Parents not helping their children with college financial aid. Why?

<p>Beer budget is a separate line item. When you let it grow to be more than the rest of room and board, you normally flunk out. </p>

<p>Parents CAN cosign for medical school
but I think they would be NUTS to do so!</p>

<p>@thumper1‌ thanks for clearing that up
 I almost had a heart attack since I have 2 heading to medical school,</p>

<p>@SimplyOverdone‌
No they are not simply entitled to go OOS to a better college. If they work that hard, they can EARN the ability to attend OOS on merit money. That is their sweat and tears earning them their goal. (Fwiw, a very high # of kids fit your description but miss the academic mark and have to attend their local CC bc they can’t afford any other option.)</p>

<p>And to @aunt bea I don’t get the not filling out the forms, but yes, I completely get the won’t pay high $$ amts. the idea that kids need to attend schools costing a small fortune is not reality.</p>

<p>I have a dream of traveling the world and my dh retiring early. Great dream, but it does not mean I am entitled to it. That is the attitude a lot of kids here on CC seem to have. It’s their right and they deserve it. Oh please. </p>

<p>Fwiw, it is possible. It may not be to the schools you would even consider, but it is possible. Our kids have managed to attend school at very affordable prices. They graduate with no debt. We don’t have to destroy our financial stability. And we don’t have the ability to save upwards of $800,000 for our 8 kids to even attend $25,000/ yr schools.</p>

<p>There is way more to life than 4 yrs of college.</p>

<p>I agree that we’re often seeing only one side of the story when students report that their parents will not provide any help with college costs. It’s not a legal requirement to do so, of course. However, the folks I know well expected that they’d help their kids with college expenses from the day the stick turned red (or whatever color it is these days). For us, the cost of college affected what we’d spend on a house or a car, whether or not we’d travel, and certainly how many children we’d have.</p>

<p>The expectation was that we, and the other people whose situations I know well, would help. There was also the expectation that the kids would have jobs and savings, would try to qualify for scholarships, and would accept that their parents’ contribution had limits. I think we sometimes hear on CC that parents aren’t willing to pay for college when in fact they can’t/won’t pay the entire bill. @206377 gave us a great quote in post 12. It was one thing to put yourself through school back in the day when one minimum-wage shift paid for a credit hour at a state school. It’s quite another thing today.</p>

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<p>med students usually sign their own loans. I imagine the only ones having parents sign must have some odd credit issues.</p>

<p>My thought is that it is a 2-way street. We have paid for our sons to attend pricey private universities with no regrets, although it has had a negative impact on our finances. Our parents did the same for us. We now help our elderly parents as needed (not financially) and hope that by modeling this behavior, our kids wil do the same for us. I see it as generational reciprocity.</p>

<p>If I was a college student whose parents refused to help with expenses, I believe I would be less inclined to help them as they age. Not saying that parents have a responsibility to pay tens of thousands per year, but at the very least to complete fafsa, and contribute what they can, yes. Some of these non-contributing parents may find themselves very lonely in their old age.</p>

<p>Parents can complete FAFSA and still refuse to help pay. Completing FAFSA doesn’t make them have to pay. Which is why I agree with GMT’s assessment that those parents might have tax-reporting (or non-reporting) issues, and that is why they won’t complete FAFSA.</p>

<p>I have to wonder how often the students actually have the discussion with their parents about paying for school. I think it is sometimes an assumption on the student’s part. I had a few conversations with my SIL to make sure she didn’t go overboard on trying to pay for her son’s college (starting this fall). She had a very nice conversation with the FA people at the college to work through everything. (I know her son just assumed the opposite of what the OP stated - the money would magically be there or mom would pay)</p>

<p>On the cosign for medical school loans, I don’t have a specific details, only guessing because I didn’t know you don’t have to have a cosigner to borrow. I mean it’s a large amount, why would anybody let some 22 year old kid borrow it, the kid could drop out of medical school then what?</p>

<p>Yes, I don’t see some of these complaining kids (mine included) doing everything they can to get the maximum money because, well, the parents will pay anything that’s left. D#1 could have retaken the ACT and worked a little harder to up the merit money from her school. Nope. D#2 could have sent in a few more scholarship applications; they weren’t sure things, but additional money would have help and it was minimal effort. Nope. Their thinking was I’d agreed to pay a certain amount, they were within that amount, so they were done applying for scholarships. D#1 was actually a little over the max I’d said I would pay, she was planning to pay it from her earnings, but then another grant came through. It is like the tooth fairy visited her!</p>

<p>I’m glad I made it clear that any ‘extras’ (including books) are their responsibility, otherwise neither would have a summer job or she’d be spending everything as she earned it. Kids have some responsibility in making this work too, in not just demanding to go to an expensive school and then claiming “Mommy refuses to pay. Poor pitiful me.”</p>

<p>My father would have slit his wrists before he’d reveal to anyone how much money he made, so loans were out of the question for me. My parents could pay for the local regional university and wanted (not needed) me at home, so that’s what happened. And I worked all through college, although they did pay for my sorority dues and some of my car expenses. I was much less independent than my relatives who went away to school, and this hurt me when I graduated and moved out into the real world. A lot of my HS friends who went to school locally feel the same way and a lot of us have insisted our kids go away to college. No, it’s not an entitlement, but IMHO, it’s as important to one’s education as English 101. </p>

<p>"If I was a college student whose parents refused to help with expenses, I believe I would be less inclined to help them as they age. "</p>

<p>Every time I hear some variation of this, I shudder. I just can’t imagine such a relationship. </p>

<p>Neither my parents, nor my husbands parents, helped fund our schooling. My parents died quite some time ago, so maybe I don’t know what I would do, but my husband thinks nothing of helping his parents out. He feels for them like he feels for our kids. Something I didn’t imagine when our kids were toddlers. </p>

<p>My parents didn’t pay for me, and I didn’t anticpate trying to save a quarter mil, but he did. I think he also anticipated influencing their choice for school and major, but I didn’t. That’s how he seems to feel it works; if you can, you pick a major or career path so that you can help those who can’t. </p>

<p>Our kids seem to be thinking they just won’t have kids. </p>

<p>I just can’t relate to this idea of what sounds to me like holding a grudge. </p>

<p>Agree, Shrinkrap. I don’t see how the two issues even relate (you didn’t pay for my college so tough luck getting any help from me down the line). My parents did not pay for my college (I took out loans and worked during the summer back when you could still do that) but it did not cross my mind to hold that against them in their old age. They were supportive of me going to college and did provide some spending money, transportation, and let me stay at home rent free during the summers but did not pay the tuition or room and board at college. I think most parents do seem to help as best they can. </p>

<p>^I shake my head at that comment too. None of my nephews or nieces would have said that or even believe that, they are super grateful to be born in a family that can live in a nice area, both parents care for them, they graduated valedictorian where most of their classmates would have gone to HYP or more expensive colleges. Despite their parents spending way, which probably is some sort of shopping addicts if you ask me, there is no resentment against their parents. While I might not like the parents, but the kids are absolutely fantastic kids. I think their parents are lucky to have them as kids. Once you are 18, your parents don’t have any obligations to pay for anything, if they do, it’s out of their own goodness. My husband was independent at age 18, he was left to fend for himself while his parents went abroad, no phone calls, no money, only an occasional letters. He said every time they asked if he needed money he said no. Same with me. We both love our parents, phone call every week for him and daily for me when my parents were alive.</p>

<p>All three of my children have gone away to school and I’m glad because that has helped them with their self-reliance but thankfully, we (as a family) picked from the least expensive choices. In the end, it didn’t really matter where they went as long as they graduated. </p>

<p>But the overall costs have skyrocketed and my kids weren’t aware of what it took to earn just $1k over their summer jobs. Now when they hear $10K, they say, "Wow, that’s a lot of hours and money!) We will continue to help the “kids” in some way (now, it’s with covering their insurance costs-medical and car) because they have made the effort to finance their education in some way.</p>

<p>Yeah, I have to agree with the last few responses. My parents did help with what little they could for my college, but they also restricted my major choices (which I feel was wise) because they wanted me to be productive & we did not come from the type of money where moving back home to live in the basement while figuring out what to do for a few years is just cool (though my mother had a restriction on how far away I can go for college, which I still disagree with). I’ve been supporting them financially since a year out of college.</p>

<p>Family is family. Blood is blood. I guess I don’t see it as a transactional relationship.</p>

<p><<<
On the cosign for medical school loans, I don’t have a specific details, only guessing because I didn’t know you don’t have to have a cosigner to borrow. I mean it’s a large amount, why would anybody let some 22 year old kid borrow it, the kid could drop out of medical school then what?
<<<<</p>

<p>I guess cuz so few drop out? Not sure. But it isnt hard for med students to get loans, probably most have them
w/o cosigners. </p>

<p>If one drops out, then he’s on the hook.</p>

<p>Med school students can get Stafford loans for over $40,000 a year and, yes, med schools have ver low drop out rates.</p>

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Because a med student is a better-than-average risk for a student loan. He/she has already demonstrated the will to finish an undergraduate degree and is capable of performing highly enough to get get admitted into med school. The borrower has an unchangeable major with a high average income: medicine.</p>

<p>This is not like lending to a high school student who wants to be an engineer but later changes major to art history.</p>