<p>I'm a high school junior and I often find my self having to pick between fun with my friends and my sports v.s. my schoolwork. I am an excellent student and academics are important to me but I wonder if I will regret the fun I missed out on. On the other hand, I feel guilty when I go out instead of studying.
Parents of college students: Do your students wish they had played or worked more during high school?</p>
<p>No. But you won’t be looking back in college anyway. The best students are always trying to fit more in. I like that you have that tension. It means you have a full life. Life is just like that, really. </p>
<p>One thing that works, I think, is to have some dedicated fun time. My daughters never worked on Saturday nights. It was just a rule in our house. I didn’t care if they sat around watching bad movies and eating popcorn in their sweats or went out or had friends in. Just no working on Saturday nights. Just a thought. </p>
<p>Hang in there. </p>
<p>My DH and S1, both of whom struggled a lot in college, wish they had worked smarter. S2 and I , who are total type A task-oriented, probably could have relaxed more but it would have made me, at least, very unhappy to have things undone, or done at 80%. I think the important thing is to listen to yourself, and make those decisions with an eye toward balance. If you are feeling isolated and lonely, or never finishing/getting grades you are content with, you are not doing it right for you in one or the other direction. Going out, and being unhappy with that choice, isn’t any more relaxing than working until you drop. </p>
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<p>Why do people always say this? Is there some stigma to wanting free time?</p>
<p>@Marian When I say that, I mean friends, fun, movies, books, music, as well as other stuff. I don’t mean only more “work.” I don’t know what other people mean by that.</p>
<p>I see wanting to fit more into life as a sign of curiosity and interest in the world. But that’s just me.</p>
<p>@poetgrl I thought that was what you meant.</p>
<p>What I meant is that some people – and by that, I mean introverts – need some down time to recharge, especially after activities that involve a great deal of interaction with large groups of people. They may not necessarily want to fill that down time with “more” of anything. </p>
<p>As an introvert myself, I sometimes feel that the rest of the world will never understand us.</p>
<p>Haha! I’m an introvert. I totally “get” it. :)</p>
<p>There is time to work and time to play. Both are very important. Also, make sure that while “playing” you do not feel guilty about it and while working hard, you totally focus on task at hand. It is very important to continue having great sacess in academincs and have great social skills that cannot be developed while isolating yourself in your room as a hermit for studying. Another thing to consider (but may not be applicablce to you), many enjoy “group” studies which would serve both purposes. It help people on a strong academic side to have more solid understanding and it greatly helps those on receiving side, as there rae many who understand peer’s explanantion better than prof’s.<br>
Overall, those who pursue their passions have great advantage as they develop the time management skills (and multi-tasking skills) that will serve them very well in UG and even in Grad. School. I am talking about ability to “write” a paper in your head while at sport practice (as one example). However, do not forget why are you there to begin with. You still should be able to perform per coach instruction and have fun with your friends. That is why I call it a skill. If you can develop something like this, it will pay off big time later, you will be ahead of many later at college and later.
You show a great maturity go for whatever seems important, have priorities in mind, but also pursue your passions and have fun. </p>
<p>You will find that work doesn’t always end. If you are satisfied with your efforts, it’s always fine to give yourself permission to have fun.
My kids never worked for money during the school year and I doubt they regretted it because they are working very long hours now.</p>
<p>My son hasn’t said said he wished he’d partied more (he probably spent MUCH more time gaming than doing school work) but he did say he wished he’d applied to “harder” schools to get into, once the process was over. </p>
<p>End of senior year in college, a professor told my friend she could have accomplished so much more and ended up at the top of the heap. Her answer was something like, “Yes, but I also wanted to live my life.” It made sense to me and I passed the thought along to my girls, when they were in high school. It doesn’t mean frivolous. It can mean sometimes getting off the hamster wheel. No regrets.</p>
<p>College is different than hs- you can have many more choices, take one tough semester and the next, add in something lighter or just to explore. Balance is good. Done right, play can restore you for diving back into the academics. </p>
<p>katy, are these high school kids you have fun with the sort of people you expect to be life-long friends? Neither of my older kids keeps in touch with more than one of their high school acquaintances. It was in college that they found their kindred spirits and true peers, and working very hard on academics in high school allowed them to attend the sort of college where meeting those friends was possible. </p>
<p>I think my kids found a nice balance. They went to a stereotypical big-sports-party school, but they both had serious majors (Math and Chemical Engineering). They had employ self-discipline to get everything done. If you want to go out with friends at 9pm, then homework needs to be done before you leave. </p>
<p>They enjoyed a mix of fun, parties, big games and academics. One son got to witness his school win 3 national football championships during his time there. They both graduated Summa Cum Laude, so their grades weren’t affected. They loved their college experience and don’t look back with any regrets. </p>
<p>One should be able to get to the "the top of the heap and to live nice life at college and participate in everything that they wish, and work. One may actually find out that most activities have synergistic effect (yes, they contribute to each other success). One may have a paying job as Supplemental Instructor for Chem. prof (as one examle), which would be a very nice entry on a resume and no need to prepare Chem. portion of MCAT (as I said, this is just one example). There are tons of these type, as interning in Reserach lab may lead to nomination to Phi Betta Kappa and great LOR (here is another example). All of them together may put a student at the very top (with recognized awards) that would be also another great addition to a resume. But the frosting on this cake is that if a student doing everything just because she is interested and have fun with all of it and not because of the darn resume then she is greatly rewarded at the personal level. Also being involved in a lot leads one to meeting many people of great variety, great choices in regard to friends that you want tobe surrounded with, to the ones that may be in your life for the rest of it…</p>
<p>My daughter is an introvert, but is also very driven. She was pretty miserable during high school and her first year of college. What saved her from going off the deep end was observing the Sabbath. For her this was a religious thing, but it can be useful to anyone. Just take a mandatory day off every single week. It doesn’t matter which day. Play, read, go out with friends, do nothing. The only rule is: no school work.</p>
<p>She’s a sophomore now and has a lot more balance. She actually got her first B on a paper this semester and realized that it wasn’t going to kill her to play a little at the expense of work.</p>
<p>My kids mostly were happy with the balance they found. They did try things they never did before–rock climbing, fencing, polo, sailing, as well as worked hard in their classes. Neither has mentioned any regrets to us. It is always important to figure out your own balance, which may need adjusting during the term and over your college (and future) career. Sometimes its more work intensive and fortunately sometimes more “fun” intensive. ;)</p>
<p>You say that you feel guilty going out instead of studying. It sounds like you need to learn to put the work aside if only for a short time and have some down time. Schedule the fun on a regular basis, like poetgrl requested her daughters not work on Saturday night. Then it becomes routine and something you look forward to rather than viewing going out and having fun as an interruption of your work. </p>
<p>Not sure what my two sons wish, but I know I wish they worked a little more, lol. Both are very very social. However, I will say they both seem super happy, whereas I studied much harder and really never felt it was enough. </p>
<p>That is something to consider. Some people are more social than others. </p>
<p>And maybe your idea of fun is different from others. Some may unwind by trying out a new bar, having a drink or two and socializing. That might not be what you want to do. But if there is an opportunity to try something new and fun, you should do it without guilt. For example, if you’ve never gone zip lining and your friends are going, why not try it. If friends are going to a concert to see someone you always wanted to see, go and enjoy. If it’s a concert your not that excited about, pass on it. Same for a sporting event. Or if they’re trying a new restaurant you’re curious about, allow yourself the pleasure of trying it out. Not so excited about Taco Tuesday? Skip it.</p>
<p>My son is the high achiever and works hard. He goes to college in a large city so I am glad when he experiences some of the things that it has to offer, like the large annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade. He wouldn’t have that experience in the small town where we live. And a couple weeks ago, his boss invited him to an NFL football game. He skipped a class to go and I was glad he did because that was something new for him. </p>
<p>It is essential for kids to have social lives. However, too much of one thing is always a bad thing.</p>
<p>I am going to contrast my two children. My oldest son is a SR at NC State in Raleigh, our other one is a engineering student at Georgia Tech. Our oldest is much more of a party guy and got a drinking ticket -MIP- on Halloween his freshman year, and has admitted to have smoked weed since his senior year of HS. However, he is decently diligent in his school, he is adequately involved and has a decent GPA. However, he probably has as many close friends as S2, but a ton of acquaintence friends, as he is generally very busy. A lot of our sons friends sided with his most recent ex so his senior year has been kind of tough as he is having to kind of start over.The kids he knows that are the most fun to hang out with according to him have nothing on the ball and are going to move home and work jobs until they either marry or they come to a crisis (or grad school). Nothing motivated him more than seeing kids with a 3.8- a girlfriend, and presidents of 2 clubs AND a job. He shut up about complaining seeing them</p>
<p>Our second son has 2 Best friends since birth, but literally none other. He is very reticent and quiet, does not drink, does not smoke, doesnt party. He cannot afford to get out and all in engineering, and wishes he had gone to an easier school than GT.Both kids played a sport but did not party at all in HS and have two or so friends left over from it.</p>
<p>So, no, your social life is not that important but it is important. </p>