<p>It is awesome, and means so much to me (even if I had to beg for it 
)…here’s another part that is so HIM - </p>
<p>“…you punished me when I deserved it
and mostly when I didn’t
to instill your morals and values
but don’t think for a second that I didn’t know
you were doing your best at parenting
and that’s what matters”</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I hope you show this to him when he’s 40…it would be so fascinating to see if he is trying to instill the same morals and values in his own kids.</p>
<p>This AM while on a run with my pup who JUST turned 1 year, I made some observations. </p>
<p>When my pup was only a few months old, I wouldn’t dream of taking him for a run along the canal without being on the leash. He would be everywhere, jumping on people, in the river, chasing other dogs, etc. He doesn’t really like being leashed, and is still a bit unruly while on the leash (pulling, etc).</p>
<p>When my kids were little, I would never dream of letting them play outside unsupervised. They could wander away, talk to strangers, run into the street after a ball, etc.</p>
<p>Now that pup is 1 year old, he is becoming a rather well behaved pup. While on our run today, he was off the leash, frolicking in the fields, gettng his paws wet in the river, yet still staying close to me. When I saw some bicycle riders approaching us, I called pup to me, and had him sit until the bikes went by. We did this 4 different times. By the last set of riders, I didn’t even stop running, he just came to me and trotted right by my side as we went past the bike riders. He actually behaves better OFF the leash.</p>
<p>The more freedom I give my kids, the better they behave. They don’t whine that they can’t do anything, yet while they are out, they take the time to call me and notify me if plans change, etc. I used to ask S1 EVERYDAY, what assignments do you have, etc. He hated it. He would do a half a$$ job at times, just because he could. When I finally stopped asking him about assignments and such, he started taking responsibility for his own work, etc.</p>
<p>The more trust I give my puppy, the better my kids behave…Ha ha ha, just kidding.</p>
<p>Actually, I believe the kids respect the trust given to them. It helps them gorw up responsible and trustworthy. Hold them too tight, they will rebel!</p>
<p>cpeltz–love your s’s poem, really so sweet, be proud of his good heart (choking up here) </p>
<p>what a great idea too, to ask for a poem…I think kids can express their love and gratitude on paper while doing the nest fouling in person…</p>
<p>cpeltz: oh geez, that is awesome. Watery eyes here,… and something seems to be caught in my throat :D</p>
<p>cpeltz - glad and sorry at the same time that you’re going through the one and only thing too. I had hoped my son would do something for Mother’s Day without being reminded. But he didn’t. On that day, I finally asked him if he would say “it”. He said “Happy Mother’s Day Mom … Now I don’t have to go out and get you anything.” Ugh. I missed the “How to Teach Your Child About Mother’s Day” course. I suppose it will be this way from now on (unless he gets an attentive wife!). I love your son’s poem.</p>
<p>cpeltz: sniff</p>
<p>Sue D: Many…dare I say most… of our boys/young men don’t have the same mechanism that allows them to let go and be sentimental. You and yours have plenty of company. I usually buy myself something and thank my son for it :)</p>
<p>ksabbo: excellent point and nice job on the puppy training btw. ;)</p>
<p>Nothing from Son for Mother’s Day - but he did thank me many times for taking him to see Rent and for buying him the t-shirt…something is backwards here…</p>
<p>Wow, hard to keep up with this thread on a Friday morning!</p>
<p>
[QUOTE=HarrietMWelsch]
geek_mom, when does he come home?
[/quote]
Next Wednesday morning. It’s such a cool trip; they go with their History teacher to visit Civil War battlegrounds, Founding Fathers’ homes, and the DC area, and they spend one day in NYNY and see a Broadway musical. The schedule is grueling – only suitable for teens, I think. So I figure he’ll be a total chatterbox for a couple of hours after I pick him up, devour everything edible in the house, then close his eyes and be gone until Thursday. :D</p>
<p>
[QUOTE=SueD]
He just isn’t telling us anything, even when questioned. Can anyone relate?
[/quote]
Mine went through that in soph and junior years, and still clams up when questioned. What works best for me is just keeping quiet and letting him fill the gap. On the drive home from school, sometimes he’s bursting with something he wants to say and sometimes he’s boiling with something he needs to say. Either way, if I start in with questions, he turns to stone. If I can wait a while without saying anything, all of a sudden he starts channeling the spirit of Chatty Cathy. The other great time to hear what’s on his mind is right after he goes to bed. He’ll call out through the closed door – “Mom?” and if I’m up for it, we’ll end up talking in his room for another 30-40 minutes. But it is totally on his timetable and what he wants to talk about.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE=downtoearth]
I would tell your son in the future you would like to know. I explained to my D that this is very hard for me as well, and she needs to consider that.
[/quote]
Yes!! I made a deal with my son: If he fills me in periodically on what’s going on, I won’t be a neurotic hover-mom and pepper him with questions. Same deal with college; he can text me with “Please send food/money/quarters/a clean change of clothes” as long as he sends periodic updates too.</p>
<p>missypie, good luck with the party!</p>
<p>cpeltz, that poem sounds puddle-worthy. As in, melts you into a puddle on the floor. He certainly delivered.</p>
<p>Mother’s Day, mine was starting his senior trip. I got a text message saying, “Happy Mother’s Day!” Good enough for me. 
Planned on taking my mom to lunch that day, but she spent the day visiting her mom!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>LOL - exactly why I asked mine for a poem! He has turned into to a total undemonstrative, unsentimental young man, so I was thrilled to get such a sweet poem and realize he DOES get it. That request of mine was one of my better “mom” moments. The bright side of the unsentimental thing is I don’t have to worry about doing something special for him for graduation. He would think I had totally crossed the insanity line if I made him a quilt!</p>
<p>We still have five weeks until graduation and, according to S, he’s pretty much done. I think senioritis is only partially the kids’ issue.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Wow, you’ve either got some great genes, or everyone had their kids really young!</p>
<p>historymom: This is funny. When I spoke with my mom on M-day, she asked me what I was doing. I replied to her, “pretty the much the same thing I do everyday, but today I don’t feel guilty for doing it”!</p>
<p>I remember a poem I wrote my mother one year. I think I was pretty young (7 or 8?).
Mother do dear
Mother so drear
You are a wonder
but sometimes blunder</p>
<p>I have no idea how I knew the word drear but based on my printing I couldn’t have been very old. No other stanzas. </p>
<p>We don’t make a big deal out of mother’s day. I usually plant impatiens that day, but this year we just did general yard work. I’m always grateful when H is willing to do all the little tasks that I want, like trimming branches and things. My older son called and H and S2 also made a nice steak dinner on the grill. It was a good day, but not terribly sentimental. I’m very impressed with cpeltz’s poem.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That’s the way it used to be. I actually got pretty good at biting my tongue and waiting, especially until around bedtime which is when my son used to start getting sociable. But those ways don’t work any more. I think he’s just as confused by his behavior as I am. Maybe it’s programmed; initiated by the coming of the first spring of his adult life. If the more experienced parents here are right, this too shall pass, and I’ll have something new to fret about.</p>
<p>Nice to hear also that my Mother’s Day experience wasn’t all that unusual. I like historymom’s solution :). I will be treating myself next year. Heck, it’s still less than a week after the holiday … I could treat myself THIS year!</p>
<p>geekmom your S’s trip sounds like the the one I took with my girls’ 8th grade class. It’s a wonderful trip but I do believe it is wasted on most of our 8th graders. Much more suitable as a Sr.</p>
<p>cross posted w/ Sue</p>
<p>(((((((SueD)))))) hugs to you. It stinks this separation thing and it hurts our mother’s heart but come here to vent. You really aren’t alone.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE=SueD]
That’s the way it used to be.
[/quote]
:eek: Now you’re scaring me… maybe I have another round of it coming! Seriously, I agree with the other parents who say this too shall pass. Like historymom says, come here to vent!
[QUOTE=SueD]
Heck, it’s still less than a week after the holiday … I could treat myself THIS year!
[/quote]
Definitely. The statute of limitations for minor holidays is about two weeks, I think.
[QUOTE=historymom]
It’s a wonderful trip but I do believe it is wasted on most of our 8th graders. Much more suitable as a Sr.
[/quote]
Agree. Took geek_son along on a business trip to DC, expanded for some vacation time, in the summer after 8th grade. Lots of fun, but the impact wasn’t there. He didn’t know then everything he knows now. Then, he was most interested in the squirrels. :rolleyes: Now, totally different. The history is real life to him now. I can credit his high school with that – particularly the history teacher, who’s a phenomenal lecturer.</p>
<p>What makes this trip so grueling, in part, is the history teacher’s abject fear of airplanes. They have to get up at 0-dark-30 to take a 6am-ish train to NY, then turn around the same day and take another train back, getting in at midnight. From the timestamps of his text messages, it seems like that schedule isn’t too far off the daily routine. They probably sleep in the vans more than they do in the hotels. All in all not suitable for 8th graders imho.</p>
<p>sigh
just got a note from S’s history teacher that he is failing his class and it is required for graduation. Wants me to urge him to do two large papers (although more is missing). This on top of the 12 papers due for English.</p>
<p>I am overwhelmed - can’t imagine what S must feel</p>
<p>I think I am going to have to accept he will not be walking with his class - I think HE evenknows that, but I am starting to think he will not even graduate.</p>
<p>Does anyone know if we defer at his college if they still look at final transcripts? I am thinking he will have to finish in summer school and he will not have final transcripts until that is over.</p>
<p>Or should I just contact the college (I’ll give it a few more weeks) and tell them, he will not be graduating until next year and give them the option of rescinding him right then. I can’t think of any way to 'save" this situation. Too late, I am searching for an educational psychologist. But maybe it will help things in the future - maybe not</p>
<p>I feel so sad</p>
<h1>theorymom, how awful. I can’t even imagine the hurt for both you and your son. Obviously there’s no way to get that much work done before the end of the school year.</h1>
<h1>theorymom, I am so sorry. Your situation gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, mostly because it is something of which my own son is so capable. With my son, the worst does happen on occasion.</h1>
<p>What I do is run the worst case scenario in my head. It never leads to death or prison or anything else that is permanently horrible. Once I figure out the worst than can happen (and sometimes it’s plenty bad), it makes me feel more in control and less in a panic.</p>
<h1>theorymom, I’m so sorry to hear this latest news. I know you have been doing everything possible to avoid this outcome. I guess the next step is to see if your son will open up and let you know how he feels about all this.</h1>