I need a reality check. One of my children is a 2019 college grad. Fantastic job. Engaged to get married. Lives with fiancé in a large U.S. city 25 miles (although a different state) from where I and my husband live, where she grew up. Yet, she uses her childhood home address as her official address with her employer, for tax purposes, driver’s license, bank accounts, etc. She is offended that I asked her to start officially using the address where she actually lives. She says “everyone” uses their parents’ address in the suburbs/different state to save on taxes. I said I understand that for the first few months or even a year after graduation. But it’s been 2.5 years. It’s fraudulent and it doesn’t make any sense. She is changing her address, but kicking and screaming about all the forms she has to fill out and complaining about the new taxes that will be deducted from her paycheck.
Of course I’m thinking it might be some kind of reaction to her permanent “separation” from us. But I’m not sure.
So, parents, be truthful: Am I being unreasonable?
DD20 is still using our address. There’s a reason they ask if your mailing address is different from your address. She is renting so she will be moving after lease expires. We own our house so it is permanent address. Also I do her taxes so it only makes sense that all her tax forms come here.
Um, one of my kids still uses my address for some things, like filing taxes, because moves have been frequent and you don’t an IRS letter to go astray. The same taxes are paid.
My kid lives in the same state, a few hour away, so no big deal.
My S has recently switched to our address during Covid as he gave up the condo had had rented for years. They are renting another place and he figures we are a safe place for mail to he collected. It’s ok with us and I take photos of anything important. He pays taxes in the state where he lives and earns his income, VA. He also has his license and car registration there. He graduated college in 2010. Just started using our address around 2020 or so as he came to stay with us for a year following dad’s hospitalization and death in 2/2020.
DD20 is a 2020 college graduate and has been employed for almost two years now. Renting vs owning is important since when you move your mail doesn’t always successfully follows you even with forwarding address. My DD will be moving to different apartment after her lease expires. And then she might be moving again after that. So it makes perfect sense to keep her mailing address here
Agree that renting and potentially moving a lot (even if no longer a college student), and possibly not having your mail get to you it makes sense to choose a stable place to receive your mail—PO box or our house is fine. This is especially important for financial docs and important papers. We aren’t going anywhere, especially with Covid.
Trying to pay lower taxes by claiming you live in a different state is something else entirely and can get you in all kinds of trouble. I’m glad neither of our kids are doing that.
I’m always amazed at the random pieces of mail I sometimes still get for my 29yo. Last month, I got something for him from an employer literally three jobs ago.
He has told me that he has used our address occasionally if he knows that he will be moving, like when he was in grad school about to graduate. He didn’t want the commencement program or diploma to get lost in the mail. But, no, he’s not using our address to avoid taxes or anything. He bought a house last year so I am sure the practice has come to an end.
We still get mail for a tenant who rented the house before we purchased it over 30 years ago. Mostly it’s a free landscape magazine for professionals in the field. Sometimes it is of passing interest. We have no idea how to reach the person or if he’s still alive.
My 32 year old daughter changed her state of domicile as soon as she graduated from college. It was never a thought for us that she change her address.
My son changed his address also when he graduated from college. There was a year he moved to 3 different states within 18 months and had to change licenses every time. And got to have his car inspected every time also. That was a pain.
I think the difference for my kids is that their jobs out of college were in different states and are not close to the state we live in. I would think if the state is close by or the same state, things might be different.
Short answer - you are absolutely correct: Your college graduate, employed, engaged, different-state living child should have their own address.
From the day I graduated college and was commissioned in the navy, I had my own address. In 25 years I will have 19 different address in 6 different states and one foreign country. It can be done.
On the other side of the coin (we still get some mail for my 29 year old son who lives 1.25 miles away…) some businesses are terrible about not updating their databases for addresses - S is an educator and while his employer knows his actual address as well as his insurance for some reason we still get occasional mail here (random dept I guess does not communicate with another dept). Again, no big deal as he lives close by and there is no harm done.
I guess if the address is a choice to be sneaky for taxes or something that is a whole other ball game that is not ok. But if it’s just random mail - like from the university they attended or whatever not a worry to me. I’ll save my worry mind space for other things!
If she is legally residing in a different state, she should have changed her residency long ago. There is a time limit on when you are supposed to change car registration, drivers license, insurance. In addition, for tax purposes, she should be filing in using the address in the state in which she really resides (even if that means paying higher state and/or local taxes).
She should get these things resolved.
Frankly, she isn’t being totally honest about her place of residency.
Editing to add…the following is really not honest:
“ . She says “everyone” uses their parents’ address in the suburbs/different state to save on taxes”
And she is wrong. One of my kids lives about the same distance away…and does not use our address at all.
When the reason is to lower taxes, it is fraudulent. When the reason is to lower car insurance rates, it is not only fraudulent … but it can result in the insurer refusing to cover a claim (which could be catastrophic). I do understand that there are times it’s easier to keep the old address, but in most cases, our kids need to use their own address once they grow up & become adults.
