<p>(Too soon to say this, but maybe you engage the Nice Polish Aide to visit her during the first week or so, speak to her in Polish or whatever and keep her calm.)</p>
<p>So the way the promissory note works is that mom has to </p>
<p>1)Give away assets equal to half her net worth (to Dharma?sister? anyone? her choice)
2)Transfer the other half of her assets to individual(s) who sign a promissory note promising to repay in monthly installments that (with mom’s other income) are enough to pay the nursing home bills
3) move to, or at least qualify for, a nursing home</p>
<p>Mom is now broke and can apply for Medicaid.</p>
<p>A penalty will be assessed because of the gift in part 1. The penalty will be for the same length of time as the payback period on the promissory note. So now whoever signed the note makes monthly payments to mom, mom pays the nursing home bill, and when the loan is paid back mom is eligible for Medicaid. </p>
<p>Mom just transferred half her net worth to someone to avoid having to pay her nursing home bills, assuming she lives long enough for that to be an issue. </p>
<p>Dharma - Is your mom really willing to transfer half her net worth with no payback, and the other half of her net worth for a promised monthly income? And are you willing to enter into that kind of deal? I wouldn’t.</p>
<p>GREAT NEWS on being willing to move to AL and sell the house, but think long and hard before you involve yourself in this promissory note plan. You can decide not to do it at all, or to postpone it for any length of time.</p>
<p>Yay Dharma. Fingers crossed! This is all because you have been so clear at to the financial viability of your mom receiving care at home. Good job. </p>
<p>Quoting Ararab: 08-10-2014 at 1:30 am
Dharma –
I pulled up my old spreadsheet. MIL was in California.
I budgeted 384 days of care (24 hour days) – the “extra” days reflected that we paid double time for aides on Christmas, New Year’s, Thanksgiving & Easter, which were otherwise hard to staff. Her primary aide got 10 days a year paid vacation. Her other full-time aide got 5 days a year paid vacation.</p>
<p>Average pay was $12/hour – more for the primary aide during the day (who could drive, and who tool MIL to doctor’s appointments, did banking, shopping and scheduling of the other aides, and lower ($10/hour) for the part-time aides. Aides from the agency were $18/hour. MIL was not at the time subject to overtime rules.</p>
<p>So, wages alone: $110,592/year
Social Security/Medicare: $$8.460/year
State Unemployment: $460/year
Federal Unemployment: $125/year (this seemed to vary a lot. no idea why. some years it was much larger.)
Workman’s Compensation Policy: $240/year</p>
<p>Total cost: $119,877/year.</p>
<p>That didn’t include the extra cost of food for the aides, or the costs for incontinence and health care supplies.</p>
<p>MIL was very lucky to have a LTC policy that paid about a third of the cost.</p>
<hr>
<p>Ararab’s figures above - VERY IMPORTANT-- got me to think carefully that something was wrong with what we were paying our caregiver. /Ararab, I can’t thank you enough for providing this information that helped me negotiate my own situation. With my own research and three very valuable links from CC participants (thank you so much for those valuable links), I learned/suspected that in NY we would have to be compliant with new laws effective 1/1/15. </p>
<p>Our meeting with the lawyer this afternoon began with me speaking alone with her about if/how we had to be compliant with the new laws concerning minimum wage, overtime, holiday and sick leave,etc, and the lawyer said yes we did. Now, I saw her three weeks ago and I cannot imagine at all why she did not forewarn me/prepare me that day for this very-soon to be reality. She did not, and I have to let it go. I will never understand, although if I imagine myself as a lawyer, I cannot imagine not mentioning that change affecting the wages you pay your employee sixteen weeks hence. But I will let it go.</p>
<p>The story about my mother and the lawyer together discussing AL and coming to a decision that AL is the way to go is phenomenal. But it has to wait. My husband wants to make me a hamburger, and just as importantly, my 16 yr old has been so indoctrinated in scare-sessions in school against alcohol that I must put away my wine glass and go upstairs and hang out with the family with a glass of seltzer. I sure do have a story to tell you about my mother’s meeting with the lawyer, and my own feelings of failure and acceptance. Tomorrow, or asap!</p>
<p>PS, thank you all… I feel so embraced by the help and support I have gotten here…and it has made me mindful, sadly, that my mother has lacked the feeling of an embrace and a friend to turn to for a long time.</p>
<p>Hi folks, stumbled across this thread a few months ago while trying to get more data about colleges for my son…what a wonderfully informative and supportive place! Have cared for my mother for 15 years–5 years in an apt 20 min from my home where I visited daily, then 10 years (and counting) in our home when she needed more assistance/supervision. The time has come now for some tough decisions, and reading the collected wisdom here has been very helpful to me. May have some thoughts or questions at some point, but for now will continue reading and wishing everyone well as they manage their family situations. And thanks to all who share, cheer on and encourage those who find themselves on the caregiving path!</p>
<p>Dharma, you go enjoy your family tonight. We can wait. :-)</p>
<p>Welcome Lola. I hope you find wisdom here. </p>
<p>I can’t wait to hear the story Dharma. But enjoy your family!</p>
<p>Welcome, Lola.</p>
<p>Welcome Lola. </p>
<p>I hope Dharma has a lovely dinner and evening with the family.</p>
<p>Total newb here…</p>
<p>Is there a good web site or data base for AL? My Dad will probably want Catholic assisted living and I’m looking around online and it’s surprisingly difficult to do a simple search. Everybody wants your particulars before they tell you any cost. If it were me, I’d have floor plans and payment schedules on the front page to simplify things! </p>
<p>I found some starter pricing on seniorhomes.com. Also, somehow on that site, you can get to Catholic places- I had to google the site name and “catholic.”</p>
<p>Maybe your executive office on aging might have a listing that you could start with? Ours works with partners in the community to put out a senior handbook every two years that has a lot of useful phone numbers.</p>
<p>And the local churches usually know where some of their parishioners have settled or some choices that may work. </p>
<p>Greenw-also try local hospitals social work department - they faxed me a list. My mother is in a catholic assisted living because my aunt said that was the best one in town, I trust her judgement completely. I am out of town.</p>
<p>Perhaps I may be the only one that finds this funny- I went to mass this sunday while I was visiting my mother at her assisted living home. It was like a scene out of SNL. I will call it ‘cranky priest guy’. the church started with the priest in the chapel room saying a prayer and one of the very old ladies in a wheelchair started heckling him. It was weird. He took it for a while then he finally said- ‘could you please stop talking!’ and she did. about 50 people were there from I am guessing the senior housing, the assisted living and the nursing home. about 80% were in wheelchairs, 10% walkers and the rest not. when the priest said 'all stand '3 people did. by about half way through the mass at least 50% were sleeping (no snoring) including my mother. they came to each person and brought them communion. The sermon was him talking about himself and how he started the priesthood… he rambled alot like a running commentary in his head. there was no collection (a first for me). I am not a practicing catholic and have not been all my adult life. At the end he just sort walked out. I was wondering if he was retired or ‘reassigned’ to do the mass there, anyway I guess you had to be there to feel the whole scene…</p>
<p>That is bizarre, rockymtnhigh</p>
<p>yes, and strangely calming with the hymns </p>
<p>LOL.</p>
<p>Hi greenwitch. Try googling “senior housing placement service.” We used one of these when we needed to find a Board & Care for my dad, and the consultant was extremely knowledgeable about what was available. She had been doing it for years, and steered us toward places with a good reputation in the area.</p>
<p>Google eldercarematters and elderrcare websites. Good info there.</p>