<p>MaMom,
Yes, you are seeing a lot of entitlement.</p>
<p>"My mom didn't start bugging me about until 2 weeks before my early application was due though. I just kind of..turned it in quickly so they couldn't change their minds, and now if I get in they'll have to pay somehow. Hahah. Really though, what could be a better use of your parents money than a quality education? "</p>
<p>Just because you get in EA doesn't mean that your parents have to pay. Hahah. Nor do parents refusal to pay costs that they could afford mean that colleges will let you off of ED or will give you need-based aid. Backing out of ED for such reasons may very well mean that similar private colleges won't admit you. Hahah.</p>
<p>I bet that you're laughing as much at my "jokes" as your parents are laughing at what you pulled on them.</p>
<p>"What can I tell them? While my father wishes me to go to a state school, I think he knows that I do not want to go to one. He constantly expresses that we don't have enough money to spend $45,000 a year on college. But, I don't want this to stop me from going to a place like Lehigh or Brown (that may sound stupid).
"</p>
<p>You can start working 20 hours a week now, 60 hours a week during the summer, 30-hours a week during the school year while you're in college, and you could use your earnings to help pay for college. Yes, that's a lot of hard work, but after all, attending those expensive colleges are your dream. (Incidentally, I came from a family similar to yours. Dad said he wouldn't pay for Harvard, I did what I just suggested that you do.)</p>
<p>Take out loans.</p>
<p>Apply for all scholarships you may remotely qualify for.</p>
<p>Spend 2 years in Americorps, getting a total of about $9,000 to pay toward college expenses. You'll also get about $200 a week to live on.</p>
<p>And do Teach for America after graduation, which will help you get more $ to pay off college expenses.</p>
<p>If doing these things isn't worth it to you, why do you think that your parents should work hard, sacrifice their hard earned money so that you can pursue a dream that you're not willing to work hard, too, to attain?</p>
<p>Well, Fandangoya, I know it would be a disappointment to go to Rutgers. A lot of NJ students seem to have little enthusiasm for the place.</p>
<p>But you might want to take a look at the state universities of other states. The tuition is higher for out-of-staters than in-staters, but it's still less than that of most private colleges.</p>
<p>I'm upper middle class (my dad's salary is over $100,000 a year) so I probably won't get any financial aid, either. I feel really bad about spending all my parents' money, but when I offered to go to Rutgers (I live in NJ), my mom flipped out on me. She said her parents paid for her college and graduate school--no idea why she needed it cause she hasn't worked since she got her masters--so she and my dad should do that for all of us. It's the whole reason they immigrated here, anyway (they came here for college and then stayed in the US). My parents have to put four kids through college, though, (and my sister has muscular dystrophy and other medical problems) so I'm applying for almost out-of-state public universities (UNC, UVA, etc.) and then Rutgers as a safety just because of the price. I still feel really guilty cause how are they going pay when they have 3 kids (I'm the oldest) in college at the same time?</p>
<p>Hey, Northstarmom, the only problem with Americorps and Teach for America is that you could probably make more money if you got a job straight out of college...right? Plus, I calculated how much I'd make if I worked 40 hrs a week during the summer (that's how much I'm allowed) and somehow (hah) earned 10 dollars an hour. The amount of money is neglible to a 45 grand a year education. If parents pay the cost of a state school, the cost of the private still ends up being about...80 grand to me. That kind of money just can't be worked off, and makes you wonder why us upper-middle class folk have been pretty much left in the dust as far as private universities go...</p>
<p>misssuperfantastic, we are middle class too. That is why there is merit aid. It allows the middle class the ability to choose the private college over a state school. My son was offered merit money at 5 different schools and he is a bright kid, with a decent but not stellar gpa/sat scores. However, the pressure of maintaining a certain college gpa made him nervous. He knew that if he did not "make the grade" he would need to leave a school that was 40,000+. There are some schools that do offer merit aid that continues with a 2.7/2.8. My son did receive 2 of those offers.</p>
<p>My son is getting ready to apply to an LAC that currently costs around $45,000 (and will no doubt go up each year). I doubt we will receive any financial aid, other than perhaps loans.</p>
<p>It is a very personal decision for parents. You need to realize that we are talking about a great deal of money over four years and it is a real strain on many families, assuming it is doable at all, especially when siblings will have to be paid for at some point as well. I know people who took their daughter to Cornell and told her to learn to like it because that is where she was going, given that she can go for SUNY tuition. Plenty of people make their choice based on money.</p>
<p>That said, even though it is a ton of money and will take a little doing, one of my happier moments was when I was walking around a prospective campus with my son and said, "just look based on where you want to go to school, the best fit for you. Do not even think about money, that is not your concern." Those are words that could never have been spoken to me when I was 17. It gave me great pleasure to be able to say them to my son, realizing that he has options I did not know enough to dream of when I was his age. To me, what better to spend my money on? However, not everyone has this luxury.</p>
<p>" If parents pay the cost of a state school, the cost of the private still ends up being about...80 grand to me. That kind of money just can't be worked off, and makes you wonder why us upper-middle class folk have been pretty much left in the dust as far as private universities go..."</p>
<p>There are plenty of upper middle class folk going to private universities. In some cases, the families bite the bullet and cut back drastically on their personal expenses; in some cases, the students earn merit aid; in some cases, they take out loans or go to the lower cost private colleges. The students work up to 60 hours summers (I did that), work during the school year, the parents may work extra jobs.</p>
<p>No one is entitled to a private college education or even a college education. Frankly, I think that we're lucky in that there are so many college options available in the U.S. for people of all income levels. Certainly upper middle class families can find a way to send their students to some kind of college, which is more than many people elsewhere can do.</p>
<p>Heck, I'd really like to drive a Mercedes, but I can't afford to on my upper middle class lifestyle. I don't think that the world owes me that kind of car.</p>
<p>Waah, mommy and daddy didn't love me enough to spend 200,000 on my education..snif snif.. Some things are better left for your therapist to figure out as in public light make your parents look bad. Not for the college funding, but for child rearing. </p>
<p>I, like some other parents here have little sympathy. You should be blessing your lucky stars they're even offering to help at all. If you really want to go to a certain school so much that you'd be willing to pay for it yourself... well that takes care of the problem doesn't it? Then you don't even have to ask them to help? Impress them with your independence and self reliance.</p>
<p>I think that what some people on here are saying is pretty good advice. I will need it myself so thank you. </p>
<p>To make yourself feel a little better (I hope), my parents have told me since I was 5 that I would be paying my own way through college and graduate school. Both my parents have PhDs and my brother has a Masters and now hes going for his MBA so it would be dishonorable to my family if I didn't go to gradschool. Worse yet, my dad won't even let me think about public universities. I live in Jersey too and I have no intention to go to Rutgers but I love TCNJ. Anytime I mention it he goes balistic. The only schools that are good enough for him are ivies or top technical schools. I love how I'm only allowed to look at expensive schools, but I am the one who is financing it. </p>
<p>Oh and its not like I am going to get a lot of financial aid. My dad lost his job after 9/11 but we are still upper middle class due to my mom's job. Does anyone know a way to express my situation to financial aid offices?</p>
<p>Oh and its not like I am going to get a lot of financial aid. My dad lost his job after 9/11 but we are still upper middle class due to my mom's job. Does anyone know a way to express my situation to financial aid offices?</p>
<p>Somewhat similar situation. They will probably ask your parents to write a letter about what's going on.</p>
<p>"Worse yet, my dad won't even let me think about public universities. I live in Jersey too and I have no intention to go to Rutgers but I love TCNJ. Anytime I mention it he goes balistic. The only schools that are good enough for him are ivies or top technical schools. I love how I'm only allowed to look at expensive schools, but I am the one who is financing it."</p>
<p>At some point, every young person has to become an adult who takes responsibility of their own lives and decisions even if those go against what their family is advocating for.</p>
<p>This is your time. Once you turn 18, you won't need your parents' permission to apply to college. You can make those decisions, and that's especially true since you'll have to fund your own education anyway since your parents won't do that. </p>
<p>If your parents were paying, I'd agree that they'd get to set the terms for your education. However, since you'll have to pay, where you go is up to you and your budget.</p>
<p>Incidentally, colleges that provide need-based aid will calculate your aid based on your family income. Those colleges won't care that your parents refuse to pay. After all, if colleges based need-based aid on whether parents were willing to pay what they could afford, then everyone would gladly take a free education.</p>
<p>You need to apply for every merit scholarship that you may qualify for. You also need to apply to colleges with merit aid (keep in mind that some may require your parents to file financial aid forms for you to be considered for need based aid. That's to make sure that if you do qualify for need-based aid, you get that.) and you may need to apply to places like in state public universities that will give you generous merit aid.</p>
<p>You have to grow a spine about doing this. Unless you do, you'll have no options because your parents are placing you in a no-win situation if you follow their rules. Even if you get into Ivies, the Ivies will only give you the amount of aid that your family qualifies for, so it's unlikely based on what you've posted here that you'd be able to afford to go to an Ivy.</p>
<p>Karen, sympathies to you. Send your app to TCNJ -- if you are 18 (or will be when you matriculate) and paying for it, it's time to assume control over your own life. Seriously, so what if you dishonor your family? It sounds like they don't respect you very much.</p>
<p>
[quote]
My dad lost his job after 9/11 but we are still upper middle class due to my mom's job.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I was financially wrecked in the dotcom crash. My retirement funds are gone, I'm in debt, and we barely kept the house. I'm employed again and in OK shape, but I'm facing the very real choice between re-building a retirement fund and paying for expensive private schooling for my sons. It's an easy choice for me, and I said it up there in the thread. There is nothing wrong with public colleges and if my kids don't get merit scholarships (ironically, despite being financially trashed my CURRENT income is too high for them to be likely to get need-based aid), they aren't going to private colleges. Of course, if they work for the money or want to take on huge loans, that's up to them.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you Karen, but if you parents' income is currently too high for need-based aid you face the same choice as my kids: merit scholarships, loans, work, and/or public school.</p>
<p>When I taught at a second/third tier university, one of our top students was one who was completely sending herself to college because her parents refused to pay anything toward her education. My student said that her parents are very nice people, who otherwise were very supportive and had a successful business that they had started after immigrating here. They just believed, however, that their two offspring should pay for their education.</p>
<p>So, my student took out heavy loans, started off at community college, and then transferred to our university, which offered an excellent program in her major. She got some merit aid, but still worked up to 30 hours a week, while being very active in a leadership role and as a mentor in an important EC related to her major.</p>
<p>Afterward, she had more than 9 solid job offers, including some with starting salaries $20,000 more than the average starting salary in her field. She took one from one of the top companies in the field, and 7 years after graduation, has advanced to a management position, and now is doing a very select fellowship at Harvard in the field. Harvard has been so impressed with her that they've asked her to stay after the fellowship to teach a course.</p>
<p>Anyway, she has a very nice life. She's well respected in her field including being on the national board of an important professional organization. Clearly, not going to an Ivy or similar school didn't limit her options because she has done as well or better professionally than do most people who enter her field including those with Ivy educations.</p>
<p>So -- don't think that you are doomed if money costs you to go to a less competitive college than you would qualify for. Indeed, where you end up will depend more on your hard work than what school you went to. Some of the challenges you face may even give you personal characteristics and experiences that put you far ahead of those who went to better colleges and didn't have to work jobs to obtain their degrees.</p>
<p>If your parents would be willing to pay for state school, maybe you can ask them to contribute that same amount to prestigious private school and you make up the difference with loans that you will pay back. Your parents will likely have to co-sign for them, but hopefully you are trustworthy enough that they will.</p>
<p>It's really unfortunate that people don't save money for their kids educations. I've put money in my kids names for years. The deal is that we will pay 50% of what ever they pick. If they go to a state school, they get the leftover money to spend anyway they want. In fact if they don't go to school they also get all the money in their name. However, if they choose not to go to college and blow the money on consumer goods, they will never get another penny from us. </p>
<p>This has an interesting effect on the college choice discussion. My D's top choice is mega bucks. She will have nothing left at the end. however, all other school choices are either cheap or would give her big aid (she's NMSF). Interesting to see what will happen.</p>
<p>quote: He constantly expresses that we don't have enough money to spend $45,000 a year on college.</p>
<p>I think you have your answer right there. He is telling you that he cannot afford it and you shouldn't expect them to take out loans , dip into their retirement to pay for it. There isn't anything you can say or do to change that. I think your parent is being very clear. </p>
<p>You can try for scholarships, but be advised that if you get loans (in your own name) that debt is extreamly hard to pay down. Perhaps you should try saving a thousand dollars over the next couple of months to get an idea of what that is like. Out of college, even those with good decent salaries have a hard time paying bills and putting money away - try paying off $100,000 on top of that. </p>
<p>You need to be mature and realistic to prepare and plan for your future. It's not your parents responsibilty anymore - you are a grown man/woman. I'm sure you'll make the right decisions. Good luck.</p>
<p>Wow...if you guys truly are "upper middle class", as in, between $50k-$100k, you will get significant financial aid. If you're upper class, as in $100k+, you still will probably get some (until the $170k or so mark). What is the hurt in applying for financial aid? What if you get $6k a year?</p>
<p>My dad was unemployed for about the past four-six years (I can't even really remember, he quit his job to start up his own company which was essentially a drastic failure...but he's a "big dreamer" shall we say) and so our income was literally about 10K-15K a year. Then at the end of my junior year he gets this wonderful new job where he gets paid totally in commission and since he's great at it made about 60K last year (not very much in comparison) and over 100K this year. </p>
<p>But this entirely doesn't help me for applying for financial aid because most of his current salary is being used to pay off debts and things. I took your advice, Northstarmom, and worked 3 jobs this summer (sometimes 75 hour weeks, and I'm only 17) and then have worked 20 hour weeks the entire school year (with IB diploma courseload, varsity sport, 2 major leadership positions). But I still don't have even CLOSE to the amount of money to fund ANY kind of college education.</p>
<p>My parents want me to go to a top-notch private school just as much as I want to, but now they are panicking because we won't get the need-based financial aid we have always predicted I would be getting (up until the beginning of my senior year, I would have gotten full tuition at Harvard on the off-chance that I get in). I am applying to one state school that I am absolutely in love with (not my first choice though, by far) and then a couple other public universities where I will likely/definitely will get merit aid (Natl. Hispanic Merit Scholar).</p>
<p>Does anybody have any advice about how I could convey my situation to financial aid offices? Or is the fact that my family's salary has jumped 90K during my high school career just an unfortunate (well obviously fairly fortunate) detail?</p>