<h1>Theorymom, I toally feel your pain. My S, though only a h.s. freshman this year is already on his way down a path to similar results. I don’t really have any advice I can only offer support. At this point we are also not sure how to proceed from this point on. What does an educational psychologist do?</h1>
<p>I would call the college and get further info from them directly about gap years, deferral, summer school, etc., without offering that he may not be graduating with his class and see what they say. Would it be possible to do the history papers and pass the class and possibly only have to take the English class over the summer? (Not knowing where he stands on the English grade I am assuming this may be a more viable option?)</p>
<p>Oh gosh, #theorymom, heartbreak. I think that for most kids that many papers would be staggering in a semester, let alone in the waning weeks of senior year. My guess is he’s been paralyzed with fear over this pile-up for quite a while. My heart goes out to you both.</p>
<p>missypie’s perspective is a good one, and I hope it gives you some comfort. I would check with #theoryson’s college about deferment procedures – anonymously and vaguely at first, just call and ask what are the exact criteria and procedure to defer enrollment for a year. It’s better to have the facts. Short of deferring, it sounds like his best strategy would be to hit the two papers for the required class now, yes? – and then the others one by one until they’re done or the deadline is past. Edit: Cross-posted with Cali_mom. Agree exactly with her second paragraph.</p>
<p>Is he having trouble starting? When I couldn’t get started on my thesis, someone told me to spend 15 minutes every single morning on it – even if all I did was put my workspace in order – and that did help me get started, especially because I’d usually end up spending longer (inertia works both ways :)). When geek_son has had trouble starting a paper, I’ve sometimes been able to help him get unblocked by “interviewing” him. I would ask him questions about the topic, then type furiously while he answered off the top of his head. Then I’d print out what he’d told me and hand it to him. Seeing it on paper would make him want to change it, add to it… and pretty soon he’d be typing away.</p>
<p>Thanks for the hugs and encouragement you guys. I feel better. In fact, I feel so much better, I’m thinking of buying myself a little something, maybe something shiny ;)</p>
<h1>TM: (((((((hugs))))))) I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Your son must be feeling terrible too. If it were mine, I’d just start by asking him how he’s doing, tell him how I’m feeling and ask if there’s a way I can help make the situation better. Maybe throw out a small suggestion or two. Man, that’s tough though. I’m wishing you all strength and patience as you work through this.</h1>
<p>SueD: Oh, Yea, we are in the exact same boat. Luckily I have a strict rule that if something comes in the mail from high school or college that I must see it too. Now I know about awards nights & what is expected for prom. The only problem is he is not giving out any other info. He jumped up from the dinner table the other night and said “I have to go preview what (his friend/date) is wearing to the prom” - The first I’d heard anything so I quickly grabbed a tulip from my vase (mother’s day flowers) and handed to him to bring to her. He looked at me cross-eyed but when I saw her later, she still had it in her hand and said “thanks for making him be so romantic…” They are good friends and I am sure they’ll have a blast w/ their group but … man-oh-man, I am sure I won’t know any other info until they come home from the prom.</p>
<p>On the other hand, he is mopping around. Has so much he could potentially do… clean his room and decided what to bring to college, shop for dorm room stuff, get a job for the summer (one is pending but no details), but he just sits on FB & cc and says his life is too confusing & cluttered… I know he is really sad hs is over but he’s thrilled to go to college. Young men… hard to figure them out.</p>
<p>What 2blue said and I think missypie’s “worst case scenario” exercise may help you to feel a little better. (((((((((((#theorymom and S))))))))) big hugs and [_]) a cup of tea for you.</p>
<p>TM-I vote for discreetly asking about gap year, deferment. etc…This must be really hard so sorry. If you read articles about the adolescent mind it’s a wonder they do anything, just not wired yet.
Everyone is in such a flux, kids, parents, male, female. just take a deep beath and take it day to day. I feel it over the wires. Be good to yurself-TM how about a nice massage?</p>
<h1>TM, I feel so badly for you and your boy. When is the deadline for all this work? I know he’s supposed to be able to handle all this himself, but I’d be butting in big time to help for MY sake as much as his. Can you sit with him and organize what he has to do, breaking it into manageable one hour pieces? I know the writing is a challenge for him, maybe he could dictate to you? Okay other parents, I know this isn’t letting him suffer the consequences, but maybe this is one final push you can give him. Clearly, he’s worked enough to get into great schools, so he is definitely capable, but may just be paralyzed now.</h1>
Okay other parents, I know this isn’t letting him suffer the consequences, but maybe this is one final push you can give him.
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I’m with you, cpeltz. If he’s at all aware of the future and interested in carrying out his college plans, I’m sure he’s been suffering plenty. And terrified of the deadlines, the impending confrontation with parents, the (from a teen-drama perspective) likelihood of never graduating, never going to college, never getting a job, and spending the rest of his short life in a cardboard box under the bridge. That’s painful to think about… trying to get all that work done is painful to think about… and we know that teen brains are wired to avoid pain! I applaud #theorymom for seeking some outside help; maybe a third party can help them to cut through his (almost certainly overblown) fears and set out a workable plan for damage control and eventual success.</p>
<p>SueD – Something-shiny therapy sounds great – maybe sparkly too!</p>
<p>I’m on a “die with a t” right now, saving grocery money while geek_son’s away and trying to lose a few pounds before graduation (a mom can dream!). To me, “shiny” would be the creamy-looking sheen of a Trader Joe’s milk chocolate bar. :p</p>
<p>That’s what I was thinking. I guess that’s what I’d try to get at … why this happened. I don’t see fixing it until then. But if he’s anything like my son these days, he won’t share what’s going on inside with Mom and Dad. As my H says, he may not even have words for what’s going on in there. The third party idea is a good one.</p>
<p>^ An 18yo with a hefty merit scholarship, a lot of disposable income, and an uncanny insight into What Woman Wants. Heavy, dangly, sparkly… that’s exactly the ticket!</p>
<p>I assume you can wear your shiny on your neck… that’s much better than on the keester, which is sadly where I’d end up wearing the shiny I’m dreaming of!</p>
<p>Can’t address from the senior student end, but did deal with this when S was ending Freshamn year. Gave him a choice- work for the summer, or work for the summer. He was reluctant and angry, but I left him no optopn. Marched him to local upscale restaurant where he bussed tables for four months. The owner stopped me in the grocery store and let me know what a hard worker and polite child I had! He was exhausted after his shifts and clear that he was going to do well and go to college-no restaurant work. I got a lot of flak from friends’ parents who were all enrolled in special programs, gt enrichment stuff etc for that summer. They felt I was too strict . I held firm, son hit a better stride at school, did great in top LAC college, and now a 3rd year in MD school. On reflection he sees that summer as an important part of his engaging school on his terms. It could have really gone south.
TM maybe a gap year could help S find how he wants to make sense of school, expectations, grades, and his own journey.
Good luck. Sons sometimes can be difficult to get a handle on unless they want you to. Thet need us, don’t want to need us, and can suffer in silence because they can’t/don’t even know how to ask. Maybe don’t even know the questions they are really dealing with. Fear can shut people down quickly.
Now daughters… the one at home is very clear, very very clear, all the time. Different kind of exhausting.</p>