Just fine, but not unassisted. She had some parental coaching over the phone. Of course, that’s sort of what cell phones are for. Also, (1) she was 21, and (2) she had a credit card. Those two things make travel glitches easier. At 21, you can rent a hotel room anywhere. And credit cards solve a lot of problems.
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Re: #121
Looks like the parents forced the student to attend the too-expensive school for “prestige”.
Yeah, and what’s totally messed up was that the “prestigious” school isn’t even particularly prestigious. It simply ranked higher on USNWR than the student’s other option.
Gosh, that thread (link in #121) was painful. I couldn’t finish reading it. Still don’t entirely understand how that situation developed to begin with.
If my D “slacked in high school and botched [her] college applications” we wouldn’t be rewarding that by paying costly OOS tuition, when “prestige” is so subjective.
I read through this as we are filling out the preliminary survey for college counseling. I still lack clarity about what is just and reasonable to spend. We are middle class professionals and will not qualify for financial aid. We have savings but they aren’t limitless. I know that it is important to draw that financial line before applications go in and I’m still not clear if there are some places that are so special that 60-70K per year is worth it. And if so, is a solidly middle class kid going to fit in at places where the middle class is poorly represented? It’s less a matter of “can we” than “should we”? First world problem, I know.
Definitely a personal decision. Is LAC worth more than State U? Is it worth $30k more? To YOU?
If you don’t have the money, then it is an easier decision. “We can contribute up to $20k per year, so you can go to State U for free, you can apply to these other schools and go IF you get merit.” The line can be a wiggly one too, that you are willing to pay more or borrow more for schools you think will be a better fit or offer other advantages, but not willing to pay more for a school just because it is near the beach or has easy access to skiing. I did set an amount, but needed to increase it a little for one child and was able to come in under that budget for another. Wiggly line.
People really do make these decision all the time. Should they buy the very expensive house in the good school district? Should they buy a cheaper house in a good, solid district and then be able to afford other things for their kids, like sports teams and vacations to cultural places? Both have advantages and disadvantages.
Mama- and to add to Twoin’s excellent post- so much depends on your own kid. There are kids at High Priced U’s majoring in Beer Pong and sorority parties. To me- this is not worth asking the entire family to make sacrifices. But if you have a kid who views college as an intense, four year intellectual experience and is prepared to make the most of it- then making those sacrifices is more of a joy and less of a chore.
My kids knew how hard we had saved to make their educations possible. We loved hearing about a symposium or a poetry reading or a gallery opening or a concert they attended- not because it was required, but because when you are on a college campus, this stuff happens every day (and most of it is free). If they’d have spent their entire leisure time at college watching reruns of 1980’s sitcoms, I wouldn’t have felt the same way about the financial sacrifices.
Know your kid. Mine don’t ski- although Twoin’s point is very well taken. I do know parents who are trying to make their kids leisure time/sporting activities dreams come true via college and that is not something that I would have been prepared to do. College not near year round surfing? Not my problem.
To us there were places that were indeed special enough to be full freight payers. Each kid had a list of those. But the GC’s at their schools were surprised when Mom and Dad took off some schools (especially the private safety schools). Just not worth it to us as a family. There are plenty of public U’s which have more rigorous academics in the kids areas of interest that we didn’t want to even get into a discussion come April about paying for one of the less-rigorous privates.
So academic rigor was more or less our breaking point on the finances. I wasn’t paying full freight for a four year party.
@blossom “So academic rigor was more or less our breaking point on the finances. I wasn’t paying full freight for a four year party.” I took the same tact with my oldest. Mrs. Gluttonforstress had dreams of sending him off to a nice LAC of any particular level so he could live out the dream she didn’t get to enjoy during her own college experience. I grinded out a BA in four years from an intensely competitive state U while holding down a full time job and never getting a penny from my upper middle class parents. $300k for UG in mind numbing but I told DS that if he found a program that was particularly well suited for his interests, and it was at a top school, I was willing to pay. We’re in CA so it’s hard to turn down a UC education. He found a program though and convinced me that he really wants to spend the next 4 years at the place where fun goes to die. I feel better knowing my $300k isn’t going to fund a lot of beer pong though:)
Thanks @twoinanddone - @blossom - and @gluttonforstress I imagine that the process will become clearer as we move forward and talk with the GCs (who are very good). Daughter is an intense, academically-driven kid with a stellar GPA. She is a deep thinker and a bit shy. For her, college has the potential to be a peak intellectual experience, leading to more peak intellectual experiences in grad or professional school. I think that she would thrive best in a decent-sized LAC (2000+ undergrads) or a smaller quality university and that’s where we are focusing our energies. We have identified a number of options where merit scholarships that would cover partial tuition are a possibility. State U would not be the best fit; she tends to get lost in a crowd and it’s a bit too close to home (as in walking distance!)
I also paid my own way for undergrad and grad school so the sums involved these days are a bit mind-boggling.
Just remember that the GC don’t care about your money. They are planning the perfect wedding, a dream vacation, the bathroom remodel of your dreams. Bigger, better, more expensive. You are dealing in reality. The schools are all marketing away, making each school seem unique and marvelous when there really are many schools that would work.
My daughter wanted a small school of 2500 or so, but ended up at a small flagship of about 10,000. She’s very happy that she has many more options for classes, friends, living situations than she would have had at a smaller school. She changed majors because she really didn’t like being in a small department with only about 30 kids in her year.
I’m sure if you lived in a town with a high school with 3000 students, she would have gotten used to it. Smaller isn’t always better.