I think that has all been tried - I think his room has been searched for anything that would be helpful
Could his accounts be accessed from a different computer? Resetting passwords for the accounts or using two factor temporary passwords from the financial institutions?
Or, if it is Microsoft, see Change or reset your Windows password - Microsoft Support
His cell phone is also inaccessible because he doesnāt remember that password either - so anything with two factor would have that number so that isnāt going to work.
Could you back up the phone to cloud then reset the password, then restore the data?
Or, was computer automatically backed up to hard drive or cloud service?
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He did have a computer back up service at one point - that could be helpful if I knew how it worked. How do I back up a phone that I canāt get past the log in screen because I donāt have the code?
I think I have to worry less about this and have the attorney find out all his financial information the old fashioned way - contacting banks and presenting his power of attorney and asking them questions.
My father also keeps saying his money was stolen, but the how and what keeps changing. He has a different story every time I or the lawyer asks. It is hard to know what is true, this is the same man who swore that his wallet was stolen when he was in the hospital and it turns out his wallet was back on his table in his room in his assisted living facility.
Tip to everybody, before you get old and senile have your stuff in order - digital and physical. I thought everything was fine because I ignorantly assumed that his lawyer (who is his executor), had all his financial information.
Iām so sorry! This happened to a lesser degree to us where we got locked out of my momās computer but thankfully I had physical copies of what I needed. Unfortunately we were never able to get into her computer. I hope the attorney is able to get everything tracked down.
Some manufacturers may have auto back up while cell charges overnight. May be able to get advice from Apple / or Android or authorized repair centers. Also, wireless service provider may have records lawyer could request.
What about a local, small time, one man type of computer repair shop? They might be able to know techniques and be willing to help?
Yes, agree, itās possible.
@psychmomma It is a hard dynamic to WANT to care for your mom AND recognizing that it is better for you and her most likely to let it go. I tried to liken it to sending the kids to preschoolā¦ no one could love them like I do, but others can teach them. It might be hard, but sounds like it is necessary.
@MaineLonghorn you are truly the most sandwich generation person! UGH. I am so sorry for your mom and for you and your sister. remote energy beaming towards you.
@kiddie, That is SO frustrating! And now you are paying the lawyer to do extra work caused by his inattention to the original work. Muscle memory is a weird thing. Instead of ASKING your dad to type the password, just give him the phone and let him try; same with computer. Pick a time (early in the day maybe?) when he seems pretty with it. My mom couldnāt speak or remember much of anything, but when she sat at a piano, she could play parts of songs, just muscle memory.
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I have decided to step back and let the lawyer do what he can first. There is little I can do - I donāt even have power of attorney. Hopefully, he finds the various bank accounts and we can proceed from there. If he is unsuccessful, I will find a tech guy for him to hire to hack the computer.
A good friend gave me this advice when her mom was in a continuing care facility. She determined it was best to let the nurses, aids. legal team, etc. do what they do best, so that she could concentrate on being a great daughter. Being a great daughter didnāt mean she had to do everything. Instead, it gave her the okay to be a friend, and lovingly watch over her care by a team. It is impossible to do it all well.
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@psychmomma
I can completely relate. My mother lived with us for a decade and in retrospect, Iād say the dementia symptoms began to surface about 3 years before she died, though it only became clear about 18 months before she died. Hers was one that waxed and waned, sheād be fine some days and a little off others, early on, so it was difficult to pinpoint.
She was actually diagnosed by a CC member, not her physician, as some of the symptoms did not seem worthy of mentioning to the doctor and itās a tougher diagnosis to make, featuring dramatic upswings in ability. In her final year, some days she could dress and feed herself and act pretty normal, other days she needed everything done.
I did have people ask why I did not put her in a home, for me, it was based on a couple of things:
My experience with my in laws in a home faraway had me being called daily, often times, 20-30 times a day I got calls. No homes are near us so it would have been 20-45 minutes to drive there every time & I knew she would be wanting me to come nearly every day. Even if I set boundaries, there would still be calls.
That said, the last 18 months was rough, and the last 6 months was desperate. I still hold a lot of resentment toward hospice for declining her time we asked, about 5-6 months before she died, they finally took her 3 months later and, I will say, despite all the great stuff people say, it really depends on your local hospice culture. I was not impressed with ours, we have one in our county and I was disappointed in them for both parents, about ten years apart, so I see it as their business culture, not a one off.
But then, I also have to tell you, I spent the last year of my motherās life periodically inspecting local board and care homes, trying to find a place near me and I set a deadline based on when my far away daughter would be having her first child. Once I had a grandchild not nearby, I knew I would need to freedom to travel to see them. My mother died about 3 months before that deadline & it would have been miserable to have to put her in a home, but I would have done it. That was my sanity checkpoint, daughter had to take priority over my mother.
You have to choose your breaking point.
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Hospice is great but everyone needs to realize what it is and what it is not. It is meant for people who are actively dying within a short time period. Three months is pretty much a max. It is absolutely not set up for long term help. You give up medical help which may increase life span. If someone has a heart attack or needs long term dialysis or needs a ventilator or have a myriad of other medical conditions it is understood that life prolonging medical procedures will not be part of the care. As great as it is for āend of lifeā scenarios it is not a long term solution for anyone.
In our area itās supposed to be for the last 6 months of life, in my case, having the shower aide would have been great (we hired them, but it was hard to keep consistent help.) More importantly would have been the medical advice for caregiving, catching potential issues before they become serious. Itās the things that the home caregiver may not have seen before and averting the problem before it requires an ED visit.
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It is also good to know the limitations of hospice. With my mother(who was only on hospice for a short time), the person coming in to bathe her was helpful (one less thing my sister and I had to do or pay someone to do) but they donāt come in to provide day to day care. And if you want hospice at home for a loved one, you need to be prepared to not send them to the ED/ hospital as you might have considered doing before hospice care.
@somemom the Hospice āguidelinesā have changed. You may want to check now. My friendās bedridden mom is under Hospice care at home, and it works out great with her having an aid come for personal care/bathing.
@gouf78 Hospice guidelines have changed. One can see if their person can qualify. Friendās bedridden mother qualifies and she may have a number of years of life.
Both my father and FIL were placed on hospice 2-3 days before they died. It was mainly to keep them comfortable and allowed us to be with them in their last hours. II do know others that have been in hospice for months and alert; neither my dad or FIL were alert as they were pumped with pain meds.
Something I had no clue about was concerning my dadās pacemaker. During hospice, if his heart were to stop, his pacemaker may have kicked in, something we did not want at this point. Hospice had asked if the hospital had sent him home with a magnet to place over the pacemaker so that the pacemaker would not shock his heart. As it was 10:00 at night, the hospice intake person had to go back to the office and get a magnet. I think at that point it really hit me what we were doing, and if I didnāt need to be strong for mom, I would have lost it.
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My father just was accepted into hospice last week. He is 90 with dementia and no terminal diagnosis. Hospice is not just for the last few months of life.
I am astounded at the number and types of services available, and not only to the patient. I also (as caregiver) feel supported as well.
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