<p>Woe is me. With the new format, can’t figure out how to delete my messages. Help?</p>
<p>preironic, you can’t. All you can do is edit for 15 minutes after posting.</p>
<p>My private messages so my box won’t be full.</p>
<p>if you’re within the edit period (float the cursor under the post number, see the gear, then click,) you can erase and insert “deleted” or NM.) Otherwise, you are stuck.</p>
<p>–ok, I misunderstood. Go here and ask <a href=“UNOFFICIAL THREAD TO MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT NOT-SO-NEW CC SITE - College Confidential Community - College Confidential Forums”>UNOFFICIAL THREAD TO MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT NOT-SO-NEW CC SITE - College Confidential Community - College Confidential Forums;
<p>Dharma is probably en route to the atty, so don’t know if she will see this. If staying in the home is unaffordable, then its not the best use of time to review/address the cost comparison. It may be too easy to get sidetracked. Its best to stay focused on the key points that must be covered. Professional and businesslike. How they feel about the situation and having to move from the home is best addressed with the psychiatrist, so hopefully that appointment is set too.</p>
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<p>Who is promising what to whom in this promissory note, and how does that “protect” assets from being used to pay for Dharma’s mom, assuming she will need AL/NH in the next 5 years? Maybe there was something I missed, but it this is what the attorney thinks is the purpose of the meeting, and Dharma has said very little about the reason for it and how it works. *</p>
<p>That’s not my problem today, just checking in because FIL may finally be ready to accept some household help. The social worker is going to talk to him today. As a refresher, MIL has been on in-home hospice for a year, getting progressively weaker but still very mentally alert and socially interested. FIL - 86 years old, bad back, bad knees, severe shortness of breath, declining cognitive abilities - has been her sole caregiver/shopper/cook/cleaner/lawn-mower/handyman/laundry service, because he is independent and self sufficient and everything is just fine. Except of course that it isn’t at all. Here’s hoping the social worker convinces him, this has been really hard to watch.</p>
<p>*and can we quit talking about protecting assets from Medicaid? Assets don’t go to Medicaid, they go to the people taking care of the seniors. Once the family money runs out, the taxpayers take over. I don’t mind paying taxes for people who run out of money, but don’t get me started on the ones who want to hide money so I start paying sooner.</p>
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Yes, yes YES!!! I friend said something about her inlaw still owning an empty condo (an extremely expensive empty condo in S Fla) because somehow they’d sheltered it and the inlaw was getting her AL/NH (I dont know which) paid for by medicaid. That really fried my cookies. The heirs clearly want the condo, and its somehow sheltered. They know if they sell it the $ will be used to pay for the owners living situation. Well, thats as it should be!!</p>
<p>I think Dharma was unclear on how and when Medicaid kicks in. Or what the 5 year lookback is. But the core info is all easily accessible online. I actually doubt the promissory note will fly in the future, because it’s being signed just after release from the NH, just in advance of a probable move. (And just what will they claim to be repaying? Daughterly transpo costs?) My understanding is that, in part (maybe large part,) Medicaid looks for the apparent intentions behind “fixes” like that. The time to do it would have been 5 years ago or at least several years ago. Or now if they do plan to keep her home for five years. </p>
<p>If someone asked me or my mother to sign a promissory note I didn’t understand or know and agree with the purpose of, that would not go well. This sounds like a bad idea.</p>
<p>Is mom considered competent to sign a legal document? Could this be considered undue influence? Neither of those are good, if the sister raises an issue.</p>
<p>It’s’s so easy to get sidetracked when you’re dealing with such a complicated situation. I know I do. But in this case there are only two things that really matter:</p>
<ol>
<li> If DharmaMom stays in her house, the money will last for maybe two years, probably less.</li>
<li> If DharmaMom moves to AL and sells the house, the money will last for six years or so. </li>
</ol>
<p>Agree about how easy it is to get sidetracked. When funds are limited and the attorney’s meter is running, its probably best to have the primary questions/issues to be addressed written on a piece of paper to be sure they are covered at the meeting.</p>
<p>For reference: <a href=“http://estateplanning-elderlaw.com/resources/medicaid-promissory-notes.php”>http://estateplanning-elderlaw.com/resources/medicaid-promissory-notes.php</a></p>
<p>Seems it’s a loophole with varied reactions from counties, specific conditions. I think it will be a lot of info for Dharma to process in one hour and mom may be utterly unwilling to transfer assets…</p>
<p>Breaking news. Within minutes of sitting down with the eldercare lawyer (a motherly-type figure probably already in her early 70s), my mother agreed to move into a nearby AL the eldercare lawyer recommended, if she likes/approves it. Agreed to sell the house ASAP. Anxious to learn tomorrow am about availability, and possibility of visiting for lunch and a tour tomorrow. Quite a revelatory experience.</p>
<p>I will explain about–or try to relate–what the lawyer told us about the promissory note.</p>
<p>When we left, the lawyer whispered to me, I will take care of you, too.</p>
<p>Spagettti in the pot, meat sauce bubbling, girls to feed, more later!</p>
<p>I am thrilled with you Dharma! Truly, this is good news. And you can definitely cancel that RM appointment if you have not already done so. </p>
<p>However my cautious side wants to also be cautious. Your mom has manipulated you in the past. I hope that this is not another manipulation. But now you are aware to look for this, so buckle up your seatbelt and settle in for a wild ride all the way to AL! </p>
<p>Fantastic news!!</p>
<p>First thing tomorrow – call a realtor! Get that house on the market immediately, and price it to sell.</p>
<p>Yes, yes, yes!! Sounds like her moods are currently stable. Some of her past episodes of agitation/aggression may possibly have been associated withe her Bipolar diagnosis and an episode of expansive mood. It might also help to write the plans down and each sign/date it, so you are in agreement and each have a copy, should she forget. ITs probably also best to get her moved first, and put the house on the market second, as it may be hard for her to handle the showings while she is living there. Also, it lets her get adjusted to the new location and you can get that part settled-- one stress at a time.</p>
<p>Let’s hope this works. You deserve it. </p>
<p>Dharmawheel, don’t underestimate your victory here! You got through to her. Congratulations and take a little bit of time to revel in the victory. You are a strong woman and your mother knows you are there for her and your sister is not.</p>
<p>Good point, jym, about waiting until DharmaMom is out before putting the house on the market. Still, Dharma,it wouldn’t hurt to at least get a realtor lined up. He/she can be getting comps, arranging for inspections and appraisals, making recommendations about what needs to be done, etc. That way once your Mom is out, you can hit the market right away.</p>
<p>oldmom is right, this is HUGE, and it wouldn’t have happened without your hard work and persistence. Give yourself a big pat on the back, and an extra helping of spaghetti! :P</p>