@momoffour thanks- per doc already asked nurse to press her leg to check for pain which would indicate clot.
@compmom, cellulitis?
Not necessarily… If your concerned have a venous doppler done to rule out a dvt… @compmom… Also dehydration leads to confusion, infection, clot etc. People when older can differently. My mom just got out of hospital with 2 different wounds. Now that their healing she like a new person. Before it sapped so much energy from her.
@Lizardly I am so sorry your brother is not participating. Siblings who do this not only hurt their parent, they do real if unintentional damage to their relationships with the rest of the family
The assisted living nurses are being fantastic. They are monitoring between visiting nurse visits, and calling me every day. We think the antibiotic might be kicking in, but not sure yet. Lots of help, because COVID has loosened regulations and the AL nursing staff is able (and willing) to do some things they usually can’t. Thanks all.
Yes, when a sibling doesn’t help with a parent’s care (for whatever reason) it definitely affects the dynamic and feelings among siblings. It seems to often happen that the daughters end up with more of the work and sometimes DILs as well. When the help is grudging, that affects relationships as well.
When people hear that I am an only child navigating with 2 aging parents, they always say how sorry they feel for me. And it;s true, there are times when I’d love to be able to call a sibling and say, Hey can you call the doctor/take mom to the appointment this week?
But then I hear all these sad stories about siblings being on different pages about care and I can see all that pain that inflicts so I think maybe I am better off? It is a tough burden to handle this emotionally, with literally no one else who feels what I feel, but I don’t have to worry about additional pain from uncaring or clueless siblings.
@surfcity Husband and I are both only children, and every word of yours rings true.
Actually, discussing end-of-life issues for my late MIL helped us lay some of the groundwork for this situation with our two sons. They were both very conscientious and concerned with what was best for her, but one of them reached agreement about ending nutrition and hydration (her express wishes under her circumstances) much earlier in the discussions than the other. There was a lot of talk with each son about how the other one was doing, where their opinion was landing, and the parameters behind their concerns. Everyone ended up in full support of letting her go. And we had the chance to tell them that whatever happened with us, the most important entity in the equation was their relationship with each other. But dang, I hope I get hit by a bus or have a dead-before-I-hit-the-ground medical event and can spare them that part of things.
Surfcity, my dad just passed three weeks ago, and I will attest to the pain of this past year dealing with sibling. That is about all I can say, but I will say, a good therapist and good lawyer have been a blessing.
Yes, I never expected to have difficulty with my sister, but this year has proven differently. 
She has said a few things about not trusting me. ?!? Great. She asked to have co-Power of Attorney and I said, fine, but you’ll have to take care of all the paperwork and it’s not simple when you have two people acting as POA. I’m usually the sibling who takes care of all that sort of paperwork, so now she’ll see what it’s like. She dropped the subject, I noticed.
My BFF’s dad just passed away in Austin - he was 95. Heart issues, diabetes, and injuries after a fall. At least my friend and her family could be with him. His decline was very rapid - he seemed fine when I saw him at Christmas. His fall was only a couple of months ago. BFF did use my dad’s advocate and hospice company, and they did a good job for her dad.
In ordinary times, I would be on the next plane down, because she and I are very close, but I’m not risking a trip to Texas now.
As another only child, I agree with @surfcity. As stressful as it was at times dealing with my mother through her final years, having an uncooperative sibling would’ve just added to the stress, hurt, and frustration. I always knew that I didn’t have to get agreement from anyone on any decisions I made, that I was solely responsible.
Of course, that doesn’t mean I didn’t 2nd guess myself at times or wish that I could share the burden with someone.
@MaineLonghorn I totally get what you are feeling and thinking but I can also say that being the person on location can make anyone act in ways that are not pretty. I speak from personal experience as the person who was in that role.
Hugs to you and hugs to your sister too!
Thanks, @oldmom4896 You’re right, she doesn’t have it easy.
Having a sib does give me someone to talk to who immediately understands. If I say I’m worried about dad because he is losing words, my brother gets it. If I say dad had a good day because he watched three 1930 cowboy movies in a row AND remembered to test his blood, he can appreciate that. I just wish he did more than listen. A little action, bro.
He doesn’t block me from doing anything I want to do, so I do have that advantage.
I have a sister and we agree on most things, so that is good. But she definitely doesn’t carry her weight. I get all the doctor, nurse, facility phone calls, make the decisions, pay the bills, visit frequently, etc… and she “gets overwhelmed”. Sigh.
I experienced both the pros and cons of having sibs.
In the gradually declining months leading up to my father’s precipitous and final fall off the health cliff, it was horrible because my brother and sister were in complete denial of his condition and they colluded with my father in labeling me alarmist and overreactive. They absolutely weren’t seeing things that were so clear to me regarding his inability to care for himself, finances, etc, and while they later admitted they missed a boatload of clues they never apologized. I believe the stress caused physical damage to my heart.
On the other hand, once he became incapacitated they stepped right up and we worked together beautifully, each of us doing what came most naturally. My sister came from out of town and did the hands on caretaking, my brother managed finances, and house maintenance, and I coordinated everything from caregivers/doctors to handling relatives to meals. It was very nice to be on the same page for tough decisions like turning off his pacemaker, and we never had to be alone while sitting vigil at his bedside.
I have another perspective on having joint POA and financial POA with a sibling. My sister and I shared that for our Mom and we really had no friction. Until last December, my mother had lived with my sister. In December we moved her to a nursing care facility. My sister suddenly passed in February and in the midst of settling her estate, it’s been a big blessing to have not have to make any changes with my mother. I was already listed on the joint checking account and just asked the nursing home to direct any questions and concerns to me.
Oh, I am so sorry you have lost a loving sister. May you have peace in this tumultuous time.
@walkinghome, thanks for that perspective. I will keep it in mind. I do love my sister; she just drives me crazy sometimes. I know I’m lucky to have her.
Does anyone have success with a bidet for SRs for toileting. My mom is having a lot of trouble cleaning herself after BMs. Any suggestions are appreciated.