<p>It’s the fallout that comes from a child having to be dependent on their parents financial situation even when no longer a child for just about every other situation in society. When else are you considered dependent until age 24? It is a huge problem with the system.</p>
<p>As unfair as it may be, your parent has the right to drink away his money if that is what he chooses. It is his money. ANY parent who does not wish to pay for college regardless of how much he has or how foolishly he spends it cannot be forced to pay for college. They don’t even have to fill out the FAFSA if they don’t feel like doing so. </p>
<p>I know many, many kids here who live in one of the “richest” areas in the world who are commuting to college because financially that is what the parents feel they can support, given their other needs and wants. That is entirely their business. On paper we can afford full COA for just about any college, but that isn’t how it works in real life. There are other priorities. That our kids share them with us is wonderful, but even if they did not, or even if our priorities were misplaced and we were burning the money for fun, it does not matter. This is one of the cornerstones of college that each student has to deal with.</p>
<p>The Al-Anon suggestions are excellent. There is usually counseling available at college too This is a difficult thing to handle for any one. Spouses, parents, kids all suffer when any family member is abusing substances and wasting family money.</p>
<p>If you go to Alateen or other Alanon support groups or if you parent gets into treatment, one of the first things you learn is stop trying to control the drinking by dumping it out or getting rid of it. The alcoholic will just manage to get more – honestly having been through this and trying everything from hiding the money, keys, etc. you find the alocoholic finds a way. So…throwing it away is pointless and just costs more money. I sincerely hope you find a way out of this situation. Its heartbreaking for a child and believe it or not, the parent is feeling worthless and horrible about what is going on even if they can’t stop it. The only thing that would work is getting them into treatment. Hopefully your other parent will realize this and take whatever steps are necessary (up to and including asking the parent to leave). Good luck and I hope you succeed at whatever you choose to do.</p>
<p>In the meantime, since there isn’t anything you can do to help an alcoholic stop drinking, or to help your other parent stop the enabling, what you CAN do is make a plan for yourself in which you rely upon yourself in order to get an education and move into your own life…I’m not trying to sound harsh…it’s just the reality of where you find yourself right now, and you need to do what you need to do for you. Your parent loves you btw, and it isn’t any reflection on you or even them. It’s a brutal disease and the devastation it wreaks is horrendous. The more you can do to stay focused on your own life and what you need to do for you, the better off you will be. Believe it or not, the best thing you can do in a situation like this is to take care of yourself. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It just means “wishing won’t make it so.” I hope you have some good friends you can trust, and I’d suggest Al-anon, not al-ateen. You are moving into the adult world. Find some adults who can help you negotiate that with your own best interests at heart!</p>