<p>Thacher sounds like a perfect fit for your child. Ranking your “musts” from a 1 (no match) to a ten (perfect match), here’s how I think Thacher matches up:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Zero tolerance for drugs, bullying hazing: <em>10</em>
The culture at Thacher is unbelievable - drugs/alcohol are non-existent. (And yes, I know I sound like a booster or a pollyanna - but it’s the truth.)</p></li>
<li><p>Interactive Learning: <em>9</em><br>
English/History/Language classes are taught around a Harkness table, Math/Science are taught in a more traditional classroom setting. But interactive discussion is the centerpiece of all classes.</p></li>
<li><p>Sense of family, respect for the individual: <em>10</em>
“Honor, Fairness, Kindness, Truth” are not just empty words at Thacher - they truly define the school culture. </p></li>
<li><p>Diversity: <em>7</em>
Students are from 25 states and 11 countries. 12% international students, and 36% students of color. More than 40% of the students are from CA, with large groups from the LA and San Francisco areas, but they represent all races/religions/socio-economic backgrounds. </p></li>
<li><p>Substantial ability to offer financial aid: <em>8</em>
Substantial endowment ($111 million), 27% of students receiving aid, average award $33,000, $2.2 M total financial aid granted last year.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Before you get too excited, though - Thacher was one of the most selective schools last admissions cycle - 13% admit rate, with a 82% yield.</p>
<p>I would encourage you to explore Thacher. Our son is a new 9th grader, and is thriving in every way.</p>
<p>I’d encourage to you to consider Blair in New Jersey. It meets all of your criteria in your points 1 - 5. It is a zero tolerance school, and means it. It has one of the lowest numbers for #kids/class, averaging 11. Interactivity is a given and an expectation. It has a true sense of family, holds individuals accountable for their choices and decisions, offers a diverse community, and has a relatively high number of kids on FA. </p>
<p>The schools you have listed so far are very, very selective…if your back up plan is equally attractive, then that may be fine. Blair’s current admit rate is 30% and falling. It offers a superb education and outstanding community. I know kids who have gotten into the usual suspects and chose to attend Blair. Our DC is having a wonderful experience there and had a lot of acceptances come March 10, so was free to make a choice that felt best based on fit.</p>
<p>Wow! That does sound like a pretty amazing school. Thanks so much for your input and for the time you spent in your response. It really makes a world of difference to hear these things from parents and students who have applied to or even more- when their kids are actually attending these schools. I spent some time on Thacher’s website last night after reading the positive remarks about it by SevenDad. I was very impressed by the place- from what I saw online and you sure can’t beat the location. (And admittedly, as much as we are more than willing to make the leap to schools in the NE, if we could be under a 4 hour drive from our kid, for some reason, it wouldn’t feel as tough I think). Not that we’d be helicopters by any means, I guess it’s just a mental thing, knowing we’d be in the same state. </p>
<p>I did notice the low % rate of acceptance & the very high % of yield so clearly Thacher is a major player, considering the schools with whom they compete. I’d imagine there’s probably a great number of east coast kids quite eager to jump ship from the traditional ACRONYMS for a chance to attend an equally amazing BS situated in sunny, amazing Santa Barbara CA! Heck, all I could think while I browsed their website was, “What a great place!! I wanna go to!”</p>
<p>Having such a world famous setting like they do, it made me wonder if being from CA might actually put us at a disadvantage for a school like Thacher. I have no way of knowing if that’s true but given that area is such a major tourist destination (esp. for the well heeled) and figuring the school probably has applicants from all over the world, I wonder if they really limit those they accept from in state, especially those areas perceived as well off? LA and SF seem to be well represented from your comments, MountainHiker, so maybe I’m just worrying for nothing. Do you have any idea?</p>
<p>I guess one good thing about it being located in a place as costly as they are, I imagine they are quite understanding of the fact that parents earning $150K in areas like SF are far from wealthy. Hopefully that translates into good FA pkgs for those in our income bracket. We are definitely expecting to participate in funding this education but paying anything close to these avg tuition amounts would be an impossibility for our family right now.</p>
<p>But I am VERY excited to hear such a resounding cry for Thacher and will certainly plan on making the drive down for an interview with our child. Thanks so much and congratulations, MountainHiker on your son getting in and thriving there! How wonderful! Will be sure to let you know when we set an interview appt. and maybe we can even say hello during our visit. Any other tips advice or info about applying there, I’m all ears! Cheers!</p>
<p>Thanks for this response, 24Daffodils! Exactly what I was hoping to get out of this forum: honest, hands on information about these schools and especially those that I may have not looked into yet! Blair sounds terrific and we will check it out online tonight as well. Appreciate the suggestion and congratulations to you daughter on her choice! Cheers!</p>
<p>Glad to be of help, goforprep. Like you, I place a lot of stock into the heartfelt stories of those who have traveled this road before. Stats can only do so much; it is real people that breathe life into a school so you can begin to determine if it is a fit. Then visits and your own research follow, of course. No one knows your child like you do. And of course, they will have their own opinions. I’ve learned that kids may not be full grown and may not always be able to articulate it, but they usually have a pretty good sense for what is right for them and where they feel at home.</p>
<p>From what I have heard, and our own experience, it does seem that families applying from out of state for a given boarding school have a bit of an edge in admissions. Of course, the schools do take quite a few from their own state, and you may well be one!</p>
<p>If you need FA, you definitely must ask for it, but make sure you look at each school’s FA stats (which include those receiving any amount of aid from partial to full) to understand that your child WILL be in a more competitive pool. It seems that roughly 70/30 is the common ratio of full-pay to FA in most schools, so an FA applicant is definitely facing a stiffer chance of acceptance at any truly non-need blind school.</p>
<p>Goforprep - Take a look at St. George’s in Newport RI. I know several families currently there and love it. It has everything you are looking for.</p>
<p>@goforprep: Tight on time today, but here’s a quick reply:</p>
<p>I am going to give another hearty endorsement of Thacher based on your criteria (Bill McMahon should send me some swag for that). And perhaps Cate in Carpinteria? We’ve visited Thacher (sitting in on an assembly and taking a tour, but no interview for 7Daughter2…she’s still in 7th grade) and were blown away by the warmth of the people and the power of the setting. If our younger daughter didn’t intend to focus on fencing into high school, it would be very high on our short list.</p>
<p>Of the schools on your short list so far, only SPS has chapel.</p>
<p>We too were “she’s going to Exeter, like her godfather and her sister’s godfather” when I started the BS ball started rolling three summers ago. But we just didn’t feel the love (or frankly, any sense of awe…a visit to SPS will sort of ruin you in terms of being impressed by other campuses/facilities) on our visit and crossed it off the list before we left the parking lot. Of course, a great school with smart kids and distinguished graduates, but not a good fit for us.</p>
<p>If lack of D&A culture is truly important to you, I encourage you to really dig into any of the schools to which your child is applying. You may not like what you find.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for all of your helpful advice! It has really humbled me to know how many parents out there are so willing to help out with this whole process. Especially those whose own kids have already made it in! Will take a second look at forums for all who replied or commenteed since last night and answer tomorrow. Short on time tonight.</p>
<p>Had report card review and parent/ teacher conf today so not much time for a whole lot else. All A’s and B+ so 1st Trimester looked good. Good enough? Guess time will tell? Pretty much the same for all of middle with some terms showing straight A’s. </p>
<p>Also had to explain to current teachers about kiddo’s decision to go for BS and not local public or local private. Some were excited, some seemed utterly surprised. All felt it was good choice after a little explanation of why.</p>
<p>So, curious… Anyone care to share their own experience with this? Any shocking stories? Reactions generally good? What negative things did any of you hear? I haven’t even begun mentioning to other parents yet but word is spreading as these things do at this time of year. We’re at a private K-8 in Bay area w/ highly educated parents (handful who prepped themselves)…but nobody else going this route so not sure what’s in store more that the usual cliche: “Shipping them off to Boarding school? WHY???”</p>
<p>Recently, a number of prospective parents and students have written to me directly and asked for input on any number of BS application topics, including advice on lists of schools.</p>
<p>I wanted to share part of one response I provided, and since this thread was started to document our family’s experience it makes sense to put it here. </p>
<p>Hopefully this will clarify my personal POV on the BS scene as it relates to our family (and in particular to my older daughter):</p>
<p>"…despite my daughter being an academic powerhouse, we avoided nearly all of the ‘top tier’ (quotes intentional) schools because I believe she needed something very different from her high school experience. I also believe that she is getting a great education at St. Andrew’s…and that we are not jeopardizing her chances for a selective college in the least. Maybe I’m fooling myself, but the recent matriculation of SAS grads to both Harvard and Yale (and other selective schools and programs) tells me I’m not."</p>
<p>Oh, and my inbox is almost full so if you’re trying to send me a PM don’t be surprised if it gets sent back. I’ll clean it out soon.</p>
<p>Ah, the always-interesting topic of other parents’ reactions to one having a child that is at boarding school. Our family has always thought ‘out of the box’ educationally and has already made a number of decisions off the beaten track for our kids’ educations. When it came time for boarding school, I guess I was already used to the quizzical looks. I do get the question often and have heard the unspoken judgments behind it (something akin to ‘are you nuts?’). I won’t change people’s minds, so I answer briefly & politely and then move on. It really, when it comes down to it, is not their business. If you are doing what you think is best for your family (public school, private day, boarding, homeschool, whatever), then that is all that matters. Other people have different kids and must make their own decisions. Heck, I have two kids and know the decisions will likely differ quite a bit for each of them. </p>
<p>7dad, you have great respect on this board, and well-earned. If you could, would you say a bit more about what you were looking for in a school that led to the decision to avoid most of the acronym schools? If that is too much of a hot potato, PM me. As you know, I am on the fence about child #2 and considering a variety of paths, and I see some similarities between our daughters…kids that plausibly could earn a spot at some of these schools, but parents who are considering all the options. I’m always grateful to listen to someone equally willing to think broadly to come up with the best, unique answer for their child’s education.</p>
<p>Well, I just skimmed thread, and found the comments about parent led vs. student led application interesting early in the thread. I sure hope that AO’s don’t discount applicants simply because the parents made the interview appointment, or because BS was originally the parents’ idea. It would seem a very narrow view.</p>
<p>Our child knew nothing about private schools and we always assumed she would attend our public high school, until relatively recently. As we became aware of the trend of dumbing down the honors program, and some issues within the social milieu, we decided to look elsewhere. Full disclosure: even after we mentioned it, our daughter was adamantly opposed to private school, because she had always associated it with snobbishness. We forced, yes forced, her to gather information about private school, and consider ALL her options. But we have always made it clear that she can choose our public high school, as long it is an informed decision. That is still our position, even as we are well into the private school application process. But once she opened her mind and began to look beyond our public high school, she found some schools she really loves, and others she does not like. She is choosing which to apply to.</p>
<p>And yes, I have made all the interview appointments. She could easily make the phone calls, but in the end it’s me who has to bring her there, and my schedule is less flexible than hers. I am also the one keeping track of the deadlines, but that is because the decision to apply was relatively recent, and it is a rush to pull it together. She sends thank you notes to all her interviewers…but because I told her to. Is that so bad? She had never applied to anything before, and had no idea about what the common courtesies are in this type of process. </p>
<p>I think in families where the possibility of BS is familiar and considered long before high school, it would be a lot easier and feel a lot more natural for a 13 year old to take the lead. But this has to be a new process for a lot of families, and I hope AO’s don’t impose black and white rules on applicants. For my child, this application process has been an education, one requiring some guidance and assistance, but I don’t think this means she is not ready to for the challenge of attending private school as either a day or boarding student.</p>
<p>A quick reply for honoraryamom, while I’m composing a longer response for 2kidsnoanswers…</p>
<p>When we started the BS search process, my older daughter was 12. As I’ve noted already, she was not, at that age (nor now at 14) scheduling her doctor or dentist appointments. She still does not make our family’s hotel or restaurant reservations. Nor does her 12 year old sister register herself for the many fencing tournaments I drive her to and pay for. For some of the same reasons you mention (parents’ schedules and pocketbooks being primary among them!). So I have no issue with a parent scheduling appointments for BS visits/interviews…I don’t think doing so indicates any less of a readiness for BS on the part of the child.</p>
<p>While some families have their kids make these kinds of calls or write these kinds of emails, we don’t. I cast no judgment on families that do…nor do I think my handling of the administrative details of the BS application process had any negative effect on her candidacy. </p>
<p>Finally, for what it’s worth, we also had to remind her to write her thank you notes to her interviewers and student tour guides as well. We no longer do, and I’m happy report she continues to write notes when appropriate…for example to the mother of a friend who took the kids out to a Broadway show recently.</p>
<p>Good to hear of your experience 7dad. It is a relief that AO’s don’t necessarily dismiss students who are not completely in the lead. It seems to me that those who are hard core about it being student led, will most often be favoring legacy students, because the latter are more familiar with BS and the application process, and better positioned to take the lead. Families and students with no experience with BS will come at it a little differently.</p>
<p>Miss you all - reading what’s gone into this thread since the last time I read it does remind me of the solid common sense in this forum!</p>
<p>Thought I would just add a comment to the idea of student-led vs parent led, now that I’m looking at the next stage (DD applying to college this year). At the 13 and 14 year old level, “student led” might not have to be “making the reservations and the phone calls”, but I would hope it does include knowing why the student wants to apply/participate, and being able to get that idea accross in a visit. </p>
<p>College - well, with DD 700 miles away, and the supervision perforce outsourced to the he helpful college counselor, it was going to be student led or nothing. And it’s amazing how they have grown up in the last 3 years. I told her “we can afford to send you on one visit, so make it a good one”, and the next thing I knew, the time, the location, the accommodations, the interview schedule, the combination of late bus and pick up to get back to school, etc etc etc - all booked. Just get me the planed ticked, mom, I’ve got enough money from my summer job for the car service and the late bus back to school. </p>
<p>So it’s all about age appropriate, I would say. Start with the core - their own opinions of why boarding school is a good idea for them. Take care of the details as long as you have to, but let them step up as soon as they are ready. And it is a truly blissful day when you realize that someone else is handling the details!</p>
<p>“Thought I would just add a comment to the idea of student-led vs parent led, now that I’m looking at the next stage (DD applying to college this year). At the 13 and 14 year old level, “student led” might not have to be “making the reservations and the phone calls”, but I would hope it does include knowing why the student wants to apply/participate, and being able to get that idea accross in a visit.”</p>
<p>Yes, this is how I would see it. When I wrote my post, I was responding to a line of thinking earlier in this thread, that seemed to say that if the kid cannot make all the phone calls and keep track of the deadlines now, how will they manage basic life skills in BS? I was trying to point out that there may be reasons other than a kid’s inability, for a parent to be doing/helping with those things. Also, a mere 6 months is a long time in a young teen’s life. A kid who might not be ready to make all the phone calls today, might be more than ready to do so well before school starts next September. They change quickly at this age.</p>
<p>@ssacdfamily: Welcome back! Thanks for chiming in. I totally agree that the applicant has to be the one who knows why he/she wants to apply and how to get that point across in the interview/essay process. I guess I sort of took that as a given…though I could imagine there are more than a few uber helicopter/tiger mom situations where the parents may be more interested in the kid going to BS than the kid.</p>
<p>I admit that the seed of going to BS was planted by me (though my wife was a 5-day boarder at the small private high school be both attended back in the day). But I know that both my daughter at SAS and my wife (who was originally reluctant to ship off our firstborn) are happy that I started the ball rolling back then.</p>
<p>@honoraryamom: My personal favorite was this post, ostensibly by a current Deerfield student:</p>
<p>“great job mister, with being on top of everything during your daughters application process, but like most people would say, you did most of her work
i know she was still in middle school, but that doesn’t matter. i come from an immigrant family.”</p>
<p>When I read that one, I was like okaaaay…</p>
<p>@2kids: Still working on my reply. Will probably be a PM sort of thing.</p>
<hr>
<p>The college thing will be an interesting adventure. My knowledge of colleges and the process is so dated that I’m really counting on the SAS college advisors for help/guidance. When I look back at my own process, I do remember “driving the train” much more than my parents…ironically, because I too am the son of immigrant parents who were not that familiar with the U.S. system or the schools here (beyond the obvious ones, of course).</p>
<p>“The college thing will be an interesting adventure. My knowledge of colleges and the process is so dated that I’m really counting on the SAS college advisors for help/guidance. When I look back at my own process, I do remember “driving the train” much more than my parents…ironically, because I too am the son of immigrant parents who were not that familiar with the U.S. system or the schools here (beyond the obvious ones, of course).”</p>
<p>I completely drove my own college app process, too. Neither of my parents, nor any of my siblings, had gone to college. I even visited all of the schools except for one of them, on my own. I was driven, but doing it totally alone made me sad, and jealous of all the other kids who had parents with them. Not because I wanted or needed help, but because I craved involvement with my parents. So after that I guess I feel it’s important to be involved with my own kids.</p>
<p>My older daughter is a junior at our public high school, and well into her college search. She is definitely in the driver’s seat. She makes the plans and prints out directions for the schools we visit, but I do feel it is important to go with her, and give her my impressions when asked. But she is not only older, she has also known for years that she was college bound, and virtually all of her friends and classmates are going through the same process. That’s really different from a 13 year old who knew nothing about boarding schools until recently, and knows no one who has ever been to BS, nor anyone currently looking into it. I fully expect my younger one to take the wheel, when it’s her time to look into college.</p>