<p>No, never, not at all. I normally tell the agent in charge that I’m a neighbor and I’m just looking. Invariably they welcome me and tell me to look around. They may ask if I’m thinking of selling my house, and I tell them I’m not. I think they think that the more people who see the house, the better, and after all, I might know someone who is looking for a house or I might know someone who is looking for a realtor.</p>
<p>LF: “So, Dharma, if she needs two months in a NH, then what? Did you ask that question of the AL places, to learn how it works with them? Can they offer “nursing level” care if she gets that sick again? I know some here advised to look for AL with some NH relationship, either a wing or owned by the same folks. And to vet first, without Mom.
The idea, from all of us, is to spare you all the extra head spinning.”</p>
<p>At this juncture in her care since mid-H+June she has “used up” 28 days of paid medicaid for a limited amount of time according to their rules. For a period of time, they allow you 110 days of Medicare in a skilled nursing facility. The nurse who examined her at AL place #2 said she does NOT need NH and needs (I was surprised) the lowest level of care/cost administered. I don’t know if this answers your question; sorry I am learning bit by bit ever day.</p>
<p>A I said before, none of these three places adjoins a NH. But I am not concerned with it as a big issue–just another step. The paramount step is to get her in a room in AL where she doesn’t scream, and sell the house.</p>
<p>To answer your question, both places in Danbury firmly asserted that they could offer skilled quality nursing care at a highly skilled level, and if worst came to worst, they could call the ambulance. But of course they would say that.</p>
<p>Cardinal Fang , forgive me, you are so erudite, but I don’t understand your post about posing as a neighbor. If I want to sell a house, shouldn’t I be forthright and say so?</p>
<p>Please, please DW, don’t put yourself down!!! We know you are in a difficult situation and have an even more difficult history with your mom who has had mental health and alcoholism issues from the get go. Your postings and the many responses have been very helpful to me as I will soon need to travel down this road.</p>
<p>To use a trite phrase, I think it is very difficult to see the forest for the trees when one is in the middle of a situation. The wonderful people here are able to share their wisdom because they are not personally emotionally entangled in our particular situations. I think the great thing about being a Baby Boomer is that many have already walked in some way down our paths so we are not alone. </p>
<p>But the issue today is the project today. Not some other things from another time.
A CPA or accountant could be filling out the payroll paperwork, resolving those issues, btw. These misc tasks may be do-able, but they distract from some of the needed streamlining. In those hours, you could have vetted AL by yourself. Now you will give your mother choices of AL that she likes- not that you pre-approved and handed to her.</p>
<p>I know this throws in a wrench, but do you have an idea of how expenses will be handled, if she is living at AL, but needs temp NH? </p>
<p>Actually I was the one who posted what you attributed to GTalum in post 4239. YOu mention lots of responsibilities- mom, husband, children. All time consuming. So please dont put more on your plate that is unnecessary. Like all the details about the RM. Let that go. No more emails to the sales shark. No more. Just stop.</p>
<p>And please dont create problems that don’t yet exist. Why are you spending time/money back at the attorneys? No need at this point to worry about future financial strategies. Focus on AL and selling the house. Period. </p>
<p>Don’t mean to minimize what you are doing., but we have all been in your shoes. You’ve been dealing with it since June. Three months. I did it for 7 years- flying back and forth, handling the bills, taxes, medicals, caregivers, case managers, all while having a husband, 2 kids and a fulltime practice. Its all about time management and letting go if irrelevant side distractions.</p>
<p>Not sure why you gave in on driving your mom to the dr. Let her shriek like a 5 yr old. remind her that thats why she goes to a psychiatrist. She has issues, and you will not be the target for them.</p>
<p>Dharma, I don’t suggest you pose as a neighbor! I said that if a house is listed for sale in my neighborhood and a realtor is holding an open house-- when the house is open for anyone to look around, on a weekend afternoon-- I sometimes go and look. I’m not posing as a neighbor; I am one. LasMa asked if the realtor sometimes gives me the evil eye. No, I said, never. As far as I can tell, it’s normal for neighbors to check out open houses, and realtors have told me as much. Nobody bats an eye.</p>
<p>Re: staging. Here, it’s not about the house being immaculate. It’s about having three quarters of the furniture removed, and the house being accented with art, pillows and potted plants so it looks bigger. But I live in an area of expensive real estate, and the difference between, say, $1.6 million and $1.7 million is a lot of money, so it’s worth squeezing out that extra 5% of price.</p>
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<p>Well! I think I just found my new hobby! :D</p>
<p>Wish we lived in your neighborhood, CF! </p>
<p>Around here they are referred to as nosey neighbors or tire kickers.</p>
<p>We live in an area with fairly expensive real estate too–most of the homes are $750K+, up to a few million. Our realtors are fine with ANY folks coming to view the home and are quite fine with neighbors looking at the open houses as well. They even try to talk us into considering listing with them, if it seems we may be willing. Realtors who give the “evil eye” are very short-sighted unless people are making disparaging remarks about the home for sale. More interest is always good for the seller, whether it’s real potential buyers or “just neighbors.”</p>
<p>I also don’t see the point in seeing the attorney again. You just need her office to give her recommendations on good realtors if you’re interested in her recommendations, which can be accomplished via phone and NO visit. You’ve already had two visits. What more is expected to be accomplished in this next visit?</p>
<p>LF- re: question of how it is handled if an AL resident needs temporary nursing home level care:</p>
<p>In my experience, the resident continues to pay for AL (just like one pays any primary residence expenses) while in a nursing home, thereby holding their place/bed. This works out if the nursing home stay is actually in a Skilled Nursing Rehab facility, after a qualifying 3 night hospital stay that allows Medicare plus any available Medigap policy to pay for the bulk of rehabilitation stay. The rehab stay requires that a patient is actively recovering and making progress/effort towards restoring function. It is not for more static, chronic care. This active treatment may include physical therapy, post-surgical care, wound care, OT, and other options. Medicare has limits on how long such care can continue and what the co-pay is can be impacted by any additional insurance held. Medicaid does not typically pay for this type of care for those on Medicare. Medicaid becomes an option when resources are depleted and nursing home care for the long term is required. </p>
<p>Perhaps theire are others here how have additional info or experiences with this. ALs may have various policies on this. </p>
<p>T, my MIL was in the nursing wing of her facility. I don’t remember why, but she would have had to pay for both that care and her AL room. (Which suggests it didn’t qualify for Medicare to pay- this was some time ago and DH handled it.) The place suggested she drop her studio, their staff moved and stored her things. When ready to return to her studio, they assigned a new space (fortunately, the same price tier was available,) moved her things in. I wanted Dharma to see if she had that info from the 3 AL places she had visited. It may be moot, if her mother meets the Medicare requirements. And if the AL they choose doesn’t have this level of care. I’m still a little confused what her places do offer, if there is any option at those facilities, for when 24 hour NH level care is needed, temporarily. </p>
<p>Here’s how AL/SNF/Medicare worked, for example, when my mom broke her leg.</p>
<p>From AL, she was sent out to the ER, had surgery, and stayed for 3 nights. A 3-night stay is required in order for Medicare to pay for a SNF stay. (On more than one occasion, I have begged hospital case managers to keep a parent one more night in order to qualify.) Once at the SNF, the Medicare rehab claim begins. Each claim is for 100 days (or nights, I forget how they count it.) When the rehab claim runs out, Medicare will continue to pay for medical services – nursing, therapy, medications, etc – but will no longer pay for room and board. You’re right, travelnut, continuation of the rehab claim is dependent on the patient making progress. At our SNF, room & board runs $275 per day. Mom was there about 2 months, so we didn’t bump up against the end of the Medicare claim.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we continued to pay the AL rent to hold Mom’s apartment there. Their AL is one of those that charges separately for care, so we didn’t have to pay for that piece of it while she was out of community. </p>
<p>OTOH, Dad spent the last 3 1/2 months of his life shuttling back and forth between SNF and the hospital, and at the time he passed, was very close to exhausting his Medicare rehab claim (nights spent in the hospital didn’t count against the 100 days). I was told that in order to re-start the clock, i.e., start a new 100-day claim, he would have to be out of SNF for 60 days – which clearly wasn’t going to happen – then have another 3-night hospital stay. We were frantically trying to get him moved to a Board & Care before the claim ran out, which would have been $4000/month as opposed to $8000+ at the SNF. Once it became clear that he wasn’t going back to AL, we terminated his residence there, so that saved some money the last couple of months.</p>
<p>For the life of me, I can’t remember why MIL needed the nursing wing. I have to back off my question. These posts are informative, somewhat reassuring, thanks.</p>
<p>LF, it is a very confusing landscape, and everything I’ve learned was learned only when it came up. Eg, I had no idea about the 100 day limit until someone at Dad’s SNF mentioned it, around 60 days in. </p>
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<p>If she screams, she screams. If you mean screaming at you, simply don’t put up with it. Leave the room or hang up the phone. If you mean screaming in the AL, believe me, they’ve dealt with screamers before. Her scream quotient is 100% irrelevant to this.</p>
<p>I thought going to an open house was normal for neighbors to do. </p>
<p>Around here, the purpose of a real estate open house (of a house for sale, organized by the realtor,) is considered for prospective buyers. The homeowner is usually not there. Sometimes other realtors come, but they may more commonly come to a caravan organized on a different day (usually just when the house goes on the market). The purpose is to see the house, read the flyer, talk to the agent and maybe snack on a cookie. Neighbors aren’t usually buyers. In fact they could be competition, unless they are potential clients for the realtor, should they put their home on the market.</p>
<p>I don’t think there is anything wrong with neighbors going to open houses. To me you never know who may know someone looking to move - or looking for a new agent. I doubt most agents think twice about the parade of neighbors. </p>
<p>I’m bringing my son back to college and stopping along the way to see my mom. Not really along the way, but she was hospitalized over her birthday so the visit was cancelled. What makes me a little nervous now is she and my sister now believe since both kids will be in college that I’ll be making that 5 hour trip all the time to visit and look through more endless boxes that have already been gone through and determined, not to throw away or give away but not needed. </p>
<p>Mom is stubbornly refusing to use a cane or walker and literally hangs on to walls and furniture to make her way. Yet, she’s still driving and no one else in my family seems to want to address it.</p>
<p>I will be sure to ask facility#3 tomorrow about what is done if NH is called for. Some of the stories here about lentgh of care/multiple moves and involved issues are amazing.</p>
<p>I think it was LF who did the reassuring math for me that we have about 7 months for AL. And I think it was Cardinal Fang who said indeed a home equity loan is possible. So I soothed down about money strains and yes if fact, I will cancel the lawyers appt. No need. </p>
<p>Why am I driving her to the MD this am? After she agreed to choose one of the ALs by Sun pm, it seemed cruel not to be friendly, or at least accessible. I reminded her quite strongly when we got home from AL#2 that I would step out of the picture and put her situation in the hands of NY stateProtective custody for elders if she refused to choose by Sunday . After we get home today I am telling her as an ultimatum that a realtor is coming to appraise and photograph the house. If she objects, I will renew my promise to depart.</p>
<p>Unfortunately I have laryngitis and can only whisper; Too bad because I have to make three business calls and I want to walk into our villages prime realtors office this afternoon and make an appt… </p>
<p>I hope some tea helps your throat, Dharmawheel. Stay strong on the your A.L. plan. It is the right thing for your mom AND the right thing for your family. </p>