<p>When my 92yo mother with dementia gives the nursing home staff a hard time about washing her hair or cutting her nails or taking a nap, I tell them to tell her that I (shellfell) said she should do so. It doesn’t always work, but is more successful than them arguing with her.</p>
<p>Agree that it makes sense to go for a SHORTER contract, as it keeps YOU in the driver’s seat and there is no reason to stick with a realtor who can’t sell for you in the short time frame that you need. I would NOT sign a 1 year agreeement your case–3 - 6 months max. Stick to your guns–YOU are in the power position–they want your listing and commission! You have the most power NOW, before you sign anything or agree to anything. Get yourself some TLC and care. You need to take care of yourself.</p>
<p>I have never heard of a one-year long listing agreement. Six months is the norm. </p>
<p>I think a one year long agreement communicates that you have time to kill. That you are expecting it to take a long time. You don’t have the time, and you want quicker results; a 6 month agreement communicates that. </p>
<p>If the Realtor doesn’t sell it in 6 months, you’ll have the option of listing with another Realtor, who may market it more effectively. Why risk being stuck with one Realtor for a full year? The Realtor you chose may be wonderful, but no one knows the future, and your Realtor could have a family crisis of her own that could make her unable to perform for you as needed, through no fault of her own.</p>
<p>If you price it right, it will sell. I’ve just sold my mother’s house in another state-- it went very quickly. A few years back when the RE market was collapsing I sold my late father-in-law’s house in a very short time.</p>
<p>Remember, you only need one buyer. </p>
<p>Another quote form NY state: “Normal contract length runs 90 or 120 days”<br>
Everything I’m seeing says 3-6 months. Someone may have an unusual anecdote, but I think one year is more for the old family country estate, where you’re looking for big bucks (and a very particular sort of buyer, eg, one who guarantees he won’t subdivide.)</p>
<p>So, what was her explanation, Dharma? She should be willing to stand up to her promise to sell fast. Don’t be hoodwinked. Eg, I doubt they will hold open houses at your mother’s home every Wed and Sun-- that’s just when they hold them in general. These sometimes need to be specified. Eg, X open houses in the first 6 weeks.</p>
<p>Forewarned is forearmed. But it assumes one takes the warning.</p>
<p>Another good idea shellfell! I’m writing these down. </p>
<p>My sister and I have been dealing with my Mom’s dementia for years. She is physically very healthy-has never had surgery and hasn’t been sick with even a cold since being in AL since last April but slow cognitive decline. </p>
<p>She is 84 and I think we are in this for the long haul. Glad I have my sister. She travels for her job most weeks but I am home so I take on during the week issues (and my Mom’s finances) and she does the weekend-always taking Mom to dinner on Saturday evenings. </p>
<p>My sister is visiting her in-laws this weekend so I am doing the weekend too. Mom only wants to go to a local restaurant that we know because it is the nicest restaurant where we live (Bonefish Grill lol) and always has to have the same booth and the same meal every week-her routine is necessary for calm-no variation! They are very tolerant of her as my daughter waited tables there during college summers plus they are just very nice.</p>
<p>My brother is not near but he and his wife are in the medical field so help with those aspects. We are a good team but it is STILL incredibly time consuming and stressful. Love to all who are in this boat!</p>
<p>OK have to amend my last post re: Mom never having surgery. She never had any surgery until she fell and broke her hip in Feb 2013 which precipitated hospitalization, rehab and move to AL. And it was that crisis that made the move to AL possible. We never let her go back home despite her protests. Hardest but best decision we made in dealing with the years of her decline as we watched her have fender benders, calls from the minister, her country club and neighbors about her inability to live alone, and then a couple times getting lost coming home from her club which was 2 blocks away.</p>
<p>A year? Nope. You hold all the cards here. Tell them you want and expect a quick sale, so three months should be ample. Don’t sign for a year. That’s preposterous.</p>
<p>Mr. Fang, who helped his mother pass the California real estate exam, was incredulous when I mentioned the one year agreement. He says the fact that the agent even asked for 12 months would be enough for him to find another agent. He thinks she is a crook who is trying to cheat you. </p>
<p>My Mom who has moderate dementia is refusing to bathe, change her clothes or have her sheets changed. The staff at the AL where she lives report extreme agitation when these issues are brought up. I have tried to get her to come over to my house also for a bath to no avail. Anybody have any tactics that have worked for them when dealing with a parent with dementia?</p>
<p>Dharma, you might call it exasperated, but really I was more alarmed to think that you were going to try to BECOME a real estate expert, when what you needed to do was HIRE a real estate expert. But my fears are allayed. :)</p>
<p>“Highly desirable” eh? Now THAT’S what a girl likes to hear! I think today is another day you can put in the Win column.</p>
<p>But I agree with the others – max 6 month contract. See if the agent you talked to will come down to at least that. If not, try another agency. </p>
<p>Since she says the property is desirable, let RE agent prove it! If listed now, maybe give contract thru end of year but desire to sell sooner. Properties that sell quick will sell quick. Look up a 2nd agent just for an option.</p>
<p>The RE agents need to have a work for you attitude. Do not allow them to treat you like a passive wimp when you hold the property, and they don’t make money unless they line up a sale for your property.</p>
<p>Omg I created so much confusion, i am so sorry!! The realtor did not say a yearr! that was a totall-typeA-slip-0o. Totaly wrong and im sory i caused so many people to waste their time commenting. Yes, the norm is 6 months; is the norm.Tomorow i will ask the realtor if due to special circumstances we can agree to 3 months. but i liked this woman- she was just the right age and totally sharp and professional. but it am curious that she did not refer to lenth of contract-perhaps because we concentrated so on the need for a quick sale.</p>
<p>but it will certaily be my first question tomorrow.</p>
<p>lasma, did i really say i wanted to BECOME a realtor? I am sick and obviously delusional.</p>
<p>I am still sick but not sick enough to cancel AL tour this morning than god, and realtor tomorrow. Mon is labor day so md closed will try this am to move wed appt to tues. But she was supposed to call me wed and she never did. The nurse yesterday was very kind and promised to get md to call my cell today.</p>
<p>Dharmawheel, are you running a fever? Can you go to urgent care if the doctor can’t squeeze you in? If you have pneumonia, it really should be treated.</p>
<p>No, you didn’t say you wanted to become a realtor, but you said several realtor-like things. </p>
<p>But you definitely need to get to a doctor today, whether it’s your doctor or urgent care.</p>
<p>Some colds last for a miserable week. (Removal of an ovarian cyst (and both ovaries) that was 50-50% ovarian cancer (two months to wait for the surfer with the great unknown)-two years ago-it was benign), and the cold I got in the hospital was WORSE than the post-surgical recovery. THIS one was a powerful three days, and I feel better enough now even after the AL visit to do laundry and write emails. Than you for your concern. Oldmom, I never had a fever. If I did, I would have gone to the MD. Fevers are meaningful.</p>
<p>Won’t go into detail but it would give me delicious pleasure to describe today’s visit and my mother’s remarkable remarks/actions. I will only say this is her CHOSEN AL. In the guidance interview, I was very surprised to learn that they move AL residents who run out of cash into Medicaid on site (the residents then have to share a room but can get on a list of ten Medicaid single rooms). I was so mad at myself for not knowing that that I came home and immediately went to their website. One of the menus items said ALP. I ignored it during my initial research; I had NO idea what it meant. I read everything else. What does ALP mean anyway; why didn’t they just say Medicaid?</p>
<p>In terms of RNs, aids. MDs on place, and emergency plans–in terms of recreation, ambiance–meals timing to local hospital and in-place triage-in terms of everything, it is a fine place to the best of my judgment. Curiously, unlike in CT the want a copy of my POA, my mother’s living will, her birth certificate. There are also more medical hoops to jump through. Next Fri, the earliest possible opening, the place will give her a “care assessment”. Then I take a document to her MD that he fills out and faxes back to the place. The guide said that due to our urgency, she would take a deposit on the 5th(a week from today) (earlier than protocol). But my old friend, anxiety steps in. only one room available, and very reasonably priced - it is called a “deluxe studio”. The guide said she has several parties to see it this weekend. BUT I figure if they have to jump through the same hoops we do before anyone can secure the room, doesn’t that mean we’re first in line.?</p>
<p>Dharmawheel, I am sure all the POA rules, etc. are due to different state regulations.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, it sounds like a really good place for your mom, and it sounds like it can be accomplished very soon. You are in the home stretch! Go for it!</p>
<p>I only mentioned fever because in a previous post you mentioned pneumonia, and there is rarely pneumonia without fever. And that’s nothing to fool around with. A few years ago I delayed going to the doctor despite feeling really crappy for a month. I could have kicked myself–2 days after my appointment and taking antibiotics, I was finally all better! Hope your recovery continues! Also, no harm done talking to another realtor if you can stand it. Even if you go with the first realtor, she will know not to take your business for granted. You are not a supplicant–the realtors are looking for a property like your mother’s house to sell.</p>
<p>Many years ago I had the strangest experience. i had been raking leaves (much younger) all day and my back hurt lot and I felt funny. My medical group had an MD on call so I called and he picked up and I told him in a casual way. He said, Can you meet me in the Emergency Room in ten minutes? I was astonished! DH put me in the car, ten minutes later I vomited, and when I got to the ER I had to lie on the floo, absolutely could not walk They took me right in in front of dozens of people waiting. . It was pneumonia! How could that insightful MD known with hardly a clue?</p>
<p>“Hope your recovery continues! Also, no harm done talking to another realtor if you can stand it.” It’s if my MOTHE R can stand it. She has several MD appts lined up (painful feet in particular -podiatrist) and this AL wants her there again TWICE during the next two weeks or so.</p>
<p>In all the three ALs we saw, all the residents we saw in public were in stronger and better health, much less frail than my mother. When she sits down, she is asleep in 5 minutes. I felt some shame that I had not taken steps 5 years ago to introduce her to this option, where she would have been more on a peer-level with the residents. But I say immediately that know this would have been imposibe, that this would never have been a feasible scenario, because she would never have left her house. It is only because she has exhausted all her other options that things have taken this turn. I sure hope they can find a mean and constant, kindly aide with lots of attention attention to keep her AWAKE.</p>
<p>Dharmawheel, you are second-guessing yourself. The only reason your mother agreed to this option is because SHE HAS NO OTHER CHOICE. You know she wouldn’t have done it before.</p>
<p>The other day, I went through some second-guessing myself, about my dad’s death. He had a very serious stroke and his living will was extremely specific about his wishes–no feeding tube, no ventilator, no artificial intervention. He passed away less than 2 weeks after the stroke. I was thinking that I allowed him to die because it was more convenient for me. Now, I am not going to lie, it is easier for me no longer to have to worry about him and my stepmother, and it would have been a nightmare if he lingered for long. But that doesn’t mean that the right thing to do would have been not to follow his wishes and let him linger. You are doing the right thing for your mother, and every time you start second-guessing yourself, try to remind yourself that she is going where she needs to go.</p>
<p>Thank you oldmom. Of course you did the best and most loving thing for your father. He was quite old, wasn’t he Because your mind is active and explores many avenues, you will be thinking about it a long time. But undoubtably, you gave him HIS choice at a CRITICAL moment (completely different from giving my mom her “choices”) and that is the most important thing.</p>
<p>Dharmawheel, the only reason I brought up my dad’s death is that it was an example of second-guessing. Of course I will discuss it with my therapist when she comes back from her traditional August vacation next Tuesday! I just think that you second-guess yourself a lot, and it takes a lot of time, energy and angst. I hope you can see that you have been a good daughter to a mother who was not so good (regardless of what her mother did to her) and you may be able to defuse some of your angst by recognizing that. Plus you are demonstrating compassion to your kids by doing the right thing for your mother, something your sister doesn’t have to worry about–her dogs won’t care.</p>
<p>I don’t know if you had this experience at Chinese school, but more than once during my daughter’s Chinatown elementary school year (as you know, like your daughters, mine was also adopted from China), a grandma took my hand and said: you did a good thing to take a girl from China. And she will take good care of you when you get old! Of course that’s not, not, not why I adopted her, and the jury is out about how she will react when she is and adult and I get really old! But I know she noticed how I helped my dad and I know it made an impression.</p>