<p>What a joy it is to hear how the kids are doing.</p>
<p>Naneth, I heard from another W&L family that the college prez and wife helped unload cars for some freshmen...one of the great things you see in Lexington is teachers spending gobs of time with the students, seated outdoors on benches, chatting with classes. ...hope she loves Virginia--and her historic college.</p>
<p>The unloading comment reminded me that while helping my S move in I kept thinking, do I have to come back and get all this stuff?</p>
<p>I have also been wondering about the return trip. The old SUV was really full on the trip to school. Next week we are going for a visit and bringing a rug and winter clothing. I don't think it will fit in one vehicle for the return trip. I understand D may be able to store her refrigerator at school. If so, that should solve the problem.</p>
<p>I am glad to hear so many positive reports. I can add to the list of kids who are doing well. My D said it felt like home from the moment she moved into the dorm. I am still waiting for reality to settle in, but so far everything is looking very positive. D is in a unique double major program. It is very demanding with a 2/3 dropout rate. So far she seems to like it and it appears she will continue with the double major. She has just taken her first major exams so within a couple of days she will know how she measures up.</p>
<p>I had to chime in with good news. My son is having the time of his life at Duke. He applied early, loved Duke since 12 years old. He never seriously considered other schools, so I am so happy with his experience. He has no complaints! Classes are great, new friends are awesome, dorm life is fun, even food is good.<br>
If anyone has any questions about Duke feel free to ask me.</p>
<p>My D is a freshman at the College at UPenn and thoroughly enjoys it. She is loving Philadelphia as she has strong music performance interests and the Philadelphia Orchestra has student rush tickets for just a few bucks. She hasn't felt endangered at all and actually enjoys the city life, this from a small town girl.</p>
<p>Great to hear about another happy Duke Freshman, Candace. And Saintofme, we attended a performance of the Philadelphia Orchestra a year ago...Oh My!!!!!!! What an exquisite Symphony Hall...as if you are inside a red violin...all curves and acoustics. It is great knowing all the riches of Philly are there for your D to enjoy. That city really supports their Symphony...</p>
<p>Faline- I did not see the college prez unloading cars, but I believe it would have happened. I did see the dean of freshman look at some boxes on the sidewalk and when he saw it had the dorm name and room# on it, he picked it up and carried it up to the room. The dad of the kid who it belonged to was standing about 30 feet away, waiting on the kid to finish going through the check-in line. When he saw someone picking up his kid's stuff he went running after him. I told his wife who was next to me that I did not think he had anything to worry about, because that was the dean of freshman. (I had recoginized him from his picture on the web-site.) We parents aren't as used to the honor system at W & L! As far as unloading our car, we had a mid-size SUV packed floor to ceiling and as soon as we pulled to the curb there was a group of upper classmen gathering around to carry her stuff in. The car was unloaded and her belongings deposited in her 3rd floor room in less than 10 minutes. It was great.</p>
<p>She still seems quite happy at school. There has been one phone call with some tears, but she got over that pretty quick. I am looking forward to parent's weekend at the end of this month.</p>
<p>Quote from Faline2 regarding good news: "This is what makes separation work (as a parent) more possible".<br>
Truer words were never said! Too bad the phone calls don't come more often (altho I shouldn't complain about once per week)...the lift from hearing from a happy kid is can really help conquer the empty-nest blues. That, keeping very busy, and just time passing, seems to comprise the recipe around here.</p>
<p>Yes, Donemom, we should be gracious plenty gratified to get weekly phone calls from students who are clearly where they belong and very appreciative. But it is weird to have the cell phone and the computer and to not have more frequent contacts. My S was something of a homebody in HS so I was a little spoiled, and actually I am especially happy he is talking with such animation about his wonderful friends and teachers.<br>
I could call three or four times a day and still not really "get" his new life and its ups and downs, but it is a change to be out of the daily loop. An adjustment maybe more for the parent than the child in our case..as our S is extremely happy socially and every hour is a new pleasure zone with peers--as it should be at almost 19.<br>
While here is what I feel like: know what happens when you see someone has messed with an anthill nest? The ants going around and around carrying items but not sure where to put them? Anyone else out there doing this? I am OK but I have been moving furniture and emptying drawers a lot lately, planning yard sales, looking at drawers full of photos in a heap that need organizing..I do feel disoriented with my eldest son gone. I can't remember why I am still driving a minivan..oh yeah, because we can't afford to replace it! I guess I am rebuilding and rearranging and the internal separation will come with more time. I am also thinking kinder thoughts about my own parents, and the kind of lessened contact I had with them after I went to school.<br>
I guess the digital age just makes immediacy possible, so I do feel oddly deprived..even though I never spoke to my own parents except on Sundays when in college. I don't have my son in my IM system for instance just to make an artificial boundary as he has always been more private than I am and that is best for us. Yet I see that in other families short and more frequent contact is just great. Feeling my way through it to another level...in our case, it seems my son is more comfortable calling on his phone rather than emailing. He has been quite chatty when he calls so I can't complain. As I said, "Parental Separation at Work" here.
Actually, I feel more confused than sad. I am actually happy for my son. But here is a funny confused thing that I bet some of you have also experienced since August: Do you come home from the grocery happy because you are saving money at the grocery store and amazed at how cheap it is to prepare a meal for only 3 people as I do? It is like I don't even register the tuition thing yet either...oh boy. Reality sinking in slowly here...</p>
<p>I now have the most organized drawers and closets! (I do also work part-time, but that's not filling up the giant space left by my two kids). All the little things I've been meaning to get to for years are getting done, and I may soon run out of mini (and I mean mini) projects! But I do love the ease of preparing dinner for just two, the fact that the house always looks neat, and laundry just a couple times a week. But there are moments, like today when I went into a store I'd recently gone with S. for clothes shopping, when I got a real pang. Well, it is getting easier...I just had thought that since he was hardly around in the summer, I wouldn't feel his absence quite as much as I do.</p>
<p>Reporting back on aludaughter who is a freshman at Princeton. I am thinking that what I am about to say is rather different than what has been said so far.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>We talk once or twice a day, phone or IM, I initiate or she does. The rule is if it's a bad time for either of us we just say, can I call you later, no hard feelings. Works well.</p></li>
<li><p>I am discovering what I think ASAP posted elsewhere. My daughter's Catholic prep school is a fantastic high school. Academics are not the new thing for my D. She says her multivariate calc teacher is not as good as her highschool BC calc teacher, she loves the language class she's taking, looking for neurons in her science class is fun and really interesting, and the Princeton freshman seminar on Hamlet with 9 students is exposing her to a "brilliant" professor (her words). But coming from 8 classes in high school to 4 in college means she seems to be prepared. The work is, at least not yet, swamping her.</p></li>
<li><p>Princeton did this on purpose, the no swamping thing. They strongly encourage kids to take only 4 classes their first semester, although 5 are possible. She also could have placed into advanced multivariate, or an advanced literature class in her language, they suggested she take it slow.</p></li>
<li><p>D and I mostly talk about the social part of college. </p></li>
<li><p>I don't mind that she is taking it a little easy academically. I don't mind that she is going out at least twice a week to parties. I don't mind she has begun to drink for the first time in her life. I don't mind that a brief boy moment was the most important thing in her college life so far. Actually, I encourage her. I don't mind if she gets a few Bs for the first time in her entire life.</p></li>
<li><p>And finally, she told me she feels Princeton is the absolutely right place for her.</p></li>
<li><p>Here's my framework for this. To live a happy life, several things have to be in place. One, you have to be able to earn a living, preferably doing something you love. Two, you have to be able to sustain social relationships to the degree that keeps you healthy and contributing to society. Three, you have to find the right mate, especially if you want to bear and raise children when you are a woman.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>So regular or advanced multivariate didn't matter to me. For my D, who never hung with boys and never had one drink all through high school, the most important thing to her future life now is to find her way through the important social currents. In my mind. Within reason. And she has always been responsible and reasonable (except when fight with her mother...) and seems to be continuing that pattern, even as she enters the world of parties.</p>
<p>I have to say, D never hung out with the other straight-A kids. She always gravitated to the spirit chair girls. As I've said before, this is a kid who wants to bring whatever intelligence she has to bear to a situation with groups of humans, she wants to navigate the shoals of power. So I say have at it. Not that I am looking for her to do poorly and drink til she pukes....But I think she is in the right place for her, despite the somewhat contrarian pattern. Lord knows she is having the time of her life. And if the parties catch up with her come grade time, she will have learned something she only suspected in high school.</p>
<p>Alumother -Doesn't it feel good to know she's in the right place and learning about the world?
My H went to grad school at Princeton, and we lived there for four years, before kids. I loved the town and the whole intellectual atmosphere of the place.
Unfortunately, we couldn't interest either of our kids enough to apply, for different reasons. D is very happy at Yale, though, and experiencing a new side of herself, very much like your daughter. I wouldn't worry about her at grading time, however. Girl's like ours won't slack off no matter how busy their social life gets as it goes against their sense of who they are at the core.
I would have liked to visit Nassau Street in the fall at Parent's Weekend. <em>sigh</em></p>
<p>I think it really is a New Age where immediacy via IMs and cell phones means that you really don't have to disengage from your S or D when you leave them at college, say Goodbye and then hold your breath till Thanksgiving. My S has always been very private, careful when he speaks and phone phobic. He generally charged between 4-7 minutes per month on our family plan! Not typical! For me, having this son call and talk to me for an hour on Sundays on the phone is pretty expansive and chatty. I do feel sort of deprived when computers and cells are right there for daily immediate "check-ins" but am feeling my way into a new norm for this relationship. My second S likes to hold hands with me in public just to make me laugh and is a whole different animal. Use of IMs and cell phones are just going to be very different in different families. You and your daughter clearly have a strong friendship factor in your relationship and she sees you as someone who is supporting her broader horizons and her whole being, including her very important social being. All good. And she is going to do very well at Princeton regardless. I predict she will still be calling you to discuss her first new jobs, new apts, serious romances and later her new baby issues--because you are someone she truly respects and enjoys. I don't think daily contact in this Age means dependent. The quality of the relationship defines the contact and you have clearly done a lot right already.</p>
<p>Alumother, I have the same hopes for my D socially, and feel the same relaxation academically.</p>
<p>She was one of the late bloomers who was overlooked socially to some degree by the boys in HS (attracting most attention from bonafide ADULT men in their young 20's!)</p>
<p>For her, getting normal peer-boy interest & attention and having more of a swinging social life--long overdue-- is a JOY. I am very glad aludaughter is getting this, too. My D has also sampled drinking a few times after none in HS, and also told me. Nothing I am worrying about.</p>
<p>Because we were a bit concerned about the sports commitment, she took challenging classes, but in her skill-set comfort zone. I could not care less about her GPA so long as it isn't threatening to become an academic probation (which I think is triggered by a GPA of 75 or 78% cum. GPA at her school.) I mostly want her to experiment enough to find an academic passion. No surprise to me, her favorite class is in an art area, always a love for her.</p>
<p>I agree completely about the priorities you have for aludaughter, they are mine too-- and I'd only add that I want her to acquire all these great skills while cultivating and remaining true to her real self; to realize that to have a rollicking good time with no substances is truly a GIFT and to SAVOR and protect that; and finally for her to pace herself boy-wise. (Drinking from the firehose indeed!) </p>
<p>But yes, they're launched-- and it really feels good to see them so happy, huh?</p>
<p>My kid set me up with IM before he left. He contacts me most days with a few tidbits. He has two part time jobs, tons of classes but all music almost, many friends, he seems real busy doing whatever! He told me the weather was 3c the other day. Just wait til the snow hits. I think it will just be another great experience for him! I never realized what a big deal this first year is. I can't really remember mine. It was so long ago. I am sooo happy that he is able to go to college. I am sooo happy for all the kids even if they struggle a bit and call home with a few tears or get a B for the first time in their lives or worse..... I agree with Alumom, this is more than classes or degrees. At least right now. This is striking out on your own. What a deal! What a big deal!</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'd only add that I want her to acquire all these great skills while cultivating and remaining true to her real self; to realize that to have a rollicking good time with no substances is truly a GIFT and to SAVOR and protect that; and finally for her to pace herself boy-wise.
[/quote]
SBMom, Words of wisdom. That's exactly what I would hope for D. I think it boils down to how to practice the difficult skills of life carefully.</p>
<p>ASAP, Faline, thank you. And here I thought I'd be flamed...well perhaps that is yet to come:).</p>
<p>Mothers of daughters, my son is just trying to hit it off with a big date! He never dated. 6'4" and darling and shy, he went out with big groups of friends. This afternoon its a meeting with......It is a big deal for all of them.</p>
<p>My son is in touch more than he told us he would be. He calls at least twice a week--although sometimes it is along the lines of "Can I charge some music on your credit card?" or "If it all right if I buy a tux instead of renting one for music?" I also receive occasional text messages--sometimes good, like getting a good grade on a test or a good deal on a tux, sometimes along the lines of "Oh, no! I slept in and missed my first pop quiz!" (It turned out OK.) He said he misses home, but really likes it at college. His comment: "Other kids like being in college because they have more freedom now. You guys gave me plenty of freedom at home, so I don't have more freedom here, just more responsibilities!" (I apologized for being so nice to him...)</p>
<p>He isn't much of a computer kid, so I rarely get emails. When I do they are super-short and to the point. He is very busy with classes and music, but learning a lot academically and musically, as well as socially. He already has plans to rent a house with some other music students next year, and he has discovered the work study job he wants to get--working at the music library. Time to do homework and the added benefit of getting to know where everything is, so he can find what he needs quickly.</p>
<p>I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, when I can see him again!</p>