<p>As a forewarning, I'm not trying to act like a snob or anything.</p>
<p>Our yearly income is in the ballpark of $500,000, and my EFC ended up as $92,450. Which is a good thing.. of course.. it means we can afford for me to go to any of the $40k schools I got accepted to without F.A.</p>
<p>Wrong.</p>
<p>My parents aren't too into this. They take vacations (without me) a LOT (8-10 times a year) and my dad's constantly buying new boats and new ski supplies that are mad expensive (and he never even uses them!). My mom is known for spending $3,000 dollars or more at the mall in one trip, and she shops with her friends every saturday. She gets a new Coach bag pretty much monthly too.</p>
<p>So when this EFC showed up, my parents stated to me that we would get no F.A. and that they will NOT pay for me to go to any school with a COA of $20,000 a year or more. When I question them, they immediately start throwing the "do you want your mother and I to be able to afford food? Do you want us to be able to take vacations when you're gone?" crap at me, and not gonna lie it's really frustrating me. In reality, they want to keep taking 12 trips to California/Tahiti/etc every year and my dad wants to keep buying boats and my mom wants to keep shopping, and they clearly don't want to invest any of their income towards my education because it may hinder what vacations they can go on or what boats my dad can buy. (my dad owns one of the largest marinas in florida). </p>
<p>Sure I may be wrong, but why else wouldn't they be willing to pay for a school that's 35k a year when my mom spends that much shopping at the mall every 3-4 MONTHS?</p>
<p>What should I do? Is this not legitimate? And should/how can I argue this?</p>
<p>I am sorry. They sound incredibly selfish. Are you a senior? Did you apply to any inexpensive schools? You’d think they’d want to brag about sending you to a nice school. Are you going to a public school now?</p>
<p>^ I REALLY REALLY REALLY X2000000000 REALLY want to go to the University of Wisconsin-Madison, which would land around 34k/yr. Not acceptable to them; too expensive. My dad even said it’s a “waste of money when I could go to the University of Northern Florida.”</p>
<p>EDIT: And yeah, I’m a senior and I got into UW-Madison, UMich, Ohio State, UNF, IU-B, UNC-Chapel Hill, and University of Iowa, all which would land around 35k or more, besides UNF. I got rejected from UF, so that doesn’t really matter.</p>
<p>And my parents didn’t even tell me we “can’t” afford these places until after I got accepted!</p>
<p>Please get a copy of “Toxic Parents” and “Emotional Blackmail” by Susan Forward so you can navigate loving your parents and doing what it takes to grow into a competent adult. </p>
<p>Please also ask your parents to travel with you to look at some of the schools before you make a final decision. I am hoping that they will see there is a difference between your first choice and their first choice that is visible to them. They are big shoppers so they should see there is a difference between a Target plastic handbag for $14.99 and a Coach bag for $200. You get what you pay for (well, in handbags. College is a bit more varied). </p>
<p>Your enemy is righteous anger. Any time you play the righteous anger card, they can write you off as an entitled brat who “needs to learn some lessons about the real world.” </p>
<p>Your friends are calmness and maturity. You can calmly say “these schools, Cheapo U and Fine College are not comparable. I really feel Fine College is where I’d like to attend. I’d like your help in figuring out how to make this possible. Will you please go with me to meet with a financial aid officer?” Then take them (no point in going alone) and have a meeting. Get educated on loans. Get educated on the campus work opportunities at Fine U. If your parents see that you are calmly ready to dig in and do the work to go to Fine U, then they may start to help (also, the fin aid officer should be really clear about what most folks in their price range are doing to help their kids!). </p>
<p>You can warn the fin aid officer about the situation before you get there too. </p>
<p>Be aware that your parents do not owe you an education. It is their money. If they want to spend it on trips or boats or diamond studded Chihuahuas, that is their choice. Don’t be petulant. But do be smart. (“Mom, you’ve got a closet of Coach purses that you’re not using anymore. Can I ebay them and use the money for college costs?”)</p>
<p>Bottom line, you do NOT “Argue” this. You “persuade” this. You do that by being a well informed, determined, mature person (hint: if they are complaining that you don’t take out the trash or clean your room, now would be a very clever time to show a new side to yourself. Make yourself an excellent investment). </p>
<p>Good luck. Many parents are in denial about college costs. The costs are huge and they are variable. Do help them see that they don’t necessarily have to don sack cloth and ashes to assist you to attain your dreams.</p>
<p>I think it’s awful that your parents didn’t tell you any of this before you applied. </p>
<p>Yes, your parents don’t “owe” you an education, but any parents who earn half a mill every year have a moral and ethical obligation to provide one since their income prevents you from getting aid. </p>
<p>I agree with Oly that you should take your parents on some college visits soon. Since they like traveling so much, that shouldn’t be a problem </p>
<p>I’ve visited the school I want to go to, Wisconsin, with both my parents. Neither of them were impressed. My mom was concerned about the hills on campus and how I could slip during the winter months (aka excuse for me to stay instate) and my dad hated the campus and said that Madison was a hicktown and that UF was the place for me (this was before I got rejected from UF… I guess I would’ve been pretty happy attending UF).</p>
<p>Honestly, they don’t care if the campus is pretty or if it’s the place I want to be. It’s STRICTLY academics and what comes after. My mom keeps saying that it doesn’t matter where you go to school; your destiny will still give you the same future. Which is true in so many respects but just not what I’m wanting to hear.</p>
<p>I probably sound really entitled, and I don’t mean to, but the whole visiting deal won’t work. They’ll find SOMETHING to complain about.</p>
<p>It sounds as though your parents may be living above their means - even though they make a lot of money. It doesn’t take long to blow through what’s left after taxes. They may not have much saved and don’t want to adjust their lifestyle. </p>
<p>How did you get into UNC-Chapel Hill and not get into UF? That makes no sense to me.</p>
<p>I don’t know what the right answeer is but they have offered to give her 80K over 4 years. That means she can attend a very good state university and come out without any loans. Regardless of their income, they have put a very nice offer on the table. Maybe she can get them to contribute a little more and take out some loans, They have every right to do what they want and the OP seems to think she is entitled to their money.</p>
<p>*How did you get into UNC-Chapel Hill and not get into UF? That makes no sense to me. *</p>
<p>I wondered the same thing. What are your stats? Have you considered contacting UF for re-consideration?</p>
<p>*Will they pay 20k if you take out the rest in loans? Of course, this isn’t the best option…but this is what many have to do. *</p>
<p>Sorry, but that would be a terrible idea. That would mean borrowing $120k. The average student debt at graduation is a total of $20k. (Borrowing large amounts requires qualified co-signers - I doubt your parents would co-sign)</p>
<p>Your parents are not refusing to pay for college, they have given you an amount they are willing to pay. Whether you are happy with that amount or not is irrelevant, this is what they are willing to pay. Can you apply for merit aid? What about other scholarships? If not, your best bet is to enroll in UNF and try to transfer to UF later. Let this be a lesson to all students, have the “how much are you willing to pay” conversation before you apply to schools that your parents are not willing to pay for.</p>
<p>Good point that the EFC should be $99,999, unless siblings are in college.</p>
<p>Your parents are not refusing to pay for college, they have given you an amount they are willing to pay. Whether you are happy with that amount or not is irrelevant, this is what they are willing to pay. Can you apply for merit aid? What about other scholarships? If not, your best bet is to enroll in UNF and try to transfer to UF later. Let this be a lesson to all students, have the “how much are you willing to pay” conversation before you apply to schools that your parents are not willing to pay for..</p>
<p>It’s too late for him to apply to colleges with merit aid. That’s why it’s unfortunate that the parents waited so long to give him this limit. They obviously knew where he was applying (the visit to UW), yet they never said anything. While the student should ask, the adults really have the responsibility (and the maturity) to speak up.</p>
<p>I agree, he needs to go to UNF, do well, and then transfer to UF. Also, if he got into UNC-CH, then maybe UF made a mistake when they didn’t accept him???</p>
<p>I would have my school guidance counselor contact UFlorida to find out why you weren’t accepted. You should have been with your stats and rank. Sounds like a mistake that should be pursued. </p>
<p>Your brother’s costs are likely more than $20k and he’s a fifth year. Unless he had a scholarship to Bama, his prior costs were more than $20k per year. BTW…what do you mean that “he got the maximum”?</p>
<p>Disclaimer…this is probably not going to be a popular post.</p>
<p>First…I do feel for this OP whose family apparently has the resources to fund his college education but by all reports says they won’t do so. This certainly would be hard to understand.</p>
<p>BUT…to the OP…my guess is that over the years, you have benefited from your parents’ largesse in spending. Did you go on the trips, sail on the boats, live in the home(s), have a car, a good allowance, live in the best neighborhood, etc? </p>
<p>Do you have any siblings? Even the wealthiest parents sometimes have concerns over the costs for multiple childrent to attend college. They may be concerned about aging grandparents or other extended family as well.</p>
<p>While your family “has” all of these things, what you don’t say (and may not know) is how debt ridden your family already is. It’s very possible that the income they have is “allocated” to pay the bills they have accumulated.</p>
<p>Also…if your parents started out in a more modest financial position, perhaps they expect you to work your way up too.</p>
<p>I too do not understand how you would have been a competitive and accepted candidate for OOS admission to UNC Chapel Hill and U Mich…but not to UF.</p>
<p>If you are a competitive admit and are instate to FL…wouldn’t you be eligible for their FREE tuition (Bright Futures)? If so, your costs would be very minimal…probably under that $20K.</p>
<p>BTW…having ONE other sibling in college…well…I still think your EFC would be $99,999 with an income of $500,000.</p>
<p>You are in the same boat as many, many children. I would GUESS that most parents with incomes at that level would want to pay for their children’s college…and yours do want that…congratulations. Some “value” education highly, some…not so much. Some “value” an education at a more elite school differently, some…not so much. Florida versus Wisconsin does not seem to them like a significantly enough difference to spend that much difference. Regardless of how it seems/feels…it IS their money. They DO get to decide. You get more flies with honey than vinegar. Do you BEST to HELP them understand your reasoning, then you’ll just have to move on. Get your education, wherever that might be. Make the most of what you’re GIVEN. Then get a job, and YOU can then decide what to do with YOUR money from that day forward. Until then, it’s the Golden Rule (“He who makes the gold makes the rules”). Sorry it has to be this way. I myself COULD probably FIND a way to pay for an NYU education for my daughter. BUT…I know what I can “afford”. Making the payments is not the same as being able to afford. This economy is tough on everyone. No matter where your decimal point lies. Your parents have the right to splurge on expensive purses and vacations. They’ve earned that right. I’m not saying they are making the same choices most parents would make, but…be thankful they’ll pay some…and get that undergrad education in whatever way you can. This is probably a “priceless” education for you, in fact. Hopefully YOU will learn how to manage your money well, for YOUR future generation. Luck.</p>
<p>Edited to add…I wonder if you DEFINITELY got all your paperwork in for that school that rejected you? And I wonder how your parents feel NOW…since they said UF would be good (but you didn’t get in there)…are they MORE agreeable about OOS? Also…I wonder if your parents have had a change in financial situation…and they’re trying to find a way to avoid telling you this, and maybe now they CAN’T afford the out of state school. ???</p>