleges in NE to trip up against Newton North graduates. We encountered several between Dartmouth and Swarthmore several years ago (they were tour guides).</p>
<p>My kids had no input from teachers or guidance counselors on their personal statement essays. Their topics were very different from the ones featured in the NY Times article. Some might consider the topics mundane, but they discussed something which was important to each kid, and they also showed a side which would not be revealed in the rest of the application. My son wrote about his difficult decision in high school to give up a sport he had played intensively since he was 4 years old, because it was no longer fun, to join another sport. My daughter wrote about her love of working with tools and her experience restoring an antique care with her dad (she is not an engineering student and this hobby is not related to her studies). The essays were well written, and they portrayed themselves in a positive way while avoiding bragging. These essays seemed to work well for my kids, or at least were not held against them, as they were generally successful in the college application process.</p>
<p>Interesteddad, you may be totally right.</p>
<p>I think I understand what "she" was getting at.</p>
<p>To me, her question at the end messed up the essay. She is supposed to show Williams why she belongs at Williams. Instead, she asked. I think she was trying to be cute.</p>
<p>Williams answered no.</p>
<p>Her essay wasn't as good as the young man who wrote about his friendship with the handicapped boy in the Gatekeepers.</p>
<p>He didn't get into the schools he wanted either.</p>
<p>My daughter's big essay's conclusion was incoherent. She left out a word or two. My wife and I missed it. My daughter ended up where she wanted. </p>
<p>We don't know how much Esther's essay mattered.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I don't know that you can call Newton more steeped in tradition than Kentucky.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Not Newton, per se...but greater Boston and New England in general. For example, it would be hard to find a neighborhood more routed in tradition than Southie, Billy Bulger's Southie. They wouldn't even let Bob Kraft replace a collection of mothballed factory buildings and parking lots with a $300 million stadium because getting rid of the empty factory buildings would "ruin the neighborhood"... and maybe because Kraft is Jewish and maybe because he didn't pay off the right people.</p>
<p>Any bets on whether it would be easier to get zoning approval for a new McDonalds in Kentucky or Newton? Or for a new college campus in Bowling Green or Allston?</p>
<p>We don't even know if anyone (other than NY Times readers) read it. (Most of the "elite" scoring algorithms I've seen don't even include it, and often - I'm told by the few admissions officers I know - they are used to see whether an applicant can write an English sentence - you'd be surprised at how many "4.3" students can't. Or for all we know, the reader had a bias against someone with relatives from Kentucky - wouldn't surprise me in the least. ;))</p>
<p>I'm not crazy about Colby or Esther's essays. If I had to choose, I think Esther's essay is better than Colby's.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Here's what I'm looking for: I'm looking for the security, the familiarity, and the heritage of a small town. I'm looking for the free thinking, the openness, the accepting and welcoming attitude of Newton, of a big city.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I suppose this could have been intended as defining herself as a fit with Williams rather than supposing a question. Unfortunately, she misses that Newton is really only open and accepting to those with money so it comes across as overpriviledged, lacking real world insight. I'm sure the real Esther is no more so than her peers, but this is what she put out as her personal ad in a sense.</p>
<p>
[quote]
...but Esther sounds like an overindulged, self-involved and self-centered girl who did not have the sense to hide her snobbery and elitism in a college application essay.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I agree with adigal; but even more alarming is that her "proof readers" did not detect this. (Well, maybe not unexpected since Dad sent in a letter with the Smith application describing how his dream was for his daughter to attend Smith.) :eek:</p>
<p>But that's the thing, Idad; she doesn't live in Southie or the North End. She lives in Newton. And teenagers do tend to stay where they live. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times my own kids have gone to the North End. Southie? Once. And we're more conveniently situated for public transport to either place than Newton. </p>
<p>Now, I'm told that the teenagers dressed as goths in the Harvard Square pit are from the suburbs. But Harvard Square is no longer steeped in tradition since it got overrun by chain stores and banks. Way back when, it was not a suburban teenage magnet.</p>
<p>I recall reading some years ago about the anxiety suburban BWRKs experienced when having to write college application essays. They had not really "lived," they had not overcome difficult situations, undergone earth-shakingly awesome, transformative experiences. They'd just spent most of their lives eating Wonder Bread. Esther strikes me as one of those kids.</p>
<p>I just read Colby's and aside from labeling herself a true academic, I think that's a fine essay. She takes us on a journey with her, one that the reader can see continuing in college. There's nothing earth-shattering and that's okay. Actually, it's refreshing. Her thirst comes through.</p>
<p>I agree that Esther's essay was offensive, but considering she was applying to elite privates, she also had other weaknesses in her application. There was a comment about how she chose to take only two A/Ps (reference to many more offered) and blew off a comittment for, I believe was mock trial while doing "God's work." Nothing wrong with doing God's work, but how strong were her teacher and guidance recs if not following through with other committments was a common occurance.</p>
<p>Eating Wonder Bread? Surely you jest. More like Artisan Whole Grain. :)</p>
<p>What also struck me was that her dad sent a letter to Smith...is this customary? I have no intention of writing letters to accompany for DS's apps! The GC (who has hundreds of kids to manage) asks for parents to provide info that may not be apparent from the transcript and the student's ECs -- special circumstances, etc. -- but to me, writing a letter on behalf of one's kid seems contrary to the independence and maturity an applicant might wish to demonstrate!</p>
<p>Some schools allow or ask parents if they want to send a letter.</p>
<p>Marite said, "I recall reading some years ago about the anxiety suburban BWRKs experienced when having to write college application essays. They had not really "lived," they had not overcome difficult situations, undergone earth-shakingly awesome, transformative experiences. They'd just spent most of their lives eating Wonder Bread."</p>
<p>When I talked about my kids' "mundane" essay topics above, I had a similar thought in mind but did not express myself well. I was attempting to provide examples of essays that seemed to work for my middle class suburban kids, who, fortunately, have never experienced severe difficulties or unusually traumatic experiences.</p>
<p>So the parent letter is taken into consideration? That is absolutely astonishing to me. I had no idea.</p>
<p>You don't need to experience trauma or severe difficulties not to come off as a jerk.</p>
<p>I don't know what they do with the letter. Maybe, they use it to line the bottom of a bird cage.</p>
<p>(I think Princeton uses an optional letter).</p>
<p>
[quote]
Bad choice. At my d's school, the AP Eng Lit teacher reads and comments on at least one draft of the college essays; at other schools, the guidance counselors usually give them a once over. How did this one fall through the cracks?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That assumes the AP Eng Lit teacher knows the first thing about SUCCCESSFUL college essays. For all we know, the writer may have received "advice" from her teachers. </p>
<p>And, by the way, not all colleges would look down at this awful essay. Based on the florid and impersonal essays the school has showcased in the past, the Kentucky essay would earn wild kudos at Conn College.</p>