Yes. Point is those very consistent scores re not commonly seen. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
One of my kids has a 42 point spread between verbal and performance. It’s not pretty, and more than a little frustrating for him.
Actually mine do too.
My son has been in the hospital since last Thursday. He had stopped taking his meds after my husband and I left for vacation. Now he’s so anxious that he doesn’t want to drive, use the phone, or even go down to the cafeteria to eat. 
He lashed out at my husband and me pretty badly today (verbally). He’s never done that before. Mental illness sucks.
So very sorry, ML.
I’m sorry, ML. I hope he gets his meds adjusted and returns to mid season form.
MaineLonghorn, sorry…
Sorry, MaineLonghorn. Truly sucks. Hope he can get back on track before long.
The hospital social worker just called. She emphasized that our son is trying to reconcile his position in the world. She said, “I don’t think it’s on you. It’s not personal.” I will just keep repeating that to myself!
Sounds like a good social worker is involved.
@dstark, I have been so impressed with her and the hospital doctor! In the past, hospital stays have felt like warehousing. This time, the doctor has taken time to listen to my husband and me, and also spent time talking with my son. Instead of just prescribing more/different meds, he’s trying to figure out what caused our son to decompensate so rapidly. This doctor did some of his residency with our son’s regular psychiatrist, so they are even communicating! This feels like the way it SHOULD be, but usually isn’t.
Yea, @MaineLonghorn! Hope they are able to get better answers and treatments for your S and family.
I just called to give our son’s regular doctor an update. From my description, he said he’s still delusional and “it takes awhile for delusions to melt.”
When I told him what I posted in #290, he said:
“Well, you and your husband are awesome parents and they don’t usually get to work with people like that, so it’s a pleasure for them, and for me, too.” It makes me happy he feels that way, but it also makes me sad that more kids don’t have caring, involved parents. I don’t get it.
ML, I hope your son is heading back in the right direction. Sounds like he has good professionals on his side and then, of course, there’s you and your husband.
I’ve gotten similar comments along the way from professionals involved with our DD’s care.
As though our interest and support in her care as a disabled adult was somehow extraordinary.
We just don’t see it that way…but I guess they see a lot of variability with patients in their care.
Of course, that doesn’t mean we don’t feel stressed and frustrated at times…just that we’d never choose to stop advocating for her.
This am, I’m studying the transition of adult services in NJ to a fee for service model:
http://www.state.nj.us/humanservices/ddd/programs/ffs_implementation.html
Not sure if services in other states are going this way, or already have.
Lots of other things I’d rather be doing, I admit. I have several hours of American Idol waiting for me on my DVR!
Hang in there. Your son IS lucky to have chosen such good parents!
A question:
My son has an IEP and needs supervision while I work. Has anyone been able to get a flexible spending account (FSA or dependent care benefit bank) reimbursement for their child over 12 because they are considered as not being able to take care of themselves, so they have to go to a day care or camp?
Thanks in advance!
@Bajamm, where do you live (what state)? I am in a similar process (I have 90 days to request a hearing). Applied for/denied. Appealed (no lawyer would help, since the contingency payout is only approved by SS at the hearing stage)/denied. Now we are in the last “appeal” stage. I do think it is pro-forma- they try to wear you down. All involved are amazed DS does not receive benefits. I now must search out a lawyer to help with the appeal.
I would love to trade notes- maybe over PM?
Regarding CC- it really depends on where you are. We found it was possible to factor the issues- living away from home at a friend of the family’s; but independent, paying rent, etc. and going to Community College; taking a couple of classes and (theoretically) working on supports strategies. I think it helped, but not as much as I had hoped.
Now DS is at a university. living on campus a half hour away. Might as well be farther, as he is trying to be independent and so I hardly see him. I work very closely with support personnel and attend the odd meeting, so closeness actually does help. Again, not as much as I had hoped.
ML,
Some parents are in denial, others don’t want to deal with it.
A vast majority of parents are just not strong enough, or put limits on how far they are willing to go. Many relationships fall victim to this sort of caretaking. You are indeed fortunate. Especially with the ability to telecommute, etc. Lifestyle and work demands sometimes really stretch the “fabric” too thin.
I admire what you are doing! And what you are accomplishing.
And I do think the lashing out at you is personal. You are the only “safe” target, so logically, you will get the brunt of his reactions. No one else can be relied on to react properly, so you get to be “it”!
My older DD had speech and language issues - could have been inherited (several siblings have a child that needed speech articulation intervention) or could also have been with delivery (needed vaccuum extraction). Had speech articulation (which we handled privately, twice a week for a relatively short time) - I found out later the public school would treat, but only one meeting a week. Then I had the school test her, after a ‘head’s up’ from a co-worker. She was 1 SD below on speech morphology. As we were moving along, I decided we needed in-depth testing to make sure nothing else would be missed. Warned that it would probably ‘throw her’ out of services, but we were close to the end of what they would do. It turns out she also had auditory processing (competing ear). She has had to learn to work with it, and we did have some accommodations, like sitting in front row in class, etc.I know she inherited some of that from me - if I am on the phone and there is background noise in the room I am in, I cannot hear person on the phone.
I read up and investigated what I could.
I have several friends that have had to fight for their kids - one had severe dyslexia issues, another had extreme visual issues (had to have much visual material and computer accommodation). Both moms very intelligent and extremely firm - you are not going to shove them aside - they have the tenacity to have their child have every right.
I know early on, some parents don’t want to ‘label’ their child, but for crying out loud, nothing before 9th grade goes forward anywhere!
Older DD is now finishing junior year at college. My education abilities accelerated during college and graduate school. I figured out how to do well in school. Also was away from family drama.
Oh, my mistake, DD was 2.5 SD below at age 4 on speech morphology. On IQ testing, there was a huge gap between several test measurements because of the auditory processing - but because she tested in avg intelligence range, it didn’t matter that there were differences of 1 SD or more. Public school want to mention as little as possible for intervention. Speech therapist felt I was ‘overusing’ services, while some kids should have been getting services but their parents would not ‘accept’ services for their child. I worked with my child between speech therapy sessions.
The canonical threshold in my state is 1.5 SD (21 points on SS) between performance and capability to have success in getting services, and even then, it takes digging up IDEA and “educating” the administrators (I never used an advocate, though it may have been better for my sanity/burnout). This 1.5 SD difference can be in any range (superior, average, etc.).